Is it wrong to spank your child?

[froglady]

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I have a question for pro-spankers. Would you not visit certain countries because of no-spanking laws? Would you be worried your child would get out of control, you spank, and then you're arrested in a foreign country?

I am one of the "pro-spankers", whatever THAT means. I have rarely had to spank my children (as is typical of the other "pro-spankers" around here) I've gone para-sailing a couple of times, so I guess that makes me "pro-parasailing."

Anyways, when my children were "spanking age" I would never have considered taking them to visit a foreign country.

 

[robinb]

You know EXACTLY what I am talking about.....and it isn't this thread.

No. Really I don't. We may not see eye-to-eye on some things, but I have no animosity toward you.

 

[sunni]

I have a question for pro-spankers. Would you not visit certain countries because of no-spanking laws? Would you be worried your child would get out of control, you spank, and then you're arrested in a foreign country?

My 2 have only been outside of the U.S. as far as Canada and there were no discipline problems at all on any of those trips. Would I have spanked if I felt it appropriate? Sure. Unless they had spy cameras in our hotel room how would they know what I did?

Now my kids are past that age. They can be reasoned with, they have a higher level of understanding, they have "currency" to deal in (games, cds, spending money, trips to mall, overnighters, skateboards -- even hair dye! )

Not very funny, but someone posted the "If you/then I" example of parenting, like "if you eat your dinner then I will give you dessert". DD was a good candidate for that sort of technique, it worked for her. DS refused --- for him it was "if you (parent)/then I (DS)". He had the audacity (after I gave him one warning to straighten up or I wouldn't be letting him pick out gum at the checkout for good shopping behavior) to inform me "you will buy me the gum, then I'll be good"... whoa, buddy... it doesn't work that way! Glad to report he's come a long way since then.

 

[robinb]

Not very funny, but someone posted the "If you/then I" example of parenting, like "if you eat your dinner then I will give you dessert". DD was a good candidate for that sort of technique, it worked for her. DS refused --- for him it was "if you (parent)/then I (DS)". He had the audacity (after I gave him one warning to straighten up or I wouldn't be letting him pick out gum at the checkout for good shopping behavior) to inform me "you will buy me the gum, then I'll be good"... whoa, buddy... it doesn't work that way! Glad to report he's come a long way since then.

That sounds familiar! My DD tries that all the time and it doesn't work for her.

 

[sunni]

That sounds familiar! My DD tries that all the time and it doesn't work for her.

LOL! Good for you!

Doesn't it surprise you sometimes the things they dare to say with a straight face? At least I'm comforted with the knowledge that they are less likely to succumb to peer pressure -- my DS has no trouble telling other kids they are being naughty!

 

[Southern4sure]

And to clarify what I said about calling in the authorities...yes if that poster was a neighbor and I observed her hitting her child with a belt, I would be morally and legally obligated to report her to the authorities.

So you wouldnt mind making a case and taking time away from actual child abuse cases knowing the parents are loving, caring and nurturing individuals just because you disagree with their choice of discipline? In some states, this could be classified as a bogus report and I have heard but Im not exactly sure, but you could have a file also for reporting a bogus report.

I am curious though, when you put your child in his/her room and hold the door closed, is this the time out? Is your child crying, screaming and/or clawing to get out and thats why your holding the door? Im not making accuastions, Im really curious why else the need to hold the door closed. Wouldnt that give the message of abandonment?

 

[C.Ann]

I am curious though, when you put your child in his/her room and hold the door closed, is this the time out? Is your child crying, screaming and/or clawing to get out and thats why your holding the door? Im not making accuastions, Im really curious why else the need to hold the door closed. Wouldnt that give the message of abandonment?

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As I previously mentioned, in some states this would be considered emotional abuse and punishable by law the same as physical abuse..

Child Protective Services have a long, long list of actions they consider "abuse".. They vary from state to state, but among them are:

physically restraining your child
sending your child to bed without their supper
locking them in or forcing them to stay in any room
having them stand in the corner
making them write something over and over again
denying visits with a grandparent or other relative as a form of punishment

etc., etc., etc...

Basically just about anything you do - short of letting them run wild and rule your household - can be (and has been) construed as child abuse..

And yes - a person can be fined and/or jailed for making a "bogus" child abuse report..

 

[Me.]

