Letter to the teacher

[npmommie]

The fact you were unschooled puts a WHOLE new light on your philosophy. Of course you don't like routine and think kids should do nothing but play. That's the whole idea of unschooling. Let the kids decide what and when they want to learn something. there is no formal education. No curriculum. When the child decides to learn to read, they learn to read....even if the child is 10. Totally different than homeschooling which actually teaches a child on a schedule of some type.

Listen. Your child IS IN SCHOOL. Therefore you must follow the rules of the school. If you don't like it, then take her out but don't undermine the place because it doesn't fit with your philosophy. But, if you unschool you are setting your child up for a really difficult time in life. Think about that. We all have rules to follow, even if we don't really agree with them. That's how a society functions without chaos.

very closed perception of unschoolers. I won't touch this one it would just be on closed ears.

 

[castleview]

wow that would be so unprofessional of a teacher. I thought teachers were supposed to be professional? So they are going to laugh in the back room about a parents concerns about their child who they love and care about more than anything in the world?? wow just wow

Of course, I hope they won't. But I wouldn't be surprised if the teacher's supervisor or principal sees the letter just so they know what they're dealing with. You'd be surprised how many notes come to school yelling at teachers for trying to make kids smarter. Plus, I think this is one of many run-ins that the OP will have with this school because she doesn't agree with it and will probably look for more problems.

 

[Sorsha]

Thanks everyone - its been entertaining - and enlightening.

For what its worth, I probably used "decompress" improperly. Bad me. The kid likes to relax in the tub. So do I. So sue us. If she needs to get out, she gets out. For pity's sake, no she doesn't need a psychiatrist - yet. *rolls eyes*

I have to get off the computer now - the water softener man is coming to install a new water softener, and I have lots of laundry and chores to get done.

Hope everyone has a great day, and I will think of all of you as I go about my daily life and do things the way I find best. I respect your opinions, and am glad to have them - to each their own. have a Disney day! °0°

In so much as ye harm none, do as ye will.

Mods, if you want to shut it down now, I am game. It has run its course.

 

[jrmasm]

So what if all the parents want their child taught differently that what the teacher is teaching? could you fathom the chaos? 20 6yr olds running around yelling but my mommy says I dont have to listen to you or learn your way?

I think we may be there very, very soon.

 

[npmommie]

So what if all the parents want their child taught differently that what the teacher is teaching? could you fathom the chaos? 20 6yr olds running around yelling but my mommy says I dont have to listen to you or learn your way?

ummm parents can have a voice in curriculum and homework. I have heard of parents banding together to voice displeasure of the amount of homework given and to have it decreased.
there are ways to be involved and get your voice heard without chaos.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I understand your point and have struggled with these issues myself.

With that said, this should have been a personal conversation with the teacher, not a letter. TMI in the letter. And rather dour. Between her note and your letter, you are setting up a power struggle. And in the long run, this doesn't benefit your child.

During a one on one conversation, an exchange of concerns can be addressed and discussed. This, to a teacher, would signify more of a concerned parent than one drawing a line in the sand. Maybe a compromise could have been reached, and both teacher and parent leave smiling and with a better understanding of the other's point of view.

Of course, this is JMO, and the way I prefer to approach things. We're all different.

 

[kaytieeldr]

The truth is, the best and brightest kids often learn differently.

Right. I learn by watching, taking notes, doing, taking more notes, then writing instructions on how to do something.

Instilling a love of learning is more important that churning out worksheets.

Right again. My mom taught me to read when I was four. I've loved learning ever since. I'm learning again now, in a job I've had for about a half year; I'll be learning again in a couple of weeks, when I go back to school yet again YES, at my age.

 

[Motherofboys]

Hey OP

I have a 6 year old in 1st grade too (he's 7 now). He has two homework sheets per week and is to read for 10-15 minutes every night. If he misses a spelling word, he has to write it correctly 5 times. We spend probably 15 minutes max per night on his homework, with the occasional special project adding in a bit more. I think that's reasonable.

My DS14 spends about an hour on his homework each night, I also think that is reasonable for an 8th grader. I would not have sent such a detailed letter to the teacher, just a "thanks, we will try practicing the words with her more".

I value free play, creativity, and understanding that family time and down time are important too. I like my little kids to be little kids, I think play is important. My kids don't go to Montessori and never will, it's not "all or nothing" like PP's have made it out to be.

As far as work goes, how many of you would work an 8 hour day and then come home and work another hour or two? And do that everyday happily?

I would not, and I choose to take jobs that don't expect me to work 60 hours a week and work on my "free time" at home. Do I make less money because of that? Yes. But my family time is more important to me. To each their own.

 

[HelenePA]

ummm parents can have a voice in curriculum and homework. I have heard of parents banding together to voice displeasure of the amount of homework given and to have it decreased.
there are ways to be involved and get your voice heard without chaos.

the OPs daughter is having trouble with spelling.. I'm pretty sure you can band all the parents you want together the kids are still going to have to learn to spell.

