Let me have your honest opinion! Re: finances and husband

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

Let's say 5 years ago I bought Facebook shares during the IPO. And I really liked the investment. My options were:

Option A: Take all my money and invest it in Facebook because I wanted to be "all in" OR

Option B: Take maybe 25% and put it in Facebook but take the other 75% and diversify across a different set of investments.

Which option do you consider to be more prudent?

Sorry, my husband isn't facebook stock. And I certainly wouldn't agree with diversifying my love and devotion across a different set of investments/men.

When we got married, it was for the rest of my life/his life. Neither of us felt that we needed to keep something of ourselves back.

And @FairestOfThemAll37 , that is a myth. Fifty percent of marriages do not end in divorce.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Not sure what year it changed, but I was working in an insurance company office (large office, but husband/wife owned and both worked there) and two girls I was friends with got pregnant - both 'hid' it as long as possible. One had terrible morning sickness, and I covered for her more than once. She hid fruit/crackers in her desk and snitched them when she could (no eating at desks!!)

This was in 1967 - my sil also hid her pregnancy as long as possible, then quit. The reasoning was they knew you would be having to take time off and they wanted employees they could count on! A different world then!!

My mom worked while she was pregnant with me - I was born in 1967.

Dope means "pot" to me. Heroin is "heroin" or "smack".

 

[North of Mouse]

My mom worked while she was pregnant with me - I was born in 1967.

Could have mattered where you worked - public, private co. etc. also the state. This was in LA

 

[Pacolovestacos]

When we got married, it was for the rest of my life/his life.

Said everyone who's been married

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Said everyone who's been married

Not really. I got married too young the first time. People kept telling us we had been together for so long it was time we got married. Our moms led the chorus. I really think my Mom was afraid I'd get pregnant, before I got married. She was trying to make sure that didn't happen. I really didn't think we'd be married forever, but I caved to them. I did love my MIL, which made it more difficult to say no. We were married three years most of which we were separated.

PS: You seem to think you know a lot about marriage for someone who has never been married. I think reality may surprise you. Some people do throw clothes out the door in real life & some get married without any expectation of it lasting forever.

 

[Colleen27]

How so? I mean the reality is that 50% of marriages end to divorce.

Well, no. That number is arrived at in one of the best examples of misuse of statistics I've ever seen. It is a result of dividing the marriage rate in a given year by the divorce rate. Except that when this number was making headlines the Boomers were hitting divorce age/stage and the much-smaller Gen X was marrying, which skewed the balance. Longitudinal studies put the rate more like 35% at its peak (which was marriages that began in the 70s and the wave of feminist-divorce) and falling consistently since then. I think the last estimate I saw of the divorce rate for turn-of-the-millennium marriages was something like 20%. Granted, that's only been 15 or so years, allowing for the lag in data collection, but it is a far cry from half.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

Not really. I got married too young the first time. People kept telling us we had been together for so long it was time we got married. Our moms led the chorus. I really think my Mom was afraid I'd get pregnant, before I got married. She was trying to make sure that didn't happen. I really didn't think we'd be married forever, but I caved to them. I did love my MIL, which made it more difficult to say no. We were married three years most of which we were separated.

PS: You seem to think you know a lot about marriage for someone who has never been married. I think reality may surprise you. Some people do throw clothes out the door in real life & some get married without any expectation of it lasting forever.

It's funny you say reality may surprise me when I'm the one being the most realistic about marriage and expectations.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

Well, no. That number is arrived at in one of the best examples of misuse of statistics I've ever seen. It is a result of dividing the marriage rate in a given year by the divorce rate. Except that when this number was making headlines the Boomers were hitting divorce age/stage and the much-smaller Gen X was marrying, which skewed the balance. Longitudinal studies put the rate more like 35% at its peak (which was marriages that began in the 70s and the wave of feminist-divorce) and falling consistently since then. I think the last estimate I saw of the divorce rate for turn-of-the-millennium marriages was something like 20%. Granted, that's only been 15 or so years, allowing for the lag in data collection, but it is a far cry from half.

There is also an increasing number of people who don't feel a need to be married. They are happy being life partners.

 

[stitchfan75]

I just want to know what kind of job pays a $25,000 bonus each year? And gives vacations for birthdays.
I’m a senior position at my job at we get $500.

 

[starry_solo]

I just want to know what kind of job pays a $25,000 bonus each year? And gives vacations for birthdays.
I’m a senior position at my job at we get $500.

When I worked for a private firm 12-17 years ago (I was there for five years), we got bonuses ranging from $5K-20k, depending on billable hours.

and raises ranging from $2k-10k per year. But not any birthday bonuses.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

Said everyone who's been married

And also said by those that actually stay married.