Well , i believe that if a child had been up to no good , and had not listened to you when you told them off that it would be Okay... I was bad at times and have not had a spanking. I used to answer back to my parents , not listen to them and make faces at them. If you were my Parent what would you have done Don't worry about your answer , just tell me... i need to know

 

[nliedel]

It's a personal decision in many respects. We never ever spank when we are mad at the boys. We have a rule *if* I spank then it is as many as you are old and only if you endanger yourself or someone else. I hate it but I do it.

Before I had children I was never, ever going to spank them. I knew all about parenting before I had kids. I don't know anything now and just when I get one of them figured out it becomes clear the parenting skills I learned on him does not apply to his brothers.

It's a punishment of last resort and I don't remember the last time I spanked my 8 year old. He could care less if he gets a spank but Playstation removal is equivalant to death. So only the 6 year old gets spanked (the two year old is way too young) and then maybe once a year or so.

 

[Galahad]

Is it wrong to spank your child?

No....

 

[bananiem]

I started a thread about this once and the posters turned and twisted my words to make me into the bad guy.
Anyway, I still hold to my belief that spanking should never be used as the first and only way of disciplining. Face it, if it worked, you wouldn't have to spank them very many times over the same stuff before they got the idea.

 

[Me.]

It's not wrong , but some times it's just Disciplinary spanking ... I think it should only be done if a child has dis-behaved too much

 

[cra-z-4-dizney]

I do not spank. I have 2 dd's 9 & 5. I spanked my dd-9 years ago, and she cried, and I cried. I decided after that day that I never ever want to physically hurt my children or make them cry by spanking them. I remeber when I was little I used to get spanked with a belt and a paddle, and I swore if I ever had kids I would never do it to them.

My girls drive me crazy sometimes, but that is only when I had a bad day or if it's that TOM...in usually cases it normally wouldn't bother me.

I guess to each their own.

 

[*Fantasia*]

Hey... whatever works for you... whatever works for me... As long as it's not abuse... and the children understands the problem, the consquences and to make it better.

Same thing with "taking the kids out of school to go on vacation or not."
Same thing with "taking your refillable mugs with you or buying new ones."
Same thing with "having 5 people when you know it only accomodate 4."
Same thing with "pool hopping." You know what's best.

We are all adults.. do what is right.. and do what is best for your family. We are all individual people and all come from different walks of life.. so different rules and philosophy applies.

 

[sha_lyn]

I started a thread about this once and the posters turned and twisted my words to make me into the bad guy.
Anyway, I still hold to my belief that spanking should never be used as the first and only way of disciplining. Face it, if it worked, you wouldn't have to spank them very many times over the same stuff before they got the idea.

What if I said "Face it if time outs worked you wouldn't have to do it very many times over the same stuff before they got the idea"
Put in any punishment other than spanking and see what your opinion is of the statement.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I think it should only be done if a child has dis-behaved too much

Is this when I child spends too much time on the DIS boards?

 

[Duckfan-in-Chicago]

Sometimes I spank my child when he's sleeping, just so he knows I've always got my eye on him. I'm going to have to step up the vigilance when he turns 2.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Hey... whatever works for you... whatever works for me... As long as it's not abuse... and the children understands the problem, the consquences and to make it better.

Same thing with "taking the kids out of school to go on vacation or not."
Same thing with "taking your refillable mugs with you or buying new ones."
Same thing with "having 5 people when you know it only accomodate 4."
Same thing with "pool hopping." You know what's best.

We are all adults.. do what is right.. and do what is best for your family. We are all individual people and all come from different walks of life.. so different rules and philosophy applies.

I am totally with Fantasia! It's so easy to get into this, "I'm right, however I parent is right, whatever choices I make is right" mentality that we fail to realize that there are more than one way to parent. There's more than one way to do a lot of things!

And I can't believe that this thread has come back from the dead! LOL

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Sometimes I spank my child when he's sleeping, just so he knows I've always got my eye on him. I'm going to have to step up the vigilance when he turns 2.

And that's ok because he probably did something wrong that you just didn't know about, so it all evens out!

 

[Cantw8]

Well , i believe that if a child had been up to no good , and had not listened to you when you told them off that it would be Okay... I was bad at times and have not had a spanking. I used to answer back to my parents , not listen to them and make faces at them. If you were my Parent what would you have done Don't worry about your answer , just tell me... i need to know

I find it odd that a brand new poster would dig up a controversial thread that is three months old to make their first post on