 

[kaytieeldr]

So, which is it?
In the first post, you state that you only have third grade skills.
In the next post you were reading at a college level in 5th grade with a 3.9 GPA.

Not fair. All the highlighte words in the quoted post are typical typographic errors, NOT misspellings.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

I'd hope the teacher is professional enough to not take it out on OP's daughter, but I wouldn't be surprised if the letter made the rounds in the faculty room.

My guess is that letter will show up (with identifying info blacked out) in some professional development seminar as an exercise on how to deal with difficult parents.

 

[NHdisneylover]

The same teacher almost certainly has at least one parent complaining that she does not assign enough homework. Teachers just can't win.

 

[Kathi OD]

Thanks all, for your input!

Actually, you are right, for a 6 year old, homework IS the last priority in our house. I simply don't feel it is appropriate at that age.

Gotta love when people decide for themselves what is and isn't appropriate from a non-professional point of view. In this case, the teacher gets to decide whether homework is or isn't appropriate. It's not like she's asking for the moon either. Ten minutes a night shouldn't be that hard to fit into your schedule. Of course, it's always your choice to not reinforce that at home, but then you have to put up with the consequences of your decision, which in this case is the teacher letting you know that your child isn't doing the work that she requires for class.

DD9 does have a specific time (while DD6 is in the bath) when we sit down and go over her homework and study it. And of course, DD15 has a HUGE amount of homework each day, and is expected to get it done. But a 6 year old? Nope, not at this age.

Then again, the 6yo doesn't have a huge amount of homework, so it shouldn't be a problem. Going over those spelling words could be turned into a game.

Just curious as to what you consider a HUGE amount of homework for a 15yo?

Other thing that baffles me is that Caitlyn does fine on her spelling tests?!? Misses a max of 2 each week. I see the tests when they come home, so I am just not sure. She is NOT behind her peers, her report cards have been just fine.

How many words does she get each week? 2 wrong out of 10 is just 80%. In some schools, 80% is a C.

And the reason I have outlined our schedule is that she has mentioned many times how much time she thinks we ought to be spending on school work at home, and I have told her politely, that we are busy and we will fit as much in as possible. She keeps pushing, so I figured it was time to push back.

She's pushing because you are sending the message to your child that rules don't apply to her.

FWIW, there's nothing so earth-shattering in that schedule that shows you couldn't find 10 or 15 minutes a night to go over her words. All you did was tell her that she can ask all she wants, but you're just not going to do it. Sorry, but you can preface your letter with all the niceties that you want, but by your words and actions, you just told your child's teacher to go pound sand and that you have absolutely no respect for her.

And truely, NO, I am not happy in this school. We moved into this district this year. Last year my kids were both in a public school that used the Montessori method in all grades up to 4th. It was a superb school and worked wonderfully for us. I miss that school.

This is where I am truly sorry for you. It has to be hard to leave a place that you felt was a great fit for you and your children. However, now you've got some decisions to make. You can either spend the next few years fighting with Caitlyn's teachers (and sending her the message that her teachers are crazy and not to be respected) or figure out a way to cooperate with their rules.

generally, I feel that homework is not appropriate at all in K and 1st grade. A little bit is fine in 2nd, and gradually working up to more in 3rd and 4th.

When I was a paraprofessional many years ago, I was told that the general guideline in grade school should be approximately 1 minute of homework per year of age.

I've been working in schools for a long time, and given the ages of your children, much longer than you were a paraprofessional. I've never heard that guideline used in a public school (and I've taught in several states). Using those, a 6th grader would get 12 minutes of homework???

When homework guidelines have been mentioned it has always been 15-30 minutes for grades 1 & 2, 30-45 min. for 3 & 4; up to an hour for 5 & 6. And those were times for average students. Students who struggled might need to spend more time on their lessons.
More for middle school and high school. Some schools even mandated that we give a certain amount of homework each night.

I don't think I would have sent the letter for one reason only. It is none of her business how you spend your time. I commend you for letter your little girl be a little girl. They spend how many hours at school a day? Children need down time. I am a non homework parent. I don't see the point of busy work for the sake of it. If something is not done in class by all means send it home, if it is just extra for the sake of practice by all means send it home and I will send it back with a nice little note saying sorry we don't do busy work.

I do see the need for homework in highschool but not in grade school.

Oh and I am one of "those" parents and proud of it.

Do you even know what the purpose of homework is?

This is just my opinion, but it is "those parents" that have helped to take our educational system from its number 1 worldwide ranking in 1985 to its 9th place finish in 2005. Parents and teachers used to be real partners in the education of children. That partnership has been severely eroded over the past 20 - 25 years by parents who no longer think that their children have better things to do at home than practice what they learned in school.

 

[happygirl]

the same teacher almost certainly has at least one parent complaining that she does not assign enough homework. Teachers just can't win.

ita

 

[ICF]

wow....

