Is it wrong to spank your child?

[sunni]

My instincts are BANG ON.

As are mine. Hey, does that mean we agree on something?

 

[Sandy22]

As are mine. Hey, does that mean we agree on something?

Yup!

 

[issa]

I am only part way done with reading this thread...but its time i get to sleep.


I hear a lot of pride in "no spankings" ..I hear a lot of alternatives...and what is label abuse is "hitting" a child.

Anything. I mean ANYTHING can be abuse. Depending on how its done.

I have seen /known parents that were so proud that their child was never spanked.....but my heart cried for those kids as I heard their mother scream at them upstairs to make them behave and said things that could do nothing less than break your soul.

I have seen "proud" soft parenting parents...of course no spanking...be so involved and so INTO their child. They no longer "see" them....they see their achievements, piano class and ballet class and school band and soccer practice....yet they don’t "see" their child so afraid of their disappointment that they are anxious and overstressed....heaven forbid they do something wrong and tarnish their parents perfect image of them.


Verbal abuse and Emotional abuse are far worse than any spankings...

Just because a parent doesn’t use spankings as ONE METHOD in their set of parenting skills does not make them the parent of the year or their children any better for it. Just because a parent uses spankings in moderation and with control does not mean they are abusing their child or lack parenting skills. (Spankings are defined by me as a soft swat to a padded butt area....excluding ALL OTHER parts of the body. no smacks across the face ..no hits on the back, that’s HITTING, and imo abuse.

Yes, their are children beaten , spankings gone to far and plain out cruelty...
that is not what a quick swat on the butt is.

ALL parents here love their children... their tools , done with love and without anger /frustration, are for the betterment of the child.

maybe this rambles on - but my point being spanking isn’t form of abuse, and at times...stepping on the high soapbox of "not" hides far worse forms abuse than what spanking is precived as by some.

After timeouts, either /ors, role plays and several other tools...i would rather swat her on her but once, in a calm cool manner and be done with the misbehavior.....then continue to "try " to no avail only to end up screaming and berating a child.....the emotional scars so much longer. They hurt far worse.

In this house...yes, my 2 yr old can get a rare swat...my 9 yr old has been swatted on her butt all of 3 times in her life.

In this house....we don’t yell...ever. we don’t berate or call names. We sit and discuss and share our perceptions, We set limits and repercussions as well as rewards and praise.....unfortunately, the 2 yr old isn’t ready for all that (small amounts - sticker charts and hugs) but in time she will. I use several methods to teach her...but at times yes, she does get a swat. Its done, its over and we move on...

 

[Southern4sure]

I love my child's pediatrician, but it was she who was wrong about my baby's feeding and vomiting. It was only after 8 months that I dared trust my own instinct (brand new mom)... and it turned out I was right all along.

Sunni I had the same experience with my oldest DS. I trusted the Dr but I knew soemthing was wrong. Same thing..new mom Dr says "babies are suppose to spit up right?" Well DS was projectile vomiting. Other than that he was fine..was gaining weight etc etc. This went on for the first 9 wks of his life and the Dr was so tired of seeing me she said and I am not exagerrating, "Do not bring "name" back unless you see blood in the spit up." I was horrified. Next day Im back again and a different dr was in. The same evening DS was on the operating table for Pyloric Stenosis. It is a good thing I didnt bow down and believe everyword the Dr said.

Parenting is using your instincts on a daily basis. There is no book on the face of the earth that knows my individual unique children. Im not into fads on how to raise my children and Im not going to look for answers in books that make me warm and fuzzy all over. I know I make mistakes with my children and I dont spout to be "super mom." Im Mom period. Whatever form of discipline any parent uses is their choice. It is not my right to say they are wrong and abusing their kids rather it is physical or emotionally. Discipline is consistent esp. when your away from home. When my kids were younger I would say to them before we left the house, "If you act up in public I will discipline in public." I was tested on it a few times and I followed through with my words each time. Sure I had to stop everything but I kept my word and I was consistent. Today when Im really tested (wait until your child is a teen) my word stands and I do not have to argue with DS15.

Sandy22 what I think is ruffling so many feathers is you dont want to agree to disagree. Anyone can copy and paste from the internet and find anything that basically backs up what they feel. But you are coming across as arrogant and all knowing and everyone else is abusers and that is wrong. Im not sure if this was your statement but a poster mentioned calling child services if she witnessed a spanking. IMHO child services has too many frivolous reports about child abuse that isnt child abuse and the cases which do need to be investigated are pushed asided and are falling through the cracks. It is known child services around the country do not have the man power to work all the cases in a timely manner. Each report has to be investigated right?

Carry on......

 

[live4christp1]

What's interesting though is that a lot of pro-spankers would think that you've crossed the line. Spanking with a hand is not illegal in North America. Spanking with a belt is illegal in many areas (at least in Canada). I would report you for child abuse. What you're doing to your children is unconscionable.

