Lazy, Unappreciative 18 year old....

[Disney Doll]

I am only 20 so I'm not a parent but for me the more my parents bugged me about getting a job the more they ticked me off and the more I refused...

Interesting perspective.

The more you would have stayed home and not driven any car I owned or derived anything from me other than the most basic necessities of life until you realized that adults (which most 18-21 year olds claim to be) work for a living.

 

[eliza61]

My DS is 18. He is going away to college in August. For the past year we have encouraged him to find a job. Just so he has his own spending money. Wherever we go we ask if they are hiring or not. He will go begrudingly to fill out an application but will not do any sort of followup. He had an opportunity to go to Germany with a prior exchange student if he just found a job. He didn't do it

Now it is time for him to go to college. Since he will not have a car we have told him to get a job on the campus. I can't get him to call to take the first step. I found the website and everything.

DH and I are getting ready to send him there without any money. There isn't food provided on the weekend and he would need money to eat. The other option is not to send him until he can prove he can help us send him away.

DS is a good boy, this is his only down fall Help!

Welcome to my world. I just posted a thread about my 19 year old who is just completing his freshman year. For some reason boyfriend thought he was going to spend the summer, living la vida loca in NYC with his cousins. on my dime.

Unfortunately he's got the wrong mom for that. He starts his new job at the AMC movie theater on May 1st and I made him fill out an application at the local amusement park for a back up.

 

[Disney Doll]

I wouldn't give him a CC, he might just get pressured to make that pizza run an "emergency" and one incident turns into another.

If you have to give him something, get him one of those pre-paid CC's, then when the money is gone, it's gone and no problems for you.

Suzanne

I agree with this.
Bekieve me, if there is a big enough emergency, he or someone else, will find you. No one wants your problems.

If I got him a prepaid CC, it would have a VERY low amount on it...maybe $150 at most, and I don't know if I'd be that generous.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Interesting perspective.

The more you would have stayed home and not driven any car I owned or derived anything from me other than the most basic necessities of life until you realized that adults (which most 18-21 year olds claim to be) work for a living.

Thank you, I wanted to say something to that effect, but every time I thought about it it wasn't really nice.

I agree with this.
Bekieve me, if there is a big enough emergency, he or someone else, will find you. No one wants your problems.

If I got him a prepaid CC, it would have a VERY low amount on it...maybe $150 at most, and I don't know if I'd be that generous.

No, I wasn't talking about giving him much, just enough for a month or 2 at most until he can find work. He does need time to settle in, but if he has continuous access to money, he won't look for a job.

I am the shyiest of shy and I was stil able to get out and find a job. My grandmother wouldn't allow me to work during high school, she wanted me to concentrate on my education. I did babysit almost everyweeked starting at age 14, but that was fun money. I didn't have a car (didn't have a license) until close to the end of my senior year, I didn't need one. I went to the community college, because of the HS I went to, they didn't even try for scholarships, mom was able to get a Pell Grant. I started working for my mom's friend babysitting full time (her mom broke her arm and couldn't keep her children) all summer until I started classes, then I was able to find a job at a local church (the lady I babysat for attended) keeping their nursery a couple days a week, until I graduated. It didn't give me alot of money, but with my schedule it worked out great.

I continued at the church, for many years after, even though I was working a full time job, which I landed 6 months after I graduated.

Suzanne

 

[minkydog]

Is this the 23 year old son who you had to kick out of your home because he did not work and only played video games all night?

Yup. One and the same. He was toeing the line until he was about 22. When he lost his job he somehow got the idea that he was entitled to live off the land. We let it go for about 4-5 months trying to help him get back on his feet, giving him a break on rent and food. Last summer there was a showdown--he didn't want to get off his butt and do for himself, get a job or go to school so we made life just as hard on him as we could. He got mad and left. The update on DS23 is that he moved in with friends, pays his own way, and has his own life. Last week he took himself down to the local community college and got on the waiting list for next quarter. So, yeah. We've had a few bumps in the road but I still stand by tough love. The experience was much harder on me than it was on him. These young men are capable of taking care of themselves when they have to.

 

[dairyou]

You said that he is shy and wants to do everything online? I had that problem with younger ds. He's not shy exactly but doesn't feel really secure in asking for a job. I felt like I was treating him like a child, but I finally just loaded him up and went with him (I sat in the car while he went into the businesses). We started on side of town and went to the other. Once the job offers started coming in, he started feeling more secure about the whole thing and I think that helped with the new job jitters/insecurities when he took one of the jobs.

I've done this also. He doesn't want to get in the car.

He did call the college. A big step For him at least! They said to come see them at orientation. Our little talk ended up in a huge fight but we got our point across. He knows what the rules are now. It's up to him to now. We will provide everything. PBJ, tp, deodorant, ect. We told him no borrowing money from his friend/roommate. We will talk to his parents too.