My parents were married for 47 years, their marriage ending with my mother's death.

My in-laws have been married over 50 years, and still counting.

And most people that get married, stayed married. The odds are actually in their favor.

 

[AustinMommyofThree]

Well, no. That number is arrived at in one of the best examples of misuse of statistics I've ever seen. It is a result of dividing the marriage rate in a given year by the divorce rate. Except that when this number was making headlines the Boomers were hitting divorce age/stage and the much-smaller Gen X was marrying, which skewed the balance. Longitudinal studies put the rate more like 35% at its peak (which was marriages that began in the 70s and the wave of feminist-divorce) and falling consistently since then. I think the last estimate I saw of the divorce rate for turn-of-the-millennium marriages was something like 20%. Granted, that's only been 15 or so years, allowing for the lag in data collection, but it is a far cry from half.

Additionally, I saw a study that indicated that a relatively smaller percentage of individuals were responsible for a majority of divorces. In other words, people who get divorced multiple times move the average rate higher, but the flip side is that they are offset by more actual people who never get divorced.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

Additionally, I saw a study that indicated that a relatively smaller percentage of individuals were responsible for a majority of divorces. In other words, people who get divorced multiple times move the average rate higher, but the flip side is that they are offset by more actual people who never get divorced.

If we are going to cite stats, let's get the % of people who are unhappily married and stay married. I'm sure that number is pretty damn high.

 

[Wendy31]

Not sure what year it changed, but I was working in an insurance company office (large office, but husband/wife owned and both worked there) and two girls I was friends with got pregnant - both 'hid' it as long as possible. One had terrible morning sickness, and I covered for her more than once. She hid fruit/crackers in her desk and snitched them when she could (no eating at desks!!)

This was in 1967 - my sil also hid her pregnancy as long as possible, then quit. The reasoning was they knew you would be having to take time off and they wanted employees they could count on! A different world then!!

I was born in 1973, & my mom worked until about 2 weeks before I was born & then returned to work when I was about 6 weeks old. Back then, I don't think women had protected maternity leave. However, she never had to hide her pregnancy. 3 1/2 years later, my sister was born, &, except for another 6 week maternity leave, my mom worked before, during, & after that pregnancy as well.

Regarding marriage, my parents have been married for almost 50 years - they both worked full-time jobs until retirement age, & they had joint accounts. DH's parents have been married for over 50 years. DH's mom did not work outside of the home except for a cleaning business they owned, & they also had joint accounts.

DH & I have been married for almost 23 years - happily.

I don't really look at marriage as if it's a "business proposition". We're more even than a "team" - we're a unit; we're "one".

I do understand the need for pre-nuptial agreements in some instances like for protecting family business or property assets. However, I would have a hard time going into our marriage, already thinking in terms of "mine" & "his". DH & I don't feel like we need to protect anything or hold anything back from the other. My success is his success, & his success is my success. I'd hate having to divide up our bills based on percentages & decide who pays for what, & I'd hate to base our "lifestyles" on our separate incomes.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Additionally, I saw a study that indicated that a relatively smaller percentage of individuals were responsible for a majority of divorces. In other words, people who get divorced multiple times move the average rate higher, but the flip side is that they are offset by more actual people who never get divorced.

Correct, the failure rate for 2nd marriages is much higher than for 1st marriages, and the failure rate of 3rd marriages is much higher than 2nd marriages.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

If we are going to cite stats, let's get the % of people who are unhappily married and stay married. I'm sure that number is pretty damn high.

What's the percent of unhappily married people who agreed to the kind of terms you've laid out for marriage?

 

[Pacolovestacos]

What's the percent of unhappily married people who agreed to the kind of terms you've laid out for marriage?

Nice strawman

 

[tzolkin]

Additionally, I saw a study that indicated that a relatively smaller percentage of individuals were responsible for a majority of divorces. In other words, people who get divorced multiple times move the average rate higher, but the flip side is that they are offset by more actual people who never get divorced.

Yes. It may be in the article I posted, but I think it’s like 75%+ failure rate for third marriages.

If we are going to cite stats, let's get the % of people who are unhappily married and stay married. I'm sure that number is pretty damn high.

Meh. Doesn’t really mean anything to me. There are plenty of single or in-a-non-marital relationship people who are unhappy as well.

Some people are just miserable regardless of their lot in life. (And some are very happy even if they are living through horrible circumstances.)

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

With talking divorce, the couples I know that have gotten divorced, most should have never gotten married to begin with.

 

[L&Lfan]

I have nothing to add but if my partner and I were ever to wed, we'd handle our finances just like you and your husband. I think giving him 2k while you keep more for your 50th birthday "enhancement" is more than generous.