Marrieds choosing not to have kids

[raspberrysharpei]

How about a little bump &

I find my internal dialect saying "Hm-mm...the clock is ticking....."

Can someone pull the battery out???

My mother is a very busy & strong woman. Dad is gone. Mom has always worked full time, raised the family in the family home, which now occupies herself, the youngest daughter & her two grand kids, and she has the responsibility of tending to her parents. My mother is my best friend and I really enjoy going home often to be with her. We talk on the phone at least once a week.

I am very content and happy, being a wife, a daughter, a sister, and an aunt. I can really lay it on thick and add; granddaughter, daughter-in-law, and sister-in-law. I do not feel like I am missing out on anything by NOT being a parent.

I just found out a distant nephew(18) and his girlfriend(15) are pregnant.

 

[maddhatir]

I did a few motherly things on Monday-

We had a get together at SILs house for Labor day- her 2 kids plus 4 more- ages from 2 through 6- for some reason DH and I seemed to be right there in the midst (alone!) of the trauma and reprimands

1.- when my niece and her friend bumped heads on the "jump-o-line" (aka trampoline) the kids call it a jump-o-line which I prefer! It was a trauma- the 2 bump heads- I pick up my niece who is screaming bloody murder- her friend is trying to tell me what happened- in the meantime- the friends little brother is crying b/c his sister "punched" him- my head is spinning from the screaming and crying! bring her to mom. 1- down

2.- 3 kids in the driveway hitting a ball w/ a bat (both very soft) but hitting the ball towards the road- the driveway is VERY VERY long- but they would run down the driveway to get the ball! I take a look around-- hmmm-- no adult supervision- I need to step in- HEY GIRLS howabout you all coming over here on the grass and hit the ball the other way! 2- down

3.- ahhhh- all by myself- go to relax in the rocking chair on the front porch maybe take a few pics of the kids playing in the yard- NO- the kids are not in the yard- they are on the front porch- around the corner. I go to sit on the rocking chair- my niece comes up- can you put that chair over here (around the corner) so I can sit on it?- bring it around- there is the 2nd chair with one little girl on it, the other little girl is standing and niece is now sitting on the one I moved. hmmm- 2 chairs- 3 little girls and no sharing in site! And just me another lecture about friends-- I make them repeat after me-- "there is always room for friends!" good one huh? thought of that off the top of my head in a hurry! niece moves over for her freind. yay- all are sitting. I go inside, a few minutes later- door slams- screaming occurs, someone is bleeding- they must have fell off of the chair. But this time- they run to mom! 3- down

4.- DH and I standing in the kitchen-- all of a sudden the front door SLAMS- we hear clunking of a 4yr old's "princess" shoes- and a "shriek" and the basement door slams!- DH and I look at each other- again- where are the adults?-- is this a test!? We go down the basement and our niece is having a fit b/c her best friend whom now she hates and is not her best friend anymore is riding the BIG bike! OK- give her the "sharing" talk and you can ride the bike anytime. She goes outside- DH pulls her around in the wagon and all is well! 4- down

5.- ahhhhh once again- out on the porch, this time just me and DH rocking on the porch- no kids to be seen (but we do hear them playing around the side of the house) all of a sudden WAAAAAAA! crying! said to DH that does not sound like niece- we both get up- no it is someone elses kid- no adults around and a child lying on the ground next to a bike with a skinned knee and 3 kids trying to tell us what happened. DH picks her up and niece THROWS UP HER ARMS! "I will go get the band-aid!" the little fallen girl wants her mommy, DH brings her in the house. Niece is trying to put the band-aid on her knee- my other SIL is trying to get a picture b/c she thinks this is cute- telling niece to "take off the bandaid and do it again- I want to get your picture!" OMG! I am in a nut house! GIVE ME ANOTHER BEER!

I am sure by now after reading this- some of you may need a zanax, I personally had a few beers either one can help out in these situations!

But isnt it THE BEST feeling to get in your car after all of this and close the door and hear......SILENCE! this is about the time DH and I say ahhhhhhh we love our nieces and nephews but we made the best choice EVER!

 

[plgrn]

I am sure by now after reading this- some of you may need a zanax, I personally had a few beers either one can help out in these situations!

