Marrieds choosing not to have kids

[maddhatir]

Ahh, the we are all selfish comment. Just when I thought I was getting away from it. We were in WDW a couple of weeks ago. Most of the people we chatted with did not have children. ( Or had left them home) Several told us that it was great we could vacation without kids. At least no one tried to convince us we were selfish and doing a terrible thing. I might have had to bop them with DH's Rose and Crown 1/2 yard of beer.

DH and I were talking about HOW MANY couples w/o kids of ALL ages we saw in Disney last week. They ranged for their 20's right on through to (some I would say) 70's! I dont remember ever noticing that many before ...maybe they all caught on! Disney is funner w/o kiddies!

 

[plgrn]

My adults-only Trip report is up and running! Enjoy!

Adults only at FW towel animal quest!

 

[plgrn]

BTW, madd, isn't it high time the tag fairy paid you a visit? Almost 4,000 big ones!

 

[maddhatir]

BTW, madd, isn't it high time the tag fairy paid you a visit? Almost 4,000 big ones!

AHHHHH, Hello? Yes. I am waiting for my tag..........

I feel like an outcast, all of these posts, and never been tagged.........

 

[kydeb1346]

OK, I haven't read the entire thread but from about page 30 onward... I have been married for 8 years as of this past May. I'm 28 years old now (as of August) and had ovarian cancer at the age of 17 which resulted in numerous surgeries and chemo. I'm cancer free now and obviously will not have children of my own. DH and I are perfectly fine with this but so many people say "when are you going to adopt?" We are happy just the way we are and never plan to go the kid route! Of course, no one understands that decision and give us a hard time about it. Especially with going to Disney World! We honeymooned in WDW and have been back several times since. WDW is great and we love it! However, some of the rudest experiences being child free have taken place at WDW but won't go into that!

Anyway, I am rambling - ENJOY your child free lives and best of luck to those of you who are on the fence!

 

[ForTheLoveofDisney]

Whoa, this thread has seriously grown since the last time I checked in. I was checking everyday for awhile with no new posts being added and then I had to have my house renovated (and be without computer for some time so I couldn't check in), do a Disney trip which included a MNSSHP:

Don't we look happy?
OK, so it's kind of tiny and maybe you can't tell. But, we were very happy!!​

the sale of a house (while on our Disney trip and let me add that the staff at POP Century resort were absolutely wonderful for all of their help in making sure we received our faxes and for faxing things back to our realtor ).

Then do a roadtrip from Florida to South Carolina to look for a new home (which we found ).

I'm going to seriously have to get caught up so that I can see what everybody's been up too. Hope you've all been well and life has been good! I'm subscribed to the thread now so I'll be sure not to miss the latest.

Talk to you all real soon.

 

[ForTheLoveofDisney]

OK, I haven't read the entire thread but from about page 30 onward... I have been married for 8 years as of this past May. I'm 28 years old now (as of August) and had ovarian cancer at the age of 17 which resulted in numerous surgeries and chemo. I'm cancer free now and obviously will not have children of my own. DH and I are perfectly fine with this but so many people say "when are you going to adopt?" We are happy just the way we are and never plan to go the kid route! Of course, no one understands that decision and give us a hard time about it. Especially with going to Disney World! We honeymooned in WDW and have been back several times since. WDW is great and we love it! However, some of the rudest experiences being child free have taken place at WDW but won't go into that!

Anyway, I am rambling - ENJOY your child free lives and best of luck to those of you who are on the fence!

That's wonderful to hear that you are cancer free!! That's terrific news.

I know, don't you get sooooo sick of the "When are you going to adopt?" question? I know we do. How about, "None of your business!"? At least that's what I feel like saying! We tried the adoption route. The birthmother changed her mind at the last minute and it truly devestated my husband. It upset me more than words but I was surprised with how deeply it hurt my DH. We've decided we are done!! Done w/ the fertility route (I did have to have my left tube and ovary removed back in May) and done with adoption. We are, however, ready to begin the rest of our lives together!

