Ladies, sons and bathrooms

[maxiesmom]

If I had an 8 year old on my own at Disney I'd take him in with me. I just don't think it's a big deal. I have a son and 2 daughters and I just don't get why ppl. can get so worked up about a boy in the women's bathroom. There are stalls and he's a kid. It's just not a big deal in my eyes, especially compared to the safety of a child.

If it isn't a big deal then please take him in the stall with you. The stalls are not solid doors without gaps, it is easy enough to catch a glimpse of whoever is on the other side of the door. If someone isn't comfortable with their son going into the restroom alone, fine. Then take them in the stall with you. If you don't think it is a big deal if he were to peep, then make sure you are the only one he can peep at.

 

[aaarcher86]

I've taught my child the "right" way to respond to dangerous situations. But there are 2 very important things you have to remember. #1 as a parent, it's my job to limit the chance of him being in a dangerous situation as much as possible. And #2 when a child is in a dangerous situation, no amount of preparation will help, there's still a very high chance that they will panic, their mind will go blank, and they will do exactly what they aren't supposed to do. I can't tell you how many times we went over our fire safety plan when we moved into our new house. And it was simple enough, if the alarm goes off, you leave the house, if you see your brother and don't see a grown up, pick him up and take him with you. We practiced several times and even had a surprise test a week later and he did great. But when the smoke alarm actually went off, he ran through the house crying and looking for me. Thankfully it was just a poorly placed smoke detector on top of the refrigerator that we didn't know about and my husband attempting to cook bacon. Bottom line, if a potentially dangerous situation can be avoided, why not avoid it. Taking him to the bathroom with me, or my husband, provides security and cuts out a number of risks, not just from predators. Plus it doesn't hurt anyone, so what's the big deal?

I mean, that mindset can be put right back at you. It doesn't hurt anyone to let him go to the restroom by himself while you wait outside. What's the big deal?

I personally think it's silly to pretend there's some added level of danger at WDW than there is anywhere else. Heck, schools are now are more likely to have a predator or a shooting than your kid being oogled in the bathroom.

I guess I just can't wrap my head around making other people uncomfortable because of a misplaced fear. Do I care in the long run what you do with your kid? No. Do I care if what you do with your kid upsets mine? Yes. I don't think we have ever run into a kid more than 4 or 5 in the restroom, so as of now, it hasn't even been an issue.

And people can complain that women shouldn't care or whatever, but if there's anywhere someone deserves to be a prude it's the restroom.

 

[Tara1988]

I mean, that mindset can be put right back at you. It doesn't hurt anyone to let him go to the restroom by himself while you wait outside. What's the big deal?

I personally think it's silly to pretend there's some added level of danger at WDW than there is anywhere else. Heck, schools are now are more likely to have a predator or a shooting than your kid being oogled in the bathroom.

I guess I just can't wrap my head around making other people uncomfortable because of a misplaced fear. Do I care in the long run what you do with your kid? No. Do I care if what you do with your kid upsets mine? Yes. I don't think we have ever run into a kid more than 4 or 5 in the restroom, so as of now, it hasn't even been an issue.

And people can complain that women shouldn't care or whatever, but if there's anywhere someone deserves to be a prude it's the restroom.

It does hurt someone to have him go in a public bathroom alone. It makes him uncomfortable and it puts him at unnecessary risk, whether everyone wants to admit that or not. My son isn't going to do anything to make anyone uncomfortable while he's in the bathroom. He won't look at anyone, talk to anyone, or touch anyone. If his mere presence and the fact that he has a ***** inside his pants that no one else has the opportunity to see unless they are peaking in a locked stall, makes someone uncomfortable, that is their personal problem and will not change what I do to give my child a sense of security.

 

[Minnesota!]

My boys stopped coming in to the bathroom with me at 4 or 5. I was at the mall the other night and a mom was forcing her 2 boys - probably 6 and 9 - to come in the ladies room with her and they were ADAMENT that they were not going to. She dragged them in. I just shook my head and walked out. The blades were whirring with that one, for sure.

