Letter to the teacher

[si-am]

Honestly, I think a parent who just refuses to make her kid do the homework that every other kid in the class is doing should either 1) pull the child out and homeschool or 2) accept a failing grade for the child or whatever the consequences might be.

If I told my boss "Sorry, too busy to do the work today. Surfing the internet is my priority at this time in my life" I'd be fired.

You're not doing your daughter any favors here.

 

[SaraJayne]

Honestly, I think a parent who just refuses to make her kid do the homework that every other kid in the class is doing should either 1) pull the child out and homeschool or 2) accept a failing grade for the child or whatever the consequences might be.

If I told my boss "Sorry, too busy to do the work today. Surfing the internet is my priority at this time in my life" I'd be fired.

You're not doing your daughter any favors here.

OP, you said homework isn't a priority at 6...okay, well, when does it become a priority?

 

[NHdisneylover]

Thanks all, for your input!

Actually, you are right, for a 6 year old, homework IS the last priority in our house. I simply don't feel it is appropriate at that age.

DD9 does have a specific time (while DD6 is in the bath) when we sit down and go over her homework and study it. And of course, DD15 has a HUGE amount of homework each day, and is expected to get it done. But a 6 year old? Nope, not at this age.

Other thing that baffles me is that Caitlyn does fine on her spelling tests?!? Misses a max of 2 each week. I see the tests when they come home, so I am just not sure. She is NOT behind her peers, her report cards have been just fine.

And the reason I have outlined our schedule is that she has mentioned many times how much time she thinks we ought to be spending on school work at home, and I have told her politely, that we are busy and we will fit as much in as possible. She keeps pushing, so I figured it was time to push back.

And truely, NO, I am not happy in this school. We moved into this district this year. Last year my kids were both in a public school that used the Montessori method in all grades up to 4th. It was a superb school and worked wonderfully for us. I miss that school.

Based on this additional information I think the note you should have sent is:

Dear Mrs so and so,
I notice that you have asekd several times for DD to work on studying spelling daily at home. Based on the spelling tests she brings home, I feel she is doign well in this area. Is there a concern that she is falling behind the rest of the class or where she needs to be? If so, please let me know where she needs to be so I can address the situation.
Thank You,
Mom

IF your DD is falling behind then you do need to work on spelling at home--if not you can continue to ignore it and maybe tell DD not to bring it up. Try not to compare your current school to your former one. It sounds like they are totally different programs (precious few public schools are montessori) so you will have to work with what you have.

 

[Abbie]

Just my opinion, but in our house, schoolwork/homework always comes before playtime.

Since the teacher wrote that note specifically to you, it appears that Caitlyn is having difficulties in learning her spelling, and needs more reinforcement at home. So spend a few less minutes playing outside and a few minutes every night doing spelling. What's that going to hurt? Caitlyn may actually start doing better in spelling in school, feel less stressed, and not have to spend time "decompressing".

And this may be a good time to start establishing good study habits at home.

Of course every family is different but this is how it worked with my three all through school. Homework was usually tackled immediately after school, while they were still in "working" mode, and usually while having that snack. It was also time for us to reconnect, decompress, and talk about our days. Then, what a good feeling to go off and play after all the work was done!

The older they got, the more crazy the schedule got so it became even more important to prioritize, and being prepared for the following school day was important. The work gets more intense quickly and would be difficult to keep up otherwise. Even my youngest, at 16, with his crazy schedule chooses to do the bulk of his homework as soon as he gets home which is often after 5pm (and often has to go back out for something or other!) It just has to be a priority and has to be squeezed in. Of course at this point it's totally up to him to figure out how to do that.

It's only my opinion, but while I understand totally the free play and family togetherness model, you might be making life more difficult for your child if she is going to school unprepared and facing struggles trying to keep up. If you have the willingness, you are obviously well-invested in your child's schooling and home schooling might be an option to consider.

 

[Sorsha]

I just finished student teaching with a full day kindergarten, by the time I left in Dec only 2 had turned 6, so they were a very young group.

