Lazy, Unappreciative 18 year old....

[dairyou]

My DS is 18. He is going away to college in August. For the past year we have encouraged him to find a job. Just so he has his own spending money. Wherever we go we ask if they are hiring or not. He will go begrudingly to fill out an application but will not do any sort of followup. He had an opportunity to go to Germany with a prior exchange student if he just found a job. He didn't do it

Now it is time for him to go to college. Since he will not have a car we have told him to get a job on the campus. I can't get him to call to take the first step. I found the website and everything.

DH and I are getting ready to send him there without any money. There isn't food provided on the weekend and he would need money to eat. The other option is not to send him until he can prove he can help us send him away.

DS is a good boy, this is his only down fall Help!

 

[happygirl]

I think if he doesn't have any money for the fun things. He will find a job quick, tough loves sounds like it would do him a world of good

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

My DS is 18. He is going away to college in August. For the past year we have encouraged him to find a job. Just so he has his own spending money. Wherever we go we ask if they are hiring or not. He will go begrudingly to fill out an application but will not do any sort of followup. He had an opportunity to go to Germany with a prior exchange student if he just found a job. He didn't do it

Now it is time for him to go to college. Since he will not have a car we have told him to get a job on the campus. I can't get him to call to take the first step. I found the website and everything.

DH and I are getting ready to send him there without any money. There isn't food provided on the weekend and he would need money to eat. The other option is not to send him until he can prove he can help us send him away.DS is a good boy, this is his only down fall Help!

It would probably be a good life lesson to do the above.

If you have him stay home, he won't be getting an education and he'll have free room and board.

Kick him out of the nest and let him spread his wings. He'll get a job that pays him what he feels he needs to do what he wants.

Stop job searching for him and just prepare him for the fact that when you drop him off, you will pay his bills (or whatever arrangement you have), but will not provide for any extras....if you feel that he should indeed have a job to pay for that.

I might also consider stopping extras now (i.e. no gas money, fun money, any money outside of his necessities). Then when he complains (if he ever does), you can let him know that he is welcome to find a job to earn the money for such things.

 

[Northstar]

I vote to send him without the money.

Going hungry for a weekend or two is survivable. It builds character. And it provides excellent motivation to hunt down, obtain, and keep a job.

It is no longer your job to ensure that he is able to maintain the same comfortable standard of living you have at home.

 

[Tuffcookie]

OP, My youngest DS is 18 and is a senior in HS. He will be in college in the Fall. He has a part-time job and a car but he has to help with the insurance.

I would be sending my son to a local university if he did not have a job or car but he would still be expected to get a part-time job.



TC

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Are you paying for 100% of his education or did he get scholarships?

My dd is a college freshman and worked over the summer for her spending money for her first yr. She did good. She has 300 left.

I don't know what I would do. Does he have a mental issue with anxiety or depression? Or is he out with his buddies partying every night and blowing off getting a job?

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

JMO, but if one of my boys is like this at that point, I will make them work for at least one year before I send them to college. I will get them the worst job that I can find to make them appreciate college and other opportunities. In fact, I would probably push them toward the military.

 

[INDISMOM]

I would make him stay home. When I went off to college, my parents paid my room and board for 4 years only. I was responsible for paying my tuition, books, and spending money. If I didn't have enough money to go, I would have to stay home and go the the local branch. If I didn't finish my degree in 4 years, I had to pay for everything.

If I had stayed home to go to the local branch, my parents would have paid tuition and books and I would be living at home.

I knew the rules about college as soon as I started earning money babysitting when I was 13. Luckily, I always had a job and was able to have enough money each year and go done in 4 years.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

If you let him stay home, he will still be this way in 4 or 5 years. Send him on, when he gets tired of sitting around watching everybody else have fun, he'll get a clue.

I would probably toss him a jar of PB and a loaf of bread in with his things.

Suzanne

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I started working when I was 12. If I wanted to go to the movies with my friends, bowling, play pool, skating, go out to eat, buy new clothes, school supplies, prom, etc.. I had to pay for it. I don't understand all the lazy kids these days, I was happy working and buying my own things.

