Is it wrong to spank your child?

[N.Bailey]

I am so done with this thread, but you're a smart ***. Your replies are so damned condescending it's pathetic.

You're right, and everyone else is wrong.

It sounds to me like it's YOU that needs to brush up on your parenting skills!

Ban me, I don't care! This poster would be more than worth it!

Go read your Bible, honey!

 

[N.Bailey]

Inspired by the spanking in school thread....

A question to pro-spankers: if you spank your child at home, would you also allow school administrators and teachers to spank your child?

I got to the end of the thread and have to say YES, I would fully support the school spanking my child. I read that thread and seen so many parents who have said no, but I do not agree with that position at all (though they are free to feel and do what they believe is best for their child).

I feel kids are walking all over the teachers today and the school has basically no recourse.

Take a look at the recent case of the 5 year old that was recently handcuffed. We heard a public outcry for that little girl. What in the world was the school suppose to do to get this child under some sort of control? Was it fair that class was interrupted for ALL the other children in that classroom? Was this child going to hurt the others?

Along with Wendy's statistics that crime is indeed going up nationwide (with the decline of spankings going down) I'd add that violence in schools has gone up too.

If I need to post statistics to prove that, I can oblige.

 

[sunni]

Inspired by the spanking in school thread....

A question to pro-spankers: if you spank your child at home, would you also allow school administrators and teachers to spank your child?

I wouldn't allow a school official to spank my child. It is not their decision to make.

If a child is out of control in school, perhaps they are still too young for it. If that's not the case and nothing short of paddling works then the child should be kicked out of school. Let the parents deal with the child, find another school, hire a tutor, homeschool, whatever.

 

[sunni]

Genuinely curious about something: several of you have mentioned running out into the street as toddlers being one of the things that warrant a spanking i.e. it seems to be the most common "biggie" mentioned. Why is that? I have regrettably spanked on a few occasions, but never for something like that. For the street we did all sorts of preventive things, but never assumed they'd always obey, never expected them to. We protected them, supervised them, and made sure they didn't have access to the street (or parking lot) without a firm hold on my hand. If they ever impulsively managed to get away, I put on a huge show of fear and scared the heck out of them! Grabbing them in a panic and looking at them with huge saucer eyes and a huge gasp did more than any spanking, let me tell you! All 3 of my kids have a very healthy respect (bordering on fear) of roads. And at ages 5, 3 and 2 all I have to say is "car"! in a loud and urgent voice and they scatter at top speed for the grass verge or sidewalk! Without fail. Having never been spanked or punished for it. I guess I'm just tryng to understand how punishing them helps teach them anything about roads? You still have to teach them road safety, you still have to supervise them - I'm sure you're not saying to yourself "ah, now I've spanked Junior for running into the street, he has learned his lesson and I never have to worry about it again"! (ditto for any safety issue). Am I right? I dunno ... I never did trust spanking to teach any safety lesson.

The few spankings I gave were related to power struggles and defiance. I know there were better ways to handle it, and maybe I should have just walked away. But I'm a strict mom with a low tolerance for certain things, so I let my need to take care of a problem right away (before it got worse - you know, the "nip it in the bud" thing) get in the way of my better judgement. Then again, the few spankings did reinforce the limits I was trying to set, and did show the child that I really meant business. Could I have showed that some other way? Maybe. Probably, in retrospect. Thankfully I seem to have achieved my purpose without any apparent ill effects. I shall still continue to strive for a peaceful household where I can get through power struggles without resorting to brute force, which is really what a spanking is.

Anyway, I just wanted to throw that out there. It's interesting to see what are "spankable offences" in different people's homes.

I enjoyed reading this post and I can relate to the 2nd paragraph. I don't feel good about every spanking I've administered, some situations might have been resolved differently; if only a different word was used here, or a change in tone there. Hindsight is 20/20. I don't feel that I've been a bad parent however. I questioned my son yesterday, he doesn't feel that I've been abusive; he actually laughed at the notion.

About the kids running in the road or similar incidents: To show exaggerated fear like you did probably works for many kids to teach the danger of the road. I know it would have worked for my DD. For DS, that just would be telling him "here is another one of mommy's buttons to push. this will scare her and that's fun." For kids like DS was, a parent has to remain very calm and controlled (sooo hard to do!) because what the child wants is a reaction, even a negative one -- sometimes especially a negative one. Believe me, any good parent keeps and eye and hand on these kids but they do break away from you sometimes. At 10 my DS would still let me hold his hand in a parking lot if he wasn't really thinking about it and even now (12 next month) he walks with me willingly, I think because he knows he's safe with me in spite of his impulsive nature (in addition to being an affectionate child).

 

[sunni]

If the only way you can get a child to listen to you, understand your point, follw your rules, whatever you call want to call it is to use some type of physical force then that's pathetic.

What color should I get my "I'm Pathetic" t-shirt in? Pink? Lime Green?