Personally, I do agree with you. The amount of work they were given was insane, and they had such little playtime (15 minutes of play inside and 10-15 outside after lunch IF it was nice out and gym only two times a week). Once a week they had Art, Music, Computers, Spanish, and Library.They also had snack time, but MANY times they were working through snacktime, yes an oreo in one hand and a pencil in the other. Needless to say by 1 these kids were DONE! They were tired, losing interest, can't keep their hands to themselves, etc. For homework they were given 2 worksheets (one math sheet and a phonics/letter sheet) and they had to go over 4-5 sight words. I just felt bad for them. I mean it's full day and I understand the teacher's POV too, keep them busy, have an effective lesson ready so they are on task, but I can only imagine it is hard when you 5 and 6 to constantly be sitting and doing some sort of work, KWIM? 20 years ago I went to Kindergarten and it was 1/2 day (thankfully that will be what DD does in the fall, b/c I could not imagine her in school all day).

When parent teacher conferences rolled around I distinctly remember 2 parents comments.
1 set of parents said that their daughter would come home @ 3:30, have a snack, take a nap til 6, have dinner, take a bath and go back to bed. She was so exhausted, the poor thing. Her mom said this continued the 1st month of school and when conferences rolled around in Nov she said she was still doing it about once or twice a week.

Another parent said her son just would cry everyday that he did not want to go and it was too long for him. Seriously, this little guy was a sweetheart and never complained to the teachers, but after I heard this I felt so bad for him.

IDK, maybe I just saw my DD is all of these kids as she will be starting school in Sept, but the days were just pretty long for them.

So, I do see where you are coming from. We actually had one little girl (she was one of 6!!) who was bright and there were some night that she was too tired to finish her homework and her mom would write and put a post it on the homework explaining. My co-op teacher just kinda said, "well you can't force them and if you do it will only upset them," and left it at that. I think if this type of thing should happen again I would just kind of say that is passing to the teacher. Just say we do as much as we can.

Yes, we have many of these problems as well. Only 2 short 10 minute recesses, only 20 minutes to shovel down lunch, and NO snack time at all. PE only twice a week as well. They are very long days for someone so small.

And if they get reprimanded in class, guess what happens? They have to stay in at recess. Great, you have a kiddo that's antsy and fidgety and overloaded and TAKE AWAY their only method of decompressing. Swell idea.

 

[golfgal]

Shame on the teacher for trying to instill study habits in her students. Sorry, but missing ANY spelling words in 1st grade is a big deal. I agree with the others, 15 minutes of spelling is NOT a big deal. Also, why don't they just study on the bus? In our old town many kids had an hour+ bus ride and they just did their homework on the bus. Our kids had about 15 minutes of homework every night starting in kindergarten and I LOVED that. To this day they come in the house, get a snack, do their homework and then have all evening to do whatever. We never have to say anything to them about homework either.

 

[clutter]

I gotta agree with the last couple of posts. If you tell your 6 year old that homework isn't important, then how do you teach her that it is important when you decide that it is?

Personally, I think you're taking your resentment that this isn't a montessori based school out on the teacher. I keep telling my child that some things cannot be changed, so you do what you have to do, but make it as enjoyable as possible.

While homework is a huge pain, there's no reason you cannot fit it in. Have you dd come in at 5:30 and do it with you while you prepare dinner. Do the spelling in the bathtub. (My dd is now almost 13, and I still go into the bathroom while she showers to quiz her on history or foreign language. Any thing she has to memorize, she likes doing while showering. We've been doing this since she was little.)

But like Deb said, why bother to ask opinions?

 

[Brit17]

This is a letter I just sent to DD6's teacher. She is a very good teacher, but not one of my favorite educators I have ever had to deal with. She is so straight-laced, so old school, so sit-in-your-chair and be still. The children are punished for odd little things like not following your words with your finger appropriately when you are reading, and penalized for needing to use the bathroom at inconvenient times. I have put up with it till now, she is the teacher, and I respect her, and Caitlyn has learned well, but yesterday she sent home a scolding little note stating that Caitlyn MUST study her spelling each night and I had to return a signed copy to her. This is not the first time that she has inferred that we just refuse to devote enough time to homework, and I am so over it. I was seriously annoyed, and fired off the following. Did I over-react? I don't want to come off like one of "those" parents... SIGH.

Based on the way you described the teacher, I'm afraid that your letter will probably not sit very well with this teacher at all ... hopefully, she won't take it out on your daughter either ... isn't the school year almost over? ... maybe you could have just put up with the teacher for a bit longer or just responded to her that you will do your best to have Caitlyn study more, and leave it at that, instead of giving her that much personal details ... I wouldn't be surprised if you get another "scolding" letter from the teacher ...

