Let me have your honest opinion! Re: finances and husband

[tarheelmjfan]

Digging my whole huh? It must be a pretty big whole by now?

Again, being married once or twice doesn't make you an expert on marriage like you think it does. But if you want to believe that your anecdotal evidence is the best ever, go for it.

It was a typo & you know it.

From what I've read, you're the only person on the thread that seems to think they're an expert.

 

[tzolkin]

Odd post. The things you cited have nothing to do with personal experience but rather common sense.

How is it “common sense” to make claims about percentages of unhappily married couples?

You must also be basing that assumption on anecdotal evidence.

 

[CdnCarrie]

They do hold up. It's just that the majority of people on this thread who are married are never going to accept information from people who aren't married. And that's too bad.

Again, being married once or twice doesn't make you an expert on marriage like you think it does. But if you want to believe that your anecdotal evidence is the best ever, go for it.

Just stop. If you have never been married you know nothing about it. Same with parenting.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

Just stop. If you have never been married you know nothing about it. Same with parenting.

At least I know that people are allowed to have different opinions than you. Sorry.

 

[cabanafrau]

They do hold up. It's just that the majority of people on this thread who are married are never going to accept information from people who aren't married. And that's too bad.

My disagreement has nothing whatsoever to do with whether someone is married, divorced, both, or none of the above -- nor did I ever say a word about it. Tossing the word stats around, making some empty claim that doesn't even begin to stand up to the most basic, simple and, dare I say common sense logic, doesn't cut it with me. Capping it off with saying you're sure the number is pretty high doesn't convince me of anything.

Fun fact, in order for sense to be common both words must carry meaning.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

If we are going to cite stats, let's get the % of people who are unhappily married and stay married. I'm sure that number is pretty damn high.

Personal experience is irrelevant and certainly not as relevant as common sense. Just because someone has been married once or twice or even 3 times doesn't make them a marriage expert. All it does is give them some anecdotal evidence which allows them to pretend like they know everything.

They do hold up. It's just that the majority of people on this thread who are married are never going to accept information from people who aren't married. And that's too bad.

So, quote your numbers. You claim the number is "pretty damn high." How high? Or are you basing this on personal experience?

I only claim to be an expert on my marriage.

 

[cabanafrau]

Personal experience is irrelevant and certainly not as relevant as common sense. Just because someone has been married once or twice or even 3 times doesn't make them a marriage expert. All it does is give them some anecdotal evidence which allows them to pretend like they know everything.

OP's marriage arrangement is not like mine at all. I didn't suggest they are doing it wrong or should change to match mine in any way. I suggested that since her arrangement had been working well for both of them and suddenly her husband was raising this issue that she might want to get to the bottom of his disagreement so that it didn't become the source of a problem that could destabilize the relationship.

In my mind that works for a married relationship, a life-partner relationship, a friendship, a sibling relationship, parent/child, coworkers. You each come to an understanding of the other's point of view and find a way to move on.

I did state that OP's marriage agreement would not work for me. It's true, it wouldn't and I wouldn't go forward that way. It's okay, I don't have to live in OP's marriage.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

OP's marriage arrangement is not like mine at all. I didn't suggest they are doing it wrong or should change to match mine in any way. I suggested that since her arrangement had been working well for both of them and suddenly her husband was raising this issue that she might want to get to the bottom of his disagreement so that it didn't become the source of a problem that could destabilize the relationship.

In my mind that works for a married relationship, a life-partner relationship, a friendship, a sibling relationship, parent/child, coworkers. You each come to an understanding of the other's point of view and find a way to move on.

I did state that OP's marriage agreement would not work for me. It's true, it wouldn't and I wouldn't go forward that way. It's okay, I don't have to live in OP's marriage.

I have no issue with this. People can ultimately do what works for them.

 

[Liberty Belle]

They do hold up. It's just that the majority of people on this thread who are married are never going to accept information from people who aren't married. And that's too bad.

Not on marriage, unless they have marriage counseling credentials.

Curious how long you dated Kim Kardashian and if the pre-nup conversation ever came up.l

 

[LSUmiss]

Yep. And I can't believe what people pay for private elementary. For 25k a year, what are they teaching those k-3rd graders I didn't learn in public school? It's crazy pants.

