Major Vent-and the Reason that I'm Going to Go For Custody After All

[honeywolf7]

Thom is having a birthday party for Bobby today. I am NOT invited. First, he claimed that it was because his parents wouldn't let him invite me. Then, he said that it's because this two bit tramp that spent the weekend with him this weekend (the first time she ever met him...not the one in Oklahoma, this one lives in Fredericksburg) is going to be there. I am so ticked off....If it wasn't for me and the h*ll that I went through with my pregnancy to have Bobby, he wouldn't even have him. This is making me seriously reconsider suing for custody of the children.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

{hugs}

these are the difficult issues. when is it appropriate for the ex to be there, when is it not? and what to do when you should be there and the ex says "don't come"?

my kids have been having two birthday parties every year since the older one was 4 years old.

 

[honeywolf7]

The thing that really hurts is that Bobby is making it quite clear that he wants me there and that he doesn't want "Miss Melissa" there. He says he's going to hit her and that he doesn't love daddy anymore (and no, I didn't prompt him to say any of this.)

 

[honeywolf7]

They just left and it feels like my heart is breaking. I'm going to get my kids....that's all there is to it.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

my 10 year old hates her father's gf. there's nothing you can do about the gf being around. all you can do is validate your child's feelings ("I know you're not happy about this sweetie, but...") and help them understand that gf isn't going away and they have to deal with that person. your kids are very little, so it's hard for them to understand. but they'll get it.

 

[honeywolf7]

Personally, I don't blame him for hating her (the fact that she would consent to be at a birthday party for a child that she doesn't know while his own mother is excluded really does help me feel the same way.) However, I know that I have to help him understand that as nice as it would be if she went away, she may be the woman that Thom chooses to be with. I also know that it will help my case when I go to get custody of them that Thom did this, which makes me feel better about it. He has physically threatened me if I do try to get custody, but I'm not going to back down because I'm scared anymore. I've got people in my life who care about me and won't let anything happen to me.

 

[Planogirl]

I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you're going through this and wish you the best of luck. I know how big a jerk an 'ex' can be. {{{{Hugs}}}}

 

[Gail T AGAIN]

How old is Bobby? I have to say it is important for a son or daughter to have their mom and dad at a birthday party. I think your EX is being very selfish and utting himself first before his son. my son turned 20 in September and both his father and myself took him out to dinner, did the EX bring his AOL GF, absolutely NOT, he wouldnt ask to bring her, he knows better, your blood comes first.

 

[kylara]

Becki,

I would talk to a lawyer if I was you. I would also tell him/her that Thom has threated to physically harm you if you try for custody. That is way over the line and something that your lawyer must know so that steps can be taken to protect you should Thom try to follow through on them.

In the meantime it is important for you to help your son with the adjustment no matter how mad you are. I am so glad that you wrote you were going to try and make him understand that Thom might choose this person so he will need to tolerate her (and not hit her). Just goes to show that you are being the bigger person and working with your son on what is best for him.

I know that you thought the children would be better with their father, but please consider that a man who threatens you physically if you go for custody, is probably not the better parent. After all, parents tend to pass on their influences to the kids and I would hate for the children to think that bullying is the way to get people to capitulate. Good luck with this.

 

[6_Time_Momma]

I can only imagine how hard this would be, but I think it would only be awkward and uncomfortable for everyone, espeically you, for you to be there. (I'm not saying it is right to have not included you, just that I think the level of discomfort might have even ruined Bobby's party) Have your own party with Bobby!

 

[honeywolf7]

GailT, Bobby just turned 3 on Tuesday.
6_Time_Momma, I agree that it would have been uncomfortable but the bimbo of the weekend is the one who has no place there. I had every right to be there.
Kylara, I'm definitely going to talk to a lawyer immediately.

 

[snoopy]

Thom sounds like he has the maturity level of a 13 year old boy.

You do need to get custody of your children, HW, I surely agree with that. They certainly don't need to be subjected to his bimbo of the week. It would be one thing if he were in a steady relationship, but this seems hardly the case.

Good luck to you, it sounds as though you really need some good legal advice. I hope you get it, and as soon as possible.

 

[TheLionKing]

First off, I am always saddened when a couple is separating, especially when children are involved.

But, direct your anger at Thom not the woman.

Thom is the one that choose this woman over you to be there for the birthday party.

If you have never met or interacted with this woman, I think it is unfair to call her a "bimbo" and I think your anger towards Thom is spilling over leading to an attack on this woman. If you have met or talked with her, then your name calling may be jsutified.

I have no idea why seeing this woman being dragged through the mud incited me to post this.

 

[vickyBaby]

Cause you are a good guy TLK.

 

[JulesMom]

The person this is saddest for is Bobby

 

[honeywolf7]

TLK, the reason I called her this is that any woman who would spend the weekend with a man she just met (she just met him on Friday) is a bimbo.

 

[snoopy]

Well, spending the weekend with him is one thing, attending his child's birthday is another. Tacky, tacky.

 

[pollyanna]

well I'm confused here.......I would not think that the "ex" should be expected to attend a party that the other "ex' is hosting. It would be awkward. I always thought divorced couples,who are not amicable, each held their own celebrations.

 

[honeywolf7]

He's MY child.....I have every right to be at that party. Imagine if down the road, I paid for Jessi's wedding and then said "Thom, you're not invited...I'm hosting it, I paid for it and therefore you're just not invited." What would matter is who the child wants there.....Bobby wants me there, not Thom's woman of the week.

 

[TheLionKing]

While I would agree that the probablilty of "bimbo qualities" is increased in that population of "first date expanding into a weekend" people..... I still give people the benefit of the doubt until I meet or talk to them.