Jack & Jill Greenback Bridal Shower..tacky?

[mickeyboat]

I just wanted to make a little comment on this. I am from New England where a greenback shower is not unheard of. I am at this moment, planning one for my sister. I don't think it should be construde as tacky. If you have a couple that already has a house and does not need anything then I see no purpose in buying them stuff they do not need. They would be using the money towards their wedding expenses. Thoughtful gifts are nice however if you don't know what peoples personal tastes are then sometimes things can end up in yard sales!!!!

The purpose of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts to help her start out in her new home. If someone wants to shower someone with something else out of the goodness of their hearts, they are more than welcome. But it is tacky to suggest what that gift should be IMO, and a greenback shower is just that.

If the thought of getting a gift that might not suit the couple's tastes is so terrible, perhaps the couple should skip the shower altogether, or not invite those from whom they expect such tacky gifts.

Denae

 

[sassyat30]

Regarding the greenback shower...we got a pre-printed thank you card for our generosity.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Regarding the greenback shower...we got a pre-printed thank you card for our generosity.

With a computer generated address label.

Calling Emily Post...calling Emily Post...come in Emily!

 

[Camicar]

Yes, a greenback shower is tacky. And no, I will not attend one.

No 'excuse' is needed, merely send your regrets. Nor should someone request or demand an excuse for your non-attendance.

If they insist upon compounding their tackiness with another etiquette breach by demanding an explanation, then they have proven that they do not possess sensibilities delicate enough to offend and you should tell them the truth.

If you have a couple that already has a house and does not need anything then I see no purpose in buying them stuff they do not need. They would be using the money towards their wedding expenses.

First of all, if they don't need stuff, then they shouldn't be having a shower. The point of a shower is to give a couple help on a new life -- if they don't need that help, then they don't need a shower. In such cases, showers are nothing more than gift grabs which, FTR, is a pejorative term.

If they need money for the wedding, then they should either simplify their plans to make them less expensive or delay the wedding until they save enough money to be able to afford it. Guests are under no obligation to subsidize someone else's social life and they should never be made to feel that they should do so. To do so is to indicate quite clearly that the couple are money-grubbers, which is also a pejorative term.

Many a couple has found themselves with fewer friends after gift grab events and 'money-only' showers.

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

I like the idea of Jack and Jill parties, but the greenback idea is tacky. I would probably not attend, unless it was close family and I felt I had to.

The only party I have been invited to that asked for money was a 50th Anniversary party. That doesn't bother me as much - the idea being they already have all they need. Also, the invitation worded it in a way that let the guest know it was not necessary "gifts not necessary, there will be a money tree if you wish to contribute...", or something like that. Their girls were sending them on a trip and the money tree was for spending. Though I can understand how people might also have a problem with that.

OP - glad to hear it was fun!!!

 

[Beth76]

I don't think it should be construde as tacky. If you have a couple that already has a house and does not need anything then I see no purpose in buying them stuff they do not need.

Then they do not need a shower. I'm sorry, but it's tacky, IMO.

 

[DisneyWorldOct08]

Sounds tacky. I got in invite to a shower a few weeks ago for a woman I have never met who is marrying a friend of my brothers who I have not seen since my brothers wedding 7 years ago...

I declined. I never understood inviting every woman you or your future spouse vaugely know to the shower. Seems really tacky to me.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

The only party I have been invited to that asked for money was a 50th Anniversary party. That doesn't bother me as much - the idea being they already have all they need. Also, the invitation worded it in a way that let the guest know it was not necessary "gifts not necessary, there will be a money tree if you wish to contribute...", or something like that. Their girls were sending them on a trip and the money tree was for spending. Though I can understand how people might also have a problem with that.

OP - glad to hear it was fun!!!

We went to 50th birthday party last fall, thrown by the birthday "boy" himself. He's a character, and had been planning it for years and he went all out. We had a great time. In his invitation, he said something to the effect that he wanted only our presence, not our presents, but that if we felt we wanted to give something, he asked that we give to a specific charity, and we were more than happy to do so (and gave more than to the greenback shower). He had a very meaningful service at his synagogue beforehand, as much about celebrating those who were special in the 50 years of his life as it was about celebrating his birthday.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

I never understood inviting every woman you or your future spouse vaugely know to the shower.

