Lazy, Unappreciative 18 year old....

[marcyinPA]

I think if he doesn't have any money for the fun things. He will find a job quick, tough loves sounds like it would do him a world of good

Yup! I agree with this completely! I had a "little" bit of spending money when I started college, but it went fast! By the middle of my first semester, I was broke. (too much ordering in for pizza and stromboli I think! ). My parents were not in a position to give me money. I was on my own. I ended up getting a job in the dining hall with a couple of friends of mine who found themselves in the same predicament. The money wasn't the greatest, but the idea of making even more per hour by working in the disgusting "dish room" became even more appealing. By my senior year, I had worked my way up to student supervisor! I had moved off campus by then, and realized that if I still worked on campus at the dining hall, I'd at least have a few free meals per week!

 

[bookgirl]

Buy him a minimum amount of gift cards to resturants within walking distance, to supplement his weekends for about six weeks. After that he's on his own, for food. I would not supplement his spending money.

 

[kirstenb1]

An on-campus job would be an easy job, both to get and keep. One of the jobs I had as a freshman was 15 hrs as a dishwasher in the dorm. Seriously, very easy. You either worked breakfast, lunch or dinner shift, 1 three hour gig a day. I was the oldest of 6 kids, so I also had a paper route, and a job as a cashier at a seafood place. Believe me, no $$ coming in from home.

 

[padams]

You should stop giving him spending money now. When he gets to school, send him with just enough money to feed himself on weekends for the first month. If he blows it the first week, he is out of luck. I agree with the others that he needs some tough love but start showing it now rather than waiting until fall.

 

[Mermaid02]

Send him to school- he made a decision and now he can live with the consequences.

 

[flamingglobessigmund]

My DS is 18. He is going away to college in August. For the past year we have encouraged him to find a job. Just so he has his own spending money. Wherever we go we ask if they are hiring or not. He will go begrudingly to fill out an application but will not do any sort of followup. He had an opportunity to go to Germany with a prior exchange student if he just found a job. He didn't do it

Now it is time for him to go to college. Since he will not have a car we have told him to get a job on the campus. I can't get him to call to take the first step. I found the website and everything.

DH and I are getting ready to send him there without any money. There isn't food provided on the weekend and he would need money to eat. The other option is not to send him until he can prove he can help us send him away.

DS is a good boy, this is his only down fall Help!

First, are you sure he wants to go away to college? I only ask because I have friends who paid for their daughter's first semester, and she really didn't want to be there. She started skipping classes, failed, and the parents were out thousands of dollars.

If he truly wants to go away to college, then send him without spending money. This is where you need to be firm. He will find out soon enough what a drag that is. My ex had the week day only meal plan and after going hungry for a few weekends, he found a weekend job at a bowling alley.

Hopefully, he will want to be at college, and will do his class work. Otherwise, you'll be having to get tough on him under your own roof. And that will be harder on you.

 

[Christine]

An on-campus job would be an easy job, both to get and keep. One of the jobs I had as a freshman was 15 hrs as a dishwasher in the dorm. Seriously, very easy. You either worked breakfast, lunch or dinner shift, 1 three hour gig a day. I was the oldest of 6 kids, so I also had a paper route, and a job as a cashier at a seafood place. Believe me, no $$ coming in from home.

At my DD's school, these jobs aren't easy to get. They are all reserved for the financial aid work-study kids. So if you don't qualify for that, you don't get the job.

 

[disney1990]

At my DD's school, these jobs aren't easy to get. They are all reserved for the financial aid work-study kids. So if you don't qualify for that, you don't get the job.

The is the same way at my daughter's college. She was been all over her town and hasn't been able to find a job anywhere. So, if you send him with no money and he can't find a job, then what?

 

[kirstenb1]

At my DD's school, these jobs aren't easy to get. They are all reserved for the financial aid work-study kids. So if you don't qualify for that, you don't get the job.

Yeah, at our school, they got first dibs on those too. But if you waited 2 weeks, they'd open the jobs up to everyone else.

 

[Christine]

The is the same way at my daughter's college. She was been all over her town and hasn't been able to find a job anywhere. So, if you send him with no money and he can't find a job, then what?

I will tell you that my DD tried and tried for a job several times (on campus). They just weren't available. Her roommate was work study so got a library job and has kept it all year. She applied for some jobs at the pizza places in town were students go but these places are open 24 hours or well into the wee hours of the morning (2-3 a.m.) and she just didn't want to work those hours and have to go to class the next morning (or walk home to her dorm at that time).

As a freshman, I think it's really hard to be sure you will get a job. It *might* happen but you can't count on it. Sophmore year is much different as they usually can have a car at the point and the job options are then much more plentiful.

