Maybe I'm just overprotective? - Update #49

[piperdown]

DD is having her birthday party this Saturday (Lord help me, I'm about to have a teenager ), and the plan is to take seven girls to a concert and dinner in a large city about 40 miles away.

We included on the invitation my phone number for the RSVP, so that I could address any questions or concerns from parents.

ALL the girls have verbally RSVP'd to DD, however, I have not received one phone call from a parent regarding the fact I'm taking their child out of town.

Maybe I'm just over-protective, but if my DD were going to a party such as this, I'd at least call the parent(s) to touch base and get a general game plan for the evening.

Some of the girls' parents I know, but a few, I've never met. Even the ones I know, we are more aquaintances than friends.

I'm guessing that because DH is a teacher at the same school that all the girls attend, they are assuming we are trustworthy people. I guess I should just take it as a compliment.

 

[jaminmd]

DD is having her birthday party this Saturday (Lord help me, I'm about to have a teenager ), and the plan is to take seven girls to a concert and dinner in a large city about 40 miles away.

We included on the invitation my phone number for the RSVP, so that I could address any questions or concerns from parents.

ALL the girls have verbally RSVP'd to DD, however, I have not received one phone call from a parent regarding the fact I'm taking their child out of town.

Maybe I'm just over-protective, but if my DD were going to a party such as this, I'd at least call the parent(s) to touch base and get a general game plan for the evening.

Some of the girls' parents I know, but a few, I've never met. Even the ones I know, we are more aquaintances than friends.

I'm guessing that because DH is a teacher at the same school that all the girls attend, they are assuming we are trustworthy people. I guess I should just take it as a compliment.

Maybe the girls didn't tell their parents you were taking them somewhere?

 

[handinpocket]

You should have called the parents yourself to touch base, if that was priority for you.

 

[RitaZ.]

Maybe the girls didn't tell their parents you were taking them somewhere?

That's a likely possibility.

Call the parents and verify that the girls have their permission.

 

[piperdown]

Maybe the girls didn't tell their parents you were taking them somewhere?

It was stated on the invitation, however, there's a possibility that they didn't show the invitation to their parents.

You should have called the parents yourself to touch base, if that was priority for you.

How would I do that, given I don't have their contact information?

 

[robinb]

I'm not at all overprotective but I would make sure I have permission from all the parents.

Does your school have a directory? You can also have your DD contact her friends and insist that you receive a phone call from a parent before a girl can go. If they are close enough to your DD to go to the party, they are close enough to her to have a contact number for each and every one of them.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

It was stated on the invitation, however, there's a possibility that they didn't show the invitation to their parents.



How would I do that, given I don't have their contact information?

I would not do this without verifying with the other parents that they know the plan and have your contact information, and you theirs. Tell your DD to gather the contact info so you can make the calls.

 

[smb6]

The parents may be planning to speak with you when they drop off their daughters..... My oldest is 13 and things are different as they get older- the kids make the arrangements/rsvp.... and then the parents usually speak during drop off..... Now, going out of town- I would think they would want to speak with you, but again- maybe they are planning to speak with you when they drop off.....

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I was certainly more strict with my older dd than my younger dd.

Or maybe they trust that their dd knows how to handle herself at a concert and dinner with parents.

I assuming they are 12/13 since you say that she is going to be a teenager soon.

As the kids get older the parental contact almost goes to zero, esp. with cell phones. There really is no need to talk with the parents really. I would probably not contact you either. I would do a quick chat with you at drop off and that is probably it.

 

[piperdown]

That's a likely possibility.

Call the parents and verify that the girls have their permission.

I only have contact information for one set of parents. I plan to talk to each parent as they drop of their child. I know that means that there a possibility of disapointment if a parent isn't okay with the plans, but I don't have any way of contacting most of the parents before the party.

 

[piperdown]

I'm not at all overprotective but I would make sure I have permission from all the parents.

Does your school have a directory? You can also have your DD contact her friends and insist that you receive a phone call from a parent before a girl can go. If they are close enough to your DD to go to the party, they are close enough to her to have a contact number for each and every one of them.

I'm thinking that this is what I need to do. I'm just surprised that no one called.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I only have contact information for one set of parents. I plan to talk to each parent as they drop of their child. I know that means that there a possibility of disapointment if a parent isn't okay with the plans, but I don't have any way of contacting most of the parents before the party.

If you make it a requirement, your DD will have their numbers before you have time to turn around.

 

[southern_redhead]

I don't agree that it is the OP's responsiblity to verify that parents are okay with her plans. She made up invitations with the info on there and sent them out, they had her number and asked for an RSVP *to that number*. That puts the ball firmly in the other parent's court IMO. Now, if you want to be sure you will have guests, OP, you may have to nail down the parents to get an answer.