I get stressed just watching video of my nieces and nephews. What's scary is that none of the things you decribed involved the kids being "bad." They were just doing normal kid stuff! IMAGINE when they ARE being "bad." Actually, don't imagine....it's too early for a beer.

 

[maddhatir]

I get stressed just watching video of my nieces and nephews. What's scary is that none of the things you decribed involved the kids being "bad." They were just doing normal kid stuff! IMAGINE when they ARE being "bad." Actually, don't imagine....it's too early for a beer.

Actually I am going to knock wood (knocking my head as we speak!) My niece is 4 and nephew is 2- and I have never seen them BAD where it was just unbearable. I am not saying they are not bad (I am sure SIL has some stores!)- but I see them often and I am very lucky they are good kids! Cant say that about all the kids in know that I happen to be around though they act up more than the 2 and 4 year olds!

 

[Hixski]

Actually I am going to knock wood (knocking my head as we speak!) My niece is 4 and nephew is 2- and I have never seen them BAD where it was just unbearable. I am not saying they are not bad (I am sure SIL has some stores!)- but I see them often and I am very lucky they are good kids! Cant say that about all the kids in know that I happen to be around though they act up more than the 2 and 4 year olds!

We were drinking beer last night watching our St. Louis Cardinals. We were at Buffalo Wild Wings. The place was loud and we were at the bar. We could hear a child screaming bloody murder for about 20 minutes in the restaurant part. The whole bar is like WTH. Pretty bad when you can hear someone screaming over a whole bar of sports fans.

 

[goodfaerie]

but Disney made WDW for children at heart

"Real" children in the parks was an after-thought!

(KIDDING OF COURSE...well, mostly)


GF

 

[Hixski]

but Disney made WDW for children at heart

"Real" children in the parks was an after-thought!

(KIDDING OF COURSE...well, mostly)


GF

Watch it I see flaming from the lurkers from the family boards.

Remember they don't think its funny to even kid about that.

 

[Muushka]

Yup, I once read in the Enquiror that childbirth causes you to lose your sense of humor!

 

[goodfaerie]

I am signing up for the witness protection program!


GF (undercover)

 

[treehugger]

Hi there! We are childfree by choice! We have been happily married head over heels for 21 years!

In the beginning DH's family put incredible pressure on us to have kids. Both DH's dad and my mom died in their mid 40's of rare cancers (genetic) and we decided that we would not want to bring children into the world to go through what we did. I got so tired of the questions and inuendos from casual acquaintances and his family (mine was cool with our choice) One time a woman who I hardly knew (she just knew we didn't have children, not the reason) called me selfish!

In the beginning we would just say that we were having fun just going through the motions, but that only seemed to make things worse. At one point DH's mother thought she would help by offering to pay for an adoption! Oh, and being childfree by choice and being Catholic is not a fun combo either. We have never regretted our decision and are very happy with our yellow lab and cat thank you very much!

 

[ladyleopard1106]

Hmm.....I'm 27. Single. And NEVER having kids. They aren't my thing. I'm all about my 8 hours of sleep, and being able to come and go as I please. I like having the freedom to do what I want, when I want. Kids would just complicate my life and make me a very miserable person! I have an aunt who is constantly in my business about dating and such, and it really irks the heck out of me. Why can't people just respect the simple fact that this is what I want? It's so frustrating sometimes....

 

[eryn the pooh]

Hello everyone.
I did not read the entire thread, about page 30 to the last one, but I found it extremly interesting. I hope nobody minds but I would like to tell my story and opinion also.

As the oldest of 4 in a 2 parent, mom at home, dad at work home, I had always wanted kids when I grew up. I never even thought twice about it. So when I fell in love at 16 and had my common sense sucked out my ear, when my partner started saying he wanted to have a baby with me, I didn't think twice about it. Now I was in grade 12 and was graduating soon so I thought it would be great! So 7 months after graduation and 2 months after my 18th birthday, Hailey arrived.
Now today I am a 28 year old single mom. During the last 5 years I had to go back to school, I've spent 2 of the 5 years on welfare, Ive waitressed at 4 different places and have raised hailey by myself.
The reason I've mentioned all this is because I have changed some of my opinions on life.

