Is it weird my son wants to do BBB as a princess?

[mhconley]

I don't think it's that weird. My DS when he was 4 wanted to go trick or treating as a black cat - a costume society would have you believe is for girls. We asked if he was sure and he was so we bought him a black full body leotard, a pin on cats tail, black ears on a hairband, and drew whiskers and freckles on his face. He was very cute and very thrilled with his costume.

In recent years he has been a little more traditional in his customer choices being Batman one year and a pirate the last two.

I would not discourage him - just ensure he is absolutely sure that is what he wants to do...

Have fun!

Martin

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I wouldn't allow my 22 year old college grad daughter wear an evening gown to a job interview. I would be concerned for what "type" of job it was and if that was the employment she was seeking why did I just pay a ton of money for college?

 

[DisneyLoverUSA]

The consequence here could very well be that one little boy has a fun day at the parks, being a beautiful princess. Meanwhile the mean people continue on in their lives, never guessing they've been fooled, and that ONE of the many princesses they saw that day was a small boy. End of story.



Oh lordy... you think those "young CM's" have never seen this situation before? You think they'll be traumatized by a 4yo in a princess dress? And that they're too unprofessional to keep their opinions to themselves if they are? I have rather more faith in Disney's CMs.

I like a PP's suggestion that the OP call BBB before hand and ask. I'm sure they'll welcome her and make arrangements to ensure everyone has a wonderful time, but if they don't, I'd love to hear about it.

Also, I remember that POLL. Feel free to link and prove me wrong, but in my recollection there wasn't an overwhelming majority saying they wouldn't allow their children to dress up at all. At best it was a 50/50 split, and some of the reasons against princess dresses were cost and practicality (they're not good to play in, they're too hot, etc...).

I know I started my own poll asking, "Would you mock a little boy in a princess dress?" and only a couple said they'd point and laugh or say anything mean. The vast majority chose to mind their own business.

I knew you would respond. That's funny. As a matter of fact the ppl who responded NO or ONLY AT HOME (which translates to no I wouldn't allow them dress as a princess at Disney) was about 75% of the respondents but at the time you said you considered the ppl who said ONLY AT HOME to be in the YES group. Which is not the case. If they said ONLY AT HOME then that means NO not in public, ONLY AT HOME. The most ppl answered No and ONLY AT HOME.

 

[Barbara C]

Would you let your 5 yo wear a Buzz Lightyear costume? If yes, would you let him wear it to a day outing to Provincetown (for those not familiar, it is a beautiful spot at the end of Cape Cod that has a large gay population).

We were getting ready to leave for a day on P-Town when my then 5yo ds asked if he could wear his Buzz costume - sure, why not? He had been wearing it around the house all day. My friend was stunned that I would let him wear it to P-Town - that people would think he was gay. I was stunned that she was stunned. He was five years old!!!!

There is plenty of time to be a grown-up, adhere to standards and conventions, a day in a Buzz costume (or a princess dress) is not going to make a child irresponsible or unconventional (or gay!) in the future. If anything, I think it teaches children that people can be different and that's okay. I think being tolerant is a much more important lesson than learning to wear the "right" clothes.

And BTW - he's outgrown his costume wearing already but he did get a ton of compliments that day in P-Town and I could tell he felt special. But about halfway through the day he was bored of wearing it so he changed into shorts and a t-shirt. If your son decides he wants to go ahead and wear the dress, make sure you bring a change of clothes. Kids can be so fickle

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I was stunned that she was stunned. He was five years old!!!!

There is plenty of time to be a grown-up, adhere to standards and conventions, a day in a Buzz costume (or a princess dress) is not going to make a child irresponsible or unconventional (or gay!) in the future. If anything, I think it teaches children that people can be different and that's okay. I think being tolerant is a much more important lesson than learning to wear the "right" clothes.

Exactly

 

[Magpie]

I know that if my son were repeatedly mistaken for a girl or my daughters mistaken for a boy I would eventually tire of it and at some point become frustrated.

See, I was repeatedly mistaken for a boy when I was a young girl and it didn't bother me at all. I thought it was cool. My daughter was mistaken for a boy until her hair grew in - once even when she was in a dress (okay, it was a blue dress)! I thought it was funny. It didn't frustrate me at all.

I thought parents who insisted on sticking headband bows on their baby girls heads, dressing them in nothing but pink, and piecing their ears so "people will know she's a girl", were a little weird. I never could get why it was SO important to them, but obviously it was.

In any case, I'm sure if the OP was the kind of person to be frustrated by mistaken gender, she wouldn't even be asking if she should let her son do BBB as a princess.

 

[MickeyMinnieMom]

Yes...But I also think at 4(my twins' current age) they are also pretty oblivious to nasty people. Sarcastic, snide remarks and side comments go over their heads...

Of course, every kid is different, and that may well be your child's reaction in such a case. Both of my kids (now DD5 and DS6) really would have noticed a nasty attitude projected their way at four and have been bothered/hurt by it. I think that most kids are far more perceptive than most adults give them credit for being.