Sorry but I have to disagree. My hands were made for loving my child, for comforting, for fixing ouchies, not to strike my child with. My children know that a belt or paddle are disciplinary tools (my hands are not) and that discipline is never dealt out in anger or frustration. Most of the time they are told if you do X you will be spanked. When they choose to do X any way they know the punishment will come. Normally they have to place their hands on the wall or bed and get a couple swats with the belt on the buttocks. My hand print will never be left on their backside or used to shake them or smack them. My hands administer love and my children will never have to fear me striking them with my hand.

Also wanted to add that spanking is not dealt out for every issue and more importantly than the discipline (whatever form is dealt) is dealing with the heart issue with our children. Why are they behaving this way? And helping them to see why it is wrong and what is expected of them.
Cristy

 

[swilphil]

How is it just my opinion when the American Academy of Pediatrics says the same thing. When entire countries are making spanking illegal based on years of research that it's ineffective. Why everyone keeps saying it's just my opinion is beyond me. My opinion must have a lot of power throughout the world!

Sandy, I agree with what you are saying and also follow the guidelines of the Am. Academy of Pediatrics. You just have to realize that the "Mommy Police" is a very opinionated bunch. It's best to just steer clear of them.

 

[MrsKreamer]

Dr's used to think the "bleeding" people was a way to clense the system. Heroine used to be used as a sedative. Heck in some societies Dr's would drill holes in your skull to let out the "demons". Dr's aren't always right. Even just 20 years ago, they thought only gay men could contract AIDS. Dr's are proven wrong on a daily basis.

As for the stats, those percentages could hold true to the entire population and have other coralations. Plus they were just mere points from being different, I mean if spanking is so horrible wouldn't the numbers be much higher?

 

[tiggersmom2]

You just have to realize that the "Mommy Police" is a very opinionated bunch. It's best to just steer clear of them.

You have got to be KIDDING ME!!! I don't see the people using spanking as discipline calling her a monster! I think the MOST opinionated poster here is Sandy22.

 

[MrsKreamer]

Sandy, I agree with what you are saying and also follow the guidelines of the Am. Academy of Pediatrics. You just have to realize that the "Mommy Police" is a very opinionated bunch. It's best to just steer clear of them.

Yeah we Mommy Police shouldn't defend ourselves against those who call us abusers.

 

[robinb]

You have got to be KIDDING ME!!! I don't see the people using spanking as discipline calling her a monster!

And Sandy22 didn't outright call Live4Christ a monster either. It's fun to twist what someone said when the original post is no longer there.

I think the MOST opinionated poster here is Sandy22.

Oh ... I think there is enough of that to go around. Sandy22 isn't hogging it all!

 

[robinb]

Sandy, I agree with what you are saying and also follow the guidelines of the Am. Academy of Pediatrics. You just have to realize that the "Mommy Police" is a very opinionated bunch. It's best to just steer clear of them.

You're right about "Mommy Police". I like to call them the "Practically Perfect Parents" .

 

[tiggersmom2]

And Sandy22 didn't outright call Live4Christ a monster either. It's fun to twist what someone said when the original post is no longer there.

Oh please she did call her a monster! She(Sandy22) quoted live4christ where she said that being switched and a belt used on her did not make her a monster and Sandy22 said: I beg to differ. Hence calling her a monster. I didn't twist anything...... maybe our differences colors your views....hmmmm?

 

[robinb]

maybe our differences colors your views....hmmmm?

What differences in this topic? I spanked but it didn't work for my DD.

 

[tiggersmom2]

What differences in this topic? I spanked but it didn't work for my DD.

You know EXACTLY what I am talking about.....and it isn't this thread.

 

[poohandwendy]

Correct me if I am wrong...but wouldn't 'the mommy police' be the ones who are telling everyone else how they should parent/ what tools should and should not be used? Sorry, but I have only seen that with the 'non-spanking' crowd in this thread. (not all of them, but a few)

 

[totalia]

There are ways to discipline children that are non-violent, are appropriate to the child's level of development and take the best interests of the child into consideration. Children are better educated with words than with violence. Teaching through beating and pain should not be part of our values as a society.

Spanking is an ineffective discipline strategy and it can even be dangerous because it teaches violence as a solution to problems. Children imitate what they see adults doing: the more a child is hit, the more likely it is that the child, when an adult, will hit his or her children or spouse. Adults who were hit as children are more likely to be depressed or violent themselves. Spanking most often produces in its victims anger, resentment, and low self-esteem. Children who get spanked regularly are more likely to lie, to be disobedient at school, to bully others, or to show less remorse for wrongdoing. Children who are spanked perform poorly on school tasks compared to other children.

