Is it okay to put family first? (Response to royal family stuff)

disykat

DIS Veteran
Joined
Jun 5, 2000
So, I have always "prided myself" in putting family first. Since I married, I've worked, been a SAHM, worked part time, worked full time, chosen a starter home, moved to a different neighborhood with better schools, spent less time with extended family, spent more time with extended family, etc. etc. etc. We've based our decisions not on just finance or status, but on what we honestly feel works best for our family at any given time. I feel actual pride about the decisions we've made and why.

Why then, did I read the Royal family news and immediately feel myself rolling my eyes and judging? I'm such a hypocrite! (My second response was "good for them" but I'm surprised it was my second response.)

Anyway, anyone want to discuss either the issue or the news or both? What have you done to put family first? Is it okay, preferable, wrong? Does society have misplaced loyalties? (I'd certainly venture to say so in the case of the royal family, but I've even heard it in the case of SAHM being judged for "setting women back" etc.) Does society prioritize doing what gains status or promotes a cause vs. what might be best for the individual? Or should we generally do what's best for the "whole?"
 
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LSUmiss

DIS Veteran
Joined
Sep 8, 2014
I always try to put family first & in order of priority to me too...DS firs, then DH & then pretty much everyone & everything else after. This has become even more important to me ever since my dad died suddenly of cancer almost 3 years ago. He was only 62. Life is too short imo to prioritize anything else. I took a pay cut to take a job that gives me more time off & a better daily schedule,
 
  • disykat

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jun 5, 2000
    Pretty much past the "Mommy Martyr" stage of life. I didn't revel or find any particular pride in it; just a job that needed doing to the best of my ability.
    As for the Brit royals, I really don't spend a lot of time worrying about them.
    You don't feel proud of doing a job to the best of your ability? I disagree that doing so makes you a martyr.

    I doubt there's very many of us here that spent a lot of time worrying about the British royals. Doesn't mean it can't be discussed or that you didn't spend your time typing a response.:fish:
     

    NYCgrrl

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jul 13, 2017
    You don't feel proud of doing a job to the best of your ability? I disagree that doing so makes you a martyr.

    I doubt there's very many of us here that spent a lot of time worrying about the British royals. Doesn't mean it can't be discussed or that you didn't spend your time typing a response.
    Doesn't bother me if others want to discuss the Brit Royals, they just don't affect my life.
    As for "Mommy Martyrdom"....that's when you give up part of your wants and possibly needs to ensure the future and well being of other members of your family. I don't knock myself down to do that anymore. My children are grownups now so if I want a white couch, I buy it; if I desire a fur coat (yes, I wear them;) I'm going to get it since I've no worries about braces, extracurricular activities for children, etc. Just a different mindset and I'm happy moving on to it. Was happy when the kids were growing up too. Yes, I'm raising my DGD but that's because I want to- NOT because I have to. For me there's a difference. :fish:
     
  • VandVsmama

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Mar 28, 2011
    So, I have always "prided myself" in putting family first. Since I married, I've worked, been a SAHM, worked part time, worked full time, chosen a starter home, moved to a different neighborhood with better schools, spent less time with extended family, spent more time with extended family, etc. etc. etc. We've based our decisions not on just finance or status, but on what we honestly feel works best for our family at any given time. I feel actual pride about the decisions we've made and why.

    Why then, did I read the Royal family news and immediately feel myself rolling my eyes and judging? I'm such a hypocrite! (My second response was "good for them" but I'm surprised it was my second response.)

    Anyway, anyone want to discuss either the issue or the news or both? What have you done to put family first? Is it okay, preferable, wrong? Does society have misplaced loyalties? (I'd certainly venture to say so in the case of the royal family, but I've even heard it in the case of SAHM being judged for "setting women back" etc.) Does society prioritize doing what gains status or promotes a cause vs. what might be best for the individual? Or should we generally do what's best for the "whole?"
    I know why **I** am rolling my eyes over it. It's because Meghan Markle should have known exactly what sort of media craziness she was getting herself into when she married Prince Harry. And if she's saying that she had no idea...well duh, Google is your friend, lady. Wake up out of your little world and get a clue. I hear that they have lots of them on sale at Walmart. Buy one, get one free.

    I am also rolling my eyes big time at their announcement that they want to establish their own financial independence. So on the one hand, great! Go for it. But on the other hand, good grief. You're going to need a heck of a lot more monthly gross income with the regular security detail that you're going to need.

    I also bet that after a few years, they'll be back in the UK for more of the calendar year because the weather of the Canadian frozen tundra will get to them.
     

    gwynne

    Happily planning our next adventure
    Joined
    Jan 1, 2012
    I am fine with whatever they decide. I'd doubt it's a permanent, done deal. They may be back in the firm fulltime before you know it.
     

    scrump

    <font color=royalblue>so the decision has been mad
    Joined
    Oct 3, 2003
    I think it's the right decision. I can't imagine caring about someone who's 6th? 7th? in line to the throne and the wife of someone who's 6th/7th in line. I guess she's a former actress, I am not familiar with any of her work. The interest in him/them will probably taper off over time (relative to its current fever pitch), at which point it's really hard to justify funding their lifestyle AND listening to all their complaining. Even as a casual observer, even I was like - omg please go away.
     

    disykat

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jun 5, 2000
    I don't know much about this, but what responsibilities does someone who is not directly in line for the throne have? Don't most people in the royal family get less involved as their position in line number changes? I don't know that the fact that he married a celebrity or an American, has anything to do with that.
     
