Is your spouse ok with you being alone with the opposite sex?

[wdwcoltsfan]

One of my bestfriends was in a situation similar to this. She had a very good friend from work and they spent a lot of time together. They shared common interests and enjoyed each others company. When her husband was questioned about the amount of time they spent together, his standard response was, "Why would I care? I trust her. They are just friends." He made sure to let everyone know that he was perfectly fine with the friendship and trusted her completely. When I asked my friend about the relationship, she said the same, they were just friends and enjoyed hanging out while her husband was working.

A few years into the friendship they crossed the line and it was a bad situation for all involved. She lost someone who could have been a friend(just a friend) and is still bitter about what happened. Her husband never quite got past the fact that he trusted her and didn't try to control the friendship, but still got hurt. They are now divorced.

 

[bdcp]

Your guess would be wrong as I am not a she and my friend is. She is the one who goes to bible study, not I. I am a he. There is zero attachment. Why would someone spend time with a friend during the day when one husband is at work and one wife works out of town? I don't know, maybe one loves having adult conversations. And by adult I don't mean illicit, I mean having to do with things besides what one talks with their children.

Both of our spouses (hers and mine) are quite aware of our weekly outtings, there is no sneaking around. We watch each others' kids, we go out on date nights together without the kids. When we all go out as two families. We request a separate table for the kids when possible.

They are taking all of the kids with them to WDW this fall, we are taking their entire family on a cruise next April.

This thread was not pot stirring, it was a commentary on the assumption that people of the opposite sex cannot be friends. I understand and wanted to know after the comment she got at Bible Study how the DIS felt. We have other friends who see no problem with our friendship.

She has always had better friends that are male and I have had better friendships with females. As I mentioned before, at our wedding, my spouse had a Man of Honor and I had a best woman standing beside us at the alter.

And yes, I walk about our relationship with other people. I was commenting on it today with my housekeeper who saw nothing wrong with it. Then again there I am sure people who saw two women coming into my house early on a Friday morning with no kids at home and me home alone might assume something is going on as her car is not marked up in any way to indicate she is a housekeeper.

So, you ask for opinions and get defensive when people give you theirs. Seriously?

That is called pot stirring.

 

[TLSnell1981]

One assumes the whole town isn't full of gossips, right?

Not really, it takes more than one person to gossip.

My guess is this poster does a lot of talking and/or flaunting this relationship in real life just as she does online.

Maybe, it's not a real life relationship, but a hypothetical situation. Could it just be Internet created drama? I mean, IF we are guessing....

 

[bdcp]

As a stay at home dad, the people I am going to find at home are going to be females in most cases!

That's fine with playgroups, at playgrounds, in public. But, the weekends is where I don't agree by a long shot. You don't have to spend time alone with them and you shouldn't actually if you don't want rumors started. It also doesn't give you immunity to something happening.

Interesting to see where everyone is in a few years.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

If you are going to have an affair, you are going to do so whether your spouse permits you to spend time with people of the opposite sex or not. The “the reigns were too loose” argument is stupid, sorry.

 

[Candleinthewind]

So, you ask for opinions and get defensive when people give you theirs. Seriously?

That is called pot stirring.

Who is defensive? I was commenting on the assumptions that everyone had that I was a female. Off to go look up the latest info on the Dream for a friend. TTFN!

 

[bdcp]

Who is defensive? I was commenting on the assumptions that everyone had that I was a female. Off to go look up the latest info on the Dream for a friend. TTFN!

That is a defensive response. You deliberately misled people, left out info and then came back all superior. I think this thread is done.

 

[LisaR]

Your guess would be wrong as I am not a she and my friend is. She is the one who goes to bible study, not I. I am a he. There is zero attachment. Why would someone spend time with a friend during the day when one husband is at work and one wife works out of town? I don't know, maybe one loves having adult conversations. And by adult I don't mean illicit, I mean having to do with things besides what one talks with their children.

Both of our spouses (hers and mine) are quite aware of our weekly outtings, there is no sneaking around. We watch each others' kids, we go out on date nights together without the kids. When we all go out as two families. We request a separate table for the kids when possible.

They are taking all of the kids with them to WDW this fall, we are taking their entire family on a cruise next April.

This thread was not pot stirring, it was a commentary on the assumption that people of the opposite sex cannot be friends. I understand and wanted to know after the comment she got at Bible Study how the DIS felt. We have other friends who see no problem with our friendship.

She has always had better friends that are male and I have had better friendships with females. As I mentioned before, at our wedding, my spouse had a Man of Honor and I had a best woman standing beside us at the alter.

And yes, I talk about our relationship with other people. I was commenting on it today with my housekeeper who saw nothing wrong with it. Then again there I am sure people who saw two women coming into my house early on a Friday morning with no kids at home and me home alone might assume something is going on as her car is not marked up in any way to indicate she is a housekeeper.