Me neither.

 

[Beth76]

I never understood inviting every woman you or your future spouse vaugely know to the shower. Seems really tacky to me.

I feel the same way. And the same with weddings too. My parents were invited to (and actually went to ) a destination wedding of a couple they had never met. My mom kind of knows the mom of one of them. I had never even heard of this lady before, so my mom and her aren't even close. I told my mom they were just fishing for gifts. But they went anyway because the destination was a place they like to vacation in anyway.

 

[nataliela]

I just wanted to make a little comment on this. I am from New England where a greenback shower is not unheard of. I am at this moment, planning one for my sister. I don't think it should be construde as tacky. If you have a couple that already has a house and does not need anything then I see no purpose in buying them stuff they do not need. They would be using the money towards their wedding expenses. Thoughtful gifts are nice however if you don't know what peoples personal tastes are then sometimes things can end up in yard sales!!!!

wow.....you dug way back for your first post

Regarding the greenback shower...we got a pre-printed thank you card for our generosity.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

wow.....you dug way back for your first post

I usually pick up on the first post thing.

 

[NAB]

I have heard of a Jack and Jill before. Where you buy tickets and there is like a dance type thing. Then when you are there they sell even more tickets for draw items and sell shooter etc. All to make money to give to the couple.

Who ever throws the party take the over head stuff out( hall rental etc) and the rest goes to the couple. This is usually if the bride isn't having any showers though.

The green back shower on the invite confuses me. What do you do at this shower

 

[OceanAnnie]

Never.heard.of.this. Just when you think you've heard it all. Extremely tacky.

 

[Disneynutbsv]

Hi, just wanted to say that I'm from New England as well...and I have NEVER heard of a Greenback Bridal Shower and yes, it is tacky. I would never hold anything like that.
I have however been to a Jack n Jill party and that was a blast. Its just a big fun party with your friends.

OP, glad you had a good time at the )

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

We went to 50th birthday party last fall, thrown by the birthday "boy" himself. He's a character, and had been planning it for years and he went all out. We had a great time. In his invitation, he said something to the effect that he wanted only our presence, not our presents, but that if we felt we wanted to give something, he asked that we give to a specific charity, and we were more than happy to do so (and gave more than to the greenback shower). He had a very meaningful service at his synagogue beforehand, as much about celebrating those who were special in the 50 years of his life as it was about celebrating his birthday.

very nice!

 

[MrsPete]

I've never heard of this, but it is VERY TACKY on two levels: 1) straight-out asking for money is poor manners, 2) parents of the engaged couple do not host showers. I would not attend.

 

[disneymom3]

I just wanted to make a little comment on this. I am from New England where a greenback shower is not unheard of. I am at this moment, planning one for my sister. I don't think it should be construde as tacky. If you have a couple that already has a house and does not need anything then I see no purpose in buying them stuff they do not need. They would be using the money towards their wedding expenses. Thoughtful gifts are nice however if you don't know what peoples personal tastes are then sometimes things can end up in yard sales!!!!

Interesting first post. Sure you aren't the person who the shower MaryAnn went to was for? (Wow, that was really bad grammar, sorry.)

As for not being rude, sorry but it is. If they don't need anything why not just have a party and mention that no gifts are expected. If they can't afford the wedding they have planned, they should scale back.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Interesting first post. Sure you aren't the person who the shower MaryAnn went to was for? (Wow, that was really bad grammar, sorry.)

As for not being rude, sorry but it is. If they don't need anything why not just have a party and mention that no gifts are expected. If they can't afford the wedding they have planned, they should scale back.

 

[karmic]

Me neither.

Me, neither, also!

I have a co-worker who received a bridal shower invite- it took her a week of asking every one she knows to figure out who it was from

They were also requesting American Express gift cards!