Let me have your honest opinion! Re: finances and husband

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

At least I know that people are allowed to have different opinions than you. Sorry.

Nobody said you weren't entitled to your opinion. And they're entitled to evaluate and critique said opinion.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

I would like to just add that this thread has been both highly entertaining and very enlightening.

Proceed.

This thread has given me an enormous new appreciation for my spouse. Not that it wasn't big already.

 

[NHdisneylover]

At least I know that people are allowed to have different opinions than you. Sorry.

Of course you are allowed to have a different opinion---and when you post that opinion on a message board we are allowed to discuss what we think of it.

Quite honestly, you come off as someone with absolutely no relationship experience at all (that might not be the case, but it is how you come off) and as having a selfish and bitter approach to relationships: to the point that you are likely to drive away any potential love interests as well. I find myself really wondering what you saw with your parents, or other adults in your life, that you have formed such an odd idea of relationsips and the "common sense" sourrounding them.

If it works for you, and you are happy (in or out of a relationship), great. More power to you and any potential partner it also works for. To me? Your views strike me as not only just not my thing, but as really unhealthy and unlikely to work for anyone---but you never know i guess.

 

[ronandannette]

I would like to just add that this thread has been both highly entertaining and very enlightening.

Proceed.

How so? Other than a few posts by @Pacolovestacos that I’m sure were purposely evocative, there’s nothing much here that comes as news.

 

[DawnM]

Interesting question. Based on what OP posted about her 401K, my DH makes more than she does. He doesn't get 25K bonuses and if we did, debt would be the first to go. DH gets smaller bonuses (performance as well as as referrals). He's with a new company though that gives end of year bonuses, but we have no idea how much. But, based on the above linked thread, OP has other issues than "sharing" her bonuses to deal with.

Wait. Yeah. I mean, if you have debt, that interest is money you are throwing away.

I didn't realize the OP had debt or didn't have savings (which I am presuming.....$35K in spending debt would mean no savings for US as we pay debt and then save, but maybe OP does it differently).

Yup:

1. Debt Payoff
2. Savings of 6 months' living expenses
3. THEN discretionary spending

 

[Pacolovestacos]

...that you have formed such an odd idea of relationsips and the "common sense" sourrounding them.

Yea, believing in a dual income household is so odd. Lol

 

[Liberty Belle]

Yea, believing in a dual income household is so odd. Lol

That's not what she's talking about, but I think you already know that.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

Yea, believing in a dual income household is so odd. Lol

Still wondering about those statistics you mentioned.

You are still posting on this thread, so you've seen my post.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Personal experience is irrelevant and certainly not as relevant as common sense. Just because someone has been married once or twice or even 3 times doesn't make them a marriage expert. All it does is give them some anecdotal evidence which allows them to pretend like they know everything.

People don't need to be married multiple times to pretend they know everything. If this thread has shown anything, it's that one doesn't need to have been married at all to pretend to know everything.

 

[robinb]

I didn't realize the OP had debt or didn't have savings (which I am presuming.....$35K in spending debt would mean no savings for US as we pay debt and then save, but maybe OP does it differently).

Yup:

1. Debt Payoff
2. Savings of 6 months' living expenses
3. THEN discretionary spending

I too think that paying down debt is important, but I don't think the real world is so black and white. Not everyone is a Dave Ramsey devote. I, for one, am not a big fan of his mostly for reasons that are not allowed to be discussed here on the DIS. Many people will NEVER meet (1) and (2) to be able to (3) spend any kind of money in a discretionary manner. What kind of life is that? Working like a dog with no discretionary spending at all? And yes, I have read Ramsey and understand his viewpoint on "laser-like focus". I think most people pay off their debt, save some money and also spend some money on "fun things" all at the same time.

In any case, the OP says that she paid off her debt earlier than she thought she would, she's saving money and her retirement is on track. Even if that was not true, it's her family's money to choose to spend or save as they wish.

