Is it weird my son wants to do BBB as a princess?

[stargazertechie]

There's lots of people at Disney who don't realize exactly who they're looking at.

Just sayin'.

I <3 Tinkerbill

 

[Babbletrish]

There's lots of people at Disney who don't realize exactly who they're looking at.

Just sayin'.

Heh. And on top of this, most Mickeys you run into are played by small women.

 

[twinmom319]

oh i get the picture alright
but
if that mom is ok with it at 4, then she best prepare herself when her son at 6, 8, and 16 wants to know why she doesn't accept his ways then.
I gave her a ? to think about! If she was really Ok with it why ask us................. she wanted feedback of what the public here on the boards thought

I get the picture!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK, I've been holding myself back all afternoon, but I completely disagree with this. It is a completely normal developmental stage to be interested in dressing up with no thought about gender at 4. This in no way means that the OP needs to "prepare" herself to accept "his ways" any more than any mother needs to prepare herself to accept the ways of their children with unconditional love.

Kids at 4 are different than kids at 6 (who can be mean and teasing, even at that early age), kids at 8, and kids at 16 (who often do things simply to be "different" and "nonconformist" or who are truly exploring their gender identity).

We are all projecting our own thoughts and fears about society and what this means for this little boy's future. To this little boy, all this means is that he gets to dress up fancy like other kids and have a good time at Disney. His mom can "protect" him by deflecting any comments with well practiced retorts.

She also doesn't ever have to show the teenage version of him any pictures that come out of the experience.

I believe she was asking us a question because we all second guess our decisions as parents sometimes - especially about a topic as charged as this one! I hope she has found the answers that give her the courage to support this little boy. And she can support him whatever she decides about the BBB! If she decides not to allow it, I think it's important to deflect him in a gentle way and substitute with something else (liek the Barbershop) but if his heart is set on this, I wouldn't think it was worth ruining his vacation over the fear of a few sideways glances.

Either way, it is most certainly not "weird" and normal developmentally.

 

[A Mickeyfan]

Kids at 4 are different than kids at 6 (who can be mean and teasing, even at that early age), kids at 8, and kids at 16 (who often do things simply to be "different" and "nonconformist" or who are truly exploring their gender identity).

Like I said in my post, when my DD's played dress up, my 8 year old DS did it just because they told him he could not... and he dressed to the hilt! He was older than them too.. they were 2 & 6... it was mainly the 6 year old telling him he could not dress up with them.. so he would purposely do it.. just because she would say "boys cannot play dress up".. which is something I never said to her.. and I never stopped him from doing... I allowed him to do.. again.. in the house.. he never did do anything like that outside..

 

[Babbletrish]

Jeez, this thread.

If someone wants to use their child as an agent of social change, good for them, I suppose.

Except the mother isn't pushing an agenda on her son at all. Remember, her four year old son is the one who wants to do the BBB.

I really don't see why anyone would challenge Brandon or his parents, or tease him, or whisper, or ask confused questions, or make any other comment than, "What a pretty princess you are!"

So... you have never encountered any prejudice against anyone ever?

Just curious, to those that say they would allow this, at what point would you not allow it. If your son were 10 would you still encourage this? 15? Would you encourage your 22 year old college grad to were an evening gown on his first job interview?

Just wondering at what point you would advise your children to start following the norms of society or if you would encourage them to buck the system regardless the consequences.

The child in the OP is FOUR. Four year olds have no standards because they don't even know what they are yet. They're fault for not knowing the whole of human knowledge upon birth, right? And heck, I'd love for a ten-year-old who is so comfortable with who and what he is that he'd ask to go to the BBB.

By the way, evening gowns?

If my child insists on living outside the norms of society...then hopefully I would have done my job as a parent and have strong, confident children who can handle the ignorance of other people.

Well said!

I am finding this thread fascinating - especially as a British person who has lived in the US for nearly 10years now.

When I was a child, I thought the US was so cool - cool cars, cool music, awesome movies, high school year books (we don't have those), the constitution and the right to wear mullets proudly Us british kids wanted to live there because it seemed so "free".