 

[aaarcher86]

It does hurt someone to have him go in a public bathroom alone. It makes him uncomfortable and it puts him at unnecessary risk, whether everyone wants to admit that or not. My son isn't going to do anything to make anyone uncomfortable while he's in the bathroom. He won't look at anyone, talk to anyone, or touch anyone. If his mere presence and the fact that he has a ***** inside his pants that no one else has the opportunity to see unless they are peaking in a locked stall, makes someone uncomfortable, that is their personal problem and will not change what I do to give my child a sense of security.

I'm not sure how you'll prevent him from peaking at anyone. Will he be in the stall with you? No body thinks their precious angel would do anything out of line, but it obviously happens. Anytime you leave your child he's at unnecessary risk.

And yes, at FIVE, I could see why he would be uncomfortable. At EIGHT, I doubt he will feel the same way (the age the OPs child is). However, if MY 8 year feels uncomfortable! I don't know why you think she should have to suck it up in her own gendered bathroom.

 

[mjkacmom]

It does hurt someone to have him go in a public bathroom alone. It makes him uncomfortable and it puts him at unnecessary risk, whether everyone wants to admit that or not. My son isn't going to do anything to make anyone uncomfortable while he's in the bathroom. He won't look at anyone, talk to anyone, or touch anyone. If his mere presence and the fact that he has a ***** inside his pants that no one else has the opportunity to see unless they are peaking in a locked stall, makes someone uncomfortable, that is their personal problem and will not change what I do to give my child a sense of security.

The vast majority of 8 year olds do not feel uncomfortable going alone into the men's room - they feel uncomfortable going into the ladies room. Your son is 5, not 8. Huge difference. An 8 year old being seen in the ladies room by a peer would be mortified! You really don't think your son will mature at all in 3 years?!

 

[Dazzled by Disney]

I think it all comes down to yourown piece of mind. Everyone has different ages and guidelines for when they think their child is ready for something. If he is uncomfortable I wouldn't push it but if it freaks you out that much just take him with you. I've never thought twice about a boy that age in the womens room at Disney.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

I guess I just can't wrap my head around making other people uncomfortable because of a misplaced fear. Do I care in the long run what you do with your kid? No. Do I care if what you do with your kid upsets mine? Yes. I don't think we have ever run into a kid more than 4 or 5 in the restroom, so as of now, it hasn't even been an issue.

And people can complain that women shouldn't care or whatever, but if there's anywhere someone deserves to be a prude it's the restroom.

I've had a young man staring at me, in the shower, at our local health club. He was about 9. And he was getting an eyeful.

When I screamed, he ran. And his mother seemed upset at me for scaring him.

They now have signs that your child must be under your direct supervision. And that means in your bathroom stall or behind your curtain in the shower.

 

[Hrhpd]

Although I firmly believe that an 8 year old is way, way too old to be in a ladies bathroom, it is up to the parent's discretion on what to do. Although in our area, it is common to post signs that anybody over 6 years old must use their same sex bathroom or a family area if available.

You also need to consider what you are comfortable with your boy seeing. It is a ladies room. In my half a century on this earth, I have seen so many women and girls in various stages of undress in bathrooms. Disney seems to be particularly prone, especially around the wet rides.

Also, note that not all women or girls in ladies rooms are tolerant of boys in their bathroom. You are going to have to be comfortable with the chance that some woman will make snide remarks at your child, making him uncomfortable. For instance "Aren't you a little old to be in the ladies bathroom?"

If you are comfortable with your son walking into the restroom and taking the chance of seeing partially nude women and girls or having some old bitty embarrass him, then go for it.


I also strongly believe that if you are bringing your 2nd/3rd grade son in the restroom with you, you must take him in the stall with you. If you are uncomfortable with your son with you, then he does not belong in a ladies restroom.

 

[Hrhpd]

Maybe when he's 10 we will revisit the issue.

