Is it okay to put family first? (Response to royal family stuff)

[TLSnell1981]

In the Netherlands it's rarely warm enough to go out without tights. Only a few days in summer. And even then I do not feel comfortable. I'm not a prude, but there is something about not giving easy access.
Plus it looks better, it makes my legs look the same flesh colour and I do not have to think about shaving my legs ;-)

Now that we have discussed everyone's tight habits. What about that other pet peeve of the British press: Meghan disobeying the queen's protocol by wearing coloured nail polish!

I think she's just wants to be disagreeable. I mean really? So many can't begin to know the wealth and privilege she lives in... can't image kicking up a fuss over every small detail, The Queen is in her nineties and her husband's grandmother. Geesh!

 

[TipsyTraveler]

the tights issue, its just ONE example of Royal Protocol, how things are done, that you just don't question, you just accept thats the way it is. Again, UK people know and understand Royal Protocol is Royal Protocol, and you do not question it, you just do it. Again another example of culture clash

but again, thats Royal Protocol. Being part of the Royal Family means you do whats required, even if you think its dumb, becuase thats just the way things are. Again, UK people know and understand things like this.

Are you saying the culture in the UK is to never question the system? You are to just accept that everything was done perfectly the first time and should never be examined or updated with the times? They’d still be burning people at the stake if that were the case. Why should royal protocols be above question or updating? If they aren’t willing to ever bend or change on even the smallest issues, won’t they eventually end up completely out of touch with the people they serve? That was my whole point. Pantyhose are such an insignificant thing, why insist on making, or rather keeping, a rule about it? Interest in the royal family, or the desire to continue funding their existence, may start to slip if younger generations start viewing them as some bizarre, unrecognizable entity with old, outdated rules and ways that they can’t relate to or see the point in having around. I would never expect the royal institution to ever become lax or informal, but they do need to move with the times if they wish to stay relevant. And, as has already been discussed, younger generations might already be losing interest. Pantyhose have already been out of style for thirty years — it might be time to let that rule go.

 

[MillauFr]

OMG debating about what she can and can't wear? Seriously? All of these nonsense protocols were a product of a paternalistic society that is designed to disenfranchise women. Someone like the Queen needs to drop an atomic bomb on them and send them back to the dark ages where they belong.

 

[Wendy31]

Really no one wears the pretty hose with embellishments or seams and such? No fishnets? Sometimes?

A couple of years ago, when our older son was a senior in high school, some of us moms hosted a “tacky prom” for the seniors, & I was a chaperone.

So, yes, I wore fishnet hose to the Tacky Prom along w/ an awful purple sequined dress from the 80s.

And, when I was in high school, I attended a private school with a very strict dress code. We girls had to wear hose Every. Single. Day. (We also had to learn how to walk & sit properly in skirts & dresses - there was an actual assembly w/ the administrator so that she could instruct us.)

And, yes, I had some ”dressy” hose w/ the embellishments & seams. LOL!

 

[TLSnell1981]

Are you saying the culture in the UK is to never question the system? You are to just accept that everything was done perfectly the first time and should never be examined or updated with the times? They’d still be burning people at the stake if that were the case. Why should royal protocols be above question or updating? If they aren’t willing to ever bend or change on even the smallest issues, won’t they eventually end up completely out of touch with the people they serve? That was my whole point. Pantyhose are such an insignificant thing, why insist on making, or rather keeping, a rule about it? Interest in the royal family, or the desire to continue funding their existence, may start to slip if younger generations start viewing them as some bizarre, unrecognizable entity with old, outdated rules and ways that they can’t relate to or see the point in having around. I would never expect the royal institution to ever become lax or informal, but they do need to move with the times if they wish to stay relevant. And, as has already been discussed, younger generations might already be losing interest. Pantyhose have already been out of style for thirty years — it might be time to let that rule go.

Yes but we aren't burning people at the stake. And it's Harry's ninety something year old grandmother's preference. Is it really that hard to be respectful and defer to your elder's wishes? My ego isn't that big. If something that insignificant (to me) meant so much to a grandparent? I would do it...no argument or questions.

 

[BadPinkTink]

Are you saying the culture in the UK is to never question the system? You are to just accept that everything was done perfectly the first time and should never be examined or updated with the times? They’d still be burning people at the stake if that were the case. Why should royal protocols be above question or updating? If they aren’t willing to ever bend or change on even the smallest issues, won’t they eventually end up completely out of touch with the people they serve? That was my whole point. Pantyhose are such an insignificant thing, why insist on making, or rather keeping, a rule about it? Interest in the royal family, or the desire to continue funding their existence, may start to slip if younger generations start viewing them as some bizarre, unrecognizable entity with old, outdated rules and ways that they can’t relate to or see the point in having around. I would never expect the royal institution to ever become lax or informal, but they do need to move with the times if they wish to stay relevant. And, as has already been discussed, younger generations might already be losing interest. Pantyhose have already been out of style for thirty years — it might be time to let that rule go.

