Ladies, sons and bathrooms

[Hikergirl]

Another thing you guys could do is have one of you stay near each exit that way if he does wander out the wrong one, one of you would be there.

 

[Tara1988]

That's a nice sentiment for the mothers who want to give their daughters a sense of security. Why is a young boy's sense of security more important than a young girl's?

Because if she's minding her business and respecting everyone else's privacy, as my son does, her sense of security wouldn't be affected by another young person who is also minding their own business and respecting everyone else's privacy. The problem doesn't come from the mere presence of a person of the opposite gender, the problem comes from people not doing what they are supposed to do in the bathroom. Do you not think there are girls out there who enjoy peeping at other girls? Gender is made into a bigger issue than it needs to be, especially when it comes to young children. That just over shadows the real issue of behavior. If all children are taught the importance of privacy and decency, then there's no problem with young boys and girls sharing a bathroom.

 

[Hikergirl]

Because if she's minding her business and respecting everyone else's privacy, as my son does, her sense of security wouldn't be affected by another young person who is also minding their own business and respecting everyone else's privacy. The problem doesn't come from the mere presence of a person of the opposite gender, the problem comes from people not doing what they are supposed to do in the bathroom. Do you not think there are girls out there who enjoy peeping at other girls? Gender is made into a bigger issue than it needs to be, especially when it comes to young children. That just over shadows the real issue of behavior. If all children are taught the importance of privacy and decency, then there's no problem with young boys and girls sharing a bathroom.

According to you, but since everyone has their own feelings about things its not really fair to the little girls in that bathroom who just may not be comfortable with a boy in there. You don't get to dictate how they should feel.

 

[Angel Ariel]

Because if she's minding her business and respecting everyone else's privacy, as my son does, her sense of security wouldn't be affected by another young person who is also minding their own business and respecting everyone else's privacy. The problem doesn't come from the mere presence of a person of the opposite gender, the problem comes from people not doing what they are supposed to do in the bathroom. Do you not think there are girls out there who enjoy peeping at other girls? Gender is made into a bigger issue than it needs to be, especially when it comes to young children. That just over shadows the real issue of behavior. If all children are taught the importance of privacy and decency, then there's no problem with young boys and girls sharing a bathroom.

I understand what you are saying, and I don't disagree with a lot of it (regarding a major issue being privacy and decency). That said, no one has the right to say what someone else's sense of security will be affected by. As a young girl dealing with puberty issues, yes, a boy my age just being in the restroom would have made me very uncomfortable. I highly *highly* doubt I am alone in that. It may not have been rational, but it was real. (General) You may not have felt that way yourself, and (g)you may not understand it - but (g)you don't have the right to make the decision for someone else that it really isn't an issue at all.

 

[cruisingtwins]

Why? A child could be hurt or molested or need help (all reasons cited in this thread) in the women's room just as easily as in the men's. Again what is so scary about the men's room?
And around five is when dh started having dds go into the ladies room. They did not want to go into the men's room with him because they were big girls

Because the grand grand grand majority of predators arre men.

 

[aaarcher86]

I'd like to see the statistics on the predators of men targeting little boys versus women. I mean, predators might be men, but they aren't all targeting young boys. Seems likes there's a story at least once a week about a female teacher being inappropriate with boys than anything else. Hope you're not sending your boys to school unattended :-/

As the OP I will say this topic has veered wildly off base. It seems to be forgotten that I did NOT want to bring him into the ladies room nor would he want to go. For our family that is inappropriate. I wanted suggestions on how to handle knowing he is safe in the men's room. I got several good suggestions.

Use a safe or panic word. Use a stall instead of a urinal. If he is going to be long, let the moms know. If possible, use the bathrooms at the restaurants as they are often smaller. Companion bathrooms if available.

A sincere thank you to everyone who offered ideas on what they have found works for them and their children.

You could also give him one of your cell phones since you'll have two adults. He can take one, which would allow him to call you if he happens to get lost or separated and/or goes out the wrong exit.

Because if she's minding her business and respecting everyone else's privacy, as my son does, her sense of security wouldn't be affected by another young person who is also minding their own business and respecting everyone else's privacy. The problem doesn't come from the mere presence of a person of the opposite gender, the problem comes from people not doing what they are supposed to do in the bathroom. Do you not think there are girls out there who enjoy peeping at other girls? Gender is made into a bigger issue than it needs to be, especially when it comes to young children. That just over shadows the real issue of behavior. If all children are taught the importance of privacy and decency, then there's no problem with young boys and girls sharing a bathroom.