Have you ever taken your child by the hand or arm to lead them to time-out or their room? Picked them up and carried them there? Stood there and held them there if they tried to leave? Turned their face so they were looking at you when you spoke? Pried a toy or candy out of their hands to take it away? Any of those are using some type of physical force to over-power your child.

What size t-shirt do you wear?

 

[N.Bailey]

Just for the record, my father hit and killed a child who ran into the street for his ball. Can you imagine that type of guilt?

If a smack on the rear end does the trick, IMO, you've done a GREAT job of protecting your child.

I beg all of you to NEVER allow a child to play out front with a ball if you're on a heavily traveled road.

All kids know is, their ball went that way and they need to retrieve it.

You can't put blame here, but my father had to live with that for the rest of his life.

My son's soccer coach hit a child about 5 years ago too. That child died a few days later in a hospital. The coach has never gotten over it.

 

[glass-slipper]

Question for the pro-spankers, What is your definition of a spanking and at what age(s) do you feel it is appropriate?

 

[N.Bailey]

Question for the pro-spankers, What is your definition of a spanking and at what age(s) do you feel it is appropriate?

I think there will be as many variables as there are posters. Personally, I stopped spanking my children when they stopped pushing my parental authority. I can't remember when that time was, but it was MANY years ago for my now 13 and 14 year old children. I know for a fact it was over 4 years ago, but in all honesty, I would have to say it went back much further than that. I honestly can't even remember when the last time I smacked my children on the back side occurred.

Now, a spanking to me is, a swat on the behind to let them know you mean business. I never spanked for the little stuff, but I certainly didn't blow the big stuff off either. A tap on the hand to say "no" is not a spanking to me.

As far as what age and when it's appropriate, I guess I can't answer that. Right now, so many other alternatives are having my desired effects that it's not in question at this point in time. IF however, we'd go backward and my authority came into question, I can't say that there is an appropriate age. It's highly doubtful that we'll be facing that situation though. I have 2 great kids that teachers brag about, kids love to hang out with, will do what you tell them to do (cleaning room as an example) etc.... There really is no need for me to spank them at all at this point in the game.

 

[glass-slipper]

I got to the end of the thread and have to say YES, I would fully support the school spanking my child. I read that thread and seen so many parents who have said no, but I do not agree with that position at all (though they are free to feel and do what they believe is best for their child).

I feel kids are walking all over the teachers today and the school has basically no recourse.

At what age do you think children should be spanked in school?
Have your children been spanked in school? To my Knowledge they use a wooden paddle, and they hit hard. I was in elementary school when they still allowed spanking in schools where I lived and I witnessed a horrible BEATING with the paddle, by a furious teacher. Not exactly something I would let happen to my child, because THAT is abuse.

 

[Texan Mouseketeer]

No offense, but if your child is that ignorant to the fact that a car can hit him, then you should seek some therapy especially if he is biting you and physically drew blood.

Plenty of offense taken. Don't tell me for him to seek therapy. You don't know the situation and I didn't even say how old he was at the time. How about butting out because someone else asked the question and I answered it. I didn't want your sorry self to judge me. Same for Sandy22 and her sorry condescending smilies. I'm out of this thread...

 

[glass-slipper]

As a non-spanker and as someone who would never spank, that definition doesn't sound like abuse.

 

[N.Bailey]

At what age do you think children should be spanked in school?
Have your children been spanked in school? To my Knowledge they use a wooden paddle, and they hit hard. I was in elementary school when they still allowed spanking in schools where I lived and I witnessed a horrible BEATING with the paddle, by a furious teacher. Not exactly something I would let happen to my child, because THAT is abuse.

That may be abuse in your eyes, but I doubt it's abuse in the law's eyes.

At what age? I guess as long as that form of punishment works.

I was spanked in elementary school as well and I survived unscathed. I think for my generation, it made us abide by the rules set by the school.

Crime is going up everywhere. Schools and otherwise. What do you attribute these statistics to?

I am 38 years old and while I lived in an era (my school days) where most schools had the authority to spank, I have never once seen anything resembling abuse. I would fully support the dismissal of any employee that abused anyone, no matter what the position that employee held.

Believe you me, I am dead set against anyone abusing a child or anyone else (fully support the death penalty for premeditated murder), but I firmly believe when you have a little rugrat on your hands, it's your duty to do all you can to make them a productive citizen.

Children are as different as day and night and what works for one child might not work for another. Thus the reason I clearly state, there is NO manual out there for rearing a child.

 

[N.Bailey]

OH, and no, my children have never been spanked in school. I'm not sure it's allowed in our district because nothing has ever come home with regards to this matter.

 

[swilphil]

I don't think public schools allow spanking anymore. Private schools may be allowed to do it. The last time I heard it being done in a public school was 20 years ago. The parents had to be present when the punishment was administered.

 

[swilphil]

I am so done with this thread, but you're a smart ***. Your replies are so damned condescending it's pathetic.

You're right, and everyone else is wrong.

It sounds to me like it's YOU that needs to brush up on your parenting skills!

Ban me, I don't care! This poster would be more than worth it!