If people are going to think that there is a perv on every corner, some might turn it around and say that parents who take 5th and 6th graders and older (neurotypical kids) into the ladies restroom are the pervs. They are taking young men who are on the cusp of puberty into an area where women are undressed, even if it is behind doors of stalls. You are subjecting these young men to feelings that may be confusing for them. 10 year olds are not little boys.

 

[Hrhpd]

I've had a young man staring at me, in the shower, at our local health club. He was about 9. And he was getting an eyeful.

When I screamed, he ran. And his mother seemed upset at me for scaring him.

They now have signs that your child must be under your direct supervision. And that means in your bathroom stall or behind your curtain in the shower.

All the gyms/pools/y's/etc around my area have very strict rules that children over the age of 6 or 7 (depending on the facility) are absolutely not allowed in the opposite gender locker room or bathrooms. They will kick the child out.

 

[snowman]

My son would refuse to go in the ladies room at that age.....he would be more embarrassed than the girls, but from first grade on my DH and I have trained him about manners for him and others in the restrooms....and that he us to tell us if anything sends up a red flag....this includes anyone taking pictures in the restrooms. We started with smaller public restrooms at 6/7.... Now he's pretty independent. I am not offended by seeing older boys in the restrooms though....some kids develop independence at different ages for various reasons.

Usually DH takes DS and I take the girls....if we r not with DH we wait outside at prearranged meeting spot.

Since the wife and I are both women, a DH will never figure in to our travel plans. Hmmm, I wonder if my friend will lend me hers.

To me this is such a non issue subject! Have you ever seen just how busy WDW restrooms are? No one is going to stand by and see any child hurt - even in the very small chance anyone would try to. An 8 yr. old is plenty capable of going in a restroom there alone. (Also, most of the restrooms only have one entrance - use those.) This subject comes up ever so often, and sometimes I wonder if it's just to and get a lively controversial debate going!! ....

I really believe, though, that most posters that start these threads have their minds already made up, so don't much understand the 'asking' for advice. JMO

Thanks so much. We are new parents to our 7 year old. Our son has lived with us for less than a year. We haven't taken any major trips with him and he has only been ours for 3 months. We have had to learn on the fly what most other parents have had 7 years to figure out. I've already acknowledged that I think it would be wrong to bring him into the ladies room and that he wouldn't like it. I was also grateful ( and said so) for a suggestion about creating a safeword for him to use. We are still asking lots of questions and using all our resources. Dang...glad I didn't ask if he would be considered rude when he asks about any of the varied cultures he will see there.

 

[DisneyOma]

OP, if you are that concerned, feel free to take him into the companion restrooms, or the restrooms in first aid. Or in the stall with you in the women's restroom.

How about going into the men's restroom with him?

 

[LilyWDW]

If it isn't a big deal then please take him in the stall with you. The stalls are not solid doors without gaps, it is easy enough to catch a glimpse of whoever is on the other side of the door. If someone isn't comfortable with their son going into the restroom alone, fine. Then take them in the stall with you. If you don't think it is a big deal if he were to peep, then make sure you are the only one he can peep at.

This is how I feel. If the child is "too old" to be in the stall with mom, then the child is too old to be in the opposite sex bathroom. Seems like a good compromise to me.

 

[Snap Crackle Pop]

If you aren't comfortable with your kid being in the stall with you, then your son needs to be in the correct bathroom. I feel like that's a good compromise and rule of thumb.

 

[adennis0421]

This can all be really easily solved by finding a companion restroom. They're not just for the disabled, so no reason to feel bad about utilizing it if you need to.

I don't really think it's fair to compare the comfort of an adult and the comfort of a child to having the opposite gender in the restroom - kids aren't expected to have the rationalization skills of adults. There's plenty of young girls that don't want a boy the same age in their restroom for whatever reason, and in every other instance they're told boys aren't supposed to be in there. To expect them to be okay with it all of the sudden is silly, especially young girls who are dealing with the becoming comfortable with their own bodies.

