Kid Birthday party RSVP question

[aaarcher86]

I usually put the date in my calendar and then wait to make sure there isn't anything going on... which then usually leads me to forget until the day or so before the RSVP date :-/

I don't think it's rude to RSVP by the date given, just after.

 

[Magpie]

Well, having experienced being 10, sitting on my porch, waiting in vain for anyone to show up to my birthday party... I didn't leave anything to chance when it came to my kids' birthday parties. The first invites went out two weeks ahead of time. Then about 5 days before the party, I would call every parent on the list to personally confirm whether they'd be coming.

I was always pleasantly surprised when someone RSVP'd. Most didn't. And even those who did weren't guaranteed to show up. Typically, with larger birthday parties, only about a third of the invitees will show up, even when their parents say they'll be there. Small groups of close friends are more likely to all make it to the party.

Some parents seemed a bit bemused that I'd call them. But I will say though... My kids never had to experience a birthday party where no one came. So I'm pretty proud of myself for that!

 

[justgrace]

Well, having experienced being 10, sitting on my porch, waiting in vain for anyone to show up to my birthday party... I didn't leave anything to chance when it came to my kids' birthday parties. The first invites went out two weeks ahead of time. Then about 5 days before the party, I would call every parent on the list to personally confirm whether they'd be coming.

I was always pleasantly surprised when someone RSVP'd. Most didn't. And even those who did weren't guaranteed to show up. Typically, with larger birthday parties, only about a third of the invitees will show up, even when their parents say they'll be there. Small groups of close friends are more likely to all make it to the party.

Some parents seemed a bit bemused that I'd call them. But I will say though... My kids never had to experience a birthday party where no one came. So I'm pretty proud of myself for that!

That so sad!

I would have came to your birthday party!!



I don't understand why some parents can be so apathetic when it comes to these things. People spend a lot of time coordinating and planning their child's birthday, and then for people to not RSVP with a yes or no (or RSVP yes and then not show up) is just plain rude. I'm sure they wouldn't like it if someone did the same thing to them for their child's birthday...

 

[Magpie]

That so sad!

I would have came to your birthday party!!



I don't understand why some parents can be so apathetic when it comes to these things. People spend a lot of time coordinating and planning their child's birthday, and then for people to not RSVP with a yes or no (or RSVP yes and then not show up) is just plain rude. I'm sure they wouldn't like it if someone did the same thing to them for their child's birthday...

It's not quite as tragic as it sounds. When it became clear no one was coming, my mum ran over to the landlady's house and asked if she could borrow one of her sons. A fourteen year old boy took me out to see The Fox and the Hound in the theatre. I felt very gown up, going on a "real" date with a boy I already had a bit of a crush on. Plus - Disney! Meanwhile, my mum stayed home and cleared all the birthday things away. Honestly, I think it was worse for her than it was for me. I actually had a very nice time, in the end.

I did learn not to expect much from people, when it comes to birthdays, though. I don't think they mean to be thoughtless or cruel. They probably think lots of other folks will show up and they won't be missed. Or they get distracted and forget. As another poster said, kids birthday parties aren't very high on many people's priority lists.

 

[RedAngie]

I hope Table 20 is out in the alley next to the dumpster.

 

[HulaHoopy]

I try to RSVP as soon as I know what is happening that day.

For my kids parties, I send out evites. It makes it easy to track if the parent received it and whether or not they opened it. It also allows me to send out a reminder a day before the RSVP deadline to those I have not heard from. I also send a reminder a day before the party to those who said yes.

 

[diznygirl]

I got the most phone calls when I forgot to put the time of the party on the invite. An honest mistake that would be repeated since it actually worked so well!

As for me - I love being able to just text. I usually remember these things at 11 pm and it's too late to call.

 

[cijay]

So this is the first year we are doing a friend birthday party for DD. She is in Kindergarten and has 15 kids in her class. I found an awesome deal at a bounce house so we thought it would be fun to invite everyone in her class. DD took the invitations to school last Thursday and with the help of her teacher, put them in the kid's mailboxes. Every Friday the kids bring home folders with all the things that have been put in their mailboxes during the week. On the invitations I put to please RSVP by February 12th as her party is the 21st and I need to let them know a final count. I have heard from 2 parents saying their child will attend. Now I'm nervous that no one else is going to RSVP. When you receive an invitation, do you respond right away or do you wait til closer to the RSVP by date? And do you RSVP with no or only with a yes? Just curious! Thanks!