 

[dolewhipdreams]

How so? Other than a few posts by @Pacolovestacos that I’m sure were purposely evocative, there’s nothing much here that comes as news.

Of the married couples that I know well enough personally to have any sort of knowledge of how they handle finances, all have joint accounts. This thread has enlightened me to other forms of marital financial situations. When we got married, separate finances never occurred to either my husband or I. It's been interesting to see some very small glimpses into such arrangements and how they work (and sometimes don't) for different couples.

 

[DawnM]

I too think that paying down debt is important, but I don't think the real world is so black and white. Not everyone is a Dave Ramsey devote. I, for one, am not a big fan of his mostly for reasons that are not allowed to be discussed here on the DIS. Many people will NEVER meet (1) and (2) to be able to (3) spend any kind of money in a discretionary manner. What kind of life is that? Working like a dog with no discretionary spending at all? And yes, I have read Ramsey and understand his viewpoint on "laser-like focus". I think most people pay off their debt, save some money and also spend some money on "fun things" all at the same time.

In any case, the OP says that she paid off her debt earlier than she thought she would, she's saving money and her retirement is on track. Even if that was not true, it's her family's money to choose to spend or save as they wish.

If she has paid off the $35,000, then I don't disagree with you.

And I am not a fan of Dave Ramsey AT ALL. I believe he has a few good things to say, but I don't follow him.

I didn't say no spending, but if we are talking about large dollar amounts ($35,000 in spending of discretionary funds she DID NOT HAVE!) Or a $10,000+ plastic surgery that is elective......

Discretionary means the amount of money you can spend AFTER everything else is paid. It is LEFT OVER money. I don't make this stuff up:

http://www.investorwords.com/1483/discretionary_income.html

What kind of life is saving and paying what you owe? The kind that doesn't leave your relatives having to pay your bills when you are old or dead. But you leave your debts and money problems to your kids all you want, just don't

 

[DawnM]

Of the married couples that I know well enough personally to have any sort of knowledge of how they handle finances, all have joint accounts. This thread has enlightened me to other forms of marital financial situations. When we got married, separate finances never occurred to either my husband or I. It's been interesting to see some very small glimpses into such arrangements and how they work (and sometimes don't) for different couples.

This is the first time DH and I have had two accounts. Now, we are both on both accounts, but my paycheck goes directly into the account where I am the primary member and DH's checks go into the account we have had for 12 years together.

But all of it is both our money. It just made it easier for now. My paycheck goes to my son's tuition payments, our one car payment, and activities my boys are in at school. Dh's goes to all of our basic living expenses (mortgage, food, household expenses, etc...)

 

[ronandannette]

Of the married couples that I know well enough personally to have any sort of knowledge of how they handle finances, all have joint accounts. This thread has enlightened me to other forms of marital financial situations. When we got married, separate finances never occurred to either my husband or I. It's been interesting to see some very small glimpses into such arrangements and how they work (and sometimes don't) for different couples.

We are a dual-income household and I make most of the money. Over time I've also received "family money" to the tune of about a year's salary and I'm the only one of us that regularly receives bonuses. DH had 2 (divorced) parents that both needed our financial assistance before their deaths and 2 grown daughters that we help fairly frequently. Never once in all our years has it ever occurred to me that all our assets and liabilities weren't 100% joint, for better or worse. We've got one account and DH mostly controls it. That's where my bonuses and any other windfalls go. It's all good.

That said, of course I'm aware other couples may retain separate finances, in various forms. No snark intended, but it seems more rhetorical to me when somebody says "I never could have imagined people doing things differently".

 

[manning]

Pot has been decriminalized in Chicago. He is a pot head only. Would never be with a heroin user!
Lots of interesting opinions.
To clarify- I want to live downtown. DH would be just as happy in a cheaper suburb.
As far as his career? He is set - number 1 in seniority, 7 weeks vacation and pretty much unfireable.

