It's over *update on page 6

[Serena]

part 2

He walked up to his dad trying to give him a hug and his dad just stood there. FIL asked what he was doing? My husband just walked away.

I walk in a few minutes later and tell Kelsea to get in the shower. It was getting late and she had forgotten to do it yet.
I didn't know I accidently interrupted him trying to talk with her.
But he got a chance later.

While Kelsea was in the shower he talked to Brittany. He didn't get angry. I was surprised, and she got a couple answers that I didn't have.
Like he's planning on continuing on depositing the money into our account for me to use.
He told both of the girls that we are having problems and that he would be around anyway. That he loved them. Brittany told him that it didn't feel like it.
He said he was sleeping in Drew's room. That's his girlfriend's son.
I asked him what happened to him sleeping in the rv. He said that he thought I didn't want him around.
I asked the girls to leave the room and you all would be proud of me.
I told him it didn't matter to me where he slept, but moving in with his girlfriend was very inappropriate.
I told him it didn't matter if he slept in the rv, at his parents house, or where.
I told him that he made his point the night before. I am no longer confused. I may still love him, but I'll have to get over it. I told him that we would survive one way or the other. That he could stay where he wanted because he didn't have to worry about me bothering him any more.
He seemed stunned.

Shortly afterwards he said goodbye, that he'll be over tomorrow, and he left.

Kelsea is okay, so far. I don't think it has hit her yet. But then, he didn't say anything major either. He didn't say he didn't want to be married to me. He just said he didn't know what he wanted.

 

[JasonLyons]

jipsy right, they sound like nice people but they will turn on you, you need someone looking out after you only

 

[browneyes]

I asked him what happened to him sleeping in the rv. He said that he thought I didn't want him around.

He's trying to give you a guilt trip. Don't let him.

 

[Serena]

jipsy, I have already contacted the lawyer that the other lawyer referred me to. I am going to call her once I get home today, again.

I'm also making sure I have a credit card in my name. And I'll start carefully using it.

Gotta go.

 

[Pooh93]

{Hugs} and good for you for telling him what you did. As far as his parents go, they were going to find out anyways. If you've always had a good relationship with them, then you will continue to do so. My parents divorced and until the day my grandmother died (mom's mom) she always said my dad was still her Son-in-law. (my mom cheated on my dad) If dh and I ever divorced because he was cheating, I can guaratnee my MIL would probably stand up for me as I am the one that helps hold their relationship together.

 

[dizneenut]

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}} and prayers for you, Laurie.

 

[JerseyJanice]

One thousand hugs, Laurie!

{{{hugs}}} My heart aches for you.

 

[Claudia1]

For someone who "doesn't know what he wants", his actions certainly speak louder than his words.

Just curious....... How have his parents reacted to past situations of infidelity with family and friends? Do they accept it as the norm or is it usually disgusting to them? I ask only because their basic instincts will come thru here, too, even if it is with their own son. One of my friends went through an identical situation. Her (former) in-laws disapproved and always made sure to keep solid family ties with her and the children. They did it because they believed it was the right thing to do and they genuinely loved her and the boys. They, of course, maintained their relationship with their son but have somehow kept a bad situation at bay. They say it is not about taking sides; it is about mutual love and respect.

Just my .02 this morning......

 

[danacara]

Serena, you are a nicer woman than I. If this was me, his clothes would be having an intimate relationship with our barbecue, and the inside of the rv would resemble a hollow tin can, once I finished moving out everything that wasn't bolted down (and getting at the rest with a welding torch)

I like Jipsy's bowling idea a lot.

Lawyer, today. Move half the money in every account, today. He seems to be good at talking out of both sides of his mouth, don't trust that he'll ever deliver a dime.

D

 

[UncleKyle]

{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}

 

[gemmie214]

I do not have any better advice than you have already recieved but you have all my support and {{{HUGS}}}. You are so strong, you should be proud of yourself.

 

[Poohbear123]

{{{Hugs}}} See the lawyer today! Change the locks tomorrow!