For one thing, you cant drive a car or catch a fish without a license.
You can't buy cigarettes or beer until your 19 (canada).
You can't clean someones teeth without a degree.
But any Sue, Mary and Lucy can have a baby,
I think there should be a year long course, then a month long boot camp and then an exam people have to pass before being allowed to have kids. I think it would help, eh?!

I love my daughter, of course I do, but my life is not as easy as I thought it would be(not saying it would be if she wasnt here), I wish I knew then what I know now. I don't think I would have made the decision NOT to have kids, but I definatly would have waited!

I admire your decisions NOT to have children. And I think that more people should have the courage to stand up for their want to NOT have kids instead of being scared of the reaction they might get. I am in the middle of deciding weather or not I want anymore. There are many deciding factors, and each couple or person has their own reasons.

My sister has always said she didnt want kids and we always bugged her about it, but after reading your reactions, Im going to call her right now and apoligize.

Thanks for your time everyone and have a great week!

 

[maddhatir]

Hello everyone.
I did not read the entire thread, about page 30 to the last one, but I found it extremly interesting. I hope nobody minds but I would like to tell my story and opinion also.

As the oldest of 4 in a 2 parent, mom at home, dad at work home, I had always wanted kids when I grew up. I never even thought twice about it. So when I fell in love at 16 and had my common sense sucked out my ear, when my partner started saying he wanted to have a baby with me, I didn't think twice about it. Now I was in grade 12 and was graduating soon so I thought it would be great! So 7 months after graduation and 2 months after my 18th birthday, Hailey arrived.
Now today I am a 28 year old single mom. During the last 5 years I had to go back to school, I've spent 2 of the 5 years on welfare, Ive waitressed at 4 different places and have raised hailey by myself.
The reason I've mentioned all this is because I have changed some of my opinions on life.

For one thing, you cant drive a car or catch a fish without a license.
You can't buy cigarettes or beer until your 19 (canada).
You can't clean someones teeth without a degree.
But any Sue, Mary and Lucy can have a baby,
I think there should be a year long course, then a month long boot camp and then an exam people have to pass before being allowed to have kids. I think it would help, eh?!

I love my daughter, of course I do, but my life is not as easy as I thought it would be(not saying it would be if she wasnt here), I wish I knew then what I know now. I don't think I would have made the decision NOT to have kids, but I definatly would have waited!

I admire your decisions NOT to have children. And I think that more people should have the courage to stand up for their want to NOT have kids instead of being scared of the reaction they might get. I am in the middle of deciding weather or not I want anymore. There are many deciding factors, and each couple or person has their own reasons.

My sister has always said she didnt want kids and we always bugged her about it, but after reading your reactions, Im going to call her right now and apoligize.

Thanks for your time everyone and have a great week!

WOW! thanks for sharing your story eryn the pooh

I agree that people should have to have some kind of "parent training" before having children. I would bet that half of those who thought they would want children might change their mind.

My DH has 3 other siblings. His father left them when they were all pretty young which left his mother to raise 4 kids! And NO child support. She also waitressed her whole life to provide for them.

I actually just said to DH tonight @ Kohls (after seeing a mother of 2 trying to get her kids situated in 2 carts while her husband was outside chatting on his phone) I think most mothers that you see now are some of the strongest people, mentally and physically. Even stronger than most men. The things they HAVE to do throughout the day (getting the kids ready, piling them in the car along with the stroller etc, getting them situated before going into the store, keeping them safe) is incredible. MOST men can not even handle that for a day!

I do commend the women who are mothers BUT NO WAY would I choose to do that. Most women say- yes, but you just DO IT, you have no choice-- and my answer is- I MADE MY CHOICE!

 

[DizzKneeGeek]

I actually just said to DH tonight @ Kohls (after seeing a mother of 2 trying to get her kids situated in 2 carts while her husband was outside chatting on his phone) I think most mothers that you see now are some of the strongest people, mentally and physically. Even stronger than most men. The things they HAVE to do throughout the day (getting the kids ready, piling them in the car along with the stroller etc, getting them situated before going into the store, keeping them safe) is incredible. MOST men can not even handle that for a day!

do we really want to get into generalizing like that?
most of the single parents i know are men.
good men.
men who wanted to have families but were invloved with tramps and drug addicts.
it's a two way street.
men and women can equally be bad parents.
thank you for your time.

