Mail Delivery Person Comments on Packages

[Allison]

I know you weren't addressing me, but here's a different take.

I do the amount of small talk called for by society, but seriously every minute Joe whatever is trying to chat with me is a minute away from my family. I politely smile, nod, and acknowledge, but why is a stranger owned a single minute of my time more than what politeness requires?

What a sad outlook.

 

[GreatLakes]

I can almost see some of the posters on this thread accidentally making eye contact with a stranger and running away like a Loony Tunes cartoon leaving a you shaped hole in the wall.

Humans are social creatures, making small talk is normal.

 

[Skywalker]

Yeah, wow I'm pretty introverted but even I can engage in friendly banter & chit chat without being all "you're taking time away from MY FAMILY, MY DAY, MY PRIVACY!!!!" Some people are just naturally friendly / outgoing / chatty whatever. Guess that's a sin now. Where does all this hostility even come from?

 

[Wendy31]

Yeah, wow I'm pretty introverted but even I can engage in friendly banter & chit chat without being all "you're taking time away from MY FAMILY, MY DAY, MY PRIVACY!!!!" Some people are just naturally friendly / outgoing / chatty whatever. Guess that's a sin now. Where does all this hostility even come from?

This is the way I am... I'm shy, but I really do try to be friendly & chat back w/ the cashier or whomever.

Sometimes, I go all crazy & even initiate the conversation! LOL! So many people just keep their heads tucked down or w/ "don't talk to me" looks on their faces, so a friendly smile & a "how are you?" can go a long way.

There's an older cashier at our local Publix. Her hair is salt & pepper gray, but she's got tons of it. And she wears her hair in these awesome dreds & always has really cool nail polish. I love going through her line, &, one time, I told her, "You have the best hair! I love it!"

A little off-topic, but one of the best compliments I've ever received came from an older man who was collecting the buggies from the parking lot as I was walking into the store. He compared me to a fine tequila. Totally made my day!

 

[Mickeynutty]

I have had a similar experience with my local USPS. I go out of town frequently and when I get home and go to pick up my mail the postal worker often chastises me for having so many packages. They have to scan each one in before giving it to me and I get the feeling they don’t like the extra work. One time I had 8 packages and the postal worker told me I needed to stop spending so much on online shopping. I just ignored it but I find I avoid her, if possible, when I go to pick up my mail.

I think often people are just making small talk in all sorts of situations, but if the OP senses there is some resentment on the part of her delivery person, I believe it is there!

 

[aprilgail]

For those who think it's creepy or rude for a salesclerk to ask your plans, what if a fellow shopper asks you if you've previously tried or used something in your shopping cart before? I know I've asked strangers a time or two about something I see that they're buying that I am considering that is a new item to me. I do ask politely and have never had anyone react badly.

I know in a few weeks I'll be asked more than a few times while checking out at different stores if I'm doing the cooking for Thanksgiving. I've never considered that rude. Generally when we finish the transaction they'll wish me Happy Thanksgiving and I'll do the same.

That is not rude at all- if people didn't want others to see what big mysteries they have in their shopping cart they could order groceries online and have them delivered to their homes -this way they could avoid any big bad conversations people might try to have with them.

 

[slpeters]

Wow! This has got to be the mist depressing thread I've ever read.

 

[undertheradar]

These delivery people are the "eyes and ears" of your town. They see strange activities and report them, find incorrect addressed items and deliver them. I would be glad that she made small talk and never would give it a second thought. I can't imagine how what she did would be offensive.

 

[Jaya]

Whatcha wanna bet.......somewhere on another forum, someone is posting: "I'm a mail carrier and I have this customer who seems to never get out of the house because she orders everything on line, so I'm being extra friendly to her by making comments about her packages but she acts like I'm overstepping boundaries. I feel like saying to her 'Hey, lady, lighten up...I'm just making conversation!' What should I do?'"

 

[muffyn]

I get asked that question frequently by either the Publix cashier or the bagger - it's almost like they're reading from a script.

"Did you find everything you needed?"

"Is it still hot/rainy/cold outside?"

"So what are your plans for the afternoon/evening/weekend?"

And there are always the random comments on a few different items I'm purchasing - "I've never tried this. Is it good?" "Oh, it looks like someone is making 'smores!" "Is it Taco Night tonight?"

!

I HATE HATE HATE that.
& quit asking me how I am.. or how my day is going..
I am spending $$$$ not happy .
I know,, nice chitchat. but I detest being asked how i am by a stranger.

& No, more often than not I did NOT find everything I wanted.. are you going to go find it for me at another store?
( they just shrug at you , when being told no. so how helpful was that.)