No, totally disagree. I'm sure you've been in a situation where someone makes you feel uncomfortable but they aren't really "doing" anything. That's natural instinct. And since girls and boys go in separate restrooms for roughly 4 years and are taught not to go into the opposite gender bathroom, it's natural for them to feel uncomfortable.

I agree with you that it is being made bigger than what it should be, but on the opposite end. By the parents of the boys.

Again, you're answering based on your feelings with your 5 year old. I don't think there's a single post in this thread about an 8 year old boy being totally fine going into the ladies.

 

[Gracie09]

Because the grand grand grand majority of predators arre men.

The grand great majority of predators are people you and your child knows. (90% know their victim, over half are relatives of their victim) Not men in the public restrooms. The number of women sex offenders is vastly underreported because people just don't think women would/could do that. And the vast majority of victims of sexual abuse are girls - over 80%. Which makes it even more unlikely that the stranger in the busy mens room at Disney World is going to harm any 8 year old boy in there.

 

[robinb]

I don't think there's a single post in this thread about an 8 year old boy being totally fine going into the ladies.

just wait. I remember one thread where moms were advocating for their middle school boys to use the ladies' room with them.

 

[cruisingtwins]

The grand great majority of predators are people you and your child knows. (90% know their victim, over half are relatives of their victim) Not men in the public restrooms. The number of women sex offenders is vastly underreported because people just don't think women would/could do that. And the vast majority of victims of sexual abuse are girls - over 80%. Which makes it even more unlikely that the stranger in the busy mens room at Disney World is going to harm any 8 year old boy in there.

We already went over that. The majority of all sex crimes goes unreported. The stuff that happens in public bathrooms peeping/flashing even more.

 

[Gracie09]

We already went over that. The majority of all sex crimes goes unreported. The stuff that happens in public bathrooms peeping/flashing even more.

just because the raw numbers would be doesn't mean the ratios would be different. The fact still remains that your child is more at risk with people you know than people you don't in a public rest room. I hope you don't send your child to school, or church, or a friends house, or scouts all places that they are more likely to be abused than a rest room in Disney World. And stranger abuse is more likely to be reported than abuse by a friend or relative

 

[Tara1988]

According to you, but since everyone has their own feelings about things its not really fair to the little girls in that bathroom who just may not be comfortable with a boy in there. You don't get to dictate how they should feel.

That's fine, but they also can't dictate how my young child should feel about going into an unfamiliar, crowded place alone. My point is, if someone is not actively doing something wrong or inappropriate, you can't just say their presence or existence makes you uncomfortable and expect them to bend to your will.

 

[aaarcher86]

That's fine, but they also can't dictate how my young child should feel about going into an unfamiliar, crowded place alone. My point is, if someone is not actively doing something wrong or inappropriate, you can't just say their presence or existence makes you uncomfortable and expect them to bend to your will.

In most situations I'd agree. I don't think it really pertains to someone going into a restroom assigned to the opposite gender.

 

[Tara1988]

I understand what you are saying, and I don't disagree with a lot of it (regarding a major issue being privacy and decency). That said, no one has the right to say what someone else's sense of security will be affected by. As a young girl dealing with puberty issues, yes, a boy my age just being in the restroom would have made me very uncomfortable. I highly *highly* doubt I am alone in that. It may not have been rational, but it was real. (General) You may not have felt that way yourself, and (g)you may not understand it - but (g)you don't have the right to make the decision for someone else that it really isn't an issue at all.

But by the same token, you also can't say it's not an issue for a young boy to go in a crowded unfamiliar place alone just because he doesn't have a same gender adult with him. Also, we're talking about young kids under 10, once they reach or near puberty, if he still isn't comfortable going alone, we will have to use companion restrooms. But when there's only one of those, my 5 year old's bladder would burst waiting on it

 

[Minnesota!]

All the gyms/pools/y's/etc around my area have very strict rules that children over the age of 6 or 7 (depending on the facility) are absolutely not allowed in the opposite gender locker room or bathrooms. They will kick the child out.

My gym has the rule that NO age mixed genders are allowed. Infants on up. We have a family locker room for that. And, they enforce it. I love it!