 

[maddhatir]

do we really want to get into generalizing like that?
most of the single parents i know are men.
good men.
men who wanted to have families but were invloved with tramps and drug addicts.
it's a two way street.
men and women can equally be bad parents.
thank you for your time.

give me a break! I was talking about these womens husbands not being able to keep up with them and their daily routine!

 

[plgrn]

This fencesitter needs a little from her child-free friends! Our 4th anniversary just passed and apparently people are through giving us a "grace-period" about waiting to have kids.

I just spoke with a friend who's husband could be heard in the background during our conversation saying "when is she going to drop out of school and have a baby?" Granted, my friend's DH likes to get my goat, and was half teasing, but the other half of him wasn't teasing at all! This was evident when my friend said "seriously, are you not thinking about having kids yet?" When I told her no, and maybe not ever she said "are you really going to do that to your parents?" *sigh*

Today, I had to deal with an issue with the mother of 2 of my students. She got frustrated with me and (along with lots of other things) indicated that I couldn't possibly understand her feelings b/c I didn't have children of my own. Although she didn't come right out and say it, it was as though she thinks of me as less of a person or not "grown up yet" or mature b/c I haven't given birth. As if one day when I do have kids I will just understand everything and be wise.

*sigh* *sigh* *sigh* Just a little beat down from both these incidents occuring 2 days in a row.

And I'm just a fencesitter! I cannot image what some of you CFers go through on a weekly basis.

Thanks for the support! I love the CF threads.

 

[Hixski]

This fencesitter needs a little from her child-free friends! Our 4th anniversary just passed and apparently people are through giving us a "grace-period" about waiting to have kids.

I just spoke with a friend who's husband could be heard in the background during our conversation saying "when is she going to drop out of school and have a baby?" Granted, my friend's DH likes to get my goat, and was half teasing, but the other half of him wasn't teasing at all! This was evident when my friend said "seriously, are you not thinking about having kids yet?" When I told her no, and maybe not ever she said "are you really going to do that to your parents?" *sigh*

Today, I had to deal with an issue with the mother of 2 of my students. She got frustrated with me and (along with lots of other things) indicated that I couldn't possibly understand her feelings b/c I didn't have children of my own. Although she didn't come right out and say it, it was as though she thinks of me as less of a person or not "grown up yet" or mature b/c I haven't given birth. As if one day when I do have kids I will just understand everything and be wise.

*sigh* *sigh* *sigh* Just a little beat down from both these incidents occuring 2 days in a row.

And I'm just a fencesitter! I cannot image what some of you CFers go through on a weekly basis.

Thanks for the support! I love the CF threads.

We just got back from WDW and VB. Had a great time talking with others. Several folks asked if we had children since we are in our mid forties. When we told them no, not one person acted shocked or anything negative. Several said "Wow, this must be nice to vacation just the two of you." I have come to believe that most people understand. Notice I say "Most". It seems like family or friends feel they need to tell you different.

Don't let the mother that gave you grief get you down. The CF deal with those types at one time or other. They have the issue not you. Cheer up.

 

[PatriciaH]

This fencesitter needs a little from her child-free friends! Our 4th anniversary just passed and apparently people are through giving us a "grace-period" about waiting to have kids.

I just spoke with a friend who's husband could be heard in the background during our conversation saying "when is she going to drop out of school and have a baby?" Granted, my friend's DH likes to get my goat, and was half teasing, but the other half of him wasn't teasing at all! This was evident when my friend said "seriously, are you not thinking about having kids yet?" When I told her no, and maybe not ever she said "are you really going to do that to your parents?" *sigh*

Today, I had to deal with an issue with the mother of 2 of my students. She got frustrated with me and (along with lots of other things) indicated that I couldn't possibly understand her feelings b/c I didn't have children of my own. Although she didn't come right out and say it, it was as though she thinks of me as less of a person or not "grown up yet" or mature b/c I haven't given birth. As if one day when I do have kids I will just understand everything and be wise.