Go read your Bible, honey!

Temper, temper. Mutual respect goes a long way in producing civil behavior. If you use it in parenting, there may be less need for spankings.

P.S. If you are "so done with this thread," why the 5 additional posts? Trying to get the thread closed?

 

[totalia]

Question for the pro-spankers, What is your definition of a spanking and at what age(s) do you feel it is appropriate?

One swat on the bum or a slap on the hand never hurt anyone.

No one can tell me that they don't slap someone on the arm lightly when they are laughing or something. We all do it. Its not harder than that.

And appropriate? I haven't been spanked since I was 14 years old (for those who are big on math, I'm 29 now). I deserved it every single time.

I don't think there is any right age. It depends on the behavior, not the age.

Though I do find it interesting that no one has given me an answer on what I should have done in my nephews situation where he was trying to stick a fork in a wall socket. Yes, I gave him one swat on his diaper padded behind. Its a lesson he never forgot and thats the only time I've used it with him. Even when he's screaming his head off and tearing things up, he doesn't get a spanking. I considered it a worthwhile thing to give him that swat. Better that than getting cooked by electricity.

Yet still no one has been me an idea of what else I could have done that would have made it sink in immediately for his own safety.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Though I do find it interesting that no one has given me an answer on what I should have done in my nephews situation where he was trying to stick a fork in a wall socket. Yes, I gave him one swat on his diaper padded behind. Its a lesson he never forgot and thats the only time I've used it with him. Even when he's screaming his head off and tearing things up, he doesn't get a spanking. I considered it a worthwhile thing to give him that swat. Better that than getting cooked by electricity.

Yet still no one has been me an idea of what else I could have done that would have made it sink in immediately for his own safety.

I'm not opposed to all spanking, so maybe I'm the one that should jump in. When my kids were little, outlet covers were in all outlets. They were never able to get the covers out of the outlet and it prevented them from sticking anything in the outlet. Even if they did manage to get the cover out, it would give the adult time to get to them before harm was done.

T&B

 

[elan]

"Though I do find it interesting that no one has given me an answer on what I should have done in my nephews situation where he was trying to stick a fork in a wall socket. Yes, I gave him one swat on his diaper padded behind. Its a lesson he never forgot and thats the only time I've used it with him. Even when he's screaming his head off and tearing things up, he doesn't get a spanking. I considered it a worthwhile thing to give him that swat. Better that than getting cooked by electricity."


How about taking the fork away from him and firmly saying no. I'm not sure how old your nephew is but should he be going around with silverware anyway? Outlet covers work like a charm too.

 

[bajanswife]

Well, I was firmly holding my DS's hand and he bit me on my wrist hard enough to draw blood. I jerked my hand away because, of course, it hurt like you know what and then he ran out into the street. He had no concept of the fact that he could be hit by a car and he purposely hurt me in order to be able to run away. He laughed the whole time and when I tried to explain to him how dangerous it was, he just laughed and mouthed off to me. THAT is why he received a spanking - because it wasn't getting through to him!

Ah, then the spanking wasn't for running in the street, it was for outright defiance? Running in the street just happened to be part of the thing he was defying you about? THAT I can understand. There comes a point when all kids test your authority, and it is very tempting to "show them who is boss". I have done it in various ways, including spanking. I think it is better to do it as respectfully as possible, but parents are human too, and sometimes it is difficult to remain respectful and kind (though firm) yourself if the child is being ridiculously disrespectful.

 

[saucymb]

I as spanked as a child, and was absolutely convinced at the time that my parents were horrible for doing it. I also thought they were horrible for not allowing me to eat cookies before school, and for making me be home by 11:30pm when I was 16 years old, and for not buying me name-brand shoes when we couldn't afford it, and for grounding me when my grades were not up to par or I fought with my brothers, and for a multitude of other things that always seem horrible to kids.

However, I was never spanked for the same thing twice. Eventually, I figured out that cookies in the morning were not a good idea, 11:30 is not unreasonble, name-brand stuff is very expensive, and I should work harder for my grades and not antagonize my brothers.

DH and and I do not yet have children. We plan to have a famlily as soon as the Lord blesses us with one. We have had discussions about spanking and other forms of discipline, and neither of us have a problem with spanking. We do recognize it as a form of discipline.

However, we also recognize that each child is unique. What works for one may not always work for the other. My goddaughter is a near-perfect child. She does the best she can to please everyone, and the minute she realizes that she has hurt some (emotionally or physically), or she might be in even the slightest bit of trouble, she immediately apologizes, and she is very upset that she could do something bad. Spanking for her is not necessary; all it takes is a firm voice, and an occasional time out (very rare). Her baby sister, on the other hand, is a very strong-willed child, and time-outs, firm words, re-direction of attention and other distractions do not work with her. It takes a pop on her bottom to get her attention when she is misbehaving.

I don't have a problem with people who choose not to spank, nor with people who choose to spank. What bothers me is that some people say they believe spanking is abuse. A pop on the bottom or the hand is not abuse.