 

[Sorsha]

OP, you said homework isn't a priority at 6...okay, well, when does it become a priority?

generally, I feel that homework is not appropriate at all in K and 1st grade. A little bit is fine in 2nd, and gradually working up to more in 3rd and 4th.

When I was a paraprofessional many years ago, I was told that the general guideline in grade school should be approximately 1 minute of homework per year of age.

 

[HelenePA]

generally, I feel that homework is not appropriate at all in K and 1st grade. A little bit is fine in 2nd, and gradually working up to more in 3rd and 4th.

When I was a paraprofessional many years ago, I was told that the general guideline in grade school should be approximately 1 minute of homework per year of age.

so then why can't you do 6 minutes of spelling with her each night?

ETA I hate homework each night. Despise it over the weekend and even more over the long holiday weekend.. but ya know what.. if the teacher assigns it they do it.. I can't imagine telling my kids nope mommy says its okay you dont have to do it but the rest of the class does... what a snowflake in the making

 

[piglet too]

generally, I feel that homework is not appropriate at all in K and 1st grade. A little bit is fine in 2nd, and gradually working up to more in 3rd and 4th.

When I was a paraprofessional many years ago, I was told that the general guideline in grade school should be approximately 1 minute of homework per year of age.

Then why not have her study her spelling for 6 minutes? My DD is 7 and we spend only a short time each night going over the spelling words. We go through the list once, and then repeat any words she missed or had trouble with.

 

[Nette]

Yes, we have many of these problems as well. Only 2 short 10 minute recesses, only 20 minutes to shovel down lunch, and NO snack time at all. PE only twice a week as well. They are very long days for someone so small.

And if they get reprimanded in class, guess what happens? They have to stay in at recess. Great, you have a kiddo that's antsy and fidgety and overloaded and TAKE AWAY their only method of decompressing. Swell idea.

Those are the primary reasons we pulled our DD out of public school after K-garten. It's just ridiculous to expect 5-6 yos to sit still and concentrate for that long. Most kids can focus on a task for a MAXIMUM of 2-3 minutes per year of age.

Our new school has morning recess/snack, lunchtime recess, and either afternoon recess or PE. And our school is looking at switching the order of lunch and recess during the lunch period. There are some recent studies showing that playing before eating is much more productive.

As for the OP, while I agree with you wholeheartedly on the importance of down time and play time for 6 yos, I don't see why a few minutes of spelling drills here and there is such a hard thing to accomplish. Do it while she's eating snack, or in the tub, or in the car on the way to gymnastics. We're not talking about hours at a time, we're talking 5 minutes.

 

[SaraJayne]

so then why can't you do 6 minutes of spelling with her each night?

ETA I hate homework each night. Despise it over the weekend and even more over the long holiday weekend.. but ya know what.. if the teacher assigns it they do it.. I can't imagine telling my kids nope mommy says its okay you dont have to do it but the rest of the class does... what a snowflake in the making

Bingo

 

[Sorsha]

Thanks for your opinions all - I asked for opinions because I truely wanted them. I am sure I shall have more dealing with this teacher, and I need any sort of advice, no matter if I agree with it or not.

No worries about the thread getting ugly, I am quite capable of letting differing opinons roll off my back. No harm no foul.

I am truely not worried about my children academically. All of them have above-average reading levels, get all good marks on their report cards, and generally score much above average on all testing. They are happy, healthy and well adjusted, and DD15 (who I have apparently been "ruining" her whole life - who knew) has a 3.8 GPA, is involved in extra-curriculars, and is very very intelligent. Yes, it is easy to see that no homework in 1st grade spolied her for life.

As for all those who have suggested home-schooling, I have considered it. I know, however, that I would be doing my children a disservice, because after about 3rd grade, I simply don't have the skills or the resources they would need to succeed.

As has been posted, the school year is almost over - must just keep swimming!

 

[golfgal]

generally, I feel that homework is not appropriate at all in K and 1st grade. A little bit is fine in 2nd, and gradually working up to more in 3rd and 4th.

When I was a paraprofessional many years ago, I was told that the general guideline in grade school should be approximately 1 minute of homework per year of age.

So what is so magical about 2nd grade that homework becomes ok all of the sudden?

I think your life would be a lot less complicated and more to your liking if you would homeschool your children. I am sure their teachers would appreciate that as well.

