Maybe I'm just overprotective? - Update #49

[DisneyBamaFan]

...Nope. The parent did her part--she provided written invites with all of the information. If a child is hurt it is not her fault that the child and that child's parents ha issues.
I will say i would require every kid to get me a parent's phone number before we left, in case of an emergency--but I would not be calling and speaking to the parents--just having a list handy.

I think it is entirely reasonable to assume that is the child is brought to the party you have given your permission for them to be there. If the party invite did not say they were leaving town you would have a right to be angry at the host parents, but if the invite said that--then no you have only a right to be angry at your child for not being truthful or at yourself for not finding out what the party is about....

Providing an invitation without verifying that the parents saw that invitation and agreed to the out of town travel could land you in hot water if you run into issues while out of town. Why do you think that schools require signed permission slips for field trips? A parent would absolutely have a "right" to be angry with someone who took their child out of town without their permission, just as they would have a right to be angry if the school did.

If you take someone else's child out of town, you have an obligation to ensure that you have that child's parent's permission. Just providing an invitation that you cannot confirm was read and understood by their parents does not reach that threshold for me, or the law.

 

[golfgal]

There are teenagers out there that are honestly good kids and aren't out to get their parents. In fact, MOST teenagers are responsible kids that are good citizens. I also don't think you need to know EXACTLY what your child is doing 100% of the time. Plans change. In high school we never really knew what we were doing most of the time, just going to hang out. We mostly ended up meeting other kids in the parking lot of a store that was a teen hang out place but sometimes we changed our minds and went to a movie, basketball game, etc. We were good kids and didn't get into trouble. Our kids are good kids and haven't done anything to lose our trust. It does happen.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Sorry, I know you didn't say that. I just wanted to put it out there, that I may seem over protective, but I am not and I don't go around checking on everything they do.

I should have made note of the fact that you didn't accuse me of that.

Thanks for claryiying. It seemes to me like in both the first and alst times you quoted me you were indicating i had said other parents (or the OP or you) were over protective--which i do not think I ever said. I just don't feel it is fair to expect that every other parent of tweens/teens is going to be equally as protective (or not) as you yourself are and get upset/angry at them (as some posters did--saying they were rude and lacking in common courtesy) if THEY are comfortable letting their own kids handle the RSVPing and planning themselves.

Providing an invitation without verifying that the parents saw that invitation and agreed to the out of town travel could land you in hot water if you run into issues while out of town. Why do you think that schools require signed permission slips for field trips? A parent would absolutely have a "right" to be angry with someone who took their child out of town without their permission, just as they would have a right to be angry if the school did.

If you take someone else's child out of town, you have an obligation to ensure that you have that child's parent's permission. Just providing an invitation that you cannot confirm was read and understood by their parents does not reach that threshold for me, or the law.

I have never seen a court case in which party hosts were held liable for taking the kids where the invitation stated after said kids were dropped of at the party simply because the parents didn't read the invite. DO you have an example of a law like this? Honestly, I have met parents who would be put out that you, as the host, do not trust their child if you called them to confirm that they REALLY had permission to come to your party. They would see it as rude of you to assume their kid would be underhanded like that--and they may wonder WHY you would assume that and start to question if their child should be friends with yours since yours apparently has led you to assume children are deviant by nature. It can go both ways. Perosnally, I do not really care if you want to check up on your (or my) kid or not--but it is not my job to make sure YOU know what your kids were invited to do beyond my issuing the invite in the first place.

 

[NHdisneylover]

There are teenagers out there that are honestly good kids and aren't out to get their parents. In fact, MOST teenagers are responsible kids that are good citizens. I also don't think you need to know EXACTLY what your child is doing 100% of the time. Plans change. In high school we never really knew what we were doing most of the time, just going to hang out. We mostly ended up meeting other kids in the parking lot of a store that was a teen hang out place but sometimes we changed our minds and went to a movie, basketball game, etc. We were good kids and didn't get into trouble. Our kids are good kids and haven't done anything to lose our trust. It does happen.

 

[Hannathy]

Providing an invitation without verifying that the parents saw that invitation and agreed to the out of town travel could land you in hot water if you run into issues while out of town. Why do you think that schools require signed permission slips for field trips? A parent would absolutely have a "right" to be angry with someone who took their child out of town without their permission, just as they would have a right to be angry if the school did.

If you take someone else's child out of town, you have an obligation to ensure that you have that child's parent's permission. Just providing an invitation that you cannot confirm was read and understood by their parents does not reach that threshold for me, or the law.

Boy I would really like to see the law! I think you are wrong. You need a permission slip for school because it is out of the normal routine. You have given permission for the child to be AT the SCHOOl for the day and going somewhere is out of the norm. This is not the case with an individual.
You don't even need written permission to take a child on vacation or to get on an airplane. The parent would have to report the child missing and what would they charge her with kidnapping? and when the police or the judge asked the TEEN not a 9 month old but a teen did they take you against your will the matter would be dropped.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...I have never seen a court case in which party hosts were held liable for taking the kids where the invitation stated after said kids were dropped of at the party simply because the parents didn't read the invite....

