Marrieds choosing not to have kids

[plgrn]

AHHHHH, Hello? Yes. I am waiting for my tag..........

I feel like an outcast, all of these posts, and never been tagged.........

Just noticed on the freebie boards that the tag fairy has paid you a visit. Congrats!

 

[maddhatir]

Just noticed on the freebie boards that the tag fairy has paid you a visit. Congrats!

Thanks!

I had a lot of people harrassing the poor little tag fairy for me to get a tag!

 

[plgrn]

Thanks!

I had a lot of people harrassing the poor little tag fairy for me to get a tag!

oooooo you have connections!

 

[maddhatir]

oooooo you have connections!

yes- connections I never knew I had---

I tell all the wenches on the Capt Jack Sparrow thread that I think it was Mr Depp- he was tired of hearing me complain about it!

 

[Hixski]

yes- connections I never knew I had---

I tell all the wenches on the Capt Jack Sparrow thread that I think it was Mr Depp- he was tired of hearing me complain about it!

Congrats on your tag!!! I was wondering if the tag fairy had a thing against Mr. Depp?? Maybe the tag fairy has a thing for Orlando instead!!!

 

[maddhatir]

Congrats on your tag!!! I was wondering if the tag fairy had a thing against Mr. Depp?? Maybe the tag fairy has a thing for Orlando instead!!!

One of the girls on the freebie thread was convinced the tag fairy was a postal worker- since I post so many freebies- the postal workers all over have to break their backs carrying all the extra freebies.... and it was MY fault!!

 

[mariolatry]

I've browsed this thread but I'm too lazy to go through all 20+ pages of it. A few thoughts:

To whomever said that no sane person could resent their child, I say only an insane person could go through childrearing with no moments of resentment. I have DD14 months and it is darn hard work. It gets awfully tiring to give of yourself 24 hours a day and always come in last place when it comes to nurturing. Whenever I hear someone vacillating on whether or not to have kids, I try to paint them a really honest picture of what having kids is like.

Having children is no guarantee of support in old age. When I worked in health care, I routinely had elderly patients whose children were too self-involved, too busy, too far away, or too whatever to take care of them. And would you really want to guilt your kids out of their enjoyment to come take care of you?

Also, some good responses I've heard to rude questions:
"Why don't you have any kids?"
"Because we enjoy money, sex, and free time and kids are incompatible with those."

"Is there something wrong with you?"
"No, but wouldn't this be awkward if there was?"

 

[Muushka]

Actually I have heard people tell me that they resent their children. But usually they are people that I know very well and that feel safe enough to admit their true feelings. Good for you mariolatry to be honest with people.

And I love your ideas for smart answers to the 'gonna have kids' question.
At my age, no one asks it any more though .

 

[Barthy73]

First of all, this has been a wonderful forum! I found these boards by searching for "Disney for Adults." As a man, I don't get nearly the questions about not wanting children, but my wife deals with it regularly.

When my wife and I got married (5 years ago tomorrow, anniversary trip to WDW next week!!!), we both definitely wanted children. About two years later, my wife was in tears one night and said, "What would you say if I told you I didn't want children?" I responded, "I'm actually quite relieved because I've been trying to tell you the same darned thing."

After this conversation, we had many others regarding whether or not we wanted children. We felt selfish in a way because most of our reasons were relating to our freedom and desire to keep our money for ourselves. Neither my wife nor I come from any money, and since we'd both started decent jobs and had some flexibility to travel and do things we never were able to do before, children didn't fit.

My wife was especially scared to tell her mom, but her mom replied, "If that's your decision, it's probably best you at least made it (the decision) before you made a mistake."

My mom said to us several months after we'd made our decision, "You aren't going to have children, are you?" I responded, "Well, it's funny that you mention it, because no, we're not." My mom was also supportive and said if we didn't want children then we shouldn't have them.

Both of us were surprised by our parents' responses, but they've always been supportive.

