Maybe I'm just overprotective? - Update #49

[DisneyBamaFan]

I completely agree with everything you said!! Maybe because we are both from the south! If my child got an invitation like that, I would DEFINITELY get in touch with the parent! Common couresty isn't all that common any more.

But what if your DD never showed you the invitation because she thought you might say no to the trip?

 

[mhsjax]

The girls all did RSVP that isn't the issue. The OP just doesn't like how they did it. As kids get older the parent doesn't handle the RSVP's it is up to the kids and they did that. I don't know what else the OP wants.

Why should the parents of the other girls give a flying you know what whether YOU think I am interested in my DD's life or not? that isn't your job. They have given their DD's permission to go and the girls have all RSVP's so I don't get the problem

Maybe the girls didn't show the invite to the parents, they just said so and so is having a b-day party at her house, can I go? LIAR. I dont trust any teenager much, I want written proof of where they are going, or I am calling the parent. Even my DD best friend, and her mom is one of my BFF's told me exactly what they are doing, if I didn't know her I would be questioning what they are doing. I do know her and have for years so in this case I don't question, they take my DD down to WDW with them frequently. but anyone else I didn't know. I would want to see the invite, or I would be calling the parent.

 

[Hannathy]

Maybe the girls didn't show the invite to the parents, they just said so and so is having a b-day party at her house, can I go? LIAR. I dont trust any teenager much, I want written proof of where they are going, or I am calling the parent. Even my DD best friend, and her mom is one of my BFF's told me exactly what they are doing, if I didn't know her I would be questioning what they are doing. I do know her and have for years so in this case I don't question, they take my DD down to WDW with them frequently. but anyone else I didn't know. I would want to see the invite, or I would be calling the parent.

Why ? that is between the child and HER parents if she lied. It isn't your business. I issued an invitation telling them what I am doing. 6 girls show up and I do what I said. if the parents don't like it they should speak to their child not my problem.

I also repeat I NEVER called a parent for a party after my DD got into middle school. Nope didn't do it she was old enough to RSVP her own parties that is how they learn independence.

I would be thrilled they RSVP'd at all.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Maybe the girls didn't show the invite to the parents, they just said so and so is having a b-day party at her house, can I go? LIAR. I dont trust any teenager much, I want written proof of where they are going, or I am calling the parent. Even my DD best friend, and her mom is one of my BFF's told me exactly what they are doing, if I didn't know her I would be questioning what they are doing. I do know her and have for years so in this case I don't question, they take my DD down to WDW with them frequently. but anyone else I didn't know. I would want to see the invite, or I would be calling the parent.

YMMV. I don't operate that way. I make/made it my dd's responsibility to do all that stuff as they got older. My oldest is 19, youngest is 14.

Now if a parent wants to talk to me, that is fine too.

If a kid did not show, then my dd's butt is in the sling for it. And believe me, it happened. However my dd learned a valuable lesson about who was her real friends and who were liars.

They didn't get invited to anything again. Part of growing up.

Yes, it was disappointing and annoying but there is also value in learning in who to trust and who not to trust.

 

[mhsjax]

Why ? that is between the child and HER parents if she lied. It isn't your business. I issued an invitation telling them what I am doing. 6 girls show up and I do what I said. if the parents don't like it they should speak to their child not my problem.

I also repeat I NEVER called a parent for a party after my DD got into middle school. Nope didn't do it she was old enough to RSVP her own parties that is how they learn independence.

I would be thrilled they RSVP'd at all.

Mine is extremely independent. She will RSVP, but I want to see the invitation. So I know exactly what they are doing. Then again, I don't have this problem because I know all of her friends parents very well.

She did go to a Halloween party at the last minute with her BFF. The other mom did call to verify it was a legit party and also to be sure that our girls were actually invited. The mom had no problem with this and everything was fine with her.

But if my kid gets an invite to someone I don't know. Yep the mommy card comes into play. She is the most important thing and sometimes a 13 year old doesn't show good judgement and I will help her learn how to do that, so she can grow up and be independent and not dead.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Why ? that is between the child and HER parents if she lied. It isn't your business...

It is if she gets hurt while out of town with you.

 

[Hannathy]

Mine is extremely independent. She will RSVP, but I want to see the invitation. So I know exactly what they are doing. Then again, I don't have this problem because I know all of her friends parents very well.

She did go to a Halloween party at the last minute with her BFF. The other mom did call to verify it was a legit party and also to be sure that our girls were actually invited. The mom had no problem with this and everything was fine with her.

But if my kid gets an invite to someone I don't know. Yep the mommy card comes into play. She is the most important thing and sometimes a 13 year old doesn't show good judgement and I will help her learn how to do that, so she can grow up and be independent and not dead.

but you are missing the point that is between you and your DD not the person issuing the invite. If she doesn't show you the invitation you get mad at her not me.
That is also your way of doing it, not mine and evidently not the other parents. You can't make everybody parent the way you want.

 

[mhsjax]

It is if she gets hurt while out of town with you.

Exactly. I don't want or need that potential problem.

 

[Hannathy]

It is if she gets hurt while out of town with you.

In what way? As long as you are doing things legally ie seat belts, not drinking, etc.

It would be no different than if she got hurt driving down her own street.

 

[mhsjax]

but you are missing the point that is between you and your DD not the person issuing the invite. If she doesn't show you the invitation you get mad at her not me.
That is also your way of doing it, not mine and evidently not the other parents. You can't make everybody parent the way you want.

