Is 44 too old to become pregnant?

[pigletgirl]

I think you have to decide what is best for you and your husband. Who am I to judge?

 

[crz4mm2]

My DM was 39, almost 40 when she had my baby sister (16 years between us) and almost 41 when she had my baby brother. Were they planned, nope. She is glad though. She did not have any testing done (was almost 30 weeks when she found out she was pg with baby sis) and she would have taken what God gave her.
I was 16 when the first was born and I was the "mom" that did all the overnight camping trips etc. DSis is like MY first baby.
DM is now 72 almost 73. She sure is glad to have the "baby" of the family still home with her. DDad died over 15 years ago.
Would I have a baby that late, no. Did she PLAN to have those kids late, no.

I think it depends on a lot of things, but it is up to the person involved, not us.

 

[luvmy3]

A-MEN!

We need to stop and think about what we're saying when we bemoan having older parents or being older and having a new baby. Consider the alternative.

Actually the alternative is a moot point since the people *bemoaning* having older parents were actually born. I knew a girl who had older parents and was teased relentlesly because of it, I'm pretty sure she has the right to bemoan the fact that her parents were older. We don't know what these people have been through so we don't have the right to judge their feelings about their own lives.

 

[lillygator]

I just posed this to my husband....seems he thinks its fine for a man (he's 45) and not so fine for a woman (I'm 35).....he needs a good talking to.

 

[clovergirl5]

A-MEN!

We need to stop and think about what we're saying when we bemoan having older parents or being older and having a new baby. Consider the alternative.

I don't understand the angst about "People thought my parents were my grandparents"... "My mom didn't want to sleep on the ground"... "I only had my parents in my life until I was 40.".

Are those things unfortunate? Sure. But the alternative is that you were never born. Is that better?? I sure don't think so.

I'm pretty sure that your dh would prefer that his parents decided to have him at the ago of 40, despite his hating having older parents, as opposed to not having him at 40, and he wouldn't be on this earth, married to you with with is own 5 children.

Hmmm, I don't remember saying that my dh preferred his parents not having him or being upset that they had him at 40. What he hated was that they couldn't do the things with him that younger parents do with their children. And he knew they wouldn't be around when he was as old as them to enjoy his kids.
I would appreciate thoughts and presumptions not be put/made on me. And you wouldn't understand the angst about having older--grandparent aged parents unless you experience it first hand. Insinuating "the alternative is that you were never born" is rediculous to bring into what I said. I don't think anyone in their right mind would feel that way

As I said in my post, not for me, but if they can afford it and health is good, go for it. It doesn't affect me in anyway. Just telling my personal story with older in-laws. I have seen the problems and dh be upset at seeing his older parents health deteriorate and have to help take care of their financial matters because there was no will. Its been a mess. I think there is alot that an over 40 year old should think about before they make that kind of decision to have a baby at that older age. Im not for it or against it. Just all for doing their research before they take the plunge.

 

[Mom21]

I just posed this to my husband....seems he thinks its fine for a man (he's 45) and not so fine for a woman (I'm 35).....he needs a good talking to.

I think this is a common thought among people. Older man= good. Older woman= not good

well, my mother is 41, her boyfriend of 7 years is 33 and they're having a baby that's due in the summer.


BTW...i'm 23....

Tell her I said "You go girl!" Good luck to her and the baby.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

Actually the alternative is a moot point since the people *bemoaning* having older parents were actually born. I knew a girl who had older parents and was teased relentlesly because of it, I'm pretty sure she has the right to bemoan the fact that her parents were older. We don't know what these people have been through so we don't have the right to judge their feelings about their own lives.

If the alternative were pointed out to these ungrateful people, maybe they would stop their moaning. Kids find all kinds of things to tease other children about, you can't stop it. What about kids who are short? Or fat? Or those that have red hair (like I do)? I was teased quite a bit too, for something I had no control over. Does that mean that I had the right to bemoan the fact that I had red hair?

