Is it wrong to spank your child?

[totalia]

I live with my grandmother. The outlets are REALLY old (1940's old). The covers can be pulled off easily because technology has changed since then. However, in this case, it was the power bar on the floor in the living room near the tv and he yanked out the power cord from the vcr before he did it which is why I caught him before he managed to sneak the fork into the power outlet.

And thank you jgm.

I did not do it just to hurt him. I did not do it out of anger. I did it to make sure it was a lesson that would be remembered for HIS SAFETY.

 

[THESCHULTZFIVE]

Then I am happy to be pathetic in your eyes.

I don't think anyone here has said that spanking is there only means of punishment, but that it is used as a last resort. I also think that some kids are extremely stubborn and strong-willed, and require at times different types of discipline than others. I don't think anyone here says they abuse their children, and I don't think anyone here on this thread, people who spank and people who don't, are pathetic. I think they are all great parents trying to find the best way to raise their child.

Ok well, I'm happy that you're happy .

I don't think anyone said hitting their kids is the only method of punishment either, but if other things work then why hit them?

I don't think most people would say they abuse their kids even if they do. That includes verbal as well as physical abuse.

I don't think people of hit their kids are great parents. I don't think husbands who hit their wives are great husbands. I don't think wives who hit their husbands are great wives. If I'm a manager, and I have rules for my employees to follow, and they don't, should I just hit them? If I'm a police officer and I pull someone over for speeding, should I take my belt off to show them that speeding is dangerous. It dosen't make sense. I don't think that just because someone is under 18 y/o I have the right to "teach them a lesson" by using my hands(or belt or anything else). I know that some kids are more stubborn than others, or strong willed, I have 1 those kinds of kids(my 3 y/o is like that, I don't know how the baby will really be yet). But whats the worst thing she could do? IF you don't eat your dinner, then you get no dessert. IF you don't clean the toys up today, then you don't play with them tomorrow. Those things aren't that big of a deal to me. But I'm not on any kind of power trip either. I know exactly how powerful I am, I don't have to prove it to anyone.

 

[sunni]

I am so done with this thread, but you're a smart ***. Your replies are so damned condescending it's pathetic.

You're right, and everyone else is wrong.

It sounds to me like it's YOU that needs to brush up on your parenting skills!

Ban me, I don't care! This poster would be more than worth it!

Go read your Bible, honey!

 

[totalia]

Spanking is not for things like not eating your dinner. Its for things that are really bad. Like throwing a baseball through the living room window. Wow, antispankers take things to extremes.

Spanking your kids because they wouldn't eat their beans is beating. Its not spanking.

Spanking is because kids don't think the way an adult does. They often dont put together consequence and action before they do something.

So, if a kid is punching and kicking the family dog are you just going to go "no" and then remove the dog from the room? What about next time when you find the kid pulling its ears or trying to put a pen up its butt when you aren't looking? You going to just say "no" and remove the dog from the room again?

Those sorts of kids need immediate consequences that they will understand. Your little explanation is not going to make sense to a three year old.

Spanking is an immediate consequence that will be remembered for something they have done thats just really horrible.

 

[THESCHULTZFIVE]

Spanking is not for things like not eating your dinner. Its for things that are really bad. Like throwing a baseball through the living room window. Wow, antispankers take things to extremes.

Spanking your kids because they wouldn't eat their beans is beating. Its not spanking.

Spanking is because kids don't think the way an adult does. They often dont put together consequence and action before they do something.

So, if a kid is punching and kicking the family dog are you just going to go "no" and then remove the dog from the room? What about next time when you find the kid pulling its ears or trying to put a pen up its butt when you aren't looking? You going to just say "no" and remove the dog from the room again?

Those sorts of kids need immediate consequences that they will understand. Your little explanation is not going to make sense to a three year old.

Spanking is an immediate consequence that will be remembered for something they have done thats just really horrible.

If my kid was doing the things you described to our dog I'd take her to a psychiatrist. Something is obviously wrong with a child that would do those things. Maybe my "little explanation" wouldn't make sense to YOUR 3 y/o, but mine understands words.

 

[swilphil]

So, if a kid is punching and kicking the family dog are you just going to go "no" and then remove the dog from the room? What about next time when you find the kid pulling its ears or trying to put a pen up its butt when you aren't looking?

I agree with Schultzfive that this kind of treatment to a dog is way over the line. Perhaps the "kid" has learned from his role models that you get others to do what you want by hurting them.

 

[glass-slipper]

The point being made is that in general from several generations ago spanking has been on the decline while crime has been on the incline. Even most of the posters here who say spanking can be used do it sparingly versus a few generations ago where spanking might be the first or second line of punishment in many cases. Most schools have also outlawed spanking and there has been a definate increase in violence there as well as disrespect for teachers as well.