Thanks for all the thoughts! Giving me a number of things to think about.
Running into Star Wars so I’ll be off the thread for a few hours.

I heard that before and saw a lot of surprises. No one ever knows what tomorrow brings.

 

[manning]

Plastic surgery. Your choice and it should be.

I've am married 46 years and she looks different. Don't love her any less.

We have a working relationship...my sore butt and her sore foot.

 

[robinb]

What kind of life is saving and paying what you owe? The kind that doesn't leave your relatives having to pay your bills when you are old or dead. But you leave your debts and money problems to your kids all you want, just don't

It’s interesting that you say that since it appears that the OP got into debt helping her parents and in-laws. FWIW, once you’re dead the estate pays as much as it can. Your kids are not obligated to pay anything at all and if there isn’t enough to go around to pay all your debts ... oh well!

Also, I disagree with your definition of ‘discretionary’. There is no law or even moral code that says one needs to pay every penny they can to debt. Sure, it’s a good idea but as long as you are making your agreed payments whatever you have left over can be considered ‘discretionary’.

 

[manning]

If she has paid off the $35,000, then I don't disagree with you.

And I am not a fan of Dave Ramsey AT ALL. I believe he has a few good things to say, but I don't follow him.

I didn't say no spending, but if we are talking about large dollar amounts ($35,000 in spending of discretionary funds she DID NOT HAVE!) Or a $10,000+ plastic surgery that is elective......

Discretionary means the amount of money you can spend AFTER everything else is paid. It is LEFT OVER money. I don't make this stuff up:

http://www.investorwords.com/1483/discretionary_income.html

What kind of life is saving and paying what you owe? The kind that doesn't leave your relatives having to pay your bills when you are old or dead. But you leave your debts and money problems to your kids all you want, just don't[/QUOTE]

when one dies their estate pays all debt until the estate is depleted. Any unpaid debt is forgiven. Heirs do not have to pay off those debts

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

when one dies their estate pays all debt until the estate is depleted. Any unpaid debt is forgiven. Heirs do not have to pay off those debts

That's not exactly true. Certain debt stays and becomes the survivor's responsibility. Joint or co-signed debt becomes the person who is still alive's debt.

Granted for the majority of people the estate would probably take care of the joint or co-signed debt but it may not completely.

In terms of spouses only- rules also differ in community property states where debt may still go to the surviving spouse and would not be forgiven if the estate doesn't fully take care of the unpaid debt because it becomes the surviving spouse's debt.

I know in my situation there is 1 loan that my mother co-signed on. It would not be forgiven (only my federal loans would) if I die. It becomes her debt if I die. Now she does have a life insurance policy in my name from when I was younger and it would be enough by far to pay off my loan (especially because there's not a huge ton of it left). Granted my mother is not my heir on anything anymore since I've changed everything over to my husband and eventually things would be adjusted over time for some things to our children in the future.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

That's not exactly true. Certain debt stays and becomes the survivor's responsibility. Joint or co-signed debt becomes the person who is still alive's debt.

Granted for the majority of people the estate would probably take care of the joint or co-signed debt but it may not completely.

In terms of spouses only- rules also differ in community property states where debt may still go to the surviving spouse and would not be forgiven if the estate doesn't fully take care of the unpaid debt because it becomes the surviving spouse's debt.

I know in my situation there is 1 loan that my mother co-signed on. It would not be forgiven (only my federal loans would) if I die. It becomes her debt if I die. Now she does have a life insurance policy in my name from when I was younger and it would be enough by far to pay off my loan (especially because there's not a huge ton of it left). Granted my mother is not my heir on anything anymore since I've changed everything over to my husband and eventually things would be adjusted over time for some things to our children in the future.

Well joint and cosigned debt the survivor already themselves agreed to pay. So it wasn't passed to them. They already agreed to pay and thus it was already theirs. No debt that survivors didn't agree to pay passes on.