Missing my mom but not sure if should contact her (Long)...

[MosMom]

My mom and I have a very tumultuous relationship and she is a severe alcoholic and prescription drug addict (she uses other drugs but I'm not sure if she is an addict). I have not spoken to her since February of 2003 and had a restraining order placed against her last June (she told me she was going to burn my house down with myself and my family in it and curse me on my birthday so I had to call the police and file for a restraining order the day before my birthday). When she is sober, she is a decent person and I really miss her. I hate that she is missing my kids growing up...even though my kids really don't need to be exposed to her nonsense. Moira asks about her Nana and Elliot wouldn't have a clue who she was if he saw her tomorrow. He was 7 months when we stopped speaking. She disowned me for speaking to my aunt against her will. I KNOW I shouldn't contact her because I know she is still using. UGH. My dad used to listen to Billy Joel's "She's Always A Woman" and say it reminded him of my mom and he is so right. Word for word.

She is 47 and I know that her days on this earth are probably numbered. She has smoked her entire life, she has been an alcoholic for the majority of her life, and abused other drugs on and off. I just have had a feeling lately like I will get a call very soon letting me know she has died. Everytime I hear of a drunk driving collision on the news, I cringe thinking it was her.

By looking at my mother, you would never guess that this was her legacy. Never in a million years! I don't even know why I'm writing this because I know the answer to my own dilemma...I cannot have contact with her. I just hate the answer. I miss her...the REAL her. It is almost like she is already dead. I sometimes wish she would just die and end the suffering all around. Isn't that horrible?

I am blessed that I have one normal loving parent (my dad) but I do miss her. Before you ask, I've been to a therapist and I know what they would say...I know the answers and I know how I should feel. I guess it just boils down to...I miss her and there is nothing I can do to change her so I will just wait for the day she "smartens up". I fear that day will never come though. I have a feeling I've already lost her and the next time I see her will be in a funeral home.

It totally sucks. After all the garbage she has put me through, I really shouldn't even care. I guess all of this has hit me because her birthday is tomorrow and I was considering calling her but I know I can't so....Happy Birthday Mom.

I don't even know why I've written this...I guess it just feels good to get it out once in awhile. Apologies to Pop Daddy.

 

[Serena]

Wow Bridget, that's an awful lot to deal with. I'm so sorry. I wish your mom was someone you could have in your life. But like you said, you already know the answer, it just hurts a lot.
{{{hugs}}}

 

[Dan Murphy]

The demons within people, even moms, can be so painful, Bridget, even to their own children. My best on a tough evening. 's

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I understand what you mean! But take comfort in the fact that others like my dh also "miss" his mom. She is not an addict or an alcoholic however, she is mentally ill.
He can never again have his mom he "knew" growing up. It took him 20yrs to come to grips with it and right now she is doing great and is the best she is ever been.
I never thought I would have seen the day. You just never know. I hope it happens for you and if it doesn't it sounds like you are doing what is best for your family. It is better for the kids to not know their grandma if she is using.
{HUGS}

 

[Rutt and Tuke]

 

[KatelynnsAuntie]

This brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry Bridget.

 

[mommytotwo]

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. Sounds like both your mom and yourself have been through alot. Happy birthday to your mom. Think of the happy times you had with her and hope that one day things will change for the better

 

[CALIFLADY]

She's your Mother. That's why you still care. And that's okay. Blood is like that.

Only you know what the right thing to do is for you and your family.

Good luck. Prayers to you and yours...

 

[Robinrs]

I agree, she's MOMMY, everybody needs the nurturing that word can give. You wouldn't be human if you didn't need that.

God bless you, Bridget, what a burden you bear. Thank God for your Dad that you survived this and have the heart you have. Your Mom is younger than I am, I can't imagine not being in contact with my blood, especially my child!

My son is dealing with this also, his father is schizophrenic and though he's available via phone he's too ill to deal with face to face. He misses him and loves him and I miss the man he was. It's heartbreaking what abuse and mental illness can do to a person and the people around them.

I pray that you find peace in all this. Peace within.

God bless,

Robinrs

 

[goofy4tink]

I'm so sorry you have to have life this way. It must be terrible. I know you realize that you must keep your children safe, but at the same time you miss your mom. I'll add you and your family to my prayers.

 

[powellrj]

{{{{{hugs}}}}} I am sorry for you and your children, how hard this is on everyone....

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

Bridget, I know that you are doing the right thing. My father was an alcoholic diabetic. It was only after hitting rock bottom that he was able to remain sober. He was sober for the last 15 years of his life. There is hope for your mother but I agree that your children shouldn't be exposed to her behavior until she sobers up.

As children of alcoholics it is sometimes difficult for us when things are calm and peaceful. We were raised living inside a tornado. We get bored easily because we are used to the adrenaline rushes of dealing with an alcoholic parent. I think you are doing great. Just hang in there.

Lori

 

[Pooh67_68]

 

[Pop Daddy]

drop her a letter but dont expect nothing, she still your mom. Im sorry

 

[bjgrazi]

I'm sorry to hear this. I know it stinks when you can't have a "relationship" with your Mom. Send her a card or a letter to say hello and let it go from there.

 

[4greatboys]

Your right your kids dont need to be around her and you are doing the right thing but I know its still very hard. If she is still drinking and abusing even if you contact her it wont be the "mom" that you have seen before, just the abusing one. I'm so sorry you lost mom way to early.

 

[4nana]

So very sorry, how sad. I cannot imagine your heartache.
I hope talking about it makes you feel better and ease some pain.

She needs our prayers, that hopefully someday before it is too late, she will find the strength overcome her weaknesses. Meanwhile, continue to surround yourself with positive thoughts of how lucky you are to have risen above and be blessed a wonderful dad, DH and 2 children to love, nurture and protect.

God Bless ^i^
Sandie

 

[tiggersmom2]

So sorry, the estrangement of a parent is especially hard. Lots of hugs to you.

 

[Tinks]

I admire you for being smart enough to know what is in your best interests and kind enough to still care about your mom. Hang in there and hug your dad!

 

[scarlett873]