I know what point was being made. My point is there is no proof either way. 60 minutes or dateline did a piece about a year ago on a state whose school system allowed corporal punishment. Many parents supported this because they felt there was a connection with violence and crime; however, their area had a terrible crime rate which was on the increase. IMO, there are many, many factors which contribute to the violence and crime in our society: parents who do not discipline at all, parents who aren't involved in their children's lives, drugs, child abuse,sexual abuse, alcoholism, to name a few. Teachers can't be expected to teach your child how to behave, that is the parents job, which can be done without spanking.

 

[glass-slipper]

Spanking is not for things like not eating your dinner. Its for things that are really bad. Like throwing a baseball through the living room window. Wow, antispankers take things to extremes.

Spanking your kids because they wouldn't eat their beans is beating. Its not spanking.

Spanking is because kids don't think the way an adult does. They often dont put together consequence and action before they do something.

So, if a kid is punching and kicking the family dog are you just going to go "no" and then remove the dog from the room? What about next time when you find the kid pulling its ears or trying to put a pen up its butt when you aren't looking? You going to just say "no" and remove the dog from the room again?

Those sorts of kids need immediate consequences that they will understand. Your little explanation is not going to make sense to a three year old.

Spanking is an immediate consequence that will be remembered for something they have done thats just really horrible.

Is this hypothectical or is this a true situation? I'd take the dog away(like to a family members house for a couple days) and tell the child they don't deserve a pet if they are going to be so mean and hurt them, which they don't.

 

[poohandwendy]

Teachers can't be expected to teach your child how to behave, that is the parents job, which can be done without spanking.

It can also be done without 'time out', but noone is suggesting that others stop using that method because of our personal opinions of it. I didn't spank because there were no other options, I spanked because it was an effective method. I didn't spank as a gut reaction or as a result of my having a bad day, I specifically chose to use that method. It was one of many effective tools I have used in parenting.

As to the previous mention of college funds being withheld for poor behavior and performance, LOL, my DD knows that if she doesn't take college seriously, we will not continue to pay for it...PERIOD. We are aware that college will be a big transition, but if she doesn't work hard we encourage her to seek funding elsewhere. We are making many sacrifices to fund her education, we expect nothing less from her end. We're just mean that way.

She is an adult and our paying for her college education is optional. She is blessed that we are able and willing to offer that opportunity as she knows many peers who have parents who will not or cannot do that.

 

[C.Ann]

On the few occasions he kept thrashing around and getting more and more upset, I put him in his room and held the door closed until he calmed down.

-------------

Just wanted to comment that this is the equivalent of locking a child in their room and in some states is considered emotional abuse..

Carry on!

 

[cats7494]

I did not choose to spank my dd and she is now 11. It was a personal choice for our family.

But I think a big difference between some of the other non-spankers on this thread and me is that I do not dare to judge the parents who do spank their children!
It is not my place, not my business to tell you what to do with your child! (excluding abuse, of course!) I do not want people to tell me how to raise my child so why should I tell anyone else?

It is a parental decision of what works best for your child. In my family, we used time outs and taking toys away when she was younger. Now we utilize grounding and that is effective for us.

 

[glass-slipper]

It can also be done without 'time out', but noone is suggesting that others stop using that method because of our personal opinions of it. I didn't spank because there were no other options, I spanked because it was an effective method. I didn't spank as a gut reaction or as a result of my having a bad day, I specifically chose to use that method. It was one of many effective tools I have used in parenting.

I didn't suggest for others who like to use spanking as a discipline method not use it, I said it doesn't need to be done in order to teach them to behave.

As an aside, I was bottle-fed, public schooled, slept in my own bed and was spanked. As a parent I chose to breast feed, private school, let my kids sleep in my bed when they were little and I didn't spank. In saying this, I'm not suggesting that parents who did other than how I personally feel about these issues are wrong or bad parents.

 

[poohandwendy]

I did not choose to spank my dd and she is now 11. It was a personal choice for our family.

But I think a big difference between some of the other non-spankers on this thread and me is that I do not dare to judge the parents who do spank their children!
It is not my place, not my business to tell you what to do with your child! (excluding abuse, of course!) I do not want people to tell me how to raise my child so why should I tell anyone else?

It is a parental decision of what works best for your child. In my family, we used time outs and taking toys away when she was younger. Now we utilize grounding and that is effective for us.

Thank you for your post, I appreciate the consideration. Kudos to you for finding the right tools to use for your child. Parenting is the most diffiicult job I have faced. I give anyone credit for finding what works and being consistent in their efforts. Whatever method you use.

 

[poohandwendy]

I didn't suggest for others who like to use spanking as a discipline method not use it, I said it doesn't need to be done in order to teach them to behave.

