Missing my mom but not sure if should contact her (Long)...

[WebmasterMaryJo]

Bridget. It's hard making these adult decisions, especially when they hurt so much. My own mom was an alcoholic, and died from that, and there are still family members who are still dealing with it.

I miss my sober, fun, giving mom, but unfortunately, the mean, drunk mom was part of her, and we didn't have the option to have one without the other.

You're making the right decision, as hard as it is. to you, and bless you.

 

[Keli]

That's a very sad situation. I'm sorry you have to be put in this position but if you know your mom is still using and that nothing has changed then I would not contact her at this time. It's just asking for more trouble.

 

[s&k'smom]

As the relative of many, many alcoholic I truly identify with your pain. I would suggest you go to an Al-Anon meeting. They are in your local phone book and there are meetings every day of the week. It saved my life. Take care and God bless.

 

[browneyes]

My dad was an alcoholic for many, many years. When he was 47 yo, he had his 2nd stroke, a big one, and stopped drinking cold turkey. Before that 2nd stroke, he was a lot like your mom.

I think you answered your own question well.

 

[snoopy]

Have you ever been to Alanon? You might find some comfort there, at the very least people who have been where you are.

{{{hugs}}} I am so sorry for your pain. I can't even imagine.

 

[Trish Bessette]

I wish I could find that one bit of advice that would make everything better but I can't.

I hate to think of anything as a lost cause. Maybe a birthday card sent to her with a quick note "thinking of you" and see what happens.

Best wishes to you. Your in my thoughts

 

[Rajah]

I'm so sorry.

 

[Disney Doll]

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

You have wisdom. You cannot change your mom. To invite her back into your life now, if she is still substance-dependent, would be to invite heartache for you and your children.

I will pray for your serenity. I will pray for your mom as well.

 

[DD2Disney]

Your story is heartbreaking. I too know the loss of a parent through abuse. I know you know the answer already, so I will just add that I will praying for you and your family.

Tricia

 

[PrincessDeb]

I feel your heartache. I am lucky that after years of alcohol abuse, my father quit. Later we learned that he was manic depressive-now he's on meds for that and I almost have back the father I remembered from my youth. He can be difficult to deal with at times but it's better than having him self-medicate with alcohol!
I agree with Lori, being children of alcoholics, it's hard not to get drawn back into the adrenaline rush of dealing with them. However, I know you don't want that for your children - I know I don't want it for mine.
God bless you-my thoughts and prayers are with you!

Deb

 

[MosMom]

Thank you all for your caring responses. I appreciate it more than you could ever know.

As far as my mom goes, I strongly suspect she is manic depressive as well and is self medicating. Even when she is sober, she has a manic quality about her and was on Lithium for a short period of time. During this time, she was the healthiest I've ever seen her. I don't know why she stopped taking the medication. The episodes of ER with Sally Field hit pretty close to home.

I saw a commercial the other night with two girls and one is drowning. The other turns her back and ignores it. It was an anti-drug commercial basically saying that allowing someone to do drugs is the same as letting them drown. That is how I feel, like I am watching her drown but can't do anything to help her. Yet, I know there is nothing I can do. It is such a frustrating position to be in. On her last message to me (she would leave me voicemail but I would not respond leading up to the restraining order) she said "Oprah today said that you never abandon family and you have abandoned me". That rings in my ears whenever I think of her.

I have abandoned her but there is nothing else I can do. I have tried supporting her and being there for her but she still drinks. There is nothing I can do. I shouldn't have to live in the hell that she creates though either.

I used to attend Alateen meetings when I was younger. She had a 9 year sober streak from the time I was about 15 until I was 24 and has been using since (I will be 29 in a few months). A few years ago, we had a Disney trip planned over Thanksgiving. She ended being thrown in jail for public indecency and she couldn't remember my phone number to call me. She was missing for a week (I didn't go over right away as it was normal for her to dissapear while drinking). Finally, I went over and made DH go into the house because I was certain she was dead inside.

She wasn't and found out through the police she was in jail. She called me and cried saying she was making a change and she didn't want to do this to her grandchildren (I was barely pregnant with Elliot at the time). I cancelled the trip to be there for my mom through Thanksgiving. She stayed sober through Spring and then started taking sleeping pills to "help her sleep" since she was so upset about being on house arrest (the consequence of her public intoxication). So she really wasn't sober even though she was staying off of alcohol. She is still on probation for that (or for something else I don't know about) and I honestly don't know HOW she is getting away with it (her probation states she can't drink alcohol).

Anywho, I've rattled off again. Thanks so much for the supportive PM's and replies (I am working on replying to the PM's but it has been a busy morning).

 

[Growin'upDisney]

I understand your pain of missing a parent who was once deep down can be a great person. But I wish I could say that there was a valid reason for why my dad and I have seen each other only 2 times in 12 years. When he and my mom divorced I assume he saw too much of her in me and decided that he no longer wanted to be my father. There are all sorts of stories about drugs, women, etc. but I saw none of it and it doesn't compute in my mind. It almost felt as if he just turned off all of his emotions.

I was daddy's little girl and am an only child. It makes it really hard. There are so many things he has missed - graduations, my wedding, and other important events. I understand your feeling of wanting to call and try to work it out and get them help. Take solace in your relationship with your dad and with your children. Unconditional love of others far outweighs the feeling of despair and heartache brought on by the misery of others.

Take care of yourself and focus on the positive.

 

[C.Ann]

I would write "letters" to her, but never MAIL them.. Get it all out - the good, the bad and the ughly.. Really TALK to her through these letters - just like she was sitting in front of you..

But - I'm afraid if you mail them she may see it as an "open door" to come back and reek havoc in your life again..

I'll pray that she gets better - before it's too late...