 

[TheDisneyNurse]

And to think someone told me on another thread that millenials are anti-social

 

[Wendy31]

I HATE HATE HATE that.
& quit asking me how I am.. or how my day is going..
I am spending $$$$ not happy .
I know,, nice chitchat. but I detest being asked how i am by a stranger.

& No, more often than not I did NOT find everything I wanted.. are you going to go find it for me at another store?
( they just shrug at you , when being told no. so how helpful was that.)

For me personally, I really can't imagine getting upset just because a stranger asks me, "how are you?" or "how's your day going? - it's just a general pleasantry. But I'm not going to discount your feelings.

However, what should the cashier say instead? Or should the cashier just not greet the customer at all?

And, at least at our local store, if I say, "Actually, I didn't find [whatever I couldn't find]...", the cashier, at the very least, will express regret & apologize. I've also had them ask another employee if the store carried whatever and/or where the item was located & then sent the bagger to get the item for me.

 

[lifesavacation]

If you online shop til you drop and the mail lady notices, why does that even matter? I love Amazon Prime and I get several packages a week. Yep, I love the convenience of getting exactly what I need without having to run around. What’s the big deal? Own it. Why does this embarrass you? You should really try and figure out why simple chit chat about your shopping bothers you.

 

[PurpleMouse]

If you online shop til you drop and the mail lady notices, why does that even matter? I love Amazon Prime and I get several packages a week. Yep, I love the convenience of getting exactly what I need without having to run around. What’s the big deal? Own it. Why does this embarrass you? You should really try and figure out why simple chit chat about your shopping bothers you.

This.

Your mail person is there every single day. They bring stuff to your house so you don't have to go out. If they get to know you they will learn your preferences and go out of their way to do stuff. Be friendly! What in the world does that hurt?

We just got a new mail person. I'm sad. Our last one was so nice. Brief chat when we ran into each other. We once ran into each other in a store and chatted. It is a community! Why seal yourself off?

I haven't yet met our new one but hoping she is friendly as well. My FedEx and Amazon delivery drivers are also friendly. My UPS person drops the package and runs away.

 

[LSUmiss]

The OP has a legitimate gripe. Some people don't mind when others comment on things, other people do. I for one, used to HATE when people would state the obvious - "you must have gotten lot of sun over the weekend!" or "Looks like someone got a haircut!" One is annoying, small talk or not (yes, I KNOW I am sunburned. Believe me.) And the 2nd is seriously my own issue from my childhood when my mom always tried to play beauty shop on my sisters and I and we had to go to school the next day with our new creations (I looked like the boy on the cover of my 3rd grade reading book after one such haircut....totally embarrassing for a 8 year old girl!) I'm still scarred lol, and I hate when attention is brought to my hair. My own issue, I know, and I wouldn't expect people to *not* comment or be mad at them for it, but I really do suffer through the niceties of the conversation and wish the person hadn't said anything.

My dad was a mail carrier for 40 years and when he retired, one of his subdivisions threw him a surprise retirement "party" as he did his last route ever. They lined the streets and had balloons and cards and gifts for him as he went by. It was so sweet - they really became part of his "work family" over the years. I'm sure he small-talked with them often! But he also knew how to take a social cue, and he never commented on people's mail or packages because that is PRIVATE. And my current mail carrier is also the dad of one of DS18's friends/classmates since 5th grade, and we chit chat often about all kinds of things, but I'd be pretty embarrassed if he were to ever bring up the late notices I got from the village for my water bill! It is CLEARLY marked as late, and is bright yellow, so it's totally obvious. (I hate that bill...we only get them quarterly and I always think I have more time to pay!)

IMO, what you get in the mail is "off-limits" to be commented on by the carrier. I'll chit-chat all day, but I don't want to know what s/he thinks about my mail!

That’s a good point. Would it be just small talk if she said “got behind on that water bill again, huh?!” Most ppl would think that is nosy & rude. I agree there are ways to make small talk unrelated to the packages. I do think the fact that she chooses to mention that so often is b/c it bugs her to have to deal with them. I don’t know how OP’s neighborhood is set up, but in mine, regular mail they don’t get out their trucks b/c the mailbox is on the curb. But for a package, they have to come to the door so it’s more work. If that’s the case I absolutely think she’s making a comment vs just small talk.

 

[LSUmiss]

It's rude to say to someone, pardon me, I see you're buying X, have you tried them before?

