letting my 9 year old dye her hair?

[DawnCt1]

Honestly, if someone who has known my child and our family for any length of time decides that someting as superficial as the child having blue hair in the summer is a reason to keep the kids apart I would probably figure "good riddance" as there must be a mulittude of much more serious issues we would totally disagree aboutwhen it comes to kids anyway. I AM concerned with the parents of my chidlren's friends thinking they are well behaved, polite, etc. but not what they think of their hair style.

In a perfect world, I would agree with you, but what about the family that doesn't know her very well? What about the new girl that she would like to make friends with?

I don't buy that line of thinking. I still wouldn't care what other parents think. Most children adopt their values and views from their parents, so if they want to form opinions and judge someone based upon a nine year old having blue hair, then in my opinion I wouldn't care what they thought because I wouldn't want to associate with them anyway.

While the opinions of others may not matter to your or I as adults, children often feel quite differently. So much depends upon the culture of the town the child lives in. If she is going to be way out of the mainstream because of a hair color choice, that is probably not a decision she should make. If she is going to blend in with her peer group, it may be more acceptable.

 

[HelenePA]

I wouldn't expect her friends to leave her, but at nine, parents have to be concerned about what the parents of her friends think, otherwise they may make their children "less available".

sounds like you care alot about what ppl look like instead of how ppl are on the inside.. I've always taught my kids even thought ppl might look different they are just like you.. I dont care if my kids friend have pink hair and polka dot skin or have one arm or one leg.. its what's inside that counts right? that's what my mom taught me and what I'm teaching my kids

 

[Nyla]

In a perfect world, I would agree with you, but what about the family that doesn't know her very well? What about the new girl that she would like to make friends with?

While the opinions of others may not matter to your or I as adults, children often feel quite differently. So much depends upon the culture of the town the child lives in. If she is going to be way out of the mainstream because of a hair color choice, that is probably not a decision she should make. If she is going to blend in with her peer group, it may be more acceptable.

I don't have children at the moment, but when I do, I certainly hope they'll have enough confidence to embrace being unique and not 'blending in'. To heck with what everyone else thinks. If another little girl doesn't want to play with her because she has blue hair, it's the other little girl's loss.

 

[JoanGirardi]

Yeah, let the kid dye her hair if you are so inclined. If you have reservations, food coloring works great on light colored hair for a day to try it out. I can't believe that anyone would be incredibly judgemental about a nine year old with blue hair, and if they are, it's not the type of person that you'd spend a lot of time with anyway. Life is too short.

 

[glasslipper]

In a perfect world, I would agree with you, but what about the family that doesn't know her very well? What about the new girl that she would like to make friends with?



While the opinions of others may not matter to your or I as adults, children often feel quite differently. So much depends upon the culture of the town the child lives in. If she is going to be way out of the mainstream because of a hair color choice, that is probably not a decision she should make. If she is going to blend in with her peer group, it may be more acceptable.

As a Mom, I realize children feel differently. I also know I thankfully don't live in a neighborhood where my 9 yr child would be ostracized because I let her dye her hair blue 1 summer. As an adult I wouldn't want to live somewhere conformity is the rule. I also would question whether or not I'd really want her to "blend" into that type of peer group. My dd is 17 attends private school, and horrors, I let her get a tattoo last week. I guess all the snobby Mom's won't allow their daughters to associate with mine..lol.

 

[NHdisneylover]

sounds like you care alot about what ppl look like instead of how ppl are on the inside.. I've always taught my kids even thought ppl might look different they are just like you.. I dont care if my kids friend have pink hair and polka dot skin or have one arm or one leg.. its what's inside that counts right? that's what my mom taught me and what I'm teaching my kids

That's what I teach my kids too I also teach them to have the self confidence needed to not "change" who they are or what they look like just to meet someone else's superficial ideas of what is normal or okay (while at the same time teaching them how to dress and act appropriately for the occasion--ie no blue hair if you will be a flower girl in a wedding this summer and no wearing T-shirts and jeans to the theatre).

So, connecting two threads here--I wonder if kids who are taught to worry about what the new kids they might want to be friends with parents think about their hair style or color grow up to be women who keep their hair long because their husbands tell them they have to

 

[glasslipper]

sounds like you care alot about what ppl look like instead of how ppl are on the inside.. I've always taught my kids even thought ppl might look different they are just like you.. I dont care if my kids friend have pink hair and polka dot skin or have one arm or one leg.. its what's inside that counts right? that's what my mom taught me and what I'm teaching my kids

Exactly, just because someone "looks" good on the outside, it doesn't mean they are always so "good" on the inside. Some people shouldn't be so shallow-minded.

