Is your spouse ok with you being alone with the opposite sex?

[StephMK]

I read this to DH to get his take since we are both non-jealous people. We have friends of the opposite sex and I have an ex that has stayed with us when he's come to visit. DH worked with a female friend and they were alone in their dept late at night for about an hour a day. However, DH said he would not be ok with the original post and I wouldn't either.

I especially would not be ok with one spouse taking the kids to a sports practice while the other was out w/the "friend". That is time that both spouses could be together, instead one is out w/an opposite sex friend. Someone that they already spend a great deal of time with when the kids are in school. I think there is more emotional attachment than is being admitted.

I know of 2 people who had affairs with "friends". One was the exact situation here - 2 stay at home parents who turned into more. She left her DH and he stayed w/his wife once everyone found out.

 

[snapppyd]

Not confirmed but we think at least half of the married female tennis players are all having affairs with other.

pot meet kettle. You don't want people to assume you are having an affair, but make that assumption about "at least half of the married female tennis players".

 

[Buckalew11]

pot meet kettle. You don't want people to assume you are having an affair, but make that assumption about "at least half of the married female tennis players".

And an emotional affair at the least.

I found that quote about the female tennis players absolutely weird. And no explanation given.

 

[snapppyd]

And an emotional affair at the least.

I found that quote about the female tennis players absolutely weird. And no explanation given.

Do you smell anything?

 

[ronandannette]

One of my friend's friends said something yesterday evening at Bible study about it.

There will always be judgemental people...and not just in church.

I have several friends who are women. Some are the spouses of friends. Some are collegues (other pastors and such.) However, there is not woman I want to hang out with alone other than my wife. (outside of family). These women are great people and I care for them as friends, but there is a clear line of intimacy that is not crossed. I am not referring to physical intimacy(thats implied), but emotional intimacy that I just dont have with any woman but my wife. As such, they are friends, but not really close friends.

The few women I am really close to are women who are one half of a couple that my wife and I are close with, (ie. My kids godparents and the parents of my godkids)


I dont wish to judge others, but intimate friendships outside of marriage can be harmful and unhealthy.

What makes you think it's judgmental to offer a "reality-check" to someone you care about? That's what church communities are for; coming alongside one another to navigate life in a way you all (assumedly) believe is correct. And given that OP started this thread, she may have opened the door herself by asking her group for the same kind of input as she asked total strangers for here. It seems sort of unlikely that a "friend of a friend" would lead with "So Candle, I've been meaning to talk to you about those illicit trips to Costco..."

 

[LisaR]

What makes you think it's judgmental to offer a "reality-check" to someone you care about? That's what church communities are for; coming alongside one another to navigate life in a way you all (assumedly) believe is correct. And given that OP started this thread, she may have opened the door herself by asking her group for the same kind of input as she asked total strangers for here. It seems sort of unlikely that a "friend of a friend" would lead with "So Candle, I've been meaning to talk to you about those illicit trips to Costco..."

Agreed!

How on earth would the church people know about the Costco trips and the meals together unless Candle was letting everyone know what she was doing with her "friend." I don't know about you, but a trip to Costco isn't high on my list of things to tell all my friends about. And if I happen to tell someone about some great find at Costco, I don't generally mention who I was shopping with. She certainly doesn't have a need to tell all her friends about the "great, new restaurants" she tried since she admits they go to the same place so often that the waitress knows what they order. So the only way the church ladies have wind of this relationship is because Candle feels the need to bring it up regularly. As this thread shows, I think Candle loves to talk about her wonderful friend and their relationship and how their spouses, who are never around, are totally okay with it. Just like some of us on this thread have called this an emotional affair, I'm sure the church ladies have the same feelings or more. I'm guessing they hear a lot more about this "friendship" than we do.

 

[ManyMinnie]

Do you smell anything?

 

[TLSnell1981]

What makes you think it's judgmental to offer a "reality-check" to someone you care about..."

A reality check according to who? You have a wide variety of "opinions" on this thread. Who's "right"? Ultimately, we have to live in our own skins. I answer to myself on this earth...and God in the next life. A bunch of gossipy busybodies don't rate...