Is it also rude to say hello to a stranger you make eye contact with in the store? Would you prefer other people avert their gaze, look at the floor, etc., if they happen to be in your vicinity? What if you're standing waiting for the fireworks at Disney, is it permissible to speak or do you prefer stony silence then as well?

I see your trying the super max absorbent adult diapers. Do you find they really keep you dry for hours?

 

[Imzadi]

This is my first thread ever! I want to know if I am being petty or overreacting. I live in a gated community in a smallish town. We've had the same USPS mail woman for years. She's super nice and efficient. Anyway, I LOVE Amazon Prime. I really do not enjoy going to stores, plus there is nothing in our area. It's at least a 30 minute drive in heavy traffic to get to the nearest Target and the mall is even farther. I probably order things from Amazon 3-4 times a week. Things range from my kids' Halloween costumes to a lid for my pan or whatever exercise supplement my husband is into now. I also order most of our clothing online. The mail lady when I do see her (I avoid her like the plague now) will comment about my getting boxes everyday. When she sees my husband, she will make comments about my getting packages every day! Yesterday he went to get the mail and she said to him 'your wife has no boxes today--wow that's a surprise!" It is seriously starting to bug me! It's not like I am ordering ceramic dolls off of QVC, there are things we need for the home or whatever--and I'm bothered I even have to explain that--I've tried to explain this to her too, which I find ridiculous. I just feel super embarrassed. I was thinking of leaving her a note explaining I am bothered by her comments but I don't want to offend her. How would you handle this? Again, this is a small area and we will probably have this woman for years to come.

I don't get the big pile on here on this thread. Maybe other people haven't gone through it to understand.

I had a similar situation, so OP, I understand. I live in an apartment building where the packages have to be put in a mail closet by the building superintendent or people would steal packages left out. One time we had a real nosy busybody as a superintendent. She was all gossipy, telling other people in the building what was going on in each others apartments. A real Mrs. Kravits from Bewitched. I don't get all into that. I'm a rather private person and don't want all the neighbors knowing my business as it's none of their business. Nor, do I care what they are doing, as long as it's not blasting music at 3am.

One time I received a package from an art supply store. The super put it in the closet as usual. When I went to pick it up, she said, "Ooo! You bought stuff from that store! What did you get?"

I said, "Art supplies." It was kind of obvious as that's all that store sells.

Then she said, "No, really, WHAT DID YOU GET? I've been wanting to shop there. What did you get?"

I felt it was kind of intrusive, her nosing for more specifics. It's a huge store. All she has to do is go online and browse to her hearts content and find stuff she is interested in.

I really bristled at that and again repeated, "Just art supplies," and left. I didn't owe her more of an explanation, even if she pushed for one. Even if she handled my packages.

This was very person specific though. (And I feel that might be your case, too. You didn't mention going through this with every mail carrier. Your current mail carrier seems particularly NOSY to you.) As that super finally left and we got a different super, who wasn't into people's business as far as I knew, as our conversations were short & to the point. A several months after working here, he noticed I would get sudden burst of shipments from Walmart every couple of months. He curiously, but hesitantly asked, as he handed over 4 boxes at once, "What are you getting?"

I said, "Pantry items."

He said, Oh!" I think I gave him an idea, but he wasn't nosing for specifics. He can shop himself and find hos own items. And when other mass Walmart shipments arrived, he never asked again what the shipments were about.

 

[LSUmiss]

I will PAY you to come over and teach me your secret for our 16-pound vicious attack dog! Every time the doorbell rings, she acts like it's the Invasion of Normandy. I feel bad for our mailman, who rings and leaves (I wave/yell "thank you" as he walks back to his truck).

I never knew small talk could be so controversial. It's kind of like when a clerk asks, "Did you find everything you were looking for?" I'm sure they're trained to say that, but I try to answer honestly. We had the hurricane go through here a few weeks back--stores are at 90% or so, but you still have a tough time finding things here and there. And I'm an Aldi's shopper--they rotate their inventory. So I might say, "Ooh, I'm glad to see your German specialties coming back in", since my husband is German and appreciates them. The clerk probably doesn't care if I'm glad to see stollen and speculous cookies.

Can the dog see someone at the door when the doorbell rings? We started teaching ours “TV” when a doorbell sound is on tv b/c they would go nuts. So that works. But now sometimes when it’s the actual door bell we’ll say “tv” & they’ll stop. But they can’t see out the door to know someone is actually there.

 

[Allison]

I just feel super embarrassed.

Why? What is embarrassing about purchasing items online?

 

[jrmasm]

i just ordered from Amazon. Hoping to see the UPS delivery guy on Tuesday. I haven't ordered too much lately so i bet they miss me!