Let me have your honest opinion! Re: finances and husband

[bdcp]

Would it be better to pay off the debt with the bonus?

https://www.disboards.com/threads/debt-dumpers-2016.3470092/page-99#post-55743544

Interesting question. Based on what OP posted about her 401K, my DH makes more than she does. He doesn't get 25K bonuses and if we did, debt would be the first to go. DH gets smaller bonuses (performance as well as as referrals). He's with a new company though that gives end of year bonuses, but we have no idea how much. But, based on the above linked thread, OP has other issues than "sharing" her bonuses to deal with.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Let's say 5 years ago I bought Facebook shares during the IPO. And I really liked the investment. My options were:

Option A: Take all my money and invest it in Facebook because I wanted to be "all in" OR

Option B: Take maybe 25% and put it in Facebook but take the other 75% and diversify across a different set of investments.

Which option do you consider to be more prudent?

lol I would hope I'd love my soon to be spouse more than I'd love an investment in Facebook.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Would it be better to pay off the debt with the bonus?

Wait. Yeah. I mean, if you have debt, that interest is money you are throwing away.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Additionally, I saw a study that indicated that a relatively smaller percentage of individuals were responsible for a majority of divorces. In other words, people who get divorced multiple times move the average rate higher, but the flip side is that they are offset by more actual people who never get divorced.

That makes sense. Both of my friends who have been divorced, have been divorced twice.

 

[John VN]

We've been married for 44 years with a VERY SUCCESSFUL monetary understanding that ELIMINATES ALL ISSUES........

Hers is HERS and mine is HERS.

 

[starry_solo]

@chicagodisneyfan : are you still around? I'm sure we would like to hear what you decided to do....although after reading that other post that someone linked, I would think you should be maxing out your 401K and paying down that debt...

 

[Gumbo4x4]

We've been married for 44 years with a VERY SUCCESSFUL monetary understanding that ELIMINATES ALL ISSUES........

Hers is HERS and mine is HERS.

Now THIS my friends is a man who appreciates living indoors!

High five!

 

[tarheelmjfan]

It's funny you say reality may surprise me when I'm the one being the most realistic about marriage and expectations.

Reality based on what? Certainly not personal experience. Reality doesn't live in our imaginations. You're arguing what you think something is like as if it's fact.

We need to experience something to truly know for sure what it's like. Even then, we can't say definitively how it will be for others. I've been married twice. My marriages couldn't have been more different. In one, I spent 3 years in misery, with someone I loved, but wasn't in love with. In the other, I've been happily married to a man I adore for 25 years & counting.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

By reading this thread I can only say my husband and I have a hybrid financial understanding.

We have separate checking accounts, but we also have joint checking and joint money market account.

Money market was used primarily for escrow shortage bill we knew would occur (and were putting money away in that account) since our house was newly built and we didn't have the taxes that first year. Now the money just sits there (earning a bit but not much interest) for when we get the now much smaller escrow shortage bill each year.

Joint checking is primarily used to a) transfer money between his account to my account and my account to his account b) bills as well as life insurance policies we have for each other. It also earned a bit but not much interest.

Separate checking accounts is where paychecks go into. We would split bills according to our income. My husband made roughly 60% more than I did. Sometimes he picked up the whole bills depending on the situation. Car payments (which only my husband had but he has since finished paying it off), student loan payments, credit card payments,car tags, etc all were separately paid by our own checking accounts. My checking account when we got married had been in existence for almost 7 years at that point (It's now been 11 1/2 years). I had the longer history with the bank (we have our accounts at the same bank).

Whenever we got bonuses they were no where near what the OP is getting but there is just no way in the universe my husband would spend that kind of money without discussing it with me first. And this would be the same if the roles were reversed. We have always had an understanding that lower amount purchases don't need to be really discussed. You want to buy that $120 on special windows tablet with your paycheck? Sure fine no worries and you don't need to ask my permission to do that. You want to buy a $500 tv--yeah that should be discussed first.

We are also different in that my bonuses minus the 40% tax cut went to my student loans; you could also defer a portion or all of it to 401k if you wanted to. His bonuses usually went to that as well or in his checking account for usage later like vacation, etc (which for the entirety of our 10 year relationship he has shouldered most but not completely all of the vacation expenses--on the other hand I'm always on the lookout for spending less $$ on vacations in general). If we got a bonus for like $25,000 we'd probably use that to pay down (or payoff several) student loans, nice payment for the mortgage, etc.

As far as what the OP wants to use the bonus for that really should be discussed first..not even really considering the cost but that to me it seems the right thing to do. Now discussing doesn't mean asking permission. It just means "hey honey I'm thinking of getting x,y,z with the bonus I'm getting what do ya think?" Surgery can be risky and can drastically change one's appearance (and at times that's exactly what you want). Now yes her body is her body but it would be the same if the husband wants to do something like that as well. Certain things, at least IMO, should be discussed.