I have a just turned 7 year old in 1st grade. She has HW most days Monday - Thursday. There is usually a math sheet (takes 5 mins), some reading they have to do with a sheet that they answer a few questions about what they read (takes 5 - 10 mins) and a list of spelling words. The spelling words started with the 2H of the year. There are currently 10 words, but it will be going up to 15 after spring break next week. We TRY to do the words each day, and at most spend 5 mins on it. So...she has 3 subjects worth of HW most days and it takes a grand total of 15-20 usually.

My son is in 4th grade and gets 30 spelling word lists and his HW varies by the day. Some there is none, and other days he spends 30-45 mins a day.

A little HW isnt a bad thing for kids, even in 1st grade. If they are getting an hours worth at 6 years old then that a bit much, but I never ever heard of 1 minute per age? Really...a Sr in highschool should spend 18 mins a night on HW? The ratio I heard in years past was 5 or 10 mins per grade (I think) a night. That would then give a 1st grade 5 mins - 10 mins and a HS SR 1 -2 hours.

I loved the pretend letter to her boss (1 of the funnier things read on the DIS) and also had to laugh at the thought of a 1st grader needing to take an hour bath to relax at the end of a hard day. Really? 15 mins in a bath should be plety of time for her to relax and get cleaned up......

 

[npmommie]

the OPs daughter is having trouble with spelling.. I'm pretty sure you can band all the parents you want together the kids are still going to have to learn to spell.

oy vey
you are taking my words literally to mean this situation.
I am speaking IN GENERAL, parents can voice their opinions and concerns. I did not say they should band together to ban spelling homework.

and fyi, kids can learn to spell without a spelling worksheet.

 

[mickeylove2]

My DD is in 1st grade and has homework every night- math and spelling, and then has to spend 15 minutes a day reading or being read to. I don't think that's too much to ask, but that's my opinion. She has trouble with spelling so we spend extra time on that. While driving from the baby sitter's after work, I will ask her to spell her words for the week. It's a 5 minute drive, and 5 minutes of spelling isn't hurting her or me. While eating snack, I will ask her to spell each word, she gets 10 per week, for each 1 that she gets right she may get a skittle or m&m, it's a treat for her but it's not too excessive like a cookie each. KWIM? Anyway, I wouldn't have sent that letter, it really does seem like your telling the teacher that youo don't care about your DDs education.

 

[Inigo]

Sort of hijacking here, but this is one of the reasons I'm against full day kindergarten. Although, I disagree with OP about homework and would love an old school structured teacher every year for my kids, I don't think they should go all day until first grade. ETA: Usually it's school boards that set homework policy and they don't always think. My DH teaches high school and is supposed to give two hours of homework each night. He doesn't give that much though. He is one of five or six teachers the kids see all day.

As a licensed teacher, I agree completely. I don't like all day K. I also think PE, art, and music are essential in elementary school.

And I think MS and HS kids need at least 15 minutes in the middle of the day to run around on the playground. It would make those afternoon classes beter.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

ummm parents can have a voice in curriculum and homework. I have heard of parents banding together to voice displeasure of the amount of homework given and to have it decreased.
there are ways to be involved and get your voice heard without chaos.

That is the proper way to do it.

My kids' elementary school actually had the curriculum changed due to parents banding together, putting together a presentation backed with facts and data, getting signatures and support from the majority of the parents. The school now has a curriculum modified from the standard district curriculum.

That is the way to effect change. Not just refusing to do the work as presented.

A question for the OP and the other poster than sends worksheets back with a note saying "we don't do busy work."

Have you ever considered the position you are putting your child in? Worksheets are often gone over at school. Even if they are not, other kids begin to know who is doing the work and who is not. How does you child feel being the only one in class sitting there not having done the work? How do you think your child feels when their peers starting taunting them because they think they are so special that they don't have to do the work they all did. I can tell you, working in schools, they are embarrassed of their parents. They are uncomfortable because they are caught in the middle. They want to please their parents, but they also want to be part of the class. This causes way more stress than sitting down for 10-15 minutes after school to do the busy work.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I also have a DD6 in first grade. She gets off the bus, has a snack, and does here homework. Usually, she has a math worksheet. It takes her 5 minutes because I insist that she take her time to write neatly--for my child, the math is easy, but her handwriting could be better. She still manages to fit in plenty of time for free play. In fact, she also practices her violin daily--she begged for lessons, understands the value of practice, and is thrilled to do it without any nagging or pleading from her parents. I think you are under-estimating what a 6yo is capable of! Taht, and being played by your child. Really? An hour in the tub nightly? Sounds like fun, but she doesn't "need" that much decompression. You're kidding yourself.

My suggestion would be to have her review her spelling words after dinner. Once she gets them all right, she can go in the tub. You would probably be stunned at how quickly she grasps them when she knows her tub reward is waiting.

Having a little more respect for the school and the learning process would be helpful, too. Your argument that "I was unschooled and turned out fine" is belied by the fact that you don't feel capable fo homeschooling past thrid grade.