Which only shows that you haven't read the entire thread. Spouting psychobabble isn't going to help anyone.

 

[What the Heck]

I am only part way done with reading this thread...but its time i get to sleep.


I hear a lot of pride in "no spankings" ..I hear a lot of alternatives...and what is label abuse is "hitting" a child.

Anything. I mean ANYTHING can be abuse. Depending on how its done.

I have seen /known parents that were so proud that their child was never spanked.....but my heart cried for those kids as I heard their mother scream at them upstairs to make them behave and said things that could do nothing less than break your soul.

I have seen "proud" soft parenting parents...of course no spanking...be so involved and so INTO their child. They no longer "see" them....they see their achievements, piano class and ballet class and school band and soccer practice....yet they don’t "see" their child so afraid of their disappointment that they are anxious and overstressed....heaven forbid they do something wrong and tarnish their parents perfect image of them.


Verbal abuse and Emotional abuse are far worse than any spankings...

Just because a parent doesn’t use spankings as ONE METHOD in their set of parenting skills does not make them the parent of the year or their children any better for it. Just because a parent uses spankings in moderation and with control does not mean they are abusing their child or lack parenting skills. (Spankings are defined by me as a soft swat to a padded butt area....excluding ALL OTHER parts of the body. no smacks across the face ..no hits on the back, that’s HITTING, and imo abuse.

Yes, their are children beaten , spankings gone to far and plain out cruelty...
that is not what a quick swat on the butt is.

ALL parents here love their children... their tools , done with love and without anger /frustration, are for the betterment of the child.

maybe this rambles on - but my point being spanking isn’t form of abuse, and at times...stepping on the high soapbox of "not" hides far worse forms abuse than what spanking is precived as by some.

After timeouts, either /ors, role plays and several other tools...i would rather swat her on her but once, in a calm cool manner and be done with the misbehavior.....then continue to "try " to no avail only to end up screaming and berating a child.....the emotional scars so much longer. They hurt far worse.

In this house...yes, my 2 yr old can get a rare swat...my 9 yr old has been swatted on her butt all of 3 times in her life.

In this house....we don’t yell...ever. we don’t berate or call names. We sit and discuss and share our perceptions, We set limits and repercussions as well as rewards and praise.....unfortunately, the 2 yr old isn’t ready for all that (small amounts - sticker charts and hugs) but in time she will. I use several methods to teach her...but at times yes, she does get a swat. Its done, its over and we move on...

Very, very well said.

 

[totalia]

I can't get the table to line up right so I highlighted each column by color.

Psychiatric and addiction: Dr. Harriet McMillan of McMaster University in Hamilton, ON Canada led a six-person team which studied the possible association between childhood spanking and subsequent behavior problems in adulthood. 3 They based their study on data collected as part of a 1990 population health survey by the Ontario Ministry of Health of 10,000 adults in the province. Five thousand of the subjects had been asked questions about spanking during childhood. Unlike many previous studies, the researchers deleted from the sample group anyone who recalled being physically or sexually abused. This left adults who had only been spanked and/or slapped during childhood. Incidences of adult disorders were:

Adult disorder Never spanked Rarely spanked Sometimes/often spanked
Anxiety 16.3% 18.8% 21.3%
Major depression 4.6% 4.8% 6.9%
Alcohol abuse or addiction 5.8% 10.2% 13.2%
More than one disorder * 7.5% 12.6% 16.7%

* More than one disorder included illicit drug abuse, addictions & antisocial behavior.

Their results were published in the Canadian Medical Journal for 1995-OCT. 2 They reported that "there appears to be a linear association between the frequency of slapping and spanking during childhood and a lifetime prevalence of anxiety disorder, alcohol abuse or dependence and externalizing problems."

Wow. I was spanked.

And I thought the source of my teenage depression and life problems was my alcohol abusive father, the kids at school who would tease me and beat me up whenever they possibly could, and moving to a new city after my parents divorce.

Just goes to show that a bunch of pediatricians who have never met me and know nothing about my circumstances MUST know more than I do about a subject despite the fact that hmm IT'S MY LIFE AND I LIVED IT.

Btw, no one here is saying that it is the only form of discipline. Spanking is a last resort when nothing else has worked or they have done something paricularly bad or dangerous.

You keep treating it like the parent is just beating on their child every chance they get.

 

[Sandy22]

 

[sunni]

You have got to be KIDDING ME!!! I don't see the people using spanking as discipline calling her a monster! I think the MOST opinionated poster here is Sandy22.

Yes, we spankers have every right to defend ourselves.

I disagree though that Sandy22 is the MOST opinionated. I think several of us (me included, ) are highly opinionated! And I can think of one that was downright nasty. Ever see the movie "Saved" with Mandi Moore? Remember the Bible throwing scene? One post brought that to mind immediately .