I don't think this changes a thing. So you're the guy and the friend is female. Big deal. I get that you guys are close and you state nothing is going on between the two of you. Your post says something else. Your post about three people in a private sauna and not being able to give details because it is a family board speaks volumes. But hey, what you have going on between yourself, her, and your spouses is honestly between you guys. If it works for you guys, have at it. But when YOU post about it on a public message board and SHE brags about it at church, people will talk, analyze, argue, and debate the situation. It happens. If you don't want comments or accusations, don't post about your personal life on a message board and tell her to stop talking about you guys at church. Pretty simple.

 

[wdwcoltsfan]

If you are going to have an affair, you are going to do so whether your spouse permits you to spend time with people of the opposite sex or not. The “the reigns were too loose” argument is stupid, sorry.

I don't agree. I think there are plenty of people who develop a friendship due to common interests(work, school, kids, etc) with no intention of having an affair. I think that is the point of many peoples comments--even people with the best intentions can make a mistake. Friendships can progess beyond "just friends" and if one person doesn't put the brakes on and realize where it could be headed and limit their time spent alone, problems can happen.

 

[TLSnell1981]

If you are going to have an affair, you are going to do so whether your spouse permits you to spend time with people of the opposite sex or not. The “the reigns were too loose” argument is stupid, sorry.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

I don't agree. I think there are plenty of people who develop a friendship due to common interests(work, school, kids, etc) with no intention of having an affair. I think that is the point of many peoples comments--even people with the best intentions can make a mistake. Friendships can progess beyond "just friends" and if one person doesn't put the brakes on and realize where it could be headed and limit their time spent alone, problems can happen.

There is a huge difference between realizing you might have feelings for someone else and cheating on your spouse. But my point is that arbitrary rules about who your spouse can spend time with have ZERO affect on whether you cheat on them or not.

 

[ronandannette]

Your guess would be wrong as I am not a she and my friend is. She is the one who goes to bible study, not I. .

Doesn't change anything about my comments either, except for the personal pronouns. It's even more unlikely now to know what the context of the bible study discussion was since Candle was not actually present. It does clarify what was meant by "friends's friend" though, since whatever the comments were, they were addressed to HIS friend by HER friend. Ok...thanks for the fun discussion, done now just like the OP.

 

[Candleinthewind]

That is a defensive response. You deliberately misled people, left out info and then came back all superior.

There was no misleading. No one ever asked. People just assumed. It should not matter what sex I was when the whole point was just to ask. Just it is wrong to assume that it not possible for a man and a woman to be just friends!

 

[Candleinthewind]

Your post says something else. Your post about three people in a private sauna and not being able to give details because it is a family board speaks volumes.

Did you miss the point about it being sarcasm and the fact that the post from another board included a wink with it?

 

[LisaR]

Did you miss the point about it being sarcasm and the fact that the post from another board included a wink with it?

Nope, I didn't miss that AFTER the fact you decided to add that it was sarcasm. A wink doesn't mean a thing. It could have meant, "Hey, look at me. We have fun threesomes on vacation."

Now I am off to grocery shop with......wait for it.......my husband! But I will be sure to come back later and post about all the things the town gossips say about us, and I will try and check out the tennis women as we drive out of the subdivision and see who they are doing it with.

 

[TLSnell1981]

Now I am off to grocery shop with......wait for it.......my husband! But I will be sure to come back later and post about all the things the town gossips say about us,

If DH went grocery shopping, that might start a flurry of rumors. He does NOT go grocery shopping. Although, he's great with take out.

 

[NYEmomma]

I only read the first page so I apologize in advance if my answer to the OP is, at this point, off-topic (since clearly something has happened to make this a 12 page thread, lol!).

Dh & I are both completely comfortable with each other having friends of the opposite gender.

I have a male friend who I attend concerts with all the time. We met online on a music message board. We both listen to the same music and both of our spouses hate our taste in music and refuse to go to concerts with us. And it's no fun going to shows alone. And what my DH WASN'T comfortable with was me walking around sketchy areas and parking garages in the middle of the night by myself. So he was very happy that I found a male friend to go with. We carpool to save gas. If a show ends too early and we're not ready to go home yet, we'll hit a bar nearby for a drink or two (depending on how many we've had at the show).

Way back when we first started going to shows together, it was probably one a month but over the years, it's decreased a lot. We both have children now and spend more time going to birthday parties with our kids our going out as couples or families together.

It kind of flabbergasts me that a good number of people think adults are unable to have completely platonic relationships with the other gender. I'm just.... well, stumped. I can't say anything more than that on it because it really is so bizarre to me that I'm kind of speechless.

 

[minkydog]

I, personally, don't feel comfortble having a good friend of.the opposite sex. Nor would I be happy of my DH did. We both have clearly marked boundaries of what's acceptable and what is not. YMMV

 

[tianna26]

I rather hang out with men & most of my good friends of men & i could careless what anyone thought

 

[LongLiveDisney]

I wouldn't be comfortable with an opposite gender friend that close.