Not everyone has to. That isn't my problem. I am just saying what I would do. It really doesn't matter because the only parties she has are one that only a few of her BFFs come to and I have known them and their mothers for a very long time.

And like I stated I do want to see the invite if she is invited somewhere. If she has a party, see above paragraph.

 

[MichelleVW]

I was certainly more strict with my older dd than my younger dd.

Or maybe they trust that their dd knows how to handle herself at a concert and dinner with parents.

I assuming they are 12/13 since you say that she is going to be a teenager soon.

As the kids get older the parental contact almost goes to zero, esp. with cell phones. There really is no need to talk with the parents really. I would probably not contact you either. I would do a quick chat with you at drop off and that is probably it.

The girls all did RSVP that isn't the issue. The OP just doesn't like how they did it. As kids get older the parent doesn't handle the RSVP's it is up to the kids and they did that. I don't know what else the OP wants.

Why should the parents of the other girls give a flying you know what whether YOU think I am interested in my DD's life or not? that isn't your job. They have given their DD's permission to go and the girls have all RSVP's so I don't get the problem

YMMV. I don't operate that way. I make/made it my dd's responsibility to do all that stuff as they got older. My oldest is 19, youngest is 14.

Now if a parent wants to talk to me, that is fine too.

If a kid did not show, then my dd's butt is in the sling for it. And believe me, it happened. However my dd learned a valuable lesson about who was her real friends and who were liars.

They didn't get invited to anything again. Part of growing up.

Yes, it was disappointing and annoying but there is also value in learning in who to trust and who not to trust.

Agreed....If my DD was 12 or 13 and got an invite it was up to them to RSVP. They don't need their me to do it for them. I wouldn't have called the parent either.

 

[camreesmom]

It is if she gets hurt while out of town with you.

Exactly! My 14 year old is not going out of town with anyone unless I have talked to them before hand. Call me overprotective but I don't care how good of a kid you have, teenagers can make some bad choices just because they don't have the experience.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

In what way? As long as you are doing things legally ie seat belts, not drinking, etc.

It would be no different than if she got hurt driving down her own street.

Really? You, as a parent, wouldn't get mad at some strange woman for taking your child out of town without your permission? Then even madder if she were hurt in an accident of some sort? I know that I would blow a gasket. My wrath would not be directed solely at my child.

 

[mhsjax]

Agreed....If my DD was 12 or 13 and got an invite it was up to them to RSVP. They don't need their me to do it for them. I wouldn't have called the parent either.

So your DD comes home she says that someone you don't even know is having a party and can she go, you don't even ask to see an invitation? I mean I wouldn't RSVP for her, but I would want to see an invitation.

I told my parents I was going to a girls house to a party, I was old enough to drive. I lied. And I was the good, responsible, rule follower. As were my friends, shoot one is even a judge now, but we were tens then and did stupid things that could have killed us or gotten us into serious trouble, I don't even want to tell you what I did. I was lucky I didn't die trying to get home. Sorry, but I must see written proof of an invite and that is is a legit party, then she can rsvp. Again, this is from my receiving end, not as the one giving the party.

 

[Hannathy]

Really? You, as a parent, wouldn't get mad at some strange woman for taking your child out of town without your permission? Then even madder if she were hurt in an accident of some sort? I know that I would blow a gasket. My wrath would not be directed solely at my child.

Nope not her fault. My anger would be totally at my child for lying to me.
And believe my my kids would be hoping they were in a coma when I found out.

 

[Hannathy]

So your DD comes home she says that someone you don't even know is having a party and can she go, you don't even ask to see an invitation? I mean I wouldn't RSVP for her, but I would want to see an invitation.

BUT the OP doesn't know the girls didn't show them the invitation!!!!!!

That is what several of us are saying. Just because the Other parents didn't call doesn't mean they didn't see the invitation. they are probably treating their child like the older child they are and letting them handle the RSVPing.

 

[mhsjax]

BUT the OP doesn't know the girls didn't show them the invitation!!!!!!

That is what several of us are saying. Just because the Other parents didn't call doesn't mean they didn't see the invitation. they are probably treating their child like the older child they are and letting them handle the RSVPing.

YOu are right. She doesn't know. Like I said. I don't have that problem. First I would never take kids out of town. Not that I think it is a bad idea. I just don't want to be in the car with that many girls. Where is that root canal I am so fond of these days. lol

My response is more on the receiving end of the invitation end. Imagine that, a subject on the Dis getting twisted around.

 

[MichelleVW]

So your DD comes home she says that someone you don't even know is having a party and can she go, you don't even ask to see an invitation? I mean I wouldn't RSVP for her, but I would want to see an invitation.

sure...show me an invite I guess...but I've never been much of a "checker upper" type. I know they have done things I wouldn't have approved of, but for the most part they are good kids and have stayed out of trouble.

 

[MichelleVW]

Ok...just re read the OP. The town is only 40 miles away...I don't really consider that "out of town". We go to church/shop/work/etc 35 miles away from our house every day so 40 miles doesn't seem like such a big deal. Especially in Texas.

 

[brockash]

You should have called the parents yourself to touch base, if that was priority for you.

Not sure how or why she'd do that. I don't think it's for her comfort to speak to the parents, as she'll be at the event. I think she was just shocked that the parents that are allowing their kid to go out of town with her, didn't seem to have any concern about the details or the person that their child was going off with. She probably doesn't have the phone #'s anyways.


It certainly doesn't shock me. I would've definitely called, but there are so many parents of my DS's that just don't seem to care.