True, but that could be said for pretty much any of the methods.

As an aside, I was bottle-fed, public schooled, slept in my own bed and was spanked. As a parent I chose to breast feed, private school, let my kids sleep in my bed when they were little and I didn't spank. In saying this, I'm not suggesting that parents who did other than how I personally feel about these issues are wrong or bad parents.

I breastfed also, 2 of my kids go to public school (but I would choose private if necessary), my kids only slept in my bed when they needed comforted or were sick...we consider our bedrom is our sanctuary, so it was only when necesary.

It's all about deciding what works for your family. No argument there.

 

[MrsKreamer]

Wow this thread has become a near train wreck. I think some poster need to hold back the insults and remeber that we all (I mean that in the sense of "non-abusive", not non-spanking parents) choose to parent diferently. I know that my 10 month old is showing some stuborness(and he can't even walk yet ) and we may need to spank for certain occasions. That does not make me abusive. That makes me a parent. A parent to my son. I think that it is horrendous to judge other parents on spanking. Notice I said spanking, not abusing, two TOTALLY different things. For those of you confusing the two, a question...Which is worse? A parent swatting a bottom of a child being disobediant or a parent who hits a child for no reason? There is a difference. Some children learn differently than others, this has been proven...so why is it such a far cry to believe that some children need to be diciplined differently than others? My Mil told me that even the mention of a spanking to my BIL and he would start behaving, but she could spank Dh all day and it wouldn't phase him....time out worked really well for him though, because he hated to sit still, she tried that on BIL, but it wasn't a punishment to him. Again spanking should only be used in certain situations, but it is not up to those of you who don't agree with it to condem everyone else as abusers.

 

[cats7494]

Thank you for your post, I appreciate the consideration. Kudos to you for finding the right tools to use for your child. Parenting is the most diffiicult job I have faced. I give anyone credit for finding what works and being consistent in their efforts. Whatever method you use.

PS - I was spanked as a child and I turned out just fine. I was never afraid of my parents, did not resent them or hate them....I just figured that I misbehaved so I should be spanked!
Being spanked as a child had no bearing whatsoever on my decision to not spank my daughter...it just is not something I am comfortable with but do understand that it works for many people.

 

[GoofieRuthie]

I haven't had a chance to read the entire thread yet, but feel that both sides have very good points. I happen to believe in spanking. Thankfully I RARELY have to do so. I try to think of more creative ways to punish instead. I never spank them if I'm extremely angry either for fear of harming them. I have 3 DDs and each of them responds to different types of discipline. Usually, just the mention of a spanking does the trick.

One of my forms of discipline that worked the best was when my oldest two daughters about 11 and 9 at the time kept asking for something over and over. I kept saying no. Finally I had had enough and told my oldest to go get her dictionary. She looked puzzled, but did so. I then told each of them to pick a number between 25 and 100. They had to write the definition to the word NO that many times. They hated it, but it did the trick. When they were done, they had to tell me the definition without looking. Two years later, if they keep asking after I say no, I ask the definition and they shut up quick.

I've also had them brush their teeth with liquid soap for lying.

And for my oldest daughter, without raising a hand or voice at her, I simply walk in and unplug her keyboard from her computer. You would think I had beaten her by the way she reacts to that one.

Oh last but not least.........."You won't get to go to WDW with us!" Evil, I know, but hey, a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do.

 

[THESCHULTZFIVE]

One of my forms of discipline that worked the best was when my oldest two daughters about 11 and 9 at the time kept asking for something over and over. I kept saying no. Finally I had had enough and told my oldest to go get her dictionary. She looked puzzled, but did so. I then told each of them to pick a number between 25 and 100. They had to write the definition to the word NO that many times. They hated it, but it did the trick. When they were done, they had to tell me the definition without looking. Two years later, if they keep asking after I say no, I ask the definition and they shut up quick.

Love That!!!!!

 

[totalia]

No, its not a real situation. But I have seen a group of 10 year old boys who WEREN'T SPANKED "Because boys will be boys.") tie rocks to a kittens tail and drown it in a bucket laughing their heads off because "No one will do anything but yell at us or try to ground us anyway" I was 15 when I saw that.

They may need psychiatric help thats true but so what? You take them after the fact? They need discipline NOW, not weeks down the road.

Not to mention the news report of a group of 8 year olds that beat a cat to death with two by fours "because no one would do anything anyway".

Or how about the 5 year old I saw on the news that started the house on fire playing with mom's lighter even though she has repeatedly taken it away from him.

Yes, not spanking works oh so wonderfully with every child because you know, all kids will just listen to what their parents tell them to do because... why? Because the parents say so or because a toy will get taken away? Oh yes, that works wonders if your kid is just one of those rotten apples that doesn't know the difference.

 

[Sandy22]