 

[tc]

Serena, I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. I just read this thread today. Hugs, prayers and pd from out west. I work for a family attorney, and one thing you need to start working on, if you're going to move forward with this (even if you separate), is figure out what your daily household expenses are. Do this a little at a time, but it is necessary in order for child support and maintenance (alimony) to be set. It's very stressful and hard to do, but you must figure out what you normally spend on daily things and what you'll need in the future.

Good luck and I pray you have the strength to get through this for yourself and your kids.

Yes, bowling sounds like a good idea.

 

[ChiTownZee]

{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}} Good luck, Serena. I'm so glad you have your in-laws support. Be strong, and let us know if you need anything.

 

[Towncrier]

I hope a {{hug}} will help you through this difficult time. That's all I can do for you, and that saddens me. Take care of yourself and those precious children of yours.

 

[poohandwendy]

Just be careful when talking about this situation around the kids. This sort of situation brings out all sort talk that may be a bit too much for the kids to hear, especially teens.

They have formed their own opinions but even though they may hate him now, he is their father and they may have a hard time dealing with things said now, down the road. They can end up feeling as though they need to take care of mom, but this can be too much pressure for them. They also may feel like they need to be mediator/go-between for mom and dad. This is dangerous territory because if they play too much a part in it, they will in the end feel they should have done something different to change the outcome.

I would strongly suggest talking to a counsellor about what to say to the kids and what not to. And get them their own appts also, if you can. I am in no way suggesting keeping reality from them, just to shield them from adult conversations.

I went through this with my own parents, eventually it makes you feel rotten hearing bad stuff over and over about one of your parents (regardless of what they have done, kids aren't stupid they know what is right/wrong) But eventually they may start to defend him, he is a part of them, it's natural. Just a few thoughts, I wish the best for you, this is a really hard thing to deal with,
wendy

 

[jipsy]

Yes serena pandw is right about the kids.

When I divorced, the one thing I tried very hard not to do was to talk bad about my son's father in front of him. It was extremely difficult, especially since I knew he slammed me all the time in front of my son.

Now that his father is in jail one of the things my grown son has told me is that he always noticed that I never said bad things about his father, even though I knew his father said bad things about me. My son said he always respected me for that.

Also, Serena, I'm with danacara on this one. If he has been hiding his paystubs from you and having an illicit affair, I would not trust him to continue to make deposits. Open yourself up both a savings and a checking and start using it. Switch over electric, gas and phone in your name and forward the final bills in the old name to him. You'll need to have that later. I wouldn't believe him when he says he sleeps in the son's room, sorry. Please, and I say this to you with all the right intentions - please stop being so naive.

It is extremely difficult, but if you are going to follow this through to the very end, you need to start at this very moment being extremely selfish when it comes to you and your children's financial well being. Don't let him guilt trip you or make you feel bad. He is the one who made this choice and he needs to be responsible for his actions and how they affect other people. If you need specific advice, get it from your attorney. Sadly, I have been through divorce twice, and I made major financial mistakes both times, which I learned from. If you need to email or PM me with specific questions, I'll be more than happy to try and help.

 

[Teejay32]

Originally posted by Serena
I asked the girls to leave the room and you all would be proud of me.
I told him it didn't matter to me where he slept, but moving in with his girlfriend was very inappropriate.
I told him it didn't matter if he slept in the rv, at his parents house, or where.
I told him that he made his point the night before. I am no longer confused. I may still love him, but I'll have to get over it. I told him that we would survive one way or the other. That he could stay where he wanted because he didn't have to worry about me bothering him any more.
He seemed stunned.

well I am proud. how certain are you of it though, 30%, 75%, 99%? As soon as things aren't going well with his girlfriend, he may be back.

I'm not sure the guy thought this through very far if his own parents had to find out accidentally. He might be wavering.

 

[iLovDisney]

I just saw this today. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}

 

[Rajah]

I don't have anything to add, no experience here, but you're getting excellent advice. I do want to give you some more *HUGS*, P&PD, though, Laurie. Hang in there.