It's over *update on page 6

[Pooh93]

Another .02 and then I'll be quiet! I did some thinking during church this morning and I did say a prayer for you and the girls. I wouldn't be bothered with that other woman. You and your girls are the victims here. Let the courts see it that way. Hold your head high and as much you'd like to antagonize her, don't do it. Class always stands out and in the long run you will be glad you didn't do anything.

 

[Serena]

Pooh, you don't have to be quiet. I need all this. Seriously.

I'm not going to do anything to or for her. She isn't worth it. That is, unless she comes here or starts with my kids. I've always tried to act respectable and reasonable, I've tried to take the high road when I can. This is pushing my limits.
I'm not going to do anything to risk losing my girls. No matter what.

In the mean time, I sure would like to learn how to kickbox. It just sounds so fun right now. It's funny, but I've even thought of doing a marathon one day. I seem to have the energy lately.
It wouldn't hurt that's for sure.

 

[shep]

(((hugs))) Laurie..

 

[Tony-NJ]

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}} your way Laurie.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

Laurie, so sorry about what is going on in your life.

(((((hugs))))) to you.

 

[Serena]

I appreciate all the support. I Know I wouldn't be doing as well without it.

 

[browneyes]

{{hugs}} Laurie, he's an idiot. {{hugs}}

 

[popeyeohoh]

my condolences. i agree with the other posters. especially about lawyers, locks and booting him out!!!

 

[sammi]

Laurie I'm praying for you so that you'll have the strength to go through with your future and {{{hugs}}} to you too!

 

[dalepool]

Laurie,

Get a consult with an Attorney. In our state we have a thing called No-fault divorce. Doesn't matter that he has a girl friend, was a liar , or a cheat....court just splits the assets usually 50/50 --we are a community property state as well.

You might think twice about changing locks on doors---anger on his part might get a little strange.

The best offense if a great defense.

Talk to the attorney---but do not let your husband know. keep it a surprise. I wouldn't tell even the kids.. The attorney will give you your options and you can go from there.

I have found to be true --some guys --once they realize what they are going to lose---they have a change of heart. But by then you may not want him back.

Most of all keep your information to your self---he'll find out all he needs to know when and if your legally seperate or end the marriage.

this has just been my .02 -----Just remember protect your assets.

 

[KaraKW]

{{{HUGS}}}

 

[binny]

((((Hugs))))) Laurie....

 

[Serena]

dalepool, thanks for the info. That's something I'm finding out. he can have all the floozies he wants and the state doesn't care.

I don't want him to know anything. But I want to be ready for everything. He is too cold, I don't want to be unprepared against that. That's the main reason I want an attorney. I don't want emotion to get in the way, I know it won't for him.

I also am thinking twice about changing the locks. He will just break in if he couldn't get in. He'd do it and fix it and no one would be able to tell. And I don't want to make him angry if I can help it. I'm still relying on him to pay the bills, for as long as he will.

I may still be in shock, but I am surprisingly tearless right now. Maybe it'll hit me tonight. But I want someone kind and considerate and thinks of me every once in a while. The guys on here have given me more kindess than I've seen in years. I just don't want him anymore. Now, my heart may be telling me something different on occasion. But no matter how I feel about him, my girls don't deserve the treatment they've been getting either.

btw, he still isn't here. He was supposed to come over and get his stuff. He was also supposed to tell his children that he was leaving. Now, if he comes over, he'll be giving them very little time to deal with it before bedtime and school tomorrow.

I bet he took her to the pizza tasting thingy that we were going to go to.

I'm not sure I even know him anymore. He isn't someone I recognize.

 

[ugadog99]

{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}} to you, Laurie. I am so sorry to hear about all you are enduring. I wish there were some magic words to make you feel better. Things will get better and I do think you are making the right decisions. So sorry...

 

[zurgswife]

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

 

[Nancy]

Coming in a little late on this one, but remember the Ann Landers question..."are you better with him or without him?" Sounds like you are definately better with out him.

No advice to give.....but {{{{HUGS}}}}

 

[dalepool]

Here I go giving my .02 again.

Find a "new" activity something you and your husband didn't do. Eg: ride bikes, go to plays....start new memories...keep the old ones of course but going or thinking of places you used to do a family just puts stress in a situation that is already stressed. You sound like you have a handle on things and are moving in a positive direction. No one can tell you what is best. Listen to your gut feelings--don't act on impulse---leave time to think before you make final plans.

Talk to family---they always have our best interests at heart. You are doing great.

I might suggest going back to school now if you have been out of the work force for a while or just to refresh your skills if you are a college graduate.

Have a great day----one just for you.

Pattyn

 

[poohandwendy]

Serena,
I'm so sorry you are going through this, what a jerk. Everyone has great ideas, but my advice would be do not do anything without an attorneys recommendation. This cannot be stressed enough. An attorney is a person on your side who can think clearly, without emotion and guide you through this mess with the best possible outcome for YOU. Your attorney is the only person you should trust for advice at this time. God bless, prayers and pixiedust!
wendy

 

[Serena]

My sister and fiance came over last night and we did some talking. As they were leaving my husband's parents came home.
My MIL gets out of her car and hollars at me from our driveway, "did your husband leave you?"

Okay, I'm thinking she had heard from someone, maybe him, and it sure broke the ice. I hadn't known what to say or do and it felt better to be out in the open.

I say "frankly, yes, he did leave me." Her face just fell on the ground. She had been only teasing me. She is devestated. She asked where he was at, and I told her the last place I had seen him.
They wanted more information, and I gave it to them, trying to keep the worst of it out of the conversation. Although my oldest wasn't helping that. I had to tell her to be quiet a couple times.

They are not happy with him, actually they are furious. They told us that if we needed anything we can come to them. They offered to let my oldest move in for the rest of highschool if I had to move or anything.
They kept giving me {{{hugs}}} telling me how sorry they are. At this point I was apologizing for them finding out that way.

More later, I've got to get ready for school.

But he came home while we were standing outside.

Thanks again, everyone. I don't know what I'd do without you.

 

[jipsy]

Laurie - That's nice that your MIL said that, but never forget, no matter how angry they might be at him, blood can be thicker than water.

Get an attorney. Today. Don't wait any longer. Protect your kids and your assets by talking to one. Do not put it off.

If he was hiding paystubs from you, he most likely has had a backup plan on what to do if you ever found out. I am sure he probably has his ducks all in a row; you need to do so also as fast as possible. Once he packs his bags to leave, ask him for his key. If he refuses to give it to you, then I would change the locks. Once he leaves you to live somewhere else, you have the right to do so. If questioned about it in court, the attorney can bring up his anger with you and can say you were afraid for your safety.

Stress relief - I recommend bowling. It's cheap, the girls can go with you, and you can throw a 12 lb. ball at things legally. Just make sure you imagine their faces on the top of the pins.

(((((hugs)))))