Is 44 too old to become pregnant?

[Tiggerlover91]

I think that decision is totally yours. I want to have my last by the time I'm 42 or 43, but I'm sure it'll ONLY happen when G-d is ready for DH and I to do it. I was a member of a website where a woman was 52 having her 3rd child. I don't know about that, but 44 isn't too old as far as I'm concerned.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

It depends on the woman. I come from an area that it is expected that girls will go to college and graduate, medical or law school. I have one friend that had a baby at 28 because she has a chronic progressive medical condition and was afraid it was then or never. She still managed to get two graduate degrees, she is superwoman, lol. Almost 100% of my friends got married in their 30's, after school, traveling, establishing their careers, etc.. Around 32-35 the babies started coming one after another, lol. The 2nd round of babies is getting underway now at 35-38.

Even having a baby at 25 would have been met with complete and total shock, that just doesn't happen within my friends/family/coworkers.

I have family (by marriage) in a different area of the country that all start having their children in their teens or very early twenties. When my crowd is having their first baby, they are becoming grandparents. It's a different way of life, I'm not saying better or worse, they just have different expectations for how they will live their lives and what they want to do. It would be more surprising there to have a baby later in life, they are grandparents (even great-grandparents) around that time.


If you are a fit 44, healthy and financially stable, and want a baby I say go for it. Yes, of course the risk of birth defects increases, but plenty of women that age will deliver perfectly healthy babies. Women in their teens and twenties also deliver babies with birth defects sometimes, the risk is never zero no matter what the age.

I would also consider the family health history. My family lives into their 80's, 90's and even 100's. This was before all the advances in medicine. If my family had serious health problems that caused death often in the 50's and 60's, then I would have to reconsider.

 

[a1tinkfans]

Nobody get nasty ok? Just looking for opinions. What about if the husband is 10 years younger and never had children? Does that change your opinion?

IMHO, Go with your HEART and be sure your Body can handle it.

 

[Piecey]

I think everyone should be able to have their own children if they want them... age is just a number.

For me personally- no way. However when I am 44 both of my kiddos will be in college so hopefully I won't have empty nest syndrome and choose to solve it that way.

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

I am 41 and my Mom is turning 81. You can do the math!

I was a surprise, but I think I kept my parents young. They did chase me around into the teen years - I was very active in traveling sports teams and such. So it did not necessarily get easier as I got older!

That said, I decided early on that I wanted to have my kids young. I'll have two in college next year and we are most definitely finished.

I want to take a breather before the grandkids arrive - can't imagine having a baby of our own at this point in our lives.

 

[ZPT1022]

I would never do it myself, but it's not really my decision to make for anyone else, although I will say I can't understand it. I'm 29 and pregnant and having a horrible time, I can't imagine doing this again in 15 years.


One thing to consider would be your stamina. My daughter has a friend who was adopted from China. Sweet girl, love her, love her parents, they are such nice people. However, Mom and Dad are older than my mother and mother in law!! They are not always up for things that the younger parents are, they just don't have the same stamina. I called once at 7:30 to try to RSVP for a birthday party and the whole family was in bed already! I think that they are going to find difficulty in the teen years when their DD is involved in activities that run late or just plain can't/won't go to bed that early.

The one factor I would add is the elderly parent factor. My parents were well into their 30's when they had me and I was 34 when I had my daughter. These past few years we have had some trying times while my DH and I juggled time with our dying fathers and the needs of a young teen. If your parents are older then just realize it isn't always easy to be there for them and be there for your at home children and it could cause a lot of added stress for you.

Not trying to pick on you but this can be a factor at any age. My father died when I was 11 and my father in law died when DH and I were 24. My mother is not too bad but DH's mother is so needy, she really relied on DH's dad for so much which means that a lot of that falls to us now. There have been numerous times when things at our own home have been neglected because MIL needs/wants something done and will freak out about it until DH or I go over there and do it. There are also the hour long phone conversations where DH has to help her use her computer or other such things. Granted, a lot of that is just her, but still, I'd be willing to be no one thought they would be dealing with this in their 20's

 

[stahshee]

I just turned 35 and I was thinking I might want to have anothor one, But I think im getting to old..My mom had me at 40 ..My whole life all I ever heard her say was how old she was..My friends thought she was my grandma...