I am noticing that a lot of posters are saying they wouldn't because they have already had their children. I can totally understand not wanting to have more kids at age 44, but what if this was to be your first and possibly only child? My DH and I didn't really want kids, then at our "advanced age" (isn't that a lovely label they put on us older moms?) we decided that we did. In a way I actually do wish that we had had them earlier, but then they wouldn't have been the two darling boys we ended up with! Anyway, I'm glad that we didn't toss the possibility aside just because I would be 40 and 42 when giving birth. Wouldn't have traded that for the world.

This reminds me of something Dear Abby used to tell readers that were thinking of doing something at a later age. Deciding not to do something because you will be 44 when you do it. Guess what? You will STILL be 44 whether you do it or not!

 

[luvmy3]

If the alternative were pointed out to these ungrateful people, maybe they would stop their moaning. Kids find all kinds of things to tease other children about, you can't stop it. What about kids who are short? Or fat? Or those that have red hair (like I do)? I was teased quite a bit too, for something I had no control over. Does that mean that I had the right to bemoan the fact that I had red hair?

Why don't you walk a mile in their shoes before you make that assumption because when you say something like taht you are really just being a judgemental. Or better why don't you tell my friend that she was just an ungrateful kid because she bemoaned the fact that her mother was older and died of alzheimer's before she was even 30 years old. You can tell her how ungrateful she was when she was crying at her casket that she wished she had more time with her mother.

 

[pigletgirl]

well, my mother is 41, her boyfriend of 7 years is 33 and they're having a baby that's due in the summer.


BTW...i'm 23....

I have a similar situation in my family.

My mom is 44, and just had her last baby in July '08 when she was 43. I was 19 at the time...

So yeah, a huge age gap between my baby sister and I. They chose to get pregnant. She went on to have a healthy baby.

And like I said, I feel its a case by case basis. Get the facts of having a child at an older age, and then decide if its something you would like to do. Even if you are at a younger age, you aren't guaranteed to have a perfectly child....

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Hmmm, I don't remember saying that my dh preferred his parents not having him or being upset that they had him at 40. What he hated was that they couldn't do the things with him that younger parents do with their children. And he knew they wouldn't be around when he was as old as them to enjoy his kids.
I would appreciate thoughts and presumptions not be put/made on me. And you wouldn't understand the angst about having older--grandparent aged parents unless you experience it first hand. Insinuating "the alternative is that you were never born" is rediculous to bring into what I said. I don't think anyone in their right mind would feel that way

As I said in my post, not for me, but if they can afford it and health is good, go for it. It doesn't affect me in anyway. Just telling my personal story with older in-laws. I have seen the problems and dh be upset at seeing his older parents health deteriorate and have to help take care of their financial matters because there was no will. Its been a mess. I think there is alot that an over 40 year old should think about before they make that kind of decision to have a baby at that older age. Im not for it or against it. Just all for doing their research before they take the plunge.

I was making an observation, not trying to be snarky or mean, honestly. I'm sure there are kids born to young parents that are teased for all sorts of reasons, there will always be something so teasing isn't a reason I wouldn't have a child at that age.

I also don't think of older parents as grandparent aged parents, they're just older parents. I think of grandparents starting at 60 and older, so a 40 something is still way under that radar.

My brother came along 16 years after I did. Sure my mother was older than when she had me, but she was (and is) in great physical shape. There was nothing she didn't do with him that she did with me. She was on the go with my brother day and night, and did all the activities any younger parents did and then some. She walks 3 miles everyday even now.

I don't think age is as big a factor as physical fitness and financial well being but that's just my opinion.

Sorry if you were offended by my comments, they weren't meant to be offensive.

 

[wdwfan16]

If the alternative were pointed out to these ungrateful people, maybe they would stop their moaning. Kids find all kinds of things to tease other children about, you can't stop it. What about kids who are short? Or fat? Or those that have red hair (like I do)? I was teased quite a bit too, for something I had no control over. Does that mean that I had the right to bemoan the fact that I had red hair?

