It's over *update on page 6

[shortbun]

Hi-it's me again. Sooo sorry you and your
daughters are having this awful and
emotional roller coaster. Please see a
lawyer right away and get financial advice.
Your husband has already started to
hide his assets. Remember, he has his
co-adulterer to help him think all this
through and you can bet she knows
the drill-she's divorced, right? He could
be stringing you along until he gets
his plan completed. Get legal advice now.
I am appalled that he thinks it's ok to
go live with his co-adulterer and her
children, abandoning his own children.
What a scum. He could at least make
appearances of propriety for his
children-this is how he wants them to
behave in their later lives? Dump him.
Your daughters need to know his
behavior is not ok-without directly
bad mouthing him. Your actions will
speak volumes. Above and in the past-
you have my opinion; feel free to ignore
me. I just hate it that you are being
so tortured!!!!!
mimi

 

[danacara]

Shortbun has a very astute point. He's got the co-adulturer helping him, and she's been divorced, so she knows the drill. This woman is seeing a long-term relationship with him, Serena, and in her mind every penny that you DON'T get is a penny in HER pocket.

 

[dianeschlicht]

I am so glad your inlaws are supportive. It will really help the children.

 

[newmousecateer]

{{{HUGS}}} Laurie.

 

[Zurg]

Like he's planning on continuing on depositing the money into our account for me to use.

All well and good but don't let that lull you into false comfort.

Talk to the lawer about your states law. Do this TODAY.

Take the money out put it into another account in your name only in another bank. I'm a banker and seen train wrecks get worse down this road.

Get a seperate, non-joint, accounts in you name only in another bank.

Know every account. Every deposit account every credit card. Everything he can draw money on. Close them. Have the lawer send a letter.

Not pulling any punches here. In some cases, You can be resposible for all of every joint account. When the process has started CLOSE the accounts. Say DIVORCE is the reason.

If you are not clear about the reason for closing, in some states he can reopen the account and you are still responsible for every cent HE spends, unless the stated reasone for closing is divorce. Do it in writing, keep a copy of the letter or have the lawer send it.

You don't have to be crule about it, When he objects let him know you are looking out for his protection too (not that you have to care but financial protection for both covers you and that is who you care about.)

Ok enough of making a bad situation worse.

Don't fall into his trap of making you feel like your at fault. It isn't your fault - making you feel that way is how he hides from his own guilt.

Be strong for yourself and the girls. Be open with them.

All our hope for the return of happienss to your life.

Bennet

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I just wanted to add that not only HE but SHE will start to incur debt on the cards too. I just don't want you to have to pay for the other womens stuff or get "stuck" with the bills.
Most folks I know DO have this happen and they still pay long after the divorce is FINAL.

You know we just want to see justice and good win. I am wishing a good day on you today.

 

[DixieDreamer]

No advice here (not been through this) - but just saw this thread and wanted to tell you I am impressed with the strength and intelligence you are showing in coping with this. There is some great advice here - I would encourage you to make use of it. Take care of you and the kids. That must be priority number 1.

Hugs. I imagine you feel all at sea right now. Keep your wits about you and know that you are doing the right things.

 

[cotye]

Thinking of you at this difficult time... Offering my {HUGS}

 

[DopeyRN]

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Sounds like you are coping well though. I hope your in laws were sincere about being there for you. It might help him to realize what a...uh...jerk he is being. {{{hugs}}}

 

[WillyJ]

Don't know what to say except how sorry I am to hear you're going through this Laurie. .

{{{Hugs}}} my friend. . . if you ever need to talk or just need a shoulder, all you have to do is let me know. . .

 

[adamak]

Serena,
Thumbs up for your courage, and your attitude towards this whole mess. You are alot stronger now from this thread, and I'm hoping you'll it over with soon. Sounds like he's ready to move on. He doesn't even care about you enough to tell you where he's sleeping, so why bother. (Does it really matter he's sleeping at his girlfriend's son's bed??? Why will that make you feel better?)

Take care. Lots of hug here. Life is too short to play pretend marriage.

 

[Serena]

As for what he says? I was just telling you what he said. I can't believe a word he says now, so it doesn't matter to me. Most of what he's been saying sounds more like something she'd say anyway.

Like
People never change.
It's being chicken to stay in a marriage and try to work it out instead of leaving.
Teenagers should never talk back or argue and you should never allow it.
Aren't you curious about other people?

He wouldn't have said any of those things a year ago. It doesn't matter anyway, he's just been waiting for an excuse to leave. I backed him into a corner when I said it was either her or me.

I'm not always strong. I'm still crying at the drop of a hat.
I'm finding support I didn't have before though. In my normal life I have always been a private person. I never used to discuss my personal life in public or with strangers.
I know it's probably hard to believe. lol But I guess it's different writing it down and clicking a button. The warmth that comes back to me is immeasurable. I can't thank you all enough.
Anyway, I took my cue from you all and I took a chance and opened my big mouth and found at least 2 new friends. They have even offered to help with childcare with Kelsea if I need it.

I am trying really hard to make sure I don't say anything bad about their daddy. I've seen to many people that do that and it's not fair to the kids. It's bad enough that I have to feel this way, why make the kids feel like I'm making them choose or miserable too.
I have given Kelsea the sanitized version of what's happening. I told her that me and her daddy weren't happy together anymore. I told them that she makes him happy and that's where he wants to be. He loves them and will always be their daddy.
Kelsea was worried that we would get divorced and that her daddy would get custody and she would be alone. I told her she doesn't have to worry about that because that won't happen.
I also told them both that I would never leave them, no way, no how.
In our family meeting we talked about this and that and money and school, and food and the puppy. I reassured them that we would be okay. I didn't know how yet, but we'd be okay.

 

[manning]

Just read everything and am very sorry to hear about your situation. The best advise given here is GET a lawyer.

This suggestion is going to very hard, if not next to impossible to do, but I think you are going to have to do it. Get your emotions in check. Be cool and calculating. Part of my job was negotiating. The company had me take a course in negotiations from one of the top negotiators in the country. He couldn't stress enough to not get emotionally involved and hope the other party does. When you get emotional, you start to make mistakes, and that is what you hope your husband will do. Make mistakes!

And ask for more than you think you'll get (the moon would be a nice place to start). You may be surprised and get it. Above all, don't be the first to compromise nor eager to. It will probably happen anywhy, but let him start it.

LET THE LAWYER DO THE TALKING, SHE/HE HAS DONE THIS MANY TIMES.

Well, that's my two cents for whatever it's worth.

And remember, when the good Lord shuts a door, he opens another. You'll do ok. Good luck.

 

[Planogirl]

You are really handling this well. And crying is OK because you need to mourn the end of this. Just don't let him see you!

You're well on the way now. Just remember to protect yourself and the kids, and make sure that lawyer is with you the whole way.

{{{{Hugs}}}}

 

[dalepool]

How are you doing today? Looks like you are getting great advice---CONSULT an ATTORNEY--.

We have a saying in our house " the first liar doesn't have a chance" This means: If you talk first You give him help in knowing what you want now----let him wonder--- and make you an offer.
Even when I'm very angry I keep my mouth shut--give the old evil eye--and think about my words before they come out of my mouth.

Good luck---let us know when you talk with the attorney. Only then will you be getting the options available to you.