 

[ZachnElli]

I think it depends on the people involved and their genes. Both of my parents' families tend to live into their nineties and had kids into their 40's (just by accident). Not a big deal. My grandmothers met my 2 older kids and those 2 kids remember them, their great grandparents I'm talking about. My dad was born when his mom was 37 (she had twins and grandpa got measles in the war and became infertile, so no more kids) and my mom is the youngest and her mom didn't get married until her 30's either so she was around 40 when my mom was born. I guess I'm saying, in my family at least, it's definitely not out of the question. It is for me, but that is because I've had my own issues with fertility (7 miscarriages, no way, no how do I want to get pg again!).

 

[SamRoc]

Nobody get nasty ok? Just looking for opinions. What about if the husband is 10 years younger and never had children? Does that change your opinion?

Not at all! My Mom was 43 when she had me!

 

[chloelovesdisney]

LOL, read the replies. Younger moms say no way, older moms say no problem.

 

[daisyduck123]

Well it would never work for me as I through menopause at 40, so now at 43 I can't get pregnant even if I wanted to.

 

[bfeller]

if you want a baby go for it.

My mom was 39 when she had me and then at 45 she had my younger brother. Of course when I was born my older brothers were 13,15,and 19. Our family was spread out in ages. And...yes, my mother was only married once and all the kids belong to my dad, who was 2 years older than her.

 

[MrsPete]

Yes. Absolutely. (From someone who will turn 44 in 3 weeks!)

Someone else? Oh, that's okay with me!

No, it's not just you. I'll be 44 in four months, and I agree with you.

Let's say it takes you a while to get pregnant -- being past your prime baby years, that's likely -- so you'd likely be 46 (or more) by the time the baby is born. So that makes you 51 when your child starts school, 55 when they ask you to coach Little League or sleep on the ground for a Brownie scout sleepover, 61 when you're teaching that child to drive and dealing with teenaged issues, able to begin drawing social security while the child's still in college. And that's assuming that everything works out well medically.

I think it'd be an uphill battle in many ways. At some point people will begin to assume that you're the grandmother (either an involved grandmother or the parent of a child unable to take care of his own children). Though no child can count on having his or her parents there for him when he graduates from college, when he marries, and when he has his own children, your child would have even less chance than others to have you there for support. How do you stand financially in retirement preparation? Many 40-somethings are just getting serious about it; if you're in that boat, it'd be awfully hard to do that AND take on the financial aspects of raising a newborn.

I understand perfectly that our society has decided that everything anyone wants to do is perfectly fine these days, never mind the consequences . . . but I wouldn't do this.

 

[VillageMama]

Oh, whaa whaa... I'll be too "old" when a child starts school... I'll be mistaken for the child's grandmother... I won't have the energy to play ten rounds of kickball... I'm already beyond the diaper stage... whaa whaa.

You know what makes all of that worth it?? THE CHILD!

So many folks focus only on the "downsides" of parenting and talk themselves right out of having another child. But then they miss out on the greatest gift of all... that unique, precious, beloved person.

Parenting is more than just work. You get to have a relationship with another person. That relationship is worth far more than any extra work you might incur. God willing, you have a baby at 45 and you'll get to have maybe 50 years with that person.

I'm turning 40 and expecting a new baby. My oldest child is 15... my youngest is 1.5. It is wonderful having teens and babies at the same time. Seeing the relationship develop between the siblings is so precious to me.