I'd be the last one to judge a parent who allowed this. My feeling is just that I really want Disney to be an awesome experience for my kids. And I think the risk of them having a negative experience because of someone's ignorance or intolerance is greater than the potential disappointment of not doing BBB. It's WDW -- PLENTY of cool things to do and fun to be had without the BBB experience.

 

[BoardWalkBelle]

I saw a young boy, about the age of 4 dressed as belle just last week at Park fare..and it wasnt a mnsshp night. I will admit, i thought it was stange why a boy would want to dress as aprincess but if his mom is ok with it...i personally wouldnt let my son dress as a princess.at least in public. But im not parent so i dont have to worry about that.

 

[SnackyStacky]

So, my 4 year old wants to do BBB and dress up as Cinderella. I have offered Prince Charming or another character costume but he keeps saying he wants to be Cinderella. He has done the Pirate League 2x this past year and doesn't want to do it again. Has anyone else had this experience with their little boys? I am an open minded mom and would possibly let him but I don't want him to be made fun of. I know, I would be taking my chances-lol. Help!

One of my wife's co-workers had a son who liked to wear glittery pink shirts. The co-worker had no problem with it. She told him there would be people who might make fun of him, but that she didn't care if he wore the glittery pink shirt. He choose to wear the shirt and dealt with the haters.

I think that's a great way to deal with it. Shows you're fine with the kid's choice, but prepare him for the less than accepting world around him.

That's what I would do.

 

[FireDancer]

Here are a couple of other double standards, in case you missed them:

A women-only fitness club? No problem - women need a chance to get away from leering men. An all-men fitness club? Lawyers will line up to file your lawsuit.

Women interviewing naked male atheletes in locker rooms? Part of the job. Men interviewing naked female atheletes in locker rooms? Bwahahahahahaha! Whew, that was a good one! What's your next joke?

I could go on...

I hate double standards but you hit the nail on the head. We had this discussion ad nauseum on the WISH boards when Disney announced their second women only race (men can run but are quite literally penalized and the crowd is flat out told not to cheer for them). Society views women only as empowering but men only as sexist. It is pretty sad.

Hopefully double standards will go away but at the moment it is more socially acceptable for a female to cross gender barriers than males. It isn't right but at the moment it is the reality.

 

[KellyWasHere]

I haven't read every post, but is he even aware of what people around him are saying? I can barely get my 5 year old to listen to me! She is usually off in her own little world and has no idea if someone is talking to her unless I point it out and then I have to repeat what they said. If your son is similar, I would definitely let him dress up as Cinderella if he wanted to. I might be more hesitant about it if he is sensitive to and always hears what others say. But like others have said, it may be a good opportunity to teach him a life lesson that it doesn't always matter what others say and think.

 

[t_catt11]

I hate double standards but you hit the nail on the head. We had this discussion ad nauseum on the WISH boards when Disney announced their second women only race (men can run but are quite literally penalized and the crowd is flat out told not to cheer for them). Society views women only as empowering but men only as sexist. It is pretty sad.

Hopefully double standards will go away but at the moment it is more socially acceptable for a female to cross gender barriers than males. It isn't right but at the moment it is the reality.

Yep. And understand, I'm not supportive of exclusion (though I don't really see the harm in single gender fitness clubs or locker rooms, period)... I'm just pointing out that yes, there are double standards.

Of course, there are double standards the other way, as well. A woman with many partners in her life is labelled a term you can't post on these boards, whereas a man in the same situation is looked upon as a symbol of virility. There are of course others.


My point was that there are double standards in many areas. It's typically not even a blip (except for some fundamentalists) if a girl dresses like a boy, but society frowns upon the boy who dresses like a girl. Double standards are part of life.


Magpie, I suppose that you must be a bigger person than me. I would not allow my children to mock a transgendered child, but I have to admit - I wouldn't be happy about it. You sound like this is something you'd hope for your children. Good for you, I guess.

I've tried to give the OP advice about the potential consequences that a boy wearing a dress might see. To the best of my ability, my advice has been based upon those facts - I state my opinions, but the advice is valid no matter how I feel.

Your posts have consistently revolved around your opinions and how they color the situation - you're all about what should be, the beauty of the child, etc, etc. I don't think that we live in the nirvana that you're wishing for, but perhaps poeple like you can further the changes that you clearly long for.

I rather doubt that we will have a useful debate on this subject, but I wish you the best - and I do agree that tolerence is a good thing.

 

[meredith1]

This is so tough. In theory I would like to think that I would let him do it but, in reality I probably would not. It's one of those mom moments where you just have to decide what is right for your son and go with it.

Like another mom mentioned, I would probably try to get to the heart of why he is wanting to dress like a princess before I let him do it. I wouldn't want people laughing, pointing and staring at him. That would make his "magical" day at disney less than what both of you want it to be.

This is a tough one. GL!