 

[Northstar]

The is the same way at my daughter's college. She was been all over her town and hasn't been able to find a job anywhere. So, if you send him with no money and he can't find a job, then what?

Then he will learn what it is like to live without money, without actually having to live on the streets or in squalor.

No meal plan for the weekend? Let him eat ramen and Kraft dinner. Or do a 48-hour fast. He won't starve, seriously.

The point is that if he had taken action to get a job to save up before going away, or had tried to apply using the info about jobs on campus that OP provided, he would have had some money.

 

[Evil Genius]

I would stop giving him money now. It will be a long hot summer without any cash to hang out with friends. If he asks for gas money to go find a job, take the car to the gas station yourself and put in $10.00. Start a tab as to what he will be paying you back.

If you don't want to be that drastic, send him to school with no extras. Honestly it will be the best kick in the pants he will receive.

 

[themilesfamily]

OP has he given any reason as to why he won't get a job?

Is he the shy type or insecure? Does he have low self-esteem? Does he battle depression?

What are his grades like in school? If he has great grades, then I wouldn't necessarily say he's lazy if he can excel in some areas of life.

Maybe it's not laziness, maybe there's something else going on.

How does he spend his time? If he doesn't want a job just because he wants to hang around the house and play video games, (or whatever teens do these days), that's one thing. But maybe it's something else that you could help him work through.

Not trying to excuse him, but just wondering...

And I hope things work out!!!!

 

[bettymae1121]

I would try to find out why he won't get a job. If it's due to anxity, depresion, low self esteme, etc. then you need to find that out now, BEFORE you send him away. These problems can be made worse by the stress of going away to school.

But, if it turns out he's just a lazy kid, then I agree with the others. Cut off any suport you are giving him now, make it clear he won't get any suport in school, and send him on his merry way! I'd also let him know that, with or without a job, if you don't like his grades on his first semester report card, you aren't paying for his second semester and then he is REALLY on his own.

 

[Disney Doll]

You know what? When I was 18, my parents wouldn't have gave a crap less why I didn't want to get a job. They would have said "Get a job, we're not supporting your social life".

OP, send him to school with a couple of cases of ramen noodles and some PB&J so he can eat something on the weekends, if that will assuage tour guilt.

Then be done with the money thing. If he asks, say "No.Get ajob. We're paying for school, we're paying for your meal plan, we sent you up there with food for the weekend. Anything you want beyond that is your responsibility". Believe me, college kids are ruthless...you can only mooch off your dorm mates for so long before they'll kick you to the curb.

I remember my niece had a kind of cheesy roommate who thought the world existed to do her bidding. It didn't take her long to realize that when all her friends were busting their butts working and going to school that they were not going to supporther life of leisure by always paying when the gang went out. Staying home from a few social events because none of her friends would pay for her made her realize the necessity of getting a job.

 

[Thumbs18]

I am only 20 so I'm not a parent but for me the more my parents bugged me about getting a job the more they ticked me off and the more I refused...Maybe he should make a list of things he is interested in (even campus stuff) and then find places to look for jobs that deal with his list of interests. Working in an environment you enjoy makes it enjoyable and you are less likely to quit...(especially younger people). Hope I helped!

 

[dairyou]

Are you paying for 100% of his education or did he get scholarships?

My dd is a college freshman and worked over the summer for her spending money for her first yr. She did good. She has 300 left.

I don't know what I would do. Does he have a mental issue with anxiety or depression? Or is he out with his buddies partying every night and blowing off getting a job?

Because DS has this tendency not to look for a job, we told him we would only pay 50% of his education and he would have to fund the rest. He had hoped he would apply for scholarships or grants and this has not motivated him either. We've told relatives to stop giving him money for birthdays ect.

No, he is not depressed or anything. He has a good social life but is not out there partying every night or anything

 

[dairyou]

I think you should send him without money. While it seems harsh, it's a good life lesson. He'll straighten himself out very very soon. 18 year old boys gotta eat!

My husband wants to do this. I want to also, but I don't know if I can or not!

 

[dairyou]

If you let him stay home, he will still be this way in 4 or 5 years. Send him on, when he gets tired of sitting around watching everybody else have fun, he'll get a clue.

I would probably toss him a jar of PB and a loaf of bread in with his things.

Suzanne

This has been the best idea! When we talk to him tonight we'll tell him about pbj. He really doesn't care for it and he is such a foodie. This would get him for sure!

 

[dairyou]

Are you raising my son? They sound the exact same. The only problem with tough love in our situation is there really aren't any jobs in our small town right now w/the economy. Even one local grocery store is "firing" their youth to give the jobs to adults that need it.

Yes, we live in a small town too. Not much hiring going on. We understand the economy is bad but he is not even trying. If he was we'd be willing to pay for alot more things.