Because we're sure the decision is final, I made an appointment to get snipped. The first thing the Doc asked was, "How many kids do you have?" Of anyone, he probably had the right to ask. I looked him straight in the eye and told him none and that I wanted to keep it that way. I explained the conversations from above, and he knew I wasn't making the decision hastily. About 2 hours later, I was fixed, and my wife and I are both enjoying our childfree lifestyle!

We both love kids, but we love sending them home even more. When we're in a restaurant with children screaming, we laugh at each other and say "Thank you, Dr. Rice!"

I don't get a lot of questions about not wanting children but usually get told "You'll change your mind" when I do respond that kids aren't for me (us).

When either my wife or I are asked, we usually respond, "Don't have kids and don't want them. We love kids but love sending them home. My dog doesn't want to go to college and won't ever come home late or get knocked up." We sometimes add "my dog only talks back when we want her to" or other humorous comments. People might think we're joking, but the joke's on them!!

Thanks to everyone who's commented on this topic and others on this board. As a 33 year old guy, I was a bit hesitant going to WDW because I've never been there before and always thought of it as a kids place. My wife has been, but she was a child when last there. We've actually got 2 trips to WDW planned--one next week for our 5th anniversary and one with both of our parents in February that we're paying for.

Thanks again!!
John

 

[Muushka]

Hi John. Welcome! I think you will be surprised how many childless adults you will see at WDW. Us included (thank God)! Thank you for a man's perspective, interesting.

See you at the world!

 

[kennancat]

Hi all - saw this article in another childfree site and thought it was interesting, whether you're a parent or childfree: State of our Unions: Life Without Children

 

[kennancat]

Bumped because we've fallen to the second page and that's just not right

How's CF life going for everyone? We went to Food & Wine a couple of weeks ago with some friends and their kids. They still don't seem to believe us that we're not ready/may not ever be ready for kids. Oh well - I figure if we still haven't had kids 10 years from now, they might believe us then!

 

[Hixski]

Bumped because we've fallen to the second page and that's just not right

How's CF life going for everyone? We went to Food & Wine a couple of weeks ago with some friends and their kids. They still don't seem to believe us that we're not ready/may not ever be ready for kids. Oh well - I figure if we still haven't had kids 10 years from now, they might believe us then!

People have given up on us finally. I guess the fact that I am 46 is a clue that it just isn't going to happen. DH and I are going out for a romantic dinner Saturday night. My birthday is Saturday and his is Wednesday. Great, now I will be 47. Or 29 for the 18th time. I think I will just be 29 again.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

People have given up on us finally. I guess the fact that I am 46 is a clue that it just isn't going to happen. DH and I are going out for a romantic dinner Saturday night. My birthday is Saturday and his is Wednesday. Great, now I will be 47. Or 29 for the 18th time. I think I will just be 29 again.

Happy birthday to both of you! Yup, I'm 50 and DH is 52--we're past the "you'll change your mind" point.

Tomorrow DH and I will be kayaking two local rivers with a group of paddlers--looking forward to getting out in the sun (high of 74 degrees tomorrow) with a congenial group of river rats.

What's everybody else doing this weekend?

 

[blue_eyes5212]

I've read about the first 10 pages of this thread and decided to go ahead and post. This topic has been on my mind quite a bit lately. Me and my DH are both 26 and have been married for 2 1/2 years. We don't have any kids but plan to in the future. Since just about everyone I know has at least one kid, I keep thinking, "Why am I not ready yet?" Reading what I have read on this thread has made me feel like I have plenty of time.....and if we decided not to that would be ok also! Our parents don't pressure us. I know they would be very good grandparents, but they also realize that it is OUR decision.

We kept our 5 year old neice last night and I had to take a nap today to recover. She is a wonderful child who I love but she is a typical 5 year old who LOVES to talk and stay up as long as you will let her!!

Having kids is totally a personal decision for each one of us (and our SO's) but something that totally ticks me off is something that my co-worker keeps saying to me. She had her first child at 17, has had 3 children all together and now 2 are out of high school, one is still in high school. She has the nerve to make the comment "You don't want to wait until you are old to have kids, because older parents act weird" I don't know what she means by that, but it is really none of her business.