It isn't just you, OP, and it isn't overprotective. It is a thing called common courtesy. You are offering to take their kids on an expensive trip, they should have the manners to call and thank you and let you know their DD will attend. They should also want to let you know that they have an interest in their child's activities and that they are entrusting their daughter to you to take out of town. I don't think people even know there is a meaning for RSVP anymore, they just think it's some random grouping of letters or something. It should be covered in a class........hmmm, like a MANNERS class

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I don't agree that it is the OP's responsiblity to verify that parents are okay with her plans. She made up invitations with the info on there and sent them out, they had her number and asked for an RSVP *to that number*. That puts the ball firmly in the other parent's court IMO. Now, if you want to be sure you will have guests, OP, you may have to nail down the parents to get an answer.

It isn't just you, OP, and it isn't overprotective. It is a thing called common courtesy. You are offering to take their kids on an expensive trip, they should have the manners to call and thank you and let you know their DD will attend. They should also want to let you know that they have an interest in their child's activities and that they are entrusting their daughter to you to take out of town. I don't think people even know there is a meaning for RSVP anymore, they just think it's some random grouping of letters or something. It should be covered in a class........hmmm, like a MANNERS class

I understood it as the girl RSVPed. OP did this girl not RSVP?

 

[Hannathy]

I was certainly more strict with my older dd than my younger dd.

Or maybe they trust that their dd knows how to handle herself at a concert and dinner with parents.

I assuming they are 12/13 since you say that she is going to be a teenager soon.

As the kids get older the parental contact almost goes to zero, esp. with cell phones. There really is no need to talk with the parents really. I would probably not contact you either. I would do a quick chat with you at drop off and that is probably it.

I agree with this

With a child this old I wouldn't call. You have done your part you gave the invitation and they have responded. It isn't your place to tell other parents how to parent.

I never called when my DD was this age to verify what was on the invitation why would I? If I had to call why bother giving an invitation.
Don't worry about the other kids just do what you said you were going to do and let them decide on their own.

 

[Carlyzmom]

I don't agree that it is the OP's responsiblity to verify that parents are okay with her plans. She made up invitations with the info on there and sent them out, they had her number and asked for an RSVP *to that number*. That puts the ball firmly in the other parent's court IMO. Now, if you want to be sure you will have guests, OP, you may have to nail down the parents to get an answer.

It isn't just you, OP, and it isn't overprotective. It is a thing called common courtesy. You are offering to take their kids on an expensive trip, they should have the manners to call and thank you and let you know their DD will attend. They should also want to let you know that they have an interest in their child's activities and that they are entrusting their daughter to you to take out of town. I don't think people even know there is a meaning for RSVP anymore, they just think it's some random grouping of letters or something. It should be covered in a class........hmmm, like a MANNERS class

I completely agree with everything you said!! Maybe because we are both from the south! If my child got an invitation like that, I would DEFINITELY get in touch with the parent! Common couresty isn't all that common any more.

 

[RitaZ.]

If you make it a requirement, your DD will have their numbers before you have time to turn around.

Absolutely!

I've learned that when there is something that teens want to do and that something involves friends, they will move faster than lightning!

 

[Hannathy]

It isn't just you, OP, and it isn't overprotective. It is a thing called common courtesy. You are offering to take their kids on an expensive trip, they should have the manners to call and thank you and let you know their DD will attend. They should also want to let you know that they have an interest in their child's activities and that they are entrusting their daughter to you to take out of town. I don't think people even know there is a meaning for RSVP anymore, they just think it's some random grouping of letters or something. It should be covered in a class........hmmm, like a MANNERS class

The girls all did RSVP that isn't the issue. The OP just doesn't like how they did it. As kids get older the parent doesn't handle the RSVP's it is up to the kids and they did that. I don't know what else the OP wants.

Why should the parents of the other girls give a flying you know what whether YOU think I am interested in my DD's life or not? that isn't your job. They have given their DD's permission to go and the girls have all RSVP's so I don't get the problem

 

[DisneyScraps]

It's because people have no manners.

My DDs birthday we invited 20 kids. TWO RSVPd....even after phone calls, nothing. Some showed some didn't I was disgusted.

I agree with you, I would call and talk to the parents. I would not let me daughter in car for a long drive like that without knowing the parent.

I hope you have a great time.

Lisa

 

[jaminmd]

I don't agree that it is the OP's responsiblity to verify that parents are okay with her plans. She made up invitations with the info on there and sent them out, they had her number and asked for an RSVP *to that number*. That puts the ball firmly in the other parent's court IMO. Now, if you want to be sure you will have guests, OP, you may have to nail down the parents to get an answer.

It isn't just you, OP, and it isn't overprotective. It is a thing called common courtesy. You are offering to take their kids on an expensive trip, they should have the manners to call and thank you and let you know their DD will attend. They should also want to let you know that they have an interest in their child's activities and that they are entrusting their daughter to you to take out of town. I don't think people even know there is a meaning for RSVP anymore, they just think it's some random grouping of letters or something. It should be covered in a class........hmmm, like a MANNERS class

The kids may not have told their parents that the parents are taking them somewhere, so they might not know anything. Kids do that all the time.