*sigh* *sigh* *sigh* Just a little beat down from both these incidents occuring 2 days in a row.

And I'm just a fencesitter! I cannot image what some of you CFers go through on a weekly basis.

Thanks for the support! I love the CF threads.

Why is he so concerned with you having a child? Seems strage to me. Of course my friend from college and her husband visited a few weeks ago with their new baby and they kept telling us we should have one. Her husband even had the nerve to say "you need to give your parents a grandchild" in front of my parents! My parents could care less if we have kids or not. They feel it is our business. This coming from a man who cheated on her with his ex while they were engaged! While she and I went to get some waters at the hotel gift shop, her husband said to my DH that he did not want the baby even while she was pregnant and even after she had it- but the baby turned out to be pretty good so now he was ok with it!!! She went through painful IVF too! She wanted to adopt and HE insisted on "their own." I also have another friend from from high school that went through IVF and her husband left her for someone else a few years after. Why the he** did you have IVF if you really did not want the child? I don't get people.

Oh and if anyone thinks parents are more mature than people without kids all they have to do is read the news to see that is completely false. Just read the thread about the day care abuse situation on the Community Board and it will really make you wonder about that parent!

 

[maddhatir]

I just needed to vent and I know you can all appreicate this one! Well, actually NOT appreciate the comment!

I was in a Hallmark store today- OK- I will tell you which one in case anyone knows this witch- Berlin, NJ near the Shop Rite! These 2 Hallmark employees were talking amongst each other (but why is it when I go to a Hallmark- some of the employees have to talk SO loud I cant concentrate on the cards I am reading!? I feel like screaming SHUSH!!! you are annoying me-- this is a notch down from a library- I NEED to concentrate on my purshase! ) OK- anyway. I was down a card aisle looking at card (la de da) I hear these 2 woman talking about a couple they must know. The one says to the other- "I wonder why they never had kids?"- the other one says- "I never asked- I just thought it was none of my business b/c it may be physical- either that or she is just SELFISH and I DONT even want to hear THAT!"

well! you stinkin' b*&$! My mouth dropped when I heard her say that! I peeked around the corner to see if she would look at me (but she had her head turned) I would have went off on her if she would have been looking at me! That is fine if that is your (pea-brained) opinion- but dont share it with the rest of the store!

Imagine if I said, out loud, at my place of work (actually I work from home- so really it wouldnt matter! )- "I think anyone that HAS kids is an idiot!????" I would be stoned...well, you know.....rocks thrown at me, stoned!

argh!

 

[Hixski]

I just needed to vent and I know you can all appreicate this one! Well, actually NOT appreciate the comment!

I was in a Hallmark store today- OK- I will tell you which one in case anyone knows this witch- Berlin, NJ near the Shop Rite! These 2 Hallmark employees were talking amongst each other (but why is it when I go to a Hallmark- some of the employees have to talk SO loud I cant concentrate on the cards I am reading!? I feel like screaming SHUSH!!! you are annoying me-- this is a notch down from a library- I NEED to concentrate on my purshase! ) OK- anyway. I was down a card aisle looking at card (la de da) I hear these 2 woman talking about a couple they must know. The one says to the other- "I wonder why they never had kids?"- the other one says- "I never asked- I just thought it was none of my business b/c it may be physical- either that or she is just SELFISH and I DONT even want to hear THAT!"

well! you stinkin' b*&$! My mouth dropped when I heard her say that! I peeked around the corner to see if she would look at me (but she had her head turned) I would have went off on her if she would have been looking at me! That is fine if that is your (pea-brained) opinion- but dont share it with the rest of the store!

Imagine if I said, out loud, at my place of work (actually I work from home- so really it wouldnt matter! )- "I think anyone that HAS kids is an idiot!????" I would be stoned...well, you know.....rocks thrown at me, stoned!

argh!

Ahh, the we are all selfish comment. Just when I thought I was getting away from it. We were in WDW a couple of weeks ago. Most of the people we chatted with did not have children. ( Or had left them home) Several told us that it was great we could vacation without kids. At least no one tried to convince us we were selfish and doing a terrible thing. I might have had to bop them with DH's Rose and Crown 1/2 yard of beer.