 

[Pigeon]

Personally, I wouldn't let my kid do that at nine. I think it's more appropriate for a high school kid, not a pre-teen. I think it's rushing the whole adolescence thing, which we see much too much of.

I wouldn't care at all if another parent let her kid do it, but I wouldn't.

 

[Evil Genius]

And yet people on the DIS make no qualms about "judging" kids who come to a birthday party with a "cough" or kids who are home schooled (and thus deprived of social interaction) or are allowed to play outside of their own fenced in yards and a million other things..

Why not defend your original post instead of pointing fingers at the rest of the DIS?

 

[LuvOrlando]

-

 

[Angelhalo]

My biggest concern doing this (coming from a woman who had her head shaved in high school, dyed every color you can imagine, and has 2 boys who have had mohawks, bleached blonde, blonde tipped and currently have (1) long and (1) reaaaaalllly long - longer than my - hair, with an eyebrow piercing and an industrial piercing) is what it will look like when it starts to fade.

All those bright colors are HARD to maintain and fade something fierce. I had Matrix Red Lights once (anyone remember those?) BRIGHT crayon red highlights, that faded to pink - seriously - within a week or so.

If it were me, I would let her do it - BUT I would only do the entire underside. Her crown will maintain it's 'honey' dignity, and when you need to re-bleach or color the previously blue hair - you will have healthier hair to handle that.

I just worry about swimming, and the sun... it's gonna fade, faaast.

I agree with Cat. OP you sound like an awesome mom and I wouldn't let anyone's judging and insecurities stop me if I were thinking of letting a kid have blue hair. But, like Cat said, just do it in the smartest way you can.

 

[C.Ann]

Why not defend your original post instead of pointing fingers at the rest of the DIS?

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I did.. Obviously you didn't understand it.. Regardless of whether people should or shouldn't judge - be it adults or children - they do.. (As in the examples I cited..) Is it right? No - not always.. Does it happen? Quite frequently..

A few hair extensions (that I believe were mentioned after I posted - too lazy to go back and see) might be a little less shocking to some people than an entire head of blue hair.. I think most people can tell when it's a few hair extentions - similar to when kids bead their hair..

And based on the color of this childs hair, what is going to happen if there is a major problem (which I have seen and others have seen) when her mom attempts to change the color back when school opens? I know there are schools that have very strict rules regarding this type of coloring.. Will the school not have an opinion? Of course they will - if it's against their rules..

I also think the OP mentioned it would be a "permanent" coloring - as in "won't wash out".. That will cause even bigger problems when she wants to go back to her natural color..

It's the "big picture".. Not just, "Oh, this will be fun for the summer.."

 

[M5ward]

I'm one of those who would think you're nuts. That's certainly not a reflection on you or your daughter, but I think kids need a parent not a "friend"...I have no problem with blue hair, but I personally think your daughter is too young. Where does it stop if you allow her to do this at her age? Kids need boundaries; tell her that when she's XX years old she can try this experiment. I really think we allow kids to grow up way too fast.

 

[HelenePA]

I'm one of those who would think you're nuts. That's certainly not a reflection on you or your daughter, but I think kids need a parent not a "friend"...I have no problem with blue hair, but I personally think your daughter is too young. Where does it stop if you allow her to do this at her age? Kids need boundaries; tell her that when she's XX years old she can try this experiment. I really think we allow kids to grow up way too fast.

What if she wants it cut short? what if she wants to grow it long? what if she wants a perm? its hair.. we aren't talking major life decisions here..

 

[Angelhalo]

I'm one of those who would think you're nuts. That's certainly not a reflection on you or your daughter, but I think kids need a parent not a "friend"...I have no problem with blue hair, but I personally think your daughter is too young. Where does it stop if you allow her to do this at her age? Kids need boundaries; tell her that when she's XX years old she can try this experiment. I really think we allow kids to grow up way too fast.