 

[Hixski]

That's wonderful to hear that you are cancer free!! That's terrific news.

I know, don't you get sooooo sick of the "When are you going to adopt?" question? I know we do. How about, "None of your business!"? At least that's what I feel like saying! We tried the adoption route. The birthmother changed her mind at the last minute and it truly devestated my husband. It upset me more than words but I was surprised with how deeply it hurt my DH. We've decided we are done!! Done w/ the fertility route (I did have to have my left tube and ovary removed back in May) and done with adoption. We are, however, ready to begin the rest of our lives together!

We got that quite a bit too. People would ask when are you having children. Told them it wasn't happening so we weren't going to worry about it. We were just going to be childfree. We could admit to ourselves we were fencesitters anyway. That is when we got the adopt option. I think people are much ruder if you confess you ever wanted to have a child. They want to tell you every option, every way to get a child. HELLO...did I not just say we were going to be childfree. Those are the ones you are tempted to just tell "Shut the heck up" (or any other choice words you may have)
Remember these people can only bother you if you let them.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

DH and I were talking about HOW MANY couples w/o kids of ALL ages we saw in Disney last week. They ranged for their 20's right on through to (some I would say) 70's! I dont remember ever noticing that many before ...maybe they all caught on! Disney is funner w/o kiddies!

I read an article in the last few months (wish I had saved it--I think it was in the travel section of the newspaper) that said a full 50% of visitors to Disney are adults without children!! I think Disney is well aware of this statistic, based on their recent (last several years) emphasis on improving the food, adult libations, and entertainment at the parks.

While DH and I love rides, it's the overall experience (food, entertainment, resorts) that keeps us coming back over and over.

 

[ForTheLoveofDisney]

We got that quite a bit too. People would ask when are you having children. Told them it wasn't happening so we weren't going to worry about it. We were just going to be childfree. We could admit to ourselves we were fencesitters anyway. That is when we got the adopt option. I think people are much ruder if you confess you ever wanted to have a child. They want to tell you every option, every way to get a child. HELLO...did I not just say we were going to be childfree. Those are the ones you are tempted to just tell "Shut the heck up" (or any other choice words you may have)
Remember these people can only bother you if you let them.

I agree. And I love how they make snide comments about how you must not have ever really wanted a child if you don't adopt.

Yea, OK, well maybe I didn't.

I read an article in the last few months (wish I had saved it--I think it was in the travel section of the newspaper) that said a full 50% of visitors to Disney are adults without children!! I think Disney is well aware of this statistic, based on their recent (last several years) emphasis on improving the food, adult libations, and entertainment at the parks.

While DH and I love rides, it's the overall experience (food, entertainment, resorts) that keeps us coming back over and over.

This is why DH and I love Disney. We're too the point that if we miss a ride, eh, we miss a ride. It'll be here next time but we just love the atmosphere and the ambiance. I think I've now decided that September is the best time to go! It seems that with school just beginning there were hardly any kids there. Perhaps it's because school had just started and parents aren't going to pull their kids out for vacation just yet. Alls I know is, it was nice. Of course, now Disney has started a marketing campaign geared towards parents w/ toddlers called Magical Beginnings. It ran for 7 weeks and was going on while we were down there in Sept. It only hindered our vacation just slightly. In that, we like to go to MK on the Extra Magic hour mornings and get in the rides and such before the crowds hit and this way we're out of there by lunch time. Well, with the Magical Beginnings promotion we did not do it as from what we understood only Fantasyland was open for the extra hour and we knew it would be full. But all in all September was lovely!!

 

[J.Cooper]

We were in Disney during the middle of September (about 3 weeks ago exactly) and we were surprised how many couples and older couples (in there 60's) were at Disney. Not that many kids this time. We figured probably because school just started, but we had such a great time. Nothing like a childfree vacation!!!! We love our childfree lifestyle!!!!