No what I'm saying is that in the UK its just known and understood that there are Royal Protocols that members of the Royal family have to follow, even if these Royal Protocols seem dumb. Its just known that being a member of the Royal Family you have to conform to centuries old traditions , that the British Aristocracy have some really old fashioned ways. Part of being a member of The Royal Family is that you accept their way of life, their rules, their protocols.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

Yes they are and most women I know where them when wearing dress, skirts or heels in a professional environment... I've had to take my off a few times due to a run and OMG my feet were sweaty and gross, blisters. and my legs chaffed. I find not wearing hose in this situation simply uncomfortable.

And you might find as you get older, like me, there are things about your legs you don’t particularly like anymore.

And I would never try to force you to go without pantyhose if they made you comfortable. I know how uncomfortable they make me, so every time I see Kate wearing them I can’t help but wonder if she’s okay with it or if she’s as miserable as I would be. Now I’m reading there’s a rule about nail polish? This level of micromanaging other people’s choices is not something I’m comfortable with. These aren’t workplace dress codes — these are rules they have to abide by every time they step out of the house, indefinitely. It just strikes me as nonsensical and oppressive.

Yes but we aren't burning people at the stake. And it's Harry's ninety something year old grandmother's preference. Is it really that hard to be respectful and defer to your elder's wishes? My ego isn't that big. If something that insignificant (to me) meant so much to a grandparent? I would do it...no argument or questions.

Taking off your shoes before entering one’s house is being respectful of their preferences. Dressing in the same style as your husband’s 90-something year old grandmother because she likes twinning is weird. Plus, it’s not like it’s the only rule she has. There are roughly 62 million little rules to follow. It starts to take a toll, I would imagine.

 

[VandVsmama]

Tights on a little girl in a wedding - THESE ARE THE IMPORTANT ISSUES OF OUR TIME, PEOPLE!

 

[snappy]

Tights on a little girl in a wedding - THESE ARE THE IMPORTANT ISSUES OF OUR TIME, PEOPLE!

particularly when vaccination appointments are going unfilled!

 

[mousefan73]

Memes online are hilarious. Speaking of flower girls.

 

[snappy]

First Covid and wine memes. Now this.

 

[BayouQueen]

It would seem your bias is strong. Nowhere in there did I say Meghan was a victim. I said it couldn't be laid exclusively at her feet like so many wanted to. By definition, that would include her.

But since we're discussing it and you seem to think you know how I feel about this, I'll be clear so there are no more misjudgments.

Do I think Meghan is innocent? No. Do I think she told the entire truth during the interview? No. Do I think there was truth in there? Yes. Just like I would say for the BRF. And here is the fun part - while differing in what they each took from a situation, they can be both telling the truth. Misunderstanding, defensiveness, misspoken words can lead to two people walking away from a situation with completely different feelings about what happened, who was at fault and who was hurt. And two people can be hurt by the same situation.

What I do take issue with is people, especially here, thinking they have the right to discredit somebody's trauma. And we don't get to do that. Just because she didn't react the way we think she should have or assume we know what was the best treatment for her mental health doesn't mean it isn't true for her. And for all the people who think she's lying because she didn't handle it the way they thought she should, shame on you. Be thankful you've never been in a place that dark. Because let me tell you, it doesn't matter how many people are in your circle. It doesn't matter how wealthy you are. That feeling of helplessness and feeling alone goes beyond all of that. And asking for help isn't as easy as so many on here want to make it. And guess what - she'll never see all these comments that are being made. But those struggling with mental illness and depression will and you (general you) will have made it that much worse. So kuddos up there on your high horse.

I also take great issue with people feeling they can diagnose her with personality disorders on the internet. I know that kind of stuff gets thrown around a lot and not just on this topic, but it's wrong and dangerous to keep doing.

There have been fun conversations here, even when they've been disagreements. There is a lot of history to be learned. But let's be clear, the only people who know the truth are H&M and those in the inner circle of the BRF. So people who claim to know more than others because they've researched it is ridiculous as that's how anybody with an opinion has gotten their information. There are also some on here who's sole purpose of responding is to continue to vilely dump on H&M and it's gotten old. And their obsession with it actually speaks more about them.

I don't care if people like Meghan. Or Harry. I don't care if they think she is the worst person who walked the face of the Earth. I do care when people dismiss mental health. Or insinuate that it should be kept a dirty little secret.

Edited for misspelling

I hear what you're saying and really respect your post. There are countless forms of mental illness and just as many ways to treat it. It's extremely sad in this case that part of the healing path chosen is causing a great deal of harm and unhappiness to others. I hope that Meghan was not being purposefully destructive when she opened her mouth with all this. We have no way of knowing what she hoped to accomplish. Harry probably had a better idea than she of how far-reaching the ramifications could be of accusations of racism and unsupported mental health.

