Jack & Jill Greenback Bridal Shower..tacky?

[CJMZ]

Maybe it is a Regional or Ethic tradition for the mother/parent to host the shower. Most of my relatives and friends have had showers hosted by relatives and I don't think anything of it. I just always figured since it can be expensive, the mother will take that on rather than have the bridesmaids spend even more money. I have been to a few where the bridesmaids did do the hosting. The only difference I have really noticed between the two is where the relatives hosted, it was in a more upscale setting with a sit down meal and those hosted by the bridesmaids,was an early brunch.
My mom hosted mine, and all of the bridesmaids chipped in and got me a really nice 7 piece luggage set, which probably cost about as much as the shower. I have never heard of a greenback shower??? Typically, for my family and in the general area, most people give presents at the shower and cash at the wedding.

 

[mjkacmom]

My bridal shower was a brunch at my parents' home - that's where I wanted it, and I didn't want my bridesmaids to have to shell out money for it. Plus, most of them lived hundreds of miles away! Never even heard of a greenback shower - here in NJ, gift for shower, check for wedding.

 

[ilovejack02]

My bridal shower was a brunch at my parents' home - that's where I wanted it, and I didn't want my bridesmaids to have to shell out money for it. Plus, most of them lived hundreds of miles away! Never even heard of a greenback shower - here in NJ, gift for shower, check for wedding.

Its funny how different regions can be. I have heard of the gift for shower, check for wedding for your area before .. and it seems it needs to be a really nice sized check lol. Here we do .. gift for shower such as kitchen stuff, sheets, towels. Gift for wedding is set or China or Crystal or money.. but generally money is from close relatives only.

 

[disneymom3]

Its funny how different regions can be. I have heard of the gift for shower, check for wedding for your area before .. and it seems it needs to be a really nice sized check lol. Here we do .. gift for shower such as kitchen stuff, sheets, towels. Gift for wedding is set or China or Crystal or money.. but generally money is from close relatives only.

Oh yeah! People here would faint dead away if anyone gave them a check or even a gift close to what it cost per guest at the wedding. That is such a bizarre concept around here. I asked some friends recently at a wedding we were at if they had ever heard of it and they all were shocked! And one of them just got married a year or so ago and had QUITE a lavish spread. She was the one who thought the idea of that was the most appalling!

 

[pearlieq]

It is pretty well verboten here to have the parents host the shower. Usually I'm a stickler for old-fashioned etiquette, but this is one I don't 100% understand.

Regardless of who is hosting, the mothers are almost always involved. They usually just do behind the scenes work. Sometimes they honestly do most of the work and the bridesmaids are pretty much figureheads.

I know it's seen as gift-grubbing for the mother to host, but times have changed. It's not like a bride is expected to bring a trousseau or that her family is expected to finance setting up housekeeping. When that was the norm, I could see how it would be frowned upon, since the mother would be financially benefitting from the shower (i.e. any gifts given reduce the amount of money the bride's family would have to spend setting them up.)

But these days the shower doesn't really benefit the bride's mother at all. It's usually fairly costly and a great deal of work, and given out of love. I really don't see too much wrong with it.

I do, however, see about a million things wrong with the abomination the OP will be attending tonight! That just reaches a level of tackiness that previous existed only as a theoretical state.

I do applaud her for being a good sport about it, though. I'm sure it will be a funny story to tell.

 

[Disney Doll]

OK...so we all pretty much agree it's tacky, but you're going.

So get a card, throw some money in it, go off your diet for a day, and get your money's worth in food!

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

OK...so we all pretty much agree it's tacky, but you're going.

So get a card, throw some money in it, go off your diet for a day, and get your money's worth in food!

LOL That's what I'm thinking. Too bad the Super Bowl isn't this weekend...I could fill up a big pocketbook (bag, purse) tonight for the party.

Eh...it was a good excuse to go get a manicure today.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Well that is a breach of etiquette! It is truly tacky to have a parent throw a shower and I would think it odd.

Where do you live?

Long Island. The wedding capital of the world!

I did want to add that we had about 100 people. We had a ball! It was not a typical shower. We did not want an engagement party (the horror!) so this was our compromise. We had a DJ, great food, drink etc. It was at the firehouse and it was just a great party for family and friends. This party was not about getting gifts. Our famliy really wanted to celebrate us getting married. Our Moms put this whole shower together and did such a great job. I was even surprised! I don't think having a big shower is tacky. These people were all family and very close friends. I for the life of me cannot fathom having a shower where you just request money. That is very odd. JMHO.

 

[mom2grace]

MaryAnnDVC...........so how was it?!

 

[disneyfanx3]

MaryAnnDVC...........so how was it?!

Inquiring minds want to know

 

[UtahMama]

One person's "tacky" is my "entertaining"....I have to hear how this played out!