  • Turn the Page

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jan 23, 2013
    I don't know much about this, but what responsibilities does someone who is not directly in line for the throne have? Don't most people in the royal family get less involved as their position in line number changes? I don't know that the fact that he married a celebrity or an American, has anything to do with that.
    As a working royal, meaning on the civil list and receiving an income from the government, etc., they are heavily involved in charity work, get sent on royal tours (like the one in Africa they recently went on) and appearances to represent the queen and things like that. It is a full time job in that they do "work" but they don't punch a time clock for a 9 to 5 at an office.
     

    PollyannaMom

    I was a click-clack champ!!
    Joined
    May 16, 2006
    I admit to not turning on the news much at all lately, but I'm guessing from the posts above that the junior royals want to take some time out of the limelight?

    ...What have you done to put family first? Is it okay, preferable, wrong?...
    In general, I believe a person has only so much time and energy, and it's distributed like a target.

    To me, that means my first responsibility (the center of the circle) is to my immediate family. The next layer includes my extended family and a few select others, and then society gets what's left over. - I've made my career decisions with that in mind, and have accepted the fact that there will be seasons of my life when I am more or less involved in projects larger than my immediate reach.

    I realize other people have different priorities - and while I can't say I always understand them, I am acutely aware that I often have reason to be grateful to them!

    But I feel like royals don't get to make that decision for themselves, and I guess that's not fair.
     

    Turn the Page

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jan 23, 2013
    I knew nothing about Meghan before she was linked to Harry and in the beginning I liked her and I have always like him (except that business with the costume party of course, that was a face palm moment if there ever was one) but over the last few months she has started to grate.

    I do feel it is a bit unfair to say she should have known what she was getting into. Does anyone ever really know what they are getting into when they get married? I would say most don't. That said, I have read stories saying she was obsessed with Princess Diana when she was younger so she should have known the media would hound them though I do feel it is unfair to expect her to know how it would feel and how she would handle it.

    The biggest eye roll from me came with the claims in the documentary about how she wasn't feeling supported by the royal family and such. The British family does NOT air dirty laundry in public. She definitely would have been made aware of that. That was a huge misstep on her part not to mention refusing to visit the queen in Balmoral but flying to New York to watch a tennis match.

    Yes, she was a successful actress before she married Harry but many people had never heard of her so we're not talking Jennifer Aniston here so she wouldn't have had to deal with the media to the level that she does now and that has to be a difficult adjustment but I don't think she is handling it well.

    Being a working royal is difficult and if they need to step back then they should be able to do that without criticism or scrutiny. but something about this smacks of wanting to have their cake and eat it to.
     

    Boardwalk Jedi

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Dec 28, 2016
    I know why **I** am rolling my eyes over it. It's because Meghan Markle should have known exactly what sort of media craziness she was getting herself into when she married Prince Harry. And if she's saying that she had no idea...well duh, Google is your friend, lady. Wake up out of your little world and get a clue. I hear that they have lots of them on sale at Walmart. Buy one, get one free.

    I am also rolling my eyes big time at their announcement that they want to establish their own financial independence. So on the one hand, great! Go for it. But on the other hand, good grief. You're going to need a heck of a lot more monthly gross income with the regular security detail that you're going to need.

    I also bet that after a few years, they'll be back in the UK for more of the calendar year because the weather of the Canadian frozen tundra will get to them.
    They already have a combined $45 million in assets. Charles has talked about a scaled down family for a while. Even though, Harry and Megen could easily fit into that model, maybe they want to get moving on it before William's kids take center stage. The queen had a ridiculous amount of extended family living off the royal purse. I won't begrudge them for wanting to be independent.

    I'm not sure why so many Bettys have such an issue with Harry and Meghan. Find a new hobby.
     

    Searc

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Aug 12, 2018
    As a working royal, meaning on the civil list and receiving an income from the government, etc., they are heavily involved in charity work, get sent on royal tours (like the one in Africa they recently went on) and appearances to represent the queen and things like that. It is a full time job in that they do "work" but they don't punch a time clock for a 9 to 5 at an office.
    They are also not allowed to have a paying job outside of Royal duties.
     

    LSUmiss

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Sep 8, 2014
    Doesn't bother me if others want to discuss the Brit Royals, they just don't affect my life.
    As for "Mommy Martyrdom"....that's when you give up part of your wants and possibly needs to ensure the future and well being of other members of your family. I don't knock myself down to do that anymore. My children are grownups now so if I want a white couch, I buy it; if I desire a fur coat (yes, I wear them;) I'm going to get it since I've no worries about braces, extracurricular activities for children, etc. Just a different mindset and I'm happy moving on to it. Was happy when the kids were growing up too. Yes, I'm raising my DGD but that's because I want to- NOT because I have to. For me there's a difference. :fish:
    I don’t sacrifice for my DS b/c I want to be a martyr or get credit but b/c his well-being is more important to me then anyone else’s.
     



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