 

[kaytieeldr]

When I was a paraprofessional many years ago, I was told that the general guideline in grade school should be approximately 1 minute of homework per year of age.

Things change. When I was a first grade student, many, many years before you were a paraprofessional, NO homework was considered 'appropriate' for a first-grader. Now you say 'many' years ago, apparently six or seven minutes per night would be appropriate for someone that age; so it's ENTIRELY reasonable that, currently, ten or fifteen minutes per night is appropriate - even ideal - for a first-grade student.

So I don't understand what the issue is. Your first-grader has one teacher all day, so it's not as if the students are being overloaded with homework. Do you want you child to grow up to be "good enough" at whatever she does? Or would you rather have her be GOOD at it? No, I don't mean playing, or bathing, or decompressing - or even gymnastics, unless that becomes her chosen career; and if that IS what she chooses, "good" isn't going to be enough, she's going to need to EXCEL.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Just my opinion, but in our house, schoolwork/homework always comes before playtime.

And this may be a good time to start establishing good study habits at home.

Schoolwork/homework came first in our house too.

Part of the purpose of schoolwork/homework is to learn to follow instructions, establish good study habits, and learn to manage time. The earlier, the better. Learning to manage 6 year old homework appropriate for a 6 yr old, leads to learning to manage 7 year old homework, etc. Kids don't suddenly learn good study habits in high school, esp if they never had the opportunity to learn it along the way.

From your letter, it sounds like homework is the last priority in your house.

I agree. The OP could have just said "homework is the last priority in our house"...much simpler and to the point than that long-winded email. That hour long bath sounds like an avoidance technique for both you and your daughter.

if it is just extra for the sake of practice by all means send it home and I will send it back with a nice little note saying sorry we don't do busy work.

I do see the need for homework in highschool but not in grade school.

Oh and I am one of "those" parents and proud of it.

Wow. Just wow. And I'll throw in a too.

What you do at home is irrelevant to the teacher, I think. She isn't going to excuse your kid from the same requirements that every other child has, just because you like to let her soak in the tub and play outside until dinner. .

And truely, NO, I am not happy in this school. We moved into this district this year. Last year my kids were both in a public school that used the Montessori method in all grades up to 4th. It was a superb school and worked wonderfully for us. I miss that school.

First, "truely" has no "e"...it's truly. Just thought it was ironic on your thread. (A little red line shows up under misspelled words. )

It was your choice to move into the district, and this is what you got. Go with the flow, or look into other options.

Sounds like your mind is made up.

Why ask for opinions?

MTE.

 

[NHdisneylover]

generally, I feel that homework is not appropriate at all in K and 1st grade. A little bit is fine in 2nd, and gradually working up to more in 3rd and 4th.

When I was a paraprofessional many years ago, I was told that the general guideline in grade school should be approximately 1 minute of homework per year of age.

6 minutes is enough time to run through a typical first grade spelling list at least once Not that this is a guideline adhered to at all anywhere I have ever been. DD13 and DS11 have a heck of a lot more than 13 and 11 minutes of homework a night (after being at school from 7:45 to 4:00 meaning with commuting time they is gone from 6:50 to nearly 6:00 every day). It is part of life. So is playing. So is bath time. So is school. Balance is good.

PS--as a former teacher the thing from your letter that jumped at me the most (other than being waaaay too much detail) is that you sound as likely to watch TV as a bed time ritual as to read to your DD. Please do not tell a teacher that. Basically you a re saying you do not feel school, spelling, or reading together is a priority at all. I don't think it is what you mean, but it kind of comes across that way.

 

[DVCLiz]

Did I over-react? I don't want to come off like one of "those" parents... SIGH.

I'm sorry - you already ARE one of those parents....

 

[dawson5]

my boys were bringing home books in kindergarten two and three times a week that were homework (except when we lived in Michigan).

We have been told for years that our education system is lacking in comparison to places in Europe and Asia. It seems like when our teachers try to bring us up to these levels, some parents rebel against it. You as the parent have to make this choice and set the example. In our house, homework comes first no matter the age.

I would actually throw the ball with my boys in the backyard and we would practice spelling words or times tables. Or while riding the bike to school, waiting for the bus, etc. We found time to do these things. It might not have been sitting at a table or desk with nose in a book but we found ways to do it and make it fun.