I did like the Earth Friendly gift idea....I'd hand over some super cool re-usable grocery bags and act all dumb and say, "I thought it was a JOKE! Who could be that tacky?" Ok, NO I wouldn't say that out loud....but I bet there was similar conversations amongst the party guests!!!!

Fess Up, Mare! (like I totally know you and can shorten your name, whatever!LOL!)

 

[Momof2princess]

Yes please......details on how the party went.

 

[MareQ]

Just curious, where do you live?

Folks are talked about around here if a relative throws a shower lol.

NJ here and it's very common for a relative(typically mom/sisters of bride) to throw the shower or at least help the Bridesmaids. It's VERY unusual for the entire thing to be thrown by the bridesmaids in this area. In fact - I have never been to a shower(bridal or baby) that was ONLY hosted by the Bridesmaids or any non family member.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

LOL I didn't want to bump this yesterday, but since you asked...

Beyond the issue of it being an enormous greenback shower, it was a lovely party and we had a good time. The place was really nice...the wall color would have matched my bridesmaids' dresses perfectly when I got married 23 years ago (except *I* didn't need a place that big!)...and we had a multi-course dinner, with incredible (all calorie free ) desserts. It looked like a wedding, without the white dress.

It kind of reminded me of My Big Fat Greek Wedding (altho not Greek, but "ethnic")...you walk in the door, and you're part of the family. Very down to earth, warm, very outgoing people. I hadn't seen them since the older DD's wedding a dozen years ago, but you would've thought I had. We sat with the other guys (and their wives) who get invited to the huge luncheons at their house, and now the wives have been invited the next time too (much to the dismay of the husbands... ). Now I'm feeling all sorts of guilty over my OP!

No one said anything about it being a greenback shower...just a couple of comments about how BIG the party was.

I guess, if you've seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding, you can picture them having a greenback shower and everyone in the family being fine with it.

Let's see...what else. Oh yeah...I discovered I really like Midori and pineapple juice.

The wedding is in 3 months.

 

[tbraz77]

I just wanted to make a little comment on this. I am from New England where a greenback shower is not unheard of. I am at this moment, planning one for my sister. I don't think it should be construde as tacky. If you have a couple that already has a house and does not need anything then I see no purpose in buying them stuff they do not need. They would be using the money towards their wedding expenses. Thoughtful gifts are nice however if you don't know what peoples personal tastes are then sometimes things can end up in yard sales!!!!

 

[Aisling]

I just wanted to make a little comment on this. I am from New England where a greenback shower is not unheard of. I am at this moment, planning one for my sister. I don't think it should be construde as tacky. If you have a couple that already has a house and does not need anything then I see no purpose in buying them stuff they do not need. They would be using the money towards their wedding expenses. Thoughtful gifts are nice however if you don't know what peoples personal tastes are then sometimes things can end up in yard sales!!!!

I don't understand the idea. If you give money at the shower, do you still give money at the wedding? I'm used to bringing a gift to the shower, and then putting money in a card to give them at the reception. So at these kinds of showers, do you gift with money twice?? Truely curious!

 

[ilisao]

My bridal shower was a brunch at my parents' home - that's where I wanted it, and I didn't want my bridesmaids to have to shell out money for it. Plus, most of them lived hundreds of miles away! Never even heard of a greenback shower - here in NJ, gift for shower, check for wedding.

I'm originally from NJ and that's exactly how it was for us. Gift for shower, check for wedding. We got most of our actual gifts from the shower. My cousin hosted the shower.

I've never heard of a greenback shower and will not participate in a wedding event that specifically asks for money. And I don't do money trees, either.

 

[ilisao]

I just wanted to make a little comment on this. I am from New England where a greenback shower is not unheard of. I am at this moment, planning one for my sister. I don't think it should be construde as tacky. If you have a couple that already has a house and does not need anything then I see no purpose in buying them stuff they do not need. They would be using the money towards their wedding expenses. Thoughtful gifts are nice however if you don't know what peoples personal tastes are then sometimes things can end up in yard sales!!!!

I don't think it's up to the guests to subsidize someone's wedding. If they can't pay for it themselves and have to hit up people for money, then they kind of need to re-evaluate the wedding.

 

[JessicaR]

I don't think it's up to the guests to subsidize someone's wedding. If they can't pay for it themselves and have to hit up people for money, then they kind of need to re-evaluate the wedding.

Absolutely!!
I totally think this idea is way way way tacky.

You should want your guests to feel welcome and comfortable more than you want $.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

If you have a couple that already has a house and does not need anything

Then maybe they don't need a shower. And if they have a house and don't need anything, but can't afford the wedding they want to throw themselves, maybe they did something backwards. Don't plan a life you need others to subsidize.

I got gifts at my shower that weren't my taste, and we A) thanked the giver, as we'd thank anyone who so generously gave us a gift, and B) used most of it because we were struggling newlyweds not long out of college and appreciated the fact that we had glasses to drink out of and nice new bedding to sleep in.

Regarding the greenback shower...we got a pre-printed thank you card for our generosity.