 

[Hixski]

I just read this on my web news.
http://my.earthlink.net/article/nat?guid=20061009/4529c940_3ca6_15526200610091649462438

What is wrong with people. That woman is nuts. And she had 4 other children. I swear I am going to hit the next person that wants to tell me I need to have children at all costs. Someone please tell us some happy childfree stories. I need to get my mind off this insane woman.

 

[plgrn]

I just read this on my web news.
http://my.earthlink.net/article/nat?guid=20061009/4529c940_3ca6_15526200610091649462438

What is wrong with people. That woman is nuts. And she had 4 other children. I swear I am going to hit the next person that wants to tell me I need to have children at all costs. Someone please tell us some happy childfree stories. I need to get my mind off this insane woman.

That's horrible! If there is a bright side to this story, it's that the mother's moment of crazed behavior with the infant will probably save the other 4 childrens lives. Otherwise who knows how long they would have lived with her before being put in foster care!?

 

[ForTheLoveofDisney]

Here, please, let me hit them for you!! Or with you.

Here's some happy childfree stories for you:

Yesterday DH and I got up late i.e. we slept in and went out to breakfast where we were able to discuss what our future is going to look like with the impending closing and subsequent nice profit of our house. During our undisturbed breakfast except for the occasional waitress kindly filling our coffee cups we were pondering do we take a two week relaxing childfree Disney vacation or go on a cruise? Also, do we get the 42" Phillips Ambient lighting plasma t.v. or the Panasonic? Hhhhmmm, decisions--decisions. Of course we will be investing the large majority of the money but why not live a little??

Then we came home and decided that we really wanted to snuggle so we hopped back in bed undisturbed and reconnecting (on an intellectual level. We were "just" talking and goofing off for the record ). It was a fun day of just being with my best friend my DH!

It's wonderful to know that if we want to just pick up and go, we can! It's terrific to know we've got eachother ---- whenever.

Some people will tell you that when you're old and gray, if you don't have kids who will take care of you? Who will come visit you in the nursing home? Those Disney vacations and Plasma t.v's won't give you love when you're old.
Well, I hate to be the one to burst ANYONE's bubble but my great grandmother was in the nursing home and I couldn't even count the number of people who NEVER got a visitor!! EVER!!! The children never came. And on that same note my own great grandmother sat in her house, day in and day out and day in and day out before she went into the nursing home with 3 of her children in a one mile radius if that (you could see the one son's house from her living room window) and NONE of them ever came to visit her!! My great-grandparent's started a saw mill many years ago and when my uncles got a chance they greedily cut my grandparents out (they never gave them any royalties on the profits and they were supposed to give my great-grandparents $80 some dollars a week which soon stopped once they had control). You see, my great-grandparents did not have much of an education. My great-grandfather went to the 8th grade and my great-grandmom went to the 3rd so when my uncles came over with all of the legal documents which would give them control of the saw mill and all future earnings, my grandparent's in ignorance, signed it.

Anyway, I didn't mean to give such a downer story but I just get so sick of people knowing what is best for our lives (WHEN THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE THE WHOLE STORY like maybe we tried and it just didn't happen) and tell you crap like this. Well, hopefully their kids will be there for them when they get old but far, far too many are not and our nursing homes are full of them to prove it!!

We plan on investing our money so that in our old age we will be well provided for. We plan on getting involved with our new community and help make a difference in people's lives. We plan on loving and spoiling our nieces and nephews. And MOST of ALL, we plan on loving and be loved by eachother for as long as we have!! Which brings me to another point, Shheeeshh, I should just stop already, I know way too many people who have kids and yet have no life partner. So they get to be mom and dad to the kids. Or, I know people who have kids and their marriage SUCKS!!!!! They suffer mental abuse at the hands of their husband and the kids get to see it and hear (how lovely ), and their husband has no time for them except when it's convenient for him. And these people have no intellectual equal, they have no real friend they are empty and void in the area of equal adult love. And they continue to search for it all the while (sometimes resenting) having to take care of the kids.

