Is your spouse ok with you being alone with the opposite sex?

[MouseketeerMMC]

Well, there is an exception you know....

.

So true!

 

[castleview]

So if you were a stay at home parent and your kids were gone all day at school, you would not have any friends during the day?

Who is someone who is a Dad going to hang out with since the majority of stay at home parents are female? It is also telling that some females will have very intimate and familiar talks with a female companion but somehow that is forbidden of the listener is a male. Interestingly neither of us share anything we would not also share with our respective spouses.

I am a stay at home parent for the most part, the kids are in school all day and I still don't have that much time to hang out with friends. Nor do I feel a SAH mom or dad needs someone to hang out with. If I were lonely or bored, I'd find something to do.

 

[pearlieq]

Call me square, but that wouldn't fly in my house. DH and I certainly both have casual friends of the opposite sex that we see at parties and in groups, but I really can't imagine saying "Hey, I'm going to go hang out alone all morning with some other guy. Laters!"

I'm a married woman. My intimate relationships with other men ended when my DH and I got serious. I do my husband the courtesy of avoiding even the appearance of impropriety. When I want someone to hang out with at Costco, I call one of my girls. If we were going in a group and a guy wanted to come along, fine, but I'd never go out with one by myself.

 

[Buckalew11]

You didn't happen to cruise with this guy did you?

 

[TinkerBelled]

Perhaps it's a generational or cultural thing, but all of my friends have close relationships with people of the opposite sex, and it doesn't bother anyone. Many of my closest friends are guys. Some have been my friends since middle school; some are friends with both us as a couple. They've stayed the night, we've gone out to dinner, and it's possible that we've even been in the grocery store at the same time. It doesn't bother my husband in the least. There's no gossip about it, because it doesn't seem unusual to us.

 

[LisaR]

And in this day in age, many who do have concerns with the latter should also feel that way if two people of the same sex spend a great deal of time one on one. JMOO

The thing I found strange about this thread when you first posted was that you and your male friend went grocery shopping. You came back to clarify that it wasn't a weekly trip to the local grocery store for lunchmeat, but a long drive to Costco which makes more sense.

Now the thing I find incredibly strange about this thread is how many times you have referenced that two woman or two men might end up having an affair and that one really never knows. It seems to be the theme of most of your posts on this thread. How odd. And this is all based on the rumor that "half the woman on your local tennis team are sleeping together."

 

[moon]

To me and my friend it matters not that we are of the opposite sex. I have friends who have a weekly girlfriend's lunch together. I know men who meet weekly for golf or a run. Week in and week out, it is a set appointment. Thsi sort of thing could easily lead to an affair! Yes same sex affairs do happen!

I was blushing because of the part you bolded. People of the same sex can end up having affairs. It is not just people of opposite sex.

Not confirmed but we think at least half of the married female tennis players are all having affairs with other.

So, you agree that having a very close relationship with someone other than your SO can lead to affairs?

 

[Candleinthewind]

So, you agree that having a very close relationship with someone other than your SO can lead to affairs?

Of course they can. I knew a couple who had an affair after meeting in bible study. I am just saying it is wrong to assume that because they are other than your spouse and the opposite sex that it would. I can promise you if someone started a thread about a weekly coffee meeting with two women no one would bat an eye.

 

[Candleinthewind]

I am a stay at home parent for the most part, the kids are in school all day and I still don't have that much time to hang out with friends. Nor do I feel a SAH mom or dad needs someone to hang out with. If I were lonely or bored, I'd find something to do.

I guess I feel sorry that you have no one to hang out with.

 

[okeydokey]

I guess I feel sorry that you have no one to hang out with.

Why? She said she is not lonely or bored. In fact she seems perfectly happy to me.

 

[Sabeking]

Why? She said she is not lonely or bored. In fact she seems perfectly happy to me.

Agreed

 

[pearlieq]

Why? She said she is not lonely or bored. In fact she seems perfectly happy to me.

Agreed. It actually sounded like she had a pretty admirable attitude about using her time productively.

 

[Candleinthewind]

Why? She said she is not lonely or bored. In fact she seems perfectly happy to me.

She said she does not have the time. I guess I should be sorry she does not have the time. But if that works for her great. I love having friends outside the house.

There are as always tons of assumptions on this thread!

 

[Candleinthewind]

Agreed. It actually sounded like she had a pretty admirable attitude about using her time productively.