 

[mjkacmom]

But by the same token, you also can't say it's not an issue for a young boy to go in a crowded unfamiliar place alone just because he doesn't have a same gender adult with him. Also, we're talking about young kids under 10, once they reach or near puberty, if he still isn't comfortable going alone, we will have to use companion restrooms. But when there's only one of those, my 5 year old's bladder would burst waiting on it

Being very familiar with 8 year old boys (having had 2 go my own, 2 nephews, plus tons on their friends), I sincerely doubt there are many (if any) who would choose the ladies room over the men's room. They have to be dragged in, kicking and screaming.

 

[Angel Ariel]

But by the same token, you also can't say it's not an issue for a young boy to go in a crowded unfamiliar place alone just because he doesn't have a same gender adult with him. Also, we're talking about young kids under 10, once they reach or near puberty, if he still isn't comfortable going alone, we will have to use companion restrooms. But when there's only one of those, my 5 year old's bladder would burst waiting on it

When i referenced girls in puberty, I'm referring to any girl who may be in the restroom. Your son may be under 10, but that doesn't mean all the girls in the restroom are under 10. I also was not referencing a 5 year old. I have no issue with a 5 year old boy in a ladies room. An 8 year old is an entirely different story.

As for the other part..I never discounted the discomfort the boy may feel. I was responding to you because you did discount any discomfort young girls may feel, saying they shouldn't feel that if the boy us behaving appropriately. Whether gyou think they should feel a certain way, gyou don't get to make that decision for them.

Neither child's comfort should negatively affect the other. The compromise of bringing a boy into the stall with you addresses it somewhat..not entirely, but it's at least a compromise. If gyou isn't comfortable having the boy in the stall with gyou, then they shouldn't be in the ladies room at all. Just saying that girls need to suck it up and deal is not an appropriate way to handle it, IMO.

 

[cruisingtwins]

just because the raw numbers would be doesn't mean the ratios would be different. The fact still remains that your child is more at risk with people you know than people you don't in a public rest room. I hope you don't send your child to school, or church, or a friends house, or scouts all places that they are more likely to be abused than a rest room in Disney World. And stranger abuse is more likely to be reported than abuse by a friend or relative

Ok then... I aproach each situation with my whateer knowledge I have currently I have a 4 year old boy and you cannot pay me enough money to send him into a public bathroom by himself when he is 5,6,7 I'll reasess.

And yeah family bathrooms are great the biggest problem is that there are not enough of them. And there is usually a parent with several kids with them so they take a long time which is not compatible with my kids who wait to tell me until the last minute they need to go.

I'm talking about bathrooms with private stalls. I feel different about pool changing rooms where there is a lot of nudity. I would not take a boy over 5 into one of those but I would also would not send them into a mens only changing room. I would wait forever for the family or change them outside with a towel or something.

 

[mjkacmom]

Ok then... I aproach each situation with my whateer knowledge I have currently I have a 4 year old boy and you cannot pay me enough money to send him into a public bathroom by himself when he is 5,6,7 I'll reasess.

And yeah family bathrooms are great the biggest problem is that there are not enough of them. And there is usually a parent with several kids with them so they take a long time which is not compatible with my kids who wait to tell me until the last minute they need to go.

I'm talking about bathrooms with private stalls. I feel different about pool changing rooms where there is a lot of nudity. I would not take a boy over 5 into one of those but I would also would not send them into a mens only changing room. I would wait forever for the family or change them outside with a towel or something.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/robinedds/i-can-see-you#.qoD4no0DX

First article that came up (there are many more). But you son is 4 - I don't know of any female who would blink at a 4 year old in the ladies room.

 

[Hikergirl]

That's fine, but they also can't dictate how my young child should feel about going into an unfamiliar, crowded place alone. My point is, if someone is not actively doing something wrong or inappropriate, you can't just say their presence or existence makes you uncomfortable and expect them to bend to your will.

Bend to your will? Nah, its just about an expectation that there won't be any boys over a certain age in the ladies restroom. That's a pretty reasonable expectation for any female using it to have.

 

[cruisingtwins]

Well yeah I was responding to the fact that people were saying but it's disney world the safest place on earth. Everyone there is a Grandpa! and the post that said that women commit just as many sex crimes as men which is ridicoulus.