We've all had to let go a little as parents and do things that make us uncomfortable and trust that we've shown our kids the right path. If I didn't do anything that made me slightly uncomfortable my kids would have never had a sleepovers away, gotten on a bus to go to/from school, etc. And it's easy to say "there's no danger there" but I think we've all seen the crazy sex teacher stories, or bus driver beatings or whatever. The odds are just as tiny in both cases.

Trust your kid. Seriously. They're little people. If they're uncomfortable going into the girls restroom, just find a compromise that works. It's just a restroom. It's really not that different than a mall restroom at any given time - could be busy or could be slow.

This is how we handle it as well. Companion or "family" restrooms. I have an 8 yr old ds and a 4 yr old ds. If my DH isn't with me, I find a family restroom. My 8 yr old doesn't want to go in the ladies and I don't want to take him in there either...because I know there might be young girls in there that might be uncomfortable. But, I have also recently started letting him go in the men's restroom on his own because he wants to be a big guy. I have to trust him to start doing things on his own.

 

[robinb]

Thanks so much. We are new parents to our 7 year old. Our son has lived with us for less than a year. We haven't taken any major trips with him and he has only been ours for 3 months. We have had to learn on the fly what most other parents have had 7 years to figure out. I've already acknowledged that I think it would be wrong to bring him into the ladies room and that he wouldn't like it. I was also grateful ( and said so) for a suggestion about creating a safeword for him to use. We are still asking lots of questions and using all our resources. Dang...glad I didn't ask if he would be considered rude when he asks about any of the varied cultures he will see there.

I think the companion bathrooms would work for you in your situation if he is too afraid to go into the men's room. Don't stress on this, you'll have a blast!

 

[Hikergirl]

You do realize that there are many gender neutral public restrooms in the world right? Obviously I would not want someone (no matter the gender) staring through the crack of a bathroom stall at anyone, however no I don't feel so uncomfortable with it or think it's so likely that I feel that me being 100% comfortable (whatever that would be, because again an 8 year old girl could stare through the crack of a bathroom stall just as easily as an 8 yr. old boy - not sure if it's the gender that's the issue for you or someone staring, because if it's someone staring, well then like I said, you banning 8 yr old boys from the womens room isn't go to solve your problem) using the restroom should outweigh a parent/child's feeling safe/comfortable.

You also realize that while you're explaining the rationale of a mother wanting her 8 yr old son to go with her into a public restroom instead of using a crowded restroom with strangers as "paranoid" is a little ironic considering that you're comparing that paranoia to a person in a women's stall feeling uncomfortable or in my opinion being "paranoid" about an 8 yr old boy being in the womens restroom at the same time.

A woman or man has a choice to use a labeled gender neutral bathroom, so you can't compare that to the situation of taking a person of one gender into the bathroom designated for the opposite gender.
I get parents are worried about their child being alone, but the onus is on you to find an answer without making some other family feel uncomfortable. A woman, or girl (or man or boy) regardless of her age, or her reason should not have to deal with you bringing your son (or daughter) into their restroom. It doesn't matter why they feel the way they do or that you don't think they should. The picture on the door of a girl (or boy) makes it so they shouldn't have too.
You need to find a family restroom room or a gender neutral because YOU are the one with the problem of letting your child use the appropriate one for their gender. Don't make others uncomfortable because of your own irrational fears. Its called personal responsibilty and not being selfish and inconsiderate of others.

 

[Hikergirl]

It does hurt someone to have him go in a public bathroom alone. It makes him uncomfortable and it puts him at unnecessary risk, whether everyone wants to admit that or not. My son isn't going to do anything to make anyone uncomfortable while he's in the bathroom. He won't look at anyone, talk to anyone, or touch anyone. If his mere presence and the fact that he has a ***** inside his pants that no one else has the opportunity to see unless they are peaking in a locked stall, makes someone uncomfortable, that is their personal problem and will not change what I do to give my child a sense of security.

deleted, not worth it.

 

[Betty Rohrer]

just a general comment for those that feel it is okay for mom to bring 8 year old son in women's restroom, what about the single father of an 8 year old girl? is it also okay for him to take his daughter in the men's room cause he does not want to send her in alone? you never hear this