I'm curious as to why so many people seem to think that blue hair will lead to a moral spiral and aging before her time. I'm not trying to argue or play devil's advocate, I just really fail to see the connection. The OP is able to put her foot down about anything at any point. So why does letting the child have blue hair for the summer, mean that she will automatically get a belly ring that she wants or whatever the next request may be. Just because this request gets a yes, doesn't mean that every request will get an answer of yes. I also fail to see the correlation between age and hair color, or even hair dying for that matter. Kids spray their hair and dye their hair at Halloween all the time and it doesn't send them spiraling to their doom. I'm just not sure how being different for one summer is such a bad thing, or how it automatically means that everything will go downhill from there.

 

[SCHBR'smom]

I'm curious as to why so many people seem to think that blue hair will lead to a moral spiral and aging before her time. I'm not trying to argue or play devil's advocate, I just really fail to see the connection. The OP is able to put her foot down about anything at any point. So why does letting the child have blue hair for the summer, mean that she will automatically get a belly ring that she wants or whatever the next request may be. Just because this request gets a yes, doesn't mean that every request will get an answer of yes. I also fail to see the correlation between age and hair color, or even hair dying for that matter. Kids spray their hair and dye their hair at Halloween all the time and it doesn't send them spiraling to their doom. I'm just not sure how being different for one summer is such a bad thing, or how it automatically means that everything will go downhill from there.

I agree

 

[scottishduffy]

I say get the kid some Manic-Panis hair dye and let her have at it. It washes out after a short while and she can can always re-do it again when it does. Plus, that gives some security to you about the temporary nature of the hair dye. Hair is such a minor issue.... she can get it out of her system. If other people judge her, then the dye quickly washes out and she will be back to normal again in no time.

When I was a summer camp counselor ( i had 8-9 yr olds) I had packed some Manic-panic dye as well as colored hair spray. My entire hut ended up dying their hair pink during the first week. One had polka dots, several had stripes, some just had chunks in the front, one went fully pink. It sure made it easy to pick out my kids in a crowd! It all washed out within two weeks, not a single parent complained. I did the same thing almost every summer at camp when i was a camper.

One of my kids did a rainbow and had her hair green, blue, orange, red, and her natural blonde. It was in thick stripes going around, it looked pretty neat!

ETA: I assure you the innocence and moral purity of my girls was preserved. It was just silly fun, playing with their hair. Not any sort of anti-societal statement. I actually have kept in touch with about half of them and they are now upstanding citizens who are all in college and not a single drug arrest, teen pregnancy, or moral down-spiral in the bunch.

 

[MrsPotts]

What if she wants it cut short? what if she wants to grow it long? what if she wants a perm? its hair.. we aren't talking major life decisions here..

You're exactly right on, it's just hair! It's an accessory, I change my hair all the time granted I don't go blue but it's been red, brown, black, blonde, short, long, tapered etc etc

As a Mom, I realize children feel differently. I also know I thankfully don't live in a neighborhood where my 9 yr child would be ostracized because I let her dye her hair blue 1 summer. As an adult I wouldn't want to live somewhere conformity is the rule. I also would question whether or not I'd really want her to "blend" into that type of peer group. My dd is 17 attends private school, and horrors, I let her get a tattoo last week. I guess all the snobby Mom's won't allow their daughters to associate with mine..lol.

Oh no I'm a bad mom too! When my son turned 18 I told him I would get him a tat for his birthday. He's now 19 1/2 and still hasn't decided on the tat although I think we're nearing a decision and may have one by the end of the summer. Wonder if all the other boys will still come out and play with him!!!

 

[Nennie]

I'm a fuddy duddy b/c I wouldn't let a 9 year old dye her hair a "natural" color, much less blue.

I was finally allowed to get blonde highlights when I was 14, and I was so excited and thought it was such a huge deal.

I just think 9 is way too young for that kind of stuff. Just my humble opinion!

 

[pezheadmeg]

I'd say let her do it, but use the stuff you get at party city. The spray comes out after a wash or 2.

I'm a product of parochial school, so while I could have fun with hair styles, color was always out of the question. The joke became when I used to come home from college, my mother would ask me when I called from the airport what color my hair currently was. That's how often I changed it through those 4 years. I remember when I was about 4 being fascinated as I watched my aunt dye her hair. Some of us just get totally attached to the idea.

All I could think was the Murphy Brown episode with Haley Joel Osmet wanting hair like Dennis Rodman. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnP2xg5kpHI