I am noticing that a lot of posters are saying they wouldn't because they have already had their children. I can totally understand not wanting to have more kids at age 44, but what if this was to be your first and possibly only child? My DH and I didn't really want kids, then at our "advanced age" (isn't that a lovely label they put on us older moms?) we decided that we did. In a way I actually do wish that we had had them earlier, but then they wouldn't have been the two darling boys we ended up with! Anyway, I'm glad that we didn't toss the possibility aside just because I would be 40 and 42 when giving birth. Wouldn't have traded that for the world.

This reminds me of something Dear Abby used to tell readers that were thinking of doing something at a later age. Deciding not to do something because you will be 44 when you do it. Guess what? You will STILL be 44 whether you do it or not!

The OP said it would be the first child for the man. That implied she had kids and later she posted that she indeed had a child. So the ones who had kids and are saying no at 44 are the ones who are just like the OP.

 

[Bluestars]

Why don't you walk a mile in their shoes before you make that assumption because when you say something like taht you are really just being a judgemental. Or better why don't you tell my friend that she was just an ungrateful kid because she bemoaned the fact that her mother was older and died of alzheimer's before she was even 30 years old. You can tell her how ungrateful she was when she was crying at her casket that she wished she had more time with her mother.

That's very sad and I'm sure it was devastating to your friend. But parents can die when they are young too. Unfortunately, we just never know. Many people lose their parents before they even turn 18. So, there are no guarantees either way. I am sorry for your friend.

I think there are advantages and disadvantages to any decision. My mother was young when she had me. But we lived many years with .almost nothing. No fancy vacations, no cars, hand me down clothes until I could buy my own, and my parents were struggling.

My young siblings got to live in my parent's dream house, they all got cars, and they had the benefits of my parents not always being stressed about money. My dad would often play board games with my siblings and they got more quality time when they were growing up.

 

[wdwfan16]

I was making an observation, not trying to be snarky or mean, honestly. I'm sure there are kids born to young parents that are teased for all sorts of reasons, there will always be something so teasing isn't a reason I wouldn't have a child at that age.

I also don't think of older parents as grandparent aged parents, they're just older parents. I think of grandparents starting at 60 and older, so a 40 something is still way under that radar.

My brother came along 16 years after I did. Sure my mother was older than when she had me, but she was (and is) in great physical shape. There was nothing she didn't do with him that she did with me. She was on the go with my brother day and night, and did all the activities any younger parents did and then some. She walks 3 miles everyday even now.

I don't think age is as big a factor as physical fitness and financial well being but that's just my opinion.

Sorry if you were offended by my comments, they weren't meant to be offensive.

My Grandmother had her daughter when she was 21 and her daughter had a daughter when she was 22. That made her a grandmother at 43.

My other grandmother had her son at 20 and then a daughter at 22. Her daughter had a son at 21, so again a grandmother at 43.

 

[luvmy3]

That's very sad and I'm sure it was devastating to your friend. But parents can die when they are young too. Unfortunately, we just never know. Many people lose their parents before they even turn 18. So, there are no guarantees either way. I am sorry for your friend.

That is true but in the case of my friend her mother died of disease that is brought on with old age. She lived a long healthy life up until that point so although we never know, my friend did actually know that her mother didn't die young. I know my friend only wishes that she was as fortunate as her brothers to have had much more time with her when she wishes her mom hadn't waited so long to have her and that is as far from ungrateful as one can be.
My point to that poster is to show that we have no idea what people go through in their own lives with their parents and none of us have the right to accuse them of being ungrateful or whiners or moaners when we have never been in their shoes.

 

[C.Ann]

That's very sad and I'm sure it was devastating to your friend. But parents can die when they are young too. Unfortunately, we just never know. Many people lose their parents before they even turn 18. So, there are no guarantees either way. I am sorry for your friend.

I agree.. I can think of quite a few parents who died young - way too young - so that's not a valid deal-breaker as far as I'm concerned.. I know several women who have had children when they were in their forties - lived to see them grow up and have kids of their own - and are still living..

OP: If this is something that you want to do, talk it over with your doctor.. If he/she agrees that you are healthy enough to do this, then I say "go for it!" (Presuming we're talking about you - not someone else.. LOL.. I'll be honest and admit that I didn't read all the replies before responding because I had a "gut feeling" that some of them would be unkind and/or nasty - the type of junk I don't care to read these days..