No thank you. I am truly blessed as I am sure many of you are with the love and support and camaraderie of my husband. I'll continue on in my great relationship all the while planning for our financial future so that we are well taken care of in our golden years and I will make a contribution to society because I have the time.

And I'll be taking my Disney and European vacations and I'll see the world. And I'll enjoy the luxuries of life and I won't be beatin' nobody w/ my babies!!!

 

[Hixski]

I just remembered a comment about my childfree life from the other day. I was in Hallmark looking at ornaments. DH was with me. I was not with him at the moment but a lady saw that I had several ornaments. She asked if I had a large tree. I said yes, but I have 5 of them. Her next question was. "Do you have children" Uh, no. So she said "You have 5 Christmas trees and you don't have children" WTH does that have to do with my 5 Christmas trees. I just looked at her like she had 2 heads and said "If I want I can count DH and of course my dog as children if I need to". I then just walked away. She left right away. DH looked at me and wanted to know what she said. When I told him he wanted to know what having kids had to do with having Christmas trees. Exactly. So now my childfree friends we find yet another thing we shouldn't do. I think it might be ok to have one tree though.

 

[40thbdaytrip]

Just enjoyed browsing thru most of these posts.
Thought I'd add something I didn't see (but may have missed it?)

Hubby & I have been married 13 years - no kids by choice!

What we were finding difficult was only knowing couples with children. It was just getting to be a pain to have a social life with our friends that we'd known for years. As now get togethers were all about their kids. Even on rare occasions when we did have an adult only outting, they just talked about their kids. - Okay I get that is their lives, but not ours!

So time to find friends who shared our ChildFREE views - but where? Well thanks to the internet we stumbled across a group called NoKidding. There are "chapters" worldwide & several in most States/Provinces. ( nokidding.net )

We've been enjoying our group for over a year now & its totally transformed our lives. Within the group, we've become great friends with 6 other couples in our city. Now we have a very active social life. As people without kids are always available to do stuff. No, "I can't find a baby-sitter"!

I think its important to have some like minded friends, it makes us feel like we aren't alone or "freaks" in chosing not to procreate. We are all around the same age 35-42. Plus people without kids usually have animals, so we all enjoy conversations about our kitties & doggies.

Just thought I'd let people know there are groups to meet other ChildFREE people. So find one in your area - or start one! We were pretty hesitant to meet a bunch of strangers in the beginning, but are so glad we gave it a try.

There are also lots of great links about choosing not to have children on that nokidding website.

 

[ForTheLoveofDisney]

Just enjoyed browsing thru most of these posts.
Thought I'd add something I didn't see (but may have missed it?)

Hubby & I have been married 13 years - no kids by choice!

What we were finding difficult was only knowing couples with children. It was just getting to be a pain to have a social life with our friends that we'd known for years. As now get togethers were all about their kids. Even on rare occasions when we did have an adult only outting, they just talked about their kids. - Okay I get that is their lives, but not ours!

So time to find friends who shared our ChildFREE views - but where? Well thanks to the internet we stumbled across a group called NoKidding. There are "chapters" worldwide & several in most States/Provinces. ( nokidding.net )

We've been enjoying our group for over a year now & its totally transformed our lives. Within the group, we've become great friends with 6 other couples in our city. Now we have a very active social life. As people without kids are always available to do stuff. No, "I can't find a baby-sitter"!

I think its important to have some like minded friends, it makes us feel like we aren't alone or "freaks" in chosing not to procreate. We are all around the same age 35-42. Plus people without kids usually have animals, so we all enjoy conversations about our kitties & doggies.

Just thought I'd let people know there are groups to meet other ChildFREE people. So find one in your area - or start one! We were pretty hesitant to meet a bunch of strangers in the beginning, but are so glad we gave it a try.

There are also lots of great links about choosing not to have children on that nokidding website.

Hello and Welcome!! Thank you for sharing your story and thank you for sharing your experience with nokidding.

I found the nokidding website before and was very interested in possibly attending/joining a group but alas, they don't have any chapters in my state. Now, we're preparing to move and lo and behold they don't have any groups in that state either! And, while I see that by the states without any established chapters it says, "maybe they're waiting on you?" I'm nervous enough about attending a meeting let alone starting one.