No, but I have read of schools being sued for taking a child on a field trip and having them injured while away - and this even with a permission slip. If you don't believe you can be sued, you should think again. Read this: link...

An excerpt:

Further, the Galloways argue that the releases should not be enforceable because parents are "ill-equipped to assess in advance the nature of risks of injury faced by children while they are participating in activities in remote locations under the supervision of others and because parents are uninformed of the nature and extent of the gravity of the injuries to which their children may be exposed when the releases are executed."

In other words, even with the parent's permission, you could be in deep water if the child is injured. How much more likely is a suit if the parent doesn't know?

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Boy I would really like to see the law! I think you are wrong....

See the link above. I found that in seconds with Google. There are many more.

 

[NHdisneylover]

No, but I have read of schools being sued for taking a child on a field trip and having them injured while away - and this even with a permission slip. If you don't believe you can be sued, you should think again. Read this: link...

An excerpt:

In other words, even with the parent's permission, you could be in deep water if the child is injured. How much more likely is a suit if the parent doesn't know?

School's are a whole other ball game (as a PP pointed out). With mandatory attendance and the "normal" course of a school day being IN THE BUILDING at play that is VERY VERY different than a private individual being invited to a party. Of course any one can be sued for just about anything any more--and if the party host were truly negligent they just might lose--but I highly doubt a court would find the host negligent if the host took a child dropped of for a party to which a written invitation was issued to the location the invitation said they were going to. You just might find yourself being counter sued for legal fees and lost time at work if you tried a stunt like that (general you--not YOU you).

 

[Hannathy]

School's are a whole other ball game (as a PP pointed out). With mandatory attendance and the "normal" course of a school day being IN THE BUILDING at play that is VERY VERY different than a private individual being invited to a party. Of course any one can be sued for just about anything any more--and if the party host were truly negligent they just might lose--but I highly doubt a court would find the host negligent if the host took a child dropped of for a party to which a written invitation was issued to the location the invitation said they were going to. You just might find yourself being counter sued for legal fees and lost time at work if you tried a stunt like that (general you--not YOU you).

agreed I can sue you over anything. I said a law. And against an individual not a school.

 

[NHdisneylover]

See the link above. I found that in seconds with Google. There are many more.

That related to school. Schools, camos, etc are held to much different standards. Can you find a law that involves private individuals and party invitations (tacit permission and agreement when you drop off for the party)?

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

That related to school. Schools, camos, etc are held to much different standards.

I would be happy to read anything that you might show me that proves this.

 

[piperdown]

Thanks for claryiying. It seemes to me like in both the first and alst times you quoted me you were indicating i had said other parents (or the OP or you) were over protective--which i do not think I ever said. I just don't feel it is fair to expect that every other parent of tweens/teens is going to be equally as protective (or not) as you yourself are and get upset/angry at them (as some posters did--saying they were rude and lacking in common courtesy) if THEY are comfortable letting their own kids handle the RSVPing and planning themselves.


I have never seen a court case in which party hosts were held liable for taking the kids where the invitation stated after said kids were dropped of at the party simply because the parents didn't read the invite. DO you have an example of a law like this? Honestly, I have met parents who would be put out that you, as the host, do not trust their child if you called them to confirm that they REALLY had permission to come to your party. They would see it as rude of you to assume their kid would be underhanded like that--and they may wonder WHY you would assume that and start to question if their child should be friends with yours since yours apparently has led you to assume children are deviant by nature. It can go both ways. Perosnally, I do not really care if you want to check up on your (or my) kid or not--but it is not my job to make sure YOU know what your kids were invited to do beyond my issuing the invite in the first place.

Just to clarify, I didn't expect all the parents to contact me. I was just surprised that none of them did. DD is turning 13 y/o next week, and I am releasing the reins as she gets older. I'm completely fine with the girls RSVPing directly to DD, and DD has done the same for parties that she has attended.

I would hope that a parent of a 12-14 y/o would not be upset that I called to confirm that they were aware that we would be leaving town. I do trust that the girls got permission to attend. I also know that kids are not known for full disclosure, and not because they are being deceptive. My child sometimes neglects to give details, and it's because she doesn't view those details as important. She's not lying, just sees things differently.

I guess it boils down to that I am glad I spoke to each parent, just for my own peace of mind. Some people feel that this was my responsibility, and others feel that my responsibility ended with invitation that gave the party information. I understand both points of view. In an ideal world, my responsibility would end with the invitation, but the reality is that I would have some very upset parents if something were to happen during the trip and they weren't aware that we were leaving town.

 

[krcit]

I have 3 kids. if my 12 year old recieved an invite like in the OP and I had never met/spoken to the parents I would make sure I at least spoke to them once before I sent my child off with them for the day. Does that make me over-protective? I don't think it's odd for the OP to have expected at least a phone call from the girls parents.