That is exactly what we do sharing trips to Costco. That is why I am sittlng at sports practice while my friend is cooking dinner. Yes we will be sharing dinner with the kids since my spouse is out of town and the older kid will be brought home later by the other parent. We got invited and that happens often too!

 

[BadgerGirl84]

Now the thing I find incredibly strange about this thread is how many times you have referenced that two woman or two men might end up having an affair and that one really never knows. It seems to be the theme of most of your posts on this thread. How odd. And this is all based on the rumor that "half the woman on your local tennis team are sleeping together."

I found this very odd as well. It seems like a crazy argument that someone who felt the need to be very defensive would make. I don't think it's very common for a married woman to have an affair with a close female friend and that husbands need to be suspicious of a wife spending a lot of time with a female friend the same as a male friend. I'm sure it happens once in a blue moon, but very unlikely.

The OP mentioned that the reason she posted to the board, even though she states that both she and her husband are 100% fine with this friendship of her's, is that her bible study female friends were questioning the friendship. That doesn't surprise me in the least. Don't want to turn this into a religious discussion whatsoever, but just wanted to point out that a key thing taught in most marriage classes through church is to not put yourself in the position to be tempted or to be getting emotionally attached to a man other than your husband (or vice versa). Or, at least it was in our teachings from our church.

 

[tigercat]

My best friend for years was male. My dh was fine with it as with his wife. The 4 of us went on a pilgrammage to Israel but we went to London first. We were gone for 3 weeks. It was the best trip I have been on. My dh and his are friends as well as I am.
He died 3 yrs ago, he was only 54 yrs old. He was younger than I am by 6 weeks. I miss him so much. He was the best brother I could have had. I did have 3 brothers but he was the one I could rely on.
His wife, my dh and I are going on another vacation in Sept again on a cruise. We are all looking forward to it.
tigercat

 

[TLSnell1981]

One of my friend's friends said something yesterday evening at Bible study about it.

There will always be judgemental people...and not just in church.

 

[bdcp]

Just to clarify, there is a significant difference between having friends of the opposite sex and having one special friend of the opposite sex with whom you spend a great deal of time with one on one.

I won't weigh in on the debate except to say it does not appear anyone here has major concerns with the former, while many do have concerns with the latter.

And that was the point I tried to make earlier.

Too many immediately think those of use that have concerns think you can't have any friends of the opposite sex. That's not true. What you shouldn't have as you said is one special bestie of the opposite sex. And as I said earlier, it's much harder for guys to be "just friends" with a woman than it is for a woman to be "just friends" with a man. It's biology and a fact.

 

[WDWBarb]

I haven't read the entire thread (Ok, I'll go back and do that!) but just reading to page 2 made me want to reply. I have many, many guy friends. I work with mostly guys and it suits me and DH both just fine.

I have one I'm very close to. I'm his first phone call when something happens in his life (after his DW, of course). We used to work together and, at the time, his DW had a rule that he couldn't spend time alone with me (actually, it was any woman). As she has been around us in social situations and seen our interaction (I'm the first to slap him around when he's done something stupid or isn't treating his DW like he should!), she has removed that rule for me. We've traveled together for work and there has never been any concern at ALL from DH or his DW. She tells me I'm the voice of reason in his life and she likes the additional "female" perspective. We've both changed jobs and we see each other rarely and only talk on the phone about 3-4 times a year (sometimes for less than 5 minutes, just to say hi and check on each other). But he's still one of my best friends.

DH has one female friend who he works with daily and is very close to. They do things together (they are doing a 5K soon, in fact) and I don't even think about it. She'll hang out with us at the house and has been here before when I wasn't. I never even occurred to me to worry about that. She's awesome, actually.

I have, in fact, been burned badly in a relationship where a friendship turned into "more." But I see it this way - if the only way to ensure the loyalty of my partner is to forbid him from having any other friends of the opposite sex... well, I guess that's not a relationship I want to be in. I want to be married to someone who I know has other options and still thinks I'm the best.

 

[bdcp]

I'd be really curious to see how long everyone has been married. I've been married long enough (32 years) to have seen many of these type friendships turn into more. Just not worth risking my marriage over, ever. I love the "When Harry Met Sally" scene because any man who is really honest, will tell you that's true.

DH and I don't "forbid" each other anything, but we value our relationship too much to ever risk it, either one of us. My DH loves and respects me and not because he knows/thinks I have other "options". That's who I want to be married to and I am.