I myself could have wrote this post. It is honestly to the point where DH and I know noone w/out children. My last childfree girlfriend just informed me that she is pregnant for the first time at 37. So, now I truly do not have any pals w/out kids.

I know exactly what you mean when, even without the kids, the topics of conversation always somehow revolve around their kids. You're right, I get that is their lives as well but sometimes it would be nice if they got, it's not mine. I one time offended a friend I used to have in particular who took it personally when I said I'd like to find someone to pal around with without kids. Like I was the anti-future or worse anti-church for suggesting a get together that didn't involve children or any mention thereof. Sometimes it's just nice to talk about the new way you've rearranged the furniture or whatever without having the inevitable pressure that eventually the conversation will somehow end up revolving around their kids and how their lives revolve around their kids and how their furniture arrangements revolve around their kids... and well you get the picture.

I'm right at the age where everyone I know seems to be in the throws of their babymaking years. Now it seems all of my friends either have young kids, are pregnant or are desperately trying to become pregnant (again!! Because apparently the kid they've been blessed with isn't enough?)!! And when I say desperately I mean no life outside of temperature taking, charting, changing diets, taking supplements and praying!

A group like the one you described, nokidding, sounds like it would be divine, a welcome reprive!

Anyway, thanks for sharing and once again, welcome.

 

[40thbdaytrip]

Thanks for the welcome!
I think its harder on us gals. When a group of guys get together they chat about sports, building a deck, computer games, how fast that car can go, etc. I don't think kids even really come up in conversations among guys?

But when I get together with my 5 girlfriends - all with kids, obviously they all have breast feeding, potty training, soccer, school issues etc. all to chat about. So I might as well be non-exsistant. And there seems to be no escape, as its your friends, co-workers and family. Who are ALL non-stop with the kid chatter. So I really NEEDED to find other friends who were like me!

Please Moms I'm not against you!! Please don't bash me! (if it matters I'm Catholic too). Anyone without kids doesn't mean they don't adore their neices & nephews. Or truly enjoy their friends kids. And even though we don't have kids, doesn't mean we don't want to be friends anymore! My best friend since I was 5 is still my best friend, and she has 3 children. All of which, call me Aunt & I love it!!

I'm just saying its ALSO nice to have friends who share a "no children and life is great" view.

One of my friends who belongs to a Mommy & Me group recently went away with some of the gals fom the group for a weekend without the kids & she was so looking forward to it. But even she said when she got back, how disappointed she was because ALL they talked about was their kids! She tells me all the time she envies the conversations I have with my childfree friends. So I guess some Moms would appreciate a little escape every now & then too.

 

[Hixski]

I have the same problem. Not too bad now that I am in my mid forties. Most folks kids are older or out of the house. They have more to talk about since breastfeeding and potty training are long gone. I am lucky to have several friends that don't have children that I can relate to. We do have one set of good friends though that have a 2yr and a 5yr old. The kids are great and the parents like to talk about other things with us because we don't have kids. They get to talk about adult stuff with us.

 

[zima-cheryl]

Some people will tell you that when you're old and gray, if you don't have kids who will take care of you? Who will come visit you in the nursing home? Those Disney vacations and Plasma t.v's won't give you love when you're old.

I realize I'm backtracking...but I have to say, April this is a good point! Having kids is not any gaurantee. The other day I saw a story on the news that was so sad - the woman had lost her only son in an accident. He was young & unmarried, no kids. So here she is single and on her own in her later years.

The fact is you have to make the right choice for you, because there are no promises (not event he promise that we all get to grow old).

I guess I'm really blessed because once my brother had my nephew my Mom could have cared less if the rest of us had/didn't have kids. We have a No Kidding chapter in the area, and many of our friends & even a couple of my co-workers are also kid free. So I really don't hear about it very much -- except the occassional, envious...Didn't you just get back from vacation? How can you be going again?