However, since living here I never cease to be amazed by the archaic view of many and the fear of ruining someone if you don't make them live 'by the book'. My american friends have come to understand me better and embrace my tolerance whereas at first they often excused me by saying 'oh, shes european'

Not a criticism, I love the US and live here proudly and would not live anywhere else, just an observation.

We were getting ready to leave for a day on P-Town when my then 5yo ds asked if he could wear his Buzz costume - sure, why not? He had been wearing it around the house all day. My friend was stunned that I would let him wear it to P-Town - that people would think he was gay. I was stunned that she was stunned. He was five years old!!!!

This whole post is great but I'm quoting this one section because... Buzz Lightyear is a gay icon?

See, I was repeatedly mistaken for a boy when I was a young girl and it didn't bother me at all. I thought it was cool. My daughter was mistaken for a boy until her hair grew in - once even when she was in a dress (okay, it was a blue dress)! I thought it was funny. It didn't frustrate me at all.

I thought parents who insisted on sticking headband bows on their baby girls heads, dressing them in nothing but pink, and piecing their ears so "people will know she's a girl", were a little weird. I never could get why it was SO important to them, but obviously it was.

You are awesome. As for myself, I was often confused for a little Japanese girl but that's neither here nor there.

I haven't read every post, but is he even aware of what people around him are saying? I can barely get my 5 year old to listen to me! She is usually off in her own little world and has no idea if someone is talking to her unless I point it out and then I have to repeat what they said.

Eh... kids internalize a lot more than we give them credit for. And there's a big, big difference between "sweety, turn off the TV" and "this fun-looking thing you want to do is wrong and you should feel bad".

This kid is FOUR.

Call BBB, check and see if they have any problems with it, and if not, then you're good to go.

Thank you! The way people have been going on about this in the thread so far, you'd think the kid is aware that other people are not somehow extensions of himself and understands that a certain amount of water stays the same amount even when poured into two differently-shaped glasses. With this in mind, the concept of societal norms* can wait. Let him be a four year old and wear his dress and have his fun.

* - And we've already noted that these change rather dramatically. In the Victorian Era, nobody would have looked twice at a little boy in a pink frilly dress.

 

[SafetyPinndSally]

I don't think it's weird at all.

In fact, I would encourage my child to experiment with dressing up. I would also explain to my child that such experiments could cause them to be made fun of, in which case I would pack a change of clothes just to be safe.

My parents let me experiment when I was a child and as a teenager (I had a horrible goth stage all through high school that my mother still won't let me live down) and I came to my own conclusions. Kids have to live and learn just like adults do. Also the more you push against some children the more they want to rebel against you...kids are funny that way.

I fully believe in expressing yourself and if that means when I have kids and my 14 year old son wants to wear my shoes then so be it...he just better no scuff 'em up.

 

[beansmom]

OK, I've been holding myself back all afternoon, but I completely disagree with this. It is a completely normal developmental stage to be interested in dressing up with no thought about gender at 4. This in no way means that the OP needs to "prepare" herself to accept "his ways" any more than any mother needs to prepare herself to accept the ways of their children with unconditional love.

Kids at 4 are different than kids at 6 (who can be mean and teasing, even at that early age), kids at 8, and kids at 16 (who often do things simply to be "different" and "nonconformist" or who are truly exploring their gender identity).

We are all projecting our own thoughts and fears about society and what this means for this little boy's future. To this little boy, all this means is that he gets to dress up fancy like other kids and have a good time at Disney. His mom can "protect" him by deflecting any comments with well practiced retorts.

She also doesn't ever have to show the teenage version of him any pictures that come out of the experience.

I believe she was asking us a question because we all second guess our decisions as parents sometimes - especially about a topic as charged as this one! I hope she has found the answers that give her the courage to support this little boy. And she can support him whatever she decides about the BBB! If she decides not to allow it, I think it's important to deflect him in a gentle way and substitute with something else (liek the Barbershop) but if his heart is set on this, I wouldn't think it was worth ruining his vacation over the fear of a few sideways glances.

Either way, it is most certainly not "weird" and normal developmentally.

Brava!

 

[picktails]

A teaching moment on societal norms? Absolutely!