I'm not saying that my situation is for everyone. But I think in our desire to get our lives all wrapped up in neat little bows, we may miss out on some incredibly enriching experiences.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

Not at all. You just need to be prepared for how you will handle possible bad news about an amnio ( or CVS, which is what I had both times at 40 and 42-you can do this sooner). Genetics counseling is available before you get pregnant, just be sure to get an experienced counselor. Mine was very young and brand new and had no idea how to present her information-at one point when she told me the higher rates of problems, I was surprised (and already pregnant) and she actually said, "Oh it's not what you were hoping to hear? Sorry, I'm just doing my job!") Luckily both of my DSs were healthy and my only problem was gestational diabetes with both of them controlled by diet. No morning sickness or any other health difficulties. If you want children at that age, I say go for it! As for being a little older than the other moms at school, I really don't care at all. Sometimes I feel older and sometimes I feel wiser. Anyway, that is a personal feeling and not anything that should stop someone from having a child.

I had very little difficulty getting pregnant, which I know is not all that common with women of that age. I was very lucky.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

No, it's not just you. I'll be 44 in four months, and I agree with you.

Let's say it takes you a while to get pregnant -- being past your prime baby years, that's likely -- so you'd likely be 46 (or more) by the time the baby is born. So that makes you 51 when your child starts school, 55 when they ask you to coach Little League or sleep on the ground for a Brownie scout sleepover, 61 when you're teaching that child to drive and dealing with teenaged issues, able to begin drawing social security while the child's still in college. And that's assuming that everything works out well medically.

I think it'd be an uphill battle in many ways. At some point people will begin to assume that you're the grandmother (either an involved grandmother or the parent of a child unable to take care of his own children). Though no child can count on having his or her parents there for him when he graduates from college, when he marries, and when he has his own children, your child would have even less chance than others to have you there for support. How do you stand financially in retirement preparation? Many 40-somethings are just getting serious about it; if you're in that boat, it'd be awfully hard to do that AND take on the financial aspects of raising a newborn.

I understand perfectly that our society has decided that everything anyone wants to do is perfectly fine these days, never mind the consequences . . . but I wouldn't do this.

Sorry, but I have to answer this with a big "SO WHAT?" As previously posted, you will be bringing a life into this world that is yours to love and keep as long as God is willing. No one has a guarantee on tomorrow. Sometimes you have to follow your heart.

 

[Minnesota!]

I think that is just fine. My cousin had twins 16 months ago - at the age of 52. She's doing just fine

 

[Cindy B]

Um.. it would not be for me either. I'm done and I could just cringe at the thought of being pregnant again. At 44, I would have a 19 year old and a 16 year old. I'm not yet 40-- (still 39) and I couldn't even fathom it now.

 

[auntie]

There are those that will say you can have it all. Then, they drive themselves crazy trying to have it. Reality (IMO) is that you can't. There's a reason we're designed to have children when we're younger. Yes, you can have a child at 44. There are those that are in their 50's giving this a try. Only...thinking of the child (again..my opinion)..I wouldn't do it. Not purposely. I know there are those "surprise" babies, and everything worked out fine. Yet, there are just as many surprise babies, where a child was born with Down's or another genetic disorder, are you able to take that on..forever?
At some point you will likely be dealing with sick or elderly parents yourself. It's tough being caught between both those worlds at any age. Having your kids be a little older when you reach the point where you're own parents are having health related issues makes it a bit more manageable.
Certainly, anything is possible at any age. Only why purposely bring on risks that can be avoided. Have you given thought to adopting an older child who may need a home?
Good luck and God Bless, whatever you're decision.

 

[ReneeA]

It wouldn't be my choice, but my family as a whole has babies young - my grandmother was 35 when I was born!! They thought I was ancient having mine at 28 and then the second at 29. I am 36 now, and for sure done having babies.

My best friend is significantly older than I am, and she had her youngest at 47. He was an unexpected surprise. It was a traumatic birth on her and she has lasting problems to this day as a result. Other than that, she does really well at 55 with a 13 and 8 year old. However, she does worry about staying healthy for them. She struggles with high blood pressure and some other serious health problems. All of her family is older, and she has no idea who will care for her children if she and her husband were to pass away anytime soon.