I reply right away. Your daughter is going to have a blast wih such an intimate couple of friends. I can hardly wait to see (figuratively, that is, I won't see them at all) the faces of the ones who missed the boat.. Happy birthday, girl!

 

[anniemae]

I am very bad at replying. In the past, I have forgotten to rsvp and I felt awful. I usually look at the invite, put it aside with the intent of replying in a few days, but it usually gets lost in the shuffle. When I do remember to reply (I am getting better I promise!), I usually wait until closer to the cut off date to make sure we can go. Sometimes things come up, schedules change etc. and I want to be reasonably sure we can attend before I reply "yes." If I know we definitely can't go though, I try to reply right away.

I don't think you should worry since you gave people until next Friday to respond. Many people need to work out schedules, figure out what is going on, maybe shuffle things around, check with spouses etc. before they can reply.

 

[brooke789]

Out of curiosity I just checked the status on a party DD (also in K) was invited to. We received the e-vite on Jan 18 for a 2/20 party (with optional sleepover). I responded the same day that DD was a 'maybe' for the party and a "no" for the sleepover. I just checked the status today (two weeks until party) and it's Yes - 16, Maybe -1, No - 0, and not responded - 6.

With two kids in K, we get 95% e-vites and I feel like the results are usually about the same. Pretty good response rate. Lots of Nos if around holidays. Just a general weekend lots of Yeses.

 

[Turn the Page]

Last year DD5 was invited to a party, also at a bounce house, and the invitation said RSVP so I did. They must have had more than 20 kids there and when I dropped DD5 off she thanked me for RSVPing and said I was the only one who did.

It wouldn't surprise me at all if the two you got are the only RSVPs you will get.

 

[design_mom]

I really do try to be a gracious guest, and I 100% agree that people *should* RSVP in the positive or negative. However, I'll admit that I missed a few when my kids were younger, especially when they came home in the backpack.

We had a couple where they either fell out of the folder and ended up squashed in the bottom of the backpack (which I didn't find till after the party date). Actually, my guess is that my child was so excited to get the invitation that they took it out to look at it on the bus or at daycare, didn't put it back where it belonged and by the time I got home/picked them up from daycare, I just never saw it and they had forgotten about it. I usually try to RSVP right away because if I wait, there's a chance I'll forget to do it all together (and that happened once). That one's totally on me and I felt terrible when I realized it had happened... but we never ended up going to a party that we did not RSVP for.

We also had one time where a girl was passing out her invites at school (the "rule" was that you had to invite everyone if you passed them out at school.) Anyway, apparently another child said "Well, is *she* coming? Because I'm not coming if *she's* coming?" (indicating my daughter), so the birthday girl said to my daughter "Sorry. You're not invited." and refused to give her an invitation. My daughter's feelings were pretty hurt because she thought she and the birthday girl were pretty good friends. I wasn't sure WHAT to do then, because I'm guessing the mom thought everyone in the class got invited (but they did not) so she was assuming we didn't RSVP (but my daughter wasn't actually invited.) I didn't want to call the parent and "tattle" about what happened because maybe she already knew that my daughter didn't get an invite and was OK with that. (The "rule" was that everyone should be invited, but I'm not sure how strictly they enforce it.) I also thought about talking to the teacher, but I really felt badly about putting him in the position of policing birthday party invitations... so I talked to my daughter and offered to take her out to do something fun that day instead. Was kind of hoping the mom would call to follow up on that RSVP though... but she did not.

 

[msjprincess]

I got the most phone calls when I forgot to put the time of the party on the invite. An honest mistake that would be repeated since it actually worked so well!

As for me - I love being able to just text. I usually remember these things at 11 pm and it's too late to call.

That's why I love invitations that have an option to email. I can respond wherever and whenever I think of it.