Not all areas have even decent public schools.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

Curious how long you dated Kim Kardashian and if the pre-nup conversation ever came up.l

Lol

 

[LSUmiss]

That is so foreign to me. I have never heard any of our friends arguing over something like that and two of our friend couples (that I know of) have separate accounts. Like a previous poster said, DH and I are a team. There is no his and mine.

That’s interesting. Everyone I know with separate accounts does that so I always wondered how is that easier?

 

[soccerdad72]

So, quote your numbers. You claim the number is "pretty damn high." How high? Or are you basing this on personal experience?

 

[Colleen27]

If we are going to cite stats, let's get the % of people who are unhappily married and stay married. I'm sure that number is pretty damn high.

It probably is. The number of people unhappily single is probably pretty damned high too. In fact, the number of unhappy people is pretty high, full stop. And a lot of that unhappiness, by most attempts to measure such things, relates to things that have little or nothing to do with marital status.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Interesting question. Based on what OP posted about her 401K, my DH makes more than she does. He doesn't get 25K bonuses and if we did, debt would be the first to go. DH gets smaller bonuses (performance as well as as referrals). He's with a new company though that gives end of year bonuses, but we have no idea how much. But, based on the above linked thread, OP has other issues than "sharing" her bonuses to deal with.

I am traveling for work this week but wanted to answer the above. It sucks to travel the week before Christmas and I don't get to fly home until Saturday night. Yeah, I make great money, but I work incredibly hard.

For a time we were helping both sets of parents financially and were paying 3 mortgages. So we accumulated debt, which is now paid off. But I don't think all debt is bad - I won't pay off my house because the interest rate is so low, and my money is making a much higher percentage than that.

Nowhere in the post you quoted can you figure out my salary? I stated I added another percentage point to my 401k, and separately deposit $500 per check into my savings account. We are fully funded in retirement.

For those who asked - my nips and tucks include neck, eyelids, a few other things and new breasts! Those are what I am most excited for!
DH is coming around - I talked to him about how I want to do this for myself and that it is important to me. So I am hopeful there.

We usually are together on money - and used to have three accounts- his, mine and ours and somewhere over time it became easier (to me) just to have two.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I am traveling for work this week but wanted to answer the above. It sucks to travel the week before Christmas and I don't get to fly home until Saturday night. Yeah, I make great money, but I work incredibly hard.

For a time we were helping both sets of parents financially and were paying 3 mortgages. So we accumulated debt, which is now paid off. But I don't think all debt is bad - I won't pay off my house because the interest rate is so low, and my money is making a much higher percentage than that.

Nowhere in the post you quoted can you figure out my salary? I stated I added another percentage point to my 401k, and separately deposit $500 per check into my savings account. We are fully funded in retirement.

For those who asked - my nips and tucks include neck, eyelids, a few other things and new breasts! Those are what I am most excited for!
DH is coming around - I talked to him about how I want to do this for myself and that it is important to me. So I am hopeful there.

We usually are together on money - and used to have three accounts- his, mine and ours and somewhere over time it became easier (to me) just to have two.

I'm sure you do work hard, OP, and I'm not saying this in anger or to offend you, but it bothers me when people say "I make a lot of money, but I work very hard for it." Ditch diggers work very hard, too, and don't make much. If pay were equal to how hard someone works, many of us would be making a different salary than we make.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

So, RE: Birthday vacation.

My current company used to give 1 day off for your birthday. You could use it any day you want within two weeks of your birthday. But it was only 1 day. But now my company switched to "DTO", which is at managers' discretion, so we don't get a set number of days.

 

[dolewhipdreams]

I would like to just add that this thread has been both highly entertaining and very enlightening.

Proceed.

 

[pooh'smate]

I would like to just add that this thread has been both highly entertaining and very enlightening.

Proceed.

I agree

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

So, RE: Birthday vacation.

My current company used to give 1 day off for your birthday. You could use it any day you want within two weeks of your birthday. But it was only 1 day. But now my company switched to "DTO", which is at managers' discretion, so we don't get a set number of days.

The insurance company I worked for had a "floating holiday" which was just an added vacation day. But it was a use it or lose it type situation so usually the first full day off you wanted (and was actually available to take off) you typically used it as the floating holiday. Some people did in fact use it for their birthday.