Is it weird my son wants to do BBB as a princess?

[DisDayz]

Just curious, to those that say they would allow this, at what point would you not allow it. If your son were 10 would you still encourage this? 15? Would you encourage your 22 year old college grad to were an evening gown on his first job interview?

Just wondering at what point you would advise your children to start following the norms of society or if you would encourage them to buck the system regardless the consequences.

 

[Phatoomch]

I am finding this thread fascinating - especially as a British person who has lived in the US for nearly 10years now.

When I was a child, I thought the US was so cool - cool cars, cool music, awesome movies, high school year books (we don't have those), the constitution and the right to wear mullets proudly Us british kids wanted to live there because it seemed so "free".

However, since living here I never cease to be amazed by the archaic view of many and the fear of ruining someone if you don't make them live 'by the book'. My american friends have come to understand me better and embrace my tolerance whereas at first they often excused me by saying 'oh, shes european'

Not a criticism, I love the US and live here proudly and would not live anywhere else, just an observation.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Just curious, to those that say they would allow this, at what point would you not allow it. If your son were 10 would you still encourage this? 15? Would you encourage your 22 year old college grad to were an evening gown on his first job interview?

Just wondering at what point you would advise your children to start following the norms of society or if you would encourage them to buck the system regardless the consequences.

Really? The evening gown reference is a little extreame no?

Children should be allowed to be who they are. Why should they have to follow "norms of society" if they live outside of that?

Wearing muddy jeans to a wedding is inappropriate...Not identifying with one's physical gender and dressing to suit themselves is not. (Unless they are instisting on wearing mini-skirts and belly shirts to church)

 

[Phatoomch]

But I think that person is in the minority, and the fear of social ridicule ruining a little boy's day (or even his whole life) is overblown. My poll bore that out, as I didn't ask what would be "acceptable" - I asked what people would actually do.

I couldn't agree more.

 

[canadianmom2three]

I think there is a big difference between encouraging and allowing. This mom wasn't talking about encouraging her son to wear a princess dress. She was saying he wanted to, and wondering if she should allow. I think that when kids are allowed to make their own choices, the natural consequences get them to 'fall in line' with societal norms pretty quickly. I have always let my own kids choose what to wear, and how long to keep their hair. They made some weird choices, and both DS's grew out their hair pretty long. Actually, the day that the WalMart clerk mistook oldest DS for a girl, was the day he asked to go for a hair cut. I didn't encourage him to grow long blonde hair, but I allowed it, just like I allowed him to cut it short when he decided to. If he was still 21 and wearing long hippie hair, I guess that would be his choice. If he was 21 and decided to wear a gown to a job interview, provided that he was cognitively able to understand the implications of his choice, I guess that would be his choice. However, I probably wouldn't allow him to live at home when he was repeatedly turned down for every job he applied for

 

[Phatoomch]

Just curious, to those that say they would allow this, at what point would you not allow it. If your son were 10 would you still encourage this? 15? Would you encourage your 22 year old college grad to were an evening gown on his first job interview?

Just wondering at what point you would advise your children to start following the norms of society or if you would encourage them to buck the system regardless the consequences.

Like I said eariler we are talking about a 4yr old therefore him wanting to dress as a princess is trivial however if he were 14 then we might have a worthy debate. This is being blown out of proportion.

 

[MickeyMinnieMom]

I am finding this thread fascinating - especially as a British person who has lived in the US for nearly 10years now.

When I was a child, I thought the US was so cool - cool cars, cool music, awesome movies, high school year books (we don't have those), the constitution and the right to wear mullets proudly Us british kids wanted to live there because it seemed so "free".

However, since living here I never cease to be amazed by the archaic view of many and the fear of ruining someone if you don't make them live 'by the book'. My american friends have come to understand me better and embrace my tolerance whereas at first they often excused me by saying 'oh, shes european'

Not a criticism, I love the US and live here proudly and would not live anywhere else, just an observation.

I agree with you in many ways. Grew up in Montreal (though dual US/Canadian citizen from birth and now live in US), and I joke about Kevin Kline's line in "French Kiss" where he says that unlike the US, "France is not a nation of puritanical hypocrites." Like you, I wouldn't live anywhere else -- doesn't mean we're perfect, though. I still want to protect my four-year-old from that imperfection in a case like this.

We are talking about a four-year-old child here. Even if you tell him "people aren't expecting a boy to dress like Cinderella... they may even be mean to you for it"... how well do we think he understands this and how it will feel... how he'll react? I think it's premature to put this decision in the hands of a four-year old -- I think it's still my job as a parent in this case. JMHO.

 

[DaisyMaisie]

Actually I think it would be more important to encourage the ten year old, since at that point it actually might say something about my child's identity, and Disney World among strangers where I at least know cast members will be supportive would be a great place to show my acceptance.

The 15 year old is probably too old too wear a costume on a non-Halloween party night, but I would encourage "feminine" type dressing if it was part of my child's identity he is going to need to start working on that thick skin.


Are you seriously comparing anyone of any sex wearing a ball gown to a job interview to a child playing pretend at Disney World?

 

[beansmom]

Because we as a society value upward mobility and stigmatize downward mobility. And we still, to a certain extent, value men over women. So a girl dressing as a male character is striving for something higher, and we see that as good and cute. (Also, most main characters and action heros/super heros still tend to be male, so if you want to be a star, you choices are limited unless you want to dress male.) A boy dressing as a female character is deliberatelly degrading his status, and our society has a real problem with that

um...so being a woman is 'downward mobility'???