 

[mjkacmom]

We've never done out of town parties, but I haven't received an RSVP from a parent since the 5th grade (for my older kids). These girls are 13 - I may not know you, but I know of you. Take it as a compliment - you are considered normal and safe.

 

[tlbwriter]

I have 3 kids. if my 12 year old recieved an invite like in the OP and I had never met/spoken to the parents I would make sure I at least spoke to them once before I sent my child off with them for the day. Does that make me over-protective? I don't think it's odd for the OP to have expected at least a phone call from the girls parents.

I agree. These are 13 year olds. Expecting them to RSVP on their own is one thing, but if a parent I didn't know was planning to take my 13 yr old out of town to a concert, I'd absolutely want to talk to her first.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Just to clarify, I didn't expect all the parents to contact me. I was just surprised that none of them did. DD is turning 13 y/o next week, and I am releasing the reins as she gets older. I'm completely fine with the girls RSVPing directly to DD, and DD has done the same for parties that she has attended.

I would hope that a parent of a 12-14 y/o would not be upset that I called to confirm that they were aware that we would be leaving town. I do trust that the girls got permission to attend. I also know that kids are not known for full disclosure, and not because they are being deceptive. My child sometimes neglects to give details, and it's because she doesn't view those details as important. She's not lying, just sees things differently.

I guess it boils down to that I am glad I spoke to each parent, just for my own peace of mind. Some people feel that this was my responsibility, and others feel that my responsibility ended with invitation that gave the party information. I understand both points of view. In an ideal world, my responsibility would end with the invitation, but the reality is that I would have some very upset parents if something were to happen during the trip and they weren't aware that we were leaving town.

I realize YOU didn't, but two other posters stated it was rude and lacking in common courtesy that they did not. This is who I was responding to. I think it is fine that you took it upon yourself to contact others, and as I said I would not be offended--but i know my sister in law would be

I would be happy to read anything that you might show me that proves this.

I am not sure what terms to google to "prove" this--but it seems fairly common sense like:
school and daycares and camps need signed permission slips to take children off property. Private citizens take their chidlren's friends places ALL THE TIME without signed permission.

schools are required to keep all medical and academic information about a student private--a private citizen can legally tell what she or he knows about their friend's kid's academic performance or health issues to whomever she pleases.

Schools are limited in very certain ways as to how they can discipline students (private individuals are much less limited)

schools fingerprint and run background checks on employees (and many run them on anyone who comes into the building and has contact with the kids--including parent volunteers)--private citizens can have their kids' friends over for a visit without this.

Etc., etc., etc.

 

[mjkacmom]

YOu have a point on the computer invites. Didn't give that much thought. However just because you didn't lie, doesn't mean your kids won't/ I would say that 99.9 percent do. ANd I was the goody two shoes.

Now it is great that your kids go off down town you live in a foreign country, maybe things are different, I f my kids called and said they were going down town, that would be an hour ride. So really you can't compare where you live as the example by which to live. Sorry.
.

I can't remember the last time my older kids got a written invitation - it's all texting here. After school, dd and ds text me, letting me know where they are going. The only information I get about their where-abouts is from them. So far, I haven't caught them lying to me, and until I do, this is how it works here. I assume my kids will make stupid mistakes - I know I did! Hopefully, they won't be fatal. I think about stupid things I did (got into stranger's cars and went down the shore, nightclubs in NYC at the age of 16...), and I've spoken to my kids about the dangers out there. However, they have to face them themselves, and hopefully, they'll make good choices.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...I am not sure what terms to google to "prove" this--but it seems fairly common sense like:...

Common sense tells me that if a parent cannot relinquish their children's rights by signing a waiver for a school, that applies to signing a waiver to attend a private party. Did you read the linked article? It wasn't really about the school - it was about waiving rights to sue for damages which occur on a trip that the parents approved. Nothing in that decision limits it to schools.

 

[princessmom29]

My take:
1. 40 miles away is not "out of town". It is not like they are going on some huge road trip. They will only be gone afew hours and it is not like a parent couldn't get there shoudl there be a problem.

2. these kids are old enough to handle the RSVP themselves.

3. I don't get what the huge issue is with taking them to the venue for the party? Agian they are nto going across the country here, and we are talking about teens, not preschoolers. If they were 5, I would expect parents to call, but not at 12-13.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Common sense tells me that if a parent cannot relinquish their children's rights by signing a waiver for a school, that applies to signing a waiver to attend a private party. Did you read the linked article? It wasn't really about the school - it was about waiving rights to sue for damages which occur on a trip that the parents approved. Nothing in that decision limits it to schools.

So every time your children have a friend over to you have the parents sign a waiver (serious question here)--and do you only allow your kids to go visit someone if YOU give them a a waiver? I have never had that happen in all the get together my kids have had in 5 states an now Germany. I am having a really difficult time imaging a court ruling that says a parent was in the wrong to allow a child to play, or take a child with them when the parent of that child dropped the kid off with that parent. I know we live in a sue happy society--but come on