 

[mousefan73]

And I would never try to force you to go without pantyhose if they made you comfortable. I know how uncomfortable they make me, so every time I see Kate wearing them I can’t help but wonder if she’s okay with it or if she’s as miserable as I would be. Now I’m reading there’s a rule about nail polish? This level of micromanaging other people’s choices is not something I’m comfortable with. These aren’t workplace dress codes — these are rules they have to abide by every time they step out of the house, indefinitely. It just strikes me as nonsensical and oppressive.
e.

if I could go without them I would because I find them kind of a pain in the arsch but not wearing them is worse. I try and get super light ones. Unfortunate with my body type I could really use the shaping type but those are really a pain in the ****. Really constricting but they do their job LOL. If it’s hot and humid they are miserable. I remember reading article a while back on the pantyhose that Kate wears. They’re supposedly the best and super comfortable and kind of a sheer nude. I think I did find them online and they were super expensive but they actually look really good on her because it’s kind of like a shimmery, barely therelook . Wolfford is a luxury brand And one time I had a pair that were kind of a very sheer mix of almost silk and cotton. It was heaven to wear.

 

[Planogirl]

I’m puzzled as to why this needs to be the world’s business. I think that such things should be handled by families royal or not.

 

[snappy]

I’m puzzled as to why this needs to be the world’s business. I think that such things should be handled by families royal or not.

I agree. I think they usually are handled more privately.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I’m puzzled as to why this needs to be the world’s business. I think that such things should be handled by families royal or not.

I think that’s the thing that has irritated people, like airing out their dirty laundry publicly. And for what purpose? It’s not going to make things better in their family, and will leave a lot of hurt in its wake.

A saying comes to mind: Just because you can do something, doesn’t necessarily mean you should.

 

[NotUrsula]

Taking off your shoes before entering one’s house is being respectful of their preferences. Dressing in the same style as your husband’s 90-something year old grandmother because she likes twinning is weird. Plus, it’s not like it’s the only rule she has. There are roughly 62 million little rules to follow. It starts to take a toll, I would imagine.

So, you never humoured your grandmother's fashion pet peeves on her turf? I never knew my grandmothers, but my mother (like the Queen's) had plenty of opinions, and if you didn't want to hear an earful, you just avoided giving her the ammunition. Once I got past the teen rebellion stage I found it much less stressful to just go along to get along on clothing choices; fashion at my Mom's house just wasn't the hill I wanted to die on.

Members of the working royal family are being compensated by the Crown when they make public appearances, so you might try to consider it an office dress code, because that is what it is. She feels it's about dressing professionally and respectfully, and being careful about unintentionally offending the people who come to see public appearances. Yes, part of it is her personal preference (the wedge shoe rule comes to mind), and some of her perceptions about what is "decent" hark back to the 1950's, but you also have to realize that her own mother was much more draconian about "the rules", and the present Queen humoured the Queen Mother's choices long past the point when most women would. She has loosened the rules over the years; for instance, she no longer insists on gloves or girdles for anyone other than herself. I guarantee you she finds the idea of bare legs in public distasteful because like all Englishwomen of her generation, she was raised to think that bare legs in public were louche. (Remember all those stories about women painting fake seams down their legs during WW2 because stockings were scarce? They were ashamed of being barelegged because they were taught that a grown woman going out that way was going out half-dressed, so they used makeup and kohl pencil to fake it.) The "tights" rule doesn't really require tights, as stockings are fine as well, and coloured tights are OK, too, but the rest of the list is really preference built up over 8 decades of endless public appearances. She knows what styles have high potential to accidentally embarrass the wearer. (For instance, while she doesn't care for dark nail polish, she also has the experience to know that dark polish makes a broken nail much more glaringly obvious when you're shaking 100 hands.) The prejudice against black in the daytime is partly a holdover from the War, when it was considered sad, but also is practical; black ages badly with frequent dry cleaning, and it shows lint.

 

[Tink-osophy]

I think the whole 'what to wear' thing (legs and anywhere else! ) is more like a work uniform.

Having said that, Diana pushed the boundaries very successfully and I bet Meghan could have if she'd shown some patience. The nail polish, I thought, was a suggestion rather than a rule. I can't imagine (in the long run, if not immediately) it would have been a problem if Meghan had used bright colours for more relaxed or glamorous occasions. It's about being understated at certain events - the working royals are often involved in more solemn occasions and addressing more serious issues.

I don't think this is so much a symptom of a long-standing patriarchy, but plenty else is!

 

[BayouQueen]

So just some levity here re pantyhose...

The only time I wear them is for formal nights on cruises, which I really enjoy. So... I've worn the same size Leggs pantyhose for like forever.
Well....I packed me my Leggs for my big gala night, and I went to put them on and I swear I could hardly get them past my calf. I was like, there's some mistake, I know these fit, and tugging and tugging and tugging. Wake-up call !!!

 

[Tink-osophy]

So just some levity here re pantyhose...

The only time I wear them is for formal nights on cruises, which I really enjoy. So... I've worn the same size Leggs pantyhose for like forever.
Well....I packed me my Leggs for my big gala night, and I went to put them on and I swear I could hardly get them past my calf. I was like, there's some mistake, I know these fit, and tugging and tugging and tugging. Wake-up call !!!

I think you jumped to the wrong conclusion - I think the pantyhose shrank! The pantyhose are always to blame!