We have close friends, that are like family. A sexual relationship is just..eeewww. So, I completely believe relationships can be platonic.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

Agreed!

How on earth would the church people know about the Costco trips and the meals together unless Candle was letting everyone know what she was doing with her "friend." I don't know about you, but a trip to Costco isn't high on my list of things to tell all my friends about. And if I happen to tell someone about some great find at Costco, I don't generally mention who I was shopping with. She certainly doesn't have a need to tell all her friends about the "great, new restaurants" she tried since she admits they go to the same place so often that the waitress knows what they order. So the only way the church ladies have wind of this relationship is because Candle feels the need to bring it up regularly. As this thread shows, I think Candle loves to talk about her wonderful friend and their relationship and how their spouses, who are never around, are totally okay with it. Just like some of us on this thread have called this an emotional affair, I'm sure the church ladies have the same feelings or more. I'm guessing they hear a lot more about this "friendship" than we do.

My thoughts exactly. If someone told me they went to the store, I would never ask, "did you go with anyone?"

 

[ronandannette]

A reality check according to who? You have a wide variety of "opinions" on this thread. Who's "right"? Ultimately, we have to live in our own skins. I answer to myself on this earth...and God in the next life. A bunch of gossipy busybodies don't rate...
We have close friends, that are like family. A sexual relationship is just..eeewww. So, I completely believe relationships can be platonic.

Why would you automatically lable them like you did? Again I'm going to suggest that these people know Candle pretty well and that she was not hauled in front of them with a scarlet A on her chest to be confronted...
You (and ultimately the OP) are certainly free to do whatever you want, but it would be unusual for ANY "church person" to not offer the type of advice that EMHDad (who is apparently a pastor) did in my previous quote.

 

[TLSnell1981]

Agreed!

How on earth would the church people know about the Costco trips and the meals together unless Candle was letting everyone know what she was doing with her "friend." .

Or possibly, So and So saw Candle at Costco with *gasp* another man..Yakety Yak saw her *with* him at breakfast, so Nosey Rosie told Loud Mouth...

 

[TLSnell1981]

Why would you automatically lable them like you did?

Maybe, because they were discussing someone else's personal life, and it's none of their business.

 

[ronandannette]

Maybe, because they were discussing someone else's personal life, and it's none of their business.

Kind of like we're doing here right now ? Get my point...

 

[TLSnell1981]

Kind of like we're doing here right now ? Get my point...

Really? Did the DIS spread rumors about the OP, then seek her out to offer our opinions?

 

[ronandannette]

Really? Did the DIS spread rumors about the OP, then seek her out to offer our opinions?

No - the OP specifically asked for opinions, and it's just as likely she did the same at bible study as is your scenario. Heck, they may not even having been addressing her specific situation at all. Depending on what scripture they were studying it may have just been part of the general discussion. And as far as I can remember in this thread, with everybody weighing in on what THEY would do or not do, the only people getting "judged" are the bible study ladies

 

[Buckalew11]

Well, I think a post from the OP on a cruise thread makes one think either the OP or her DH has a very close friend...

This is a family board, but I will just say that we had three people in there the two times we went into the Rasul.

I mean, if it was an innocent type visit than you would not include the words "This is a family board..."

 

[LisaR]

Or possibly, So and So saw Candle at Costco with *gasp* another man..Yakety Yak saw her *with* him at breakfast, so Nosey Rosie told Loud Mouth...

I believe she said Costco was something like 25 miles away so the likelihood of running into the town gossip is pretty slim. Maybe one of the lesbian tennis players that Candle likes to gossip about started the rumors about her and her man friend.

 

[LisaR]

Well, I think a post from the OP on a cruise thread makes one think either the OP or her DH has a very close friend...



I mean, if it was an innocent type visit than you would not include the words "This is a family board..."

I think this explains a lot!

 

[Candleinthewind]

Well, I think a post from the OP on a cruise thread makes one think either the OP or her DH has a very close friend...

I mean, if it was an innocent type visit than you would not include the words "This is a family board..."

Congratulations, you are unable to recognize sarcasm!!!

 

[Candleinthewind]

That probably wasn't necessary and I apologize.

Apology accepted.