If the OP never had 'shared' the bonuses then the discussion of how much the husband is getting wouldn't be there. If you shared the bonus one or two times over the course of your entire relationship then I wouldn't say there's an expectation. But the OP seems to share year after year after year. Changing this agreement should at least be given some consideration to what has been working thus far in this 20+ marriage the OP has had with their husband.

 

[cabanafrau]

If we are going to cite stats, let's get the % of people who are unhappily married and stay married. I'm sure that number is pretty damn high.

To be realistic and fair here one would need stats on the number of unhappy single folks to give the unhappy married people stats a framework of comparison.

To be really realistic and fair here, one would need to uncover the source of unhappiness, married or single. It is possible that a good number of the unhappy from both columns are unhappy for reasons having nothing to do with their relationship status -- chronic depression, other types of illness, horrible job, loss of a loved one, etc., etc., etc.

It seems rather unlikely that marriage is the source of most of the world's unhappiness when you look at the big picture.

 

[ENJDisneyFan]

I just want to know what kind of job pays a $25,000 bonus each year? And gives vacations for birthdays.
I’m a senior position at my job at we get $500.

Actually a lot of jobs pay that kind of bonus. I work in the auto industry and hold a lower level management position....my yearly bonus is about $15,000. The more senior level managers receive bonuses far exceeding that....upward of $50,000 at the higher levels. Now the birthday vacations...never heard of that.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Actually a lot of jobs pay that kind of bonus. I work in the auto industry and hold a lower level management position....my yearly bonus is about $15,000. The more senior level managers receive bonuses far exceeding that....upward of $50,000 at the higher levels. Now the birthday vacations...never heard of that.

I wouldn't say a lot of jobs. I would say it greatly depends on the industry one is in and how bonuses are structured. Some companies also pay nicer bonuses than others.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Actually a lot of jobs pay that kind of bonus. I work in the auto industry and hold a lower level management position....my yearly bonus is about $15,000. The more senior level managers receive bonuses far exceeding that....upward of $50,000 at the higher levels. Now the birthday vacations...never heard of that.

Is your company looking to hire a EHS Manager/Safety Director?

 

[Pacolovestacos]

Reality based on what? Certainly not personal experience. Reality doesn't live in our imaginations. You're arguing what you think something is like as if it's fact.

We need to experience something to truly know for sure what it's like. Even then, we can't say definitively how it will be for others. I've been married twice. My marriages couldn't have been more different. In one, I spent 3 years in misery, with someone I loved, but wasn't in love with. In the other, I've been happily married to a man I adore for 25 years & counting.

Personal experience is irrelevant and certainly not as relevant as common sense. Just because someone has been married once or twice or even 3 times doesn't make them a marriage expert. All it does is give them some anecdotal evidence which allows them to pretend like they know everything.

 

[cabanafrau]

It's funny you say reality may surprise me when I'm the one being the most realistic about marriage and expectations.

If we are going to cite stats, let's get the % of people who are unhappily married and stay married. I'm sure that number is pretty damn high.

Personal experience is irrelevant and certainly not as relevant as common sense. Just because someone has been married once or twice or even 3 times doesn't make them a marriage expert. All it does is give them some anecdotal evidence which allows them to pretend like they know everything.

You seem to rate your personal experience pretty highly???

 

[Pacolovestacos]

You seem to rate your personal experience pretty highly???

Odd post. The things you cited have nothing to do with personal experience but rather common sense.

 

[cabanafrau]

Odd post. The things you cited have nothing to do with personal experience but rather common sense.

So you don't find the two to be linked?

As for the "common sense" part of the equation, I've already explained above why your common sense statistical analysis doesn't hold up.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Odd post. The things you cited have nothing to do with personal experience but rather common sense.

We'll have to agree to disagree. I'll just continue SMH that you continue to argue something you really know nothing about. We all know that you have no experience with the topic, yet you insist you know more about marriage than anyone here. It seems to me that you keep digging your hole deeper & deeper with every posts. If you don't mind how it makes you look, more power to you. Enjoy

 

[Pacolovestacos]

So you don't find the two to be linked?

As for the "common sense" part of the equation, I've already explained above why your common sense statistical analysis doesn't hold up.

They do hold up. It's just that the majority of people on this thread who are married are never going to accept information from people who aren't married. And that's too bad.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

We'll have to agree to disagree. I'll just continue SMH that you continue to argue something you really know nothing about. We all know that you have no experience with the topic, yet you insist you know more about marriage than anyone here. It seems to me that you keep digging your whole deeper & deeper with every posts. If you don't mind how it makes you look, more power to you. Enjoy

Digging my whole huh? It must be a pretty big whole by now?

Again, being married once or twice doesn't make you an expert on marriage like you think it does. But if you want to believe that your anecdotal evidence is the best ever, go for it.