 

[roseaster]

Exactly why we don't have big "friend" parties. People don't RSVP and then show up anyway. They do RSVP and then don't show up, and if it's at a venue they show up with siblings in tow.

When they were earlier elementary we let them pick a special day out with dinner at a restaurant, and a cake. Depending on the kid it might be a "spa" day, Chuk E. Cheese, Dave and Busters, Go Carts.

Later elementary and Jr. High they usually liked sleepovers with 5 or 6 close friends that we knew would come (I have 4 girls, sleepovers were the thing)

Teens we usually paid for a day/night out with a BFF or a few close friends, depending on the chosen venue.

 

[Magpie]

I really do try to be a gracious guest, and I 100% agree that people *should* RSVP in the positive or negative. However, I'll admit that I missed a few when my kids were younger, especially when they came home in the backpack.

We had a couple where they either fell out of the folder and ended up squashed in the bottom of the backpack (which I didn't find till after the party date). Actually, my guess is that my child was so excited to get the invitation that they took it out to look at it on the bus or at daycare, didn't put it back where it belonged and by the time I got home/picked them up from daycare, I just never saw it and they had forgotten about it. I usually try to RSVP right away because if I wait, there's a chance I'll forget to do it all together (and that happened once). That one's totally on me and I felt terrible when I realized it had happened... but we never ended up going to a party that we did not RSVP for.

We also had one time where a girl was passing out her invites at school (the "rule" was that you had to invite everyone if you passed them out at school.) Anyway, apparently another child said "Well, is *she* coming? Because I'm not coming if *she's* coming?" (indicating my daughter), so the birthday girl said to my daughter "Sorry. You're not invited." and refused to give her an invitation. My daughter's feelings were pretty hurt because she thought she and the birthday girl were pretty good friends. I wasn't sure WHAT to do then, because I'm guessing the mom thought everyone in the class got invited (but they did not) so she was assuming we didn't RSVP (but my daughter wasn't actually invited.) I didn't want to call the parent and "tattle" about what happened because maybe she already knew that my daughter didn't get an invite and was OK with that. (The "rule" was that everyone should be invited, but I'm not sure how strictly they enforce it.) I also thought about talking to the teacher, but I really felt badly about putting him in the position of policing birthday party invitations... so I talked to my daughter and offered to take her out to do something fun that day instead. Was kind of hoping the mom would call to follow up on that RSVP though... but she did not.

You've reminded me of a time when one of my son's friends tried to pull that same nonsense on him.

My son invited about six boys from his Grade Five class to the party. One of the boys was autistic. Another of the boys turned to my son and said, "If he comes, I'm not coming!"

So my son said, "Fine, you're not invited any more."

And then the autistic kid said, "I don't like parties." I still contacted his folks to invite him personally, but they declined the invite (nicely). Regardless, my son still refused to back down and re-invite the other kid. He had a nice time with the remaining boys instead.

I'm sorry your daughter's friend didn't stand up for her!

 

[tzolkin]

We have never received/sent evites because my kids have never attended schools where people had access to the email addresses of their classmates' parents.

That does seem like it would be easier to keep track of, nice that you can send reminders, and probably the response rates would be higher.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I only RSVP with yes.

 

[Terapin]

I stopped giving all the details on the invite, and said, "call for time". That way I know only those who called are actually coming. If they didn't call, they aren't coming. Stopped the mystery guests from showing up, and I could nail numbers down.

I wouldn't likely be able to RSVP more than 7-10 days in advance however.

My son missed a birthday party we RSVPd for in the fall. I felt terrible - but I had my daughter that weekend and so I was totally not thinking about anything else. I called the mom and apologized for missing the party. I hope my guy wasn't just one of two or three guests where a missing guest can really make the party too under attended :-(

 

[frostedpink]

I always RSVP, I think it is rude not to. Sometimes a lot of work goes into planning parties and it takes 2 minutes to send a text or an email and say yes or no.

The other thing that irks me is parents that don't send out thank you cards after the party. I hardly ever get them any more. Maybe I'm just old fashioned but I always still send them after bday parties

 

[E&Cmom]

I always RSVP. It is one of my peeve when people do not. I actually had a child show up once that didn't RSVP so not RSVPing does not necessarily mean no.