Would you encourage your 22 year old college grad to were an evening gown on his first job interview?

um, i wouldnt' encourage my 22 yrd old DAUGHTER...that's inappropriate attire.

why are we so hung up on what a person wears? why is it ok for women to wear flannel shirts, jeans and work boots? why is it SEXY when a woman wears a man's shirt? Why is it taboo for a man to wear lacy lingerie even if no one ever sees it.

And, frankly, unless you look in their knickers, it pretty hard to tell 4 yr old boys and girls apart anyway.

OP, if it makes him happy, let him do it. With all the princess hoopla and how we praise women for their beauty over their brains and ability, i'm surpised every little boy doesn't want to be a princess.

 

[Mrs.Prince]

Man, some you seriously need to chill....woooossssaaaaaa.

Boy is only 4 years old, now had he been older...but I can't comment because my youngest boys is 4 and he is rough....100% boy. But that doesn't mean anything these days...you never know what path your kids choose..all you can do is guide them.

 

[KatieCollette]

I think you'd be surprised at the amount of positive comments you will get. I, for one would make sure to tell your son how awesome he looks

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

um...so being a woman is 'downward mobility'???

um, i wouldnt' encourage my 22 yrd old DAUGHTER...that's inappropriate attire.

why are we so hung up on what a person wears? why is it ok for women to wear flannel shirts, jeans and work boots? why is it SEXY when a woman wears a man's shirt? Why is it taboo for a man to wear lacy lingerie even if no one ever sees it.

And, frankly, unless you look in their knickers, it pretty hard to tell 4 yr old boys and girls apart anyway.

OP, if it makes him happy, let him do it. With all the princess hoopla and how we praise women for their beauty over their brains and ability, i'm surpised every little boy doesn't want to be a princess.

Well said

 

[DisDayz]

Really? The evening gown reference is a little extreame no?

Children should be allowed to be who they are. Why should they have to follow "norms of society" if they live outside of that?

Wearing muddy jeans to a wedding is inappropriate...Not identifying with one's physical gender and dressing to suit themselves is not. (Unless they are instisting on wearing mini-skirts and belly shirts to church)

The evening gown reference is very extreme. I am simply trying to say that at some point in the lives of our children we encourage them to follow the norms of society and typically we do so to protect them. Whether it is a four year wearing a dress at Disney or a 10 year old playing soccer or the 22 year old going to a job interview. At some point our children learn there are consequences to their choices and that they must live with those consequences. Whether it is a mean spirited person making fun or a well intentioned passerby commenting on how cute she looks, there will be comments that the boy will have to either be willing to accept or be upset over, as will the parents. I know that if my son were repeatedly mistaken for a girl or my daughters mistaken for a boy I would eventually tire of it and at some point become frustrated.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

The evening gown reference is very extreme. I am simply trying to say that at some point in the lives of our children we encourage them to follow the norms of society and typically we do so to protect them. Whether it is a four year wearing a dress at Disney or a 10 year old playing soccer or the 22 year old going to a job interview. At some point our children learn there are consequences to their choices and that they must live with those consequences. Whether it is a mean spirited person making fun or a well intentioned passerby commenting on how cute she looks, there will be comments that the boy will have to either be willing to accept or be upset over, as will the parents. I know that if my son were repeatedly mistaken for a girl or my daughters mistaken for a boy I would eventually tire of it and at some point become frustrated.

If my child insists on living outside the norms of society...then hopefully I would have done my job as a parent and have strong, confident children who can handle the ignorance of other people.

 

[KellyNY]

Interesting enough, there are plenty of men who will dress as a women at MNSSHP and nobody will question anything.

 

[snowy76]

I skimmed the posts so I don't know if anyone has said this... and I realize it doesn't resolve the larger societal issue(s) in the OP's question... but wouldn't a lot of grief be avoided simply by not doing BBB at all? Boy OR girl, this is a 4 year old asking to do something that's completely an extra on the vacation. Has he expressed interest in doing anything else new this year?

 

[MickeyMinnieMom]

If my child insists on living outside the norms of society...then hopefully I would have done my job as a parent and have strong, confident children who can handle the ignorance of other people.

Agreed 100%. But they're probably not quite there yet at the age of four.

 

[bubsmoljo]

So, my 4 year old wants to do BBB and dress up as Cinderella. I have offered Prince Charming or another character costume but he keeps saying he wants to be Cinderella. He has done the Pirate League 2x this past year and doesn't want to do it again. Has anyone else had this experience with their little boys? I am an open minded mom and would possibly let him but I don't want him to be made fun of. I know, I would be taking my chances-lol. Help!

It sounds easier to let him do BBB and be a princess than it would be because we are programmed to expect our sons to NOT want to dress up like a princess. BUT he is 4-so is my son. My son is ABSOLUTELY in LOVE with the princesses. He thinks they are so beautiful. In his 4 year old mind he see's the pretty things they wear, them dancing and being happy. His 4 year old mind does NOT know anything about being gay, being wrong for wanting to dress up pretty or society's morality issues. All he sees is beautiful colors, happy faces and all the fun things the princesses get to do. Let him express himself and be happy-you take him to Disney to be happy-LET HIM!

 

[Jey12]

Just curious, to those that say they would allow this, at what point would you not allow it. If your son were 10 would you still encourage this? 15? Would you encourage your 22 year old college grad to were an evening gown on his first job interview?

Just wondering at what point you would advise your children to start following the norms of society or if you would encourage them to buck the system regardless the consequences.

I wouldn't allow my 22 year old college grad daughter wear an evening gown to a job interview. I would be concerned for what "type" of job it was and if that was the employment she was seeking why did I just pay a ton of money for college?

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Agreed 100%. But they're probably not quite there yet at the age of four.

Yes...But I also think at 4(my twins' current age) they are also pretty oblivious to nasty people. Sarcastic, snide remarks and side comments go over their heads...