Perfect time to teach that some people are judgemental, small-minded busy-bodies that have no right to impart their opinions on YOU - even at 4 years old.
Teach him that others tend to judge and that is WRONG. If your choice does not harm anyone else you have the RIGHT to buck the norms.

It's called PROGRESS.

 

[tink too]

OP - Do what your family is comfortable with. At 4 y.o. it's pretty difficult to tell the gender of a child anyway - most folks go by what the child is wearing and make assumptions from that.

I had short hair as a child and was often mistaken for a boy. I remember quite clearly wearing pink trousers and a white and pink fancy knit cardigan and being told by a woman "you're a hansome young man" because of my haircut! I was a bit confused as to why this lady assumed I was a boy, told my mum about it, then moved on with my day. Yes, I still remember it, but it didn't upset/damage me in any way.

This isn't a wedding in Scotland where you might see a few guys in a skirt out in the countryside. This is the USA.

Being Scottish, I'm sure I should be offended by this comment, but I actually find it quite hilarious! However, I must point out that the guy/"skirt" ratio is 1:1! And you clearly haven't met any of the many Americans out there who are of "Scottish descent" and proudly wear their kilts to many different events - including weddings which occur in the countryside!

 

[SafetyPinndSally]

Being Scottish, I'm sure I should be offended by this comment, but I actually find it quite hilarious! However, I must point out that the guy/"skirt" ratio is 1:1! And you clearly haven't met any of the many Americans out there who are of "Scottish descent" and proudly wear their kilts to many different events - including weddings which occur in the countryside!

My father's parents are from Scottland and so my father grew up wearing kilts to family weddings and funerals and both my father and grandfather wore kilts to my wedding. My friends got it, my gay friends loved it and my husband said he wouldn't mind embracing the tradition.

Nothing wrong with a man in a skirt, they'll just as manly (or not) no matter what they wear.

 

[kerplop]

I had short hair as a child and was often mistaken for a boy. I remember quite clearly wearing pink trousers and a white and pink fancy knit cardigan and being told by a woman "you're a hansome young man" because of my haircut! I was a bit confused as to why this lady assumed I was a boy, told my mum about it, then moved on with my day. Yes, I still remember it, but it didn't upset/damage me in any way.

I was the same kind of little girl and I was proud to puff up and tell them, "NO I'M A GIRL" when they would call me a boy. It never stopped me from being happy and as stable as anyone else. I didn't think I was a boy. I didn't want to become a boy. I just liked the clothes and the haircuts. Even as an adult I have short hair and there's no way that "up top" I should be mistaken for a man - but people still call me sir because of the haircut! I'm not offended. I'm not scarred for life. I usually snort, correct them, and them being embarrassed is enough of a lesson to them.

 

[Rip]

A teaching moment on societal norms? Absolutely!

Perfect time to teach that some people are judgemental, small-minded busy-bodies that have no right to impart their opinions on YOU - even at 4 years old.
Teach him that others tend to judge and that is WRONG. If your choice does not harm anyone else you have the RIGHT to buck the norms.

It's called PROGRESS.

Virtually all people are judgemental, it's a product of your environment. Actually, I'll go so far as to say all people are. You gonna pick up a hitcher with an ax? Maybe he was chopping wood and his truck won't crank, he slipped and lopped off a toe, and his wife is close to her due date and home alone.

But you ain't picking him up, bloody and carrying an ax.

I'm sorry, but at 4, he don't need to to worry about all that. It's not a social statement she's trying to make and if you are trying to make a social statement, don't gripe about the consequences. You knew them going in.

Yeah, you got a right, but you have to be willing to accept the consequences. As long as no one else causes harm to you, they have a right to their opinions/actions as well.

At 4, like I said way earlier, nobody's going to pick on him. They'll just rightfully assume he's a she and refer to him as a girl. If that's going to bug him, don't do it.

Why and how did this thread become about making some social statement? The kid is 4, at Disney.

 

[carrie1626]

OK, I've been holding myself back all afternoon, but I completely disagree with this. It is a completely normal developmental stage to be interested in dressing up with no thought about gender at 4. This in no way means that the OP needs to "prepare" herself to accept "his ways" any more than any mother needs to prepare herself to accept the ways of their children with unconditional love.