 

[meredith1]

This is so tough. In theory I would like to think that I would let him do it but, in reality I probably would not. It's one of those mom moments where you just have to decide what is right for your son and go with it.

Like another mom mentioned, I would probably try to get to the heart of why he is wanting to dress like a princess before I let him do it. I wouldn't want people laughing, pointing and staring at him. That would make his "magical" day at disney less than what both of you want it to be.

This is a tough one. GL!

 

[richcook99]

Yes. Weird. Be the parent and learn when to say "No."

 

[book_junkie]

OK, I don't have kids but I work with a lot, and have gone to Disney some.

This kid is FOUR.

At four, the kids I know have no problem with what anyone is wearing, except that they like it or not. Usually, they're in their own little excitement land and could care less what anyone around them is saying negatively. And if someone is saying something positive, they're not going to pick up on the she/he aspect of it- it's going to be, OH, they really like my shirt/toy/backpack/whatever!

If there's ever a problem, it's usually with someone older. Since no one is going to be letting a four year old wander around Disney World alone, if he ends up in a situation, then his parents can take him out of it, by having one parent wait in the queue and the other walk him around elsewhere.

Call BBB, check and see if they have any problems with it, and if not, then you're good to go.

 

[manhattan]

I have only read a few pages....but my response is to let him. If people are going to make comments, let them...you can't control what other people think and say. I grew up in the best city in the world...New York and loved being exposed to so many different things. But now we live in FL and things are different here, but I still try to teach my kids to be open minded. I have also learned to keep quiet, such as when a pregnant coworker said she would rather have an abortion than have a gay child. At my DS's high school graduation, an openly gay guy received a standing ovation for graduation on stage after fighting for his rights to walk across the stage (he had gone dressed in a gown to prom)....how funny is it that everyone was wearing a "gown" at graduation?

I wouldn't be too concerned about the kid getting teased, do adults get teased for dressing the way they do at Disney? You know we have all seen people dressed in what we would consider inappropriate fashion, but I don't ever recall seeing others tease them or laugh at them to their face - have you?

Let your child have fun, let his imagination run free....who wants a black and white world, when there are so many beautiful colors out there?

 

[DaisyMaisie]

Regarding the people who say he will be resentful when he gets older if the Op does let him do it. Why should he be? He was four.

Since he isn't being raised to be homophobic why should he be humiliated because he wore a dress when he was four? Fifteen years from now, I cannot imagine people will think that made him gay, or even care if he is. Times are changing.

 

[Magpie]

Magpie, I suppose that you must be a bigger person than me. I would not allow my children to mock a transgendered child, but I have to admit - I wouldn't be happy about it. You sound like this is something you'd hope for your children. Good for you, I guess.

I'm not sure what you're suggesting... That I'd hope my children be transgendered? Goodness, why would someone hope for extra challenges in life?

I wouldn't hope for that any more than I hoped my daughter would be born with a haemangioma, or my son with a learning disability. But it doesn't mean I went and tried to have my daughter's face dealt with surgically in order to make her "fit in", and it doesn't mean I try to force my son to be athletic and scholastic. Your children are who they are.

And - as I evidently failed to make clear - this particular case isn't about a transgendered child. I simply included that link because the boy is beautiful in his dress and the story is interesting. A 4yo is not transgendered. They're simply four.

Also it proves you often really can't tell the gender of a child in a dress.

I've tried to give the OP advice about the potential consequences that a boy wearing a dress might see. To the best of my ability, my advice has been based upon those facts - I state my opinions, but the advice is valid no matter how I feel.

Your posts have consistently revolved around your opinions and how they color the situation - you're all about what should be, the beauty of the child, etc, etc. I don't think that we live in the nirvana that you're wishing for, but perhaps poeple like you can further the changes that you clearly long for.

I rather doubt that we will have a useful debate on this subject, but I wish you the best - and I do agree that tolerence is a good thing.

I'm not wishing for a "nirvana", I'm simply stating the facts as I see them. I'm not the only one who thinks this, too. But maybe it's just that I live in a more tolerant town than you, I don't know. But I do know for a fact that my reality is just as real as yours is.

And everyone's posts have revolved around their own opinions, even yours. Isn't that the whole point of this conversation? To debate opinion?

Personally, I'm really, really hoping someone somewhere actually DOES do the BBB thing with their wee boy and reports back on the results.

 

[stargazertechie]

Regardless of how many OPEN MINDED ppl think little boys should be able to wear dresses in public if they want to, there ARE gender roles in our society and it is NOT NORMAL ATTIRE for boys to wear dresses. This isn't a wedding in Scotland where you might see a few guys in a skirt out in the countryside. This is the USA.

Except this isn't "in public" it's at Disney which is private property

It's not normally acceptable for people to dress like this in "real life" but it happens at Disney all the time- because it's a vacation destination where you are able to suspend your believe in reality and just live in the magic that a wonderful man named Walter Elias Disney created for generations of people to enjoy.