For "whoever" is contemplating this, best of luck!!

 

[VillageMama]

You can tell her how ungrateful she was when she was crying at her casket that she wished she had more time with her mother.

It must have been a terrible thing for your friend to watch her mother die and to lose her by the time she was thirty. I'm sure everyone who has a parent die wishes that they had had more time with them.

So while I'm deeply sympathetic to your friend, the point remains... which would she prefer? To have only had her mother for 30 years or not to have been born at all?

Those really are the choices. Her mother could have done two things that fateful night when she was 40... She could have gotten together with her husband and created your friend or she could have told her hubby, "We have to be careful not to conceive... after all, I'm 40 something and our future child might only have a few decades with us.".

I'm sure that your friend... and all who love her... are very glad that her parents decided to give her life.

 

[Bluestars]

That is true but in the case of my friend her mother died of disease that is brought on with old age. She lived a long healthy life up until that point so although we never know, my friend did actually know that her mother didn't die young. I know my friend only wishes that she was as fortunate as her brothers to have had much more time with her when she wishes her mom hadn't waited so long to have her and that is as far from ungrateful as one can be.
My point to that poster is to show that we have no idea what people go through in their own lives with their parents and none of us have the right to accuse them of being ungrateful or whiners or moaners when we have never been in their shoes.

Yes, that would be very sad. I am sure my younger siblings wish they had more time with our parents. But no matter how much time we all get, it is never enough. I saw my parents young, stressed, and always working. My younger siblings saw them older, and able to spend more time with the family at home.

I am glad my mother had me when she was young. I do feel sorry that my younger siblings won't have as much time. But the time they have had has been wonderful.

I agree that nobody should accuse someone else of being ungrateful if they haven't walked in their shoes. We all have our own pain and life isn't easy.

 

[luvmy3]

It must have been a terrible thing for your friend to watch her mother die and to lose her by the time she was thirty. I'm sure everyone who has a parent die wishes that they had had more time with them.

So while I'm deeply sympathetic to your friend, the point remains... which would she prefer? To have only had her mother for 30 years or not to have been born at all?

Speaking for my friend and judging by the few posters here who have mentioned having older parents I can say that their wish wasn't to never be born at all, just a wish that they were born sooner.

Yes, that would be very sad. I am sure my younger siblings wish they had more time with our parents. But no matter how much time we all get, it is never enough. I saw my parents young, stressed, and always working. My younger siblings saw them older, and able to spend more time with the family at home.

I am glad my mother had me when she was young. I do feel sorry that my younger siblings won't have as much time. But the time they have had has been wonderful.

I agree that nobody should accuse someone else of being ungrateful if they haven't walked in their shoes. We all have out own pain and life isn't easy.

And that is really the point. We all have our own experiences that guide our decisions, especially about being parents (at any age). I wouldn't hold any of those reasons against anyone just because they are not why I would or wouldn't have kids at a certain age.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I know it's possible and common in some areas of the country to become grandparents at 40 (or even younger), but since virtually all of the women I'm close with went to college and grad school, worked, then dated, then married and then had kids and since it takes time to accomplish all of that, our parents become/became grandparents closer to 60.

It really depends on the common lifestyle of where you live. I have zero friends that stayed with and married their high school or even college boyfriends, and I have zero friends that have had a baby before being married. Like I said in a previous post, I have a group of relatives (by marriage) in another area of the country that all have babies very early. The women my age there are grandparents. I thought they would be upset their kids had babies before what my parents and friend's parents expect to be done before that, but it's just not the same there and they're perfectly happy with that. To each their own.

 

[tonilea]

I just turned 40 and would love another baby. We aren't trying, the IF rollercoaster is a rough ride. But a suprise wouldn't be unwelcome.

DS was born when I was 34 and DH was 40. I think we are much more patient than we would have been in our twenties.

ETA: Please remember, that not everyone gets to "choose" when they have children. DH and I were married 15 years before DS was born.