Kids at 4 are different than kids at 6 (who can be mean and teasing, even at that early age), kids at 8, and kids at 16 (who often do things simply to be "different" and "nonconformist" or who are truly exploring their gender identity).

We are all projecting our own thoughts and fears about society and what this means for this little boy's future. To this little boy, all this means is that he gets to dress up fancy like other kids and have a good time at Disney. His mom can "protect" him by deflecting any comments with well practiced retorts.

She also doesn't ever have to show the teenage version of him any pictures that come out of the experience.

I believe she was asking us a question because we all second guess our decisions as parents sometimes - especially about a topic as charged as this one! I hope she has found the answers that give her the courage to support this little boy. And she can support him whatever she decides about the BBB! If she decides not to allow it, I think it's important to deflect him in a gentle way and substitute with something else (liek the Barbershop) but if his heart is set on this, I wouldn't think it was worth ruining his vacation over the fear of a few sideways glances.

Either way, it is most certainly not "weird" and normal developmentally.

if you read my first comment- no where did i say i thought the mom shouldn't allow her son to do what he wants.

i gave a thoughtful ? to ask herself.

 

[joy13]

I haven't read through this whole thread (I'm sure it's popcorn worthy ) But to the OP - if he wants to wear a Cinderella dress - go for it! I'm not sure I'd spend the money on BBB though. They have to stick to the 3 hairstyles advertised - they can not stray even a little, so if his hair won't work for them it's not going to be worth the price. The better bet would be to let him wear what he wants to wear and spend less then $10 at the Barbershop and get the confetti and hairpaint!

 

[wen8jr]

Sorry but I think it's weird to ask this on a public forum. I would never let total strangers influence how I deal with my children.

I am all for asking what are the best restaurants, and where should we stand to see the parade but questions about decisions for my family stay in the family.

Just my opinion.

Totally agree with this post.

 

[Vickmeys]

Your little boy is 4 years old -- let him have fun! Not a problem. If it is a problem with the adults, it is THEIR problem.

 

[Megkel]

I haven't read every post by everyone either honestly. I agree with the other poster who said it was probably popcorn worthy

I completely understand posting this question on the forum and actually I think it's super smart of you to do so. People are hateful sometimes and the topic of how boys "should behave" is a sore spot for most. I personally have no issues with boys playing dress up as girls. However even in the park I think I would take a second look, that isn't the "norm". My daughter is 5 and she would probably point that out as something "silly" a boy in girls clothing.

I think you may be opening yourself and your son up for some hurtful remarks and comments. I'm sure you would be more in tune with hearing and seeing people's looks and snide remarks, but kids are smart, he might pick up on your reaction to that. I would say if you could keep the girls dress up to places and people you know would be understanding and nonjudgmental. Maybe offer to do lunch in Cinderella's castle instead.

 

[Jey12]

I personally have no issues with boys playing dress up as girls. However even in the park I think I would take a second look, that isn't the "norm". My daughter is 5 and she would probably point that out as something "silly" a boy in girls clothing.

I do understand this as my 5 year old would probably say something, but not loud enough for the boy to hear. She's say it to me, and then I would immediately, and not in a harsh manner, explain to her about individual choices and happiness of others. I would then also explain about making such comments and how they could hurt another person's feelings and that as a family we try not to do that to others. If she continued to make a comment or loud enough where the little boy would hear, you bet we'd walk right up to the little boy and his family and my 5 year old would give an apology for her rudeness.

Please don't take this the wrong way, I'm in no way saying you would encourage your child to make comments. I'm just saying how I personally would handle that situation to where my daughter learned a very important lesson and the little boy hopefully would be understanding enough to accept the apology and not let what really is an innocent comment from another young child ruin his day.

 

[Magpie]

So... you have never encountered any prejudice against anyone ever?

I don't know exactly which of my posts you quoted (I wrote WAY too many today), but I'm pretty sure I meant no one would know he's a boy anyway, at four years old.

Everyone's encountered prejudice, but that doesn't mean we have to tolerate it, or let fear of it control our choices. By and large I find most people are kind, and the ones that aren't are thankfully forgettable.

 

[nytimez]

19 pages. Who'da thunk it?