 

[Rora]

I think you should send him without money. While it seems harsh, it's a good life lesson. He'll straighten himself out very very soon. 18 year old boys gotta eat!

 

[EpcotFan1]

I go to a communtiy college locally and do not have a car nor a job due to the lack of jobs in my area. I get financial aid from the govt and use my refund money to pay for lunch and help pay for my mom's gas. I want to work at my college but they have not called back to me yet. I dont want my mom to drive me to school but its the only option I have at the moment.

 

[tinkerbell_xo]

Send him without money!
He's 18, he's an adult.

He needs to work to learn how to manage his money. If mom and dad pay for everything or try to do everything for him (ie. job searching) he'll never be motivated and he just won't care as much.

When he gets there and stays in every night starving, he'll get a job. Poor boy will not waste away in his dorm room

I'm the kind of person that doesn't take advice well. I need to make major mistakes and realize things first hand. Maybe he needs to do this too.

 

[dislaney]

Sounds like it might be time for some tough love. If he doesn't have money on the weekends it might just motivate him to get that part time job. It certainly won't kill him.

 

[iwrbnd]

Are you raising my son? They sound the exact same. The only problem with tough love in our situation is there really aren't any jobs in our small town right now w/the economy. Even one local grocery store is "firing" their youth to give the jobs to adults that need it.

 

[Mkrop]

Who has been funding any "fun" now?

I would not have funded any fun nor would I fund any fun in the future unless I saw a concerted effort on my child's part to find and keep a job. If like another PP stated that she is trying to find a job but cant because jobs are scarce, THEN I would help minimally, not a minute beforehand.

 

[celestialred]

I have worked p/t or f/t since I was 16. My parents were supportive enough to let me live at home while I attended college locally (could not afford to attend the main campuses); however, Dad made it clear that he was merely a cosigner on my student loan and I was on my own when it came to my books. I did well but eventually dropped out to move out on my own/work full-time/get married. I went back a few years later and eventually finished my 4 year, but being on my own truly taught me to value what I have be it money, education, place to live, etc. It sounds to me like he needs to learn that lesson first no matter how you decide to teach it.

 

[mamacatnv]

Send him with PB&J and some Top Ramen. He will learn a lot that first year.
BTW where did he decide on?

I would not be able to sleep if I thought my DS was hungry, I'm weird that way, but I would have no issue knowing he was stuck in his dorm room without play money or transportation.

We gave DS a choice - he does attend a local Univ. so he could live at home if he wanted to.

We paid it all the first year, we wanted him in a dorm. Going forward we offered to either pay housing/util/groc OR tuition/books.
He has chosen housing, so he pays his tuition and books, his play money and supplements his own groceries. As I said above, I am weird about food so I stock him up fairly regularly, the boy is not going to go hungry any time soon.

He buys his own gas, pays his car insurance and we cover cell phone, medical stuff (rx's, co-pays etc) car repairs etc. He also buys most of his own clothes, although Christmas/Easter are excuses for me to replenish things.

DS takes 14-16 units, works part time and also is an intern at a local Physical Therapy clinic. We send them to college for a lot of reasons and what they learn in the classroom is only part of the educational process (those words of wisdom came from my oh so patient DH when DS had a lackluster 2nd semester of his Freshman year) DH was right. DS is learning all kinds of things being on his own.

Good luck

 

[Handbag Lady]

Send him out jobless. He needs to learn to support himself.

 

[Tinkmom75]

Send him out jobless. He needs to learn to support himself.

I totally agree. My DD has been babysitting since 13 and I told her this summer I expect her to have a job. She is currently working on it. A couple of times she asked for $$ I told her to get a job. We provide food, a reasonable amount of clothing, toiletries, car insurance, gas until she gets a job etc. Going to the movies (without us), getting takeout (when we have something planned for dinner), additional clothing and accessories are her responsibility. I also told her since we are paying for car ins. she will be doing some more free babysitting for me occasionally.