Seems like I discovered this thread at a time in my life when I really need it!

~Amanda~

 

[kennancat]

She had her first child at 17, has had 3 children all together and now 2 are out of high school, one is still in high school. She has the nerve to make the comment "You don't want to wait until you are old to have kids, because older parents act weird"

Weird? Is that code for responsible and mature? Okay, you're a better person than I am - I probably would have made a snotty comeback about people who have kids at the age of 17 and regretted saying it later! Frankly, other than being about to lose fertility or preserving royal lineage, I can't think of any rational reasons to have children at that age.

If she brings it up again, you could point out that people are marrying and having children later these days then when she was young (and make sure to use the phrase "when you were young" if you can ). And pull out a copy of Freakonomics - there's a whole chapter in there that talks about how using Baby Einstein and all that other stuff really has no impact on how well your children do in school, but being over 30 when they're born does have a positive impact. Good luck!

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

I've read about the first 10 pages of this thread and decided to go ahead and post. This topic has been on my mind quite a bit lately. Me and my DH are both 26 and have been married for 2 1/2 years. We don't have any kids but plan to in the future. Since just about everyone I know has at least one kid, I keep thinking, "Why am I not ready yet?" Reading what I have read on this thread has made me feel like I have plenty of time.....and if we decided not to that would be ok also! Our parents don't pressure us. I know they would be very good grandparents, but they also realize that it is OUR decision.

We kept our 5 year old neice last night and I had to take a nap today to recover. She is a wonderful child who I love but she is a typical 5 year old who LOVES to talk and stay up as long as you will let her!!

Having kids is totally a personal decision for each one of us (and our SO's) but something that totally ticks me off is something that my co-worker keeps saying to me. She had her first child at 17, has had 3 children all together and now 2 are out of high school, one is still in high school. She has the nerve to make the comment "You don't want to wait until you are old to have kids, because older parents act weird" I don't know what she means by that, but it is really none of her business.

Seems like I discovered this thread at a time in my life when I really need it!

~Amanda~

Congratulations! You managed to not say anything declasse in response to that coworker, which is more than I would have done. I give you a lot of credit for not taking the easy way out and responding with a harsh comment.

 

[blue_eyes5212]

Congratulations! You managed to not say anything declasse in response to that coworker, which is more than I would have done. I give you a lot of credit for not taking the easy way out and responding with a harsh comment.

I'm generally the peacekeeper and hate confrontation, so there are a lot of things I wish I would/could say. Me and My DH are going to do what is right for us.....and that is just the way it is!

 

[blue_eyes5212]

Weird? Is that code for responsible and mature? Okay, you're a better person than I am - I probably would have made a snotty comeback about people who have kids at the age of 17 and regretted saying it later! Frankly, other than being about to lose fertility or preserving royal lineage, I can't think of any rational reasons to have children at that age.

If she brings it up again, you could point out that people are marrying and having children later these days then when she was young (and make sure to use the phrase "when you were young" if you can ). And pull out a copy of Freakonomics - there's a whole chapter in there that talks about how using Baby Einstein and all that other stuff really has no impact on how well your children do in school, but being over 30 when they're born does have a positive impact. Good luck!

Thanks! I think she is just mad because her sister, "the favorite", waited to have her children and she is jealous of all that she was able to do. But we are going to do what is right for us! Thankfully I have recently taken another position which moves me away from this particular co-worker!

 

[phinz]

I'm way late on this conversation, but the statement I've found shuts people up really quickly when they ask, "Do you have kids?" is "No." Upon the "Why" question, I respond "We can't."

They have no idea that I had myself fixed several years ago, so when they ask they get an answer that makes them uncomfortable and changes the subject quickly. I love watching their deflated reaction when they realize there's no really good way to respond without being presumptuous, rude (as if the initial question isn't rude already) or nosey.