Is 44 too old to become pregnant?

[VillageMama]

I hear a lot about the risks of Down's Syndrome increasing with maternal age. Yes, the odds do "increase" but they go from being a 0.01% chance at age 25 to being a less than 1% chance at age 40.

Also, 75% of children with Down's Syndrome are born to mothers younger than 35. Furthermore, there is a waiting list of couples eager to adopt a child with Down's Syndrome.

http://www.nichd.nih.gov/publications/pubs/downsyndrome.cfm

The only time that I would say a woman is "too old" to have another baby is if she is past menopause. I don't believe in medically manipulated pregnancies... like the 60 year old new mothers you occasionally hear about. Once that ship has sailed, it has sailed. But if the ship is still at the dock, you're not too old to jump on board!

 

[ZPT1022]

LOL, read the replies. Younger moms say no way, older moms say no problem.

It's all dependent on your situation. I'm one of those younger moms saying no way, it's not for me, but for a lot of reasons. I had to use fertility treatments to get pregnant at 24, what does that say for my odds at 44? There's a strong family history of early menopause so there are good odds just from that that it wouldn't be possible. I'm pregnant right now, this was a total surprise after being told I'd never get pregnant on my own again. I was actually talking to my doctors and discussing a partial hysterectomy because of issues. So yes, even though I am younger, for me there is no way that a pregnancy at 44 could ever be considered. Like I said before though, everyone is different. I'm know for a fact that there are older moms who have not had my struggles with women's health issues, fertility, miscarriage and pregnancy problems. It really is an individual thing

 

[Tasha+Scott]

I personally don't care what other people do. As long as you can take care of your kid and will love it then it doesn't matter to me one way or the other.

That age is too old for ME personally to want to still be having kids though. Women in my family tend to start going through menopause by early to mid 40s anyway so I have a feeling it wouldn't even be an option if I wanted it to be...(which I don't, lol). That being said, I just can't imagine having a grown child and starting over and that's basically what I would be doing as my oldest will be nearly 20 by then.

 

[clovergirl5]

Wouldn't be for me, but like some pp said, if they can support it and they are healthy, not a big deal to me. It has nothing to do with me or will it effect me or my family.

I love babies but feel completely content with 5 at 36 years old. My last one, I developed pre-eclampsia towards the end and had to deliver almost 4 weeks early. That was scary and would never want to put myself or the baby in a position like that again. dd3 is perfect and was 8lbs 1oz at birth with fully developed lungs.

Dh mom had him at 40 years old. He always hated the fact that his parents were old. Both his mom and dad died this past spring at almost 80 and 86. Dh just turned 39.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Wouldn't be for me, but like some pp said, if they can support it and they are healthy, not a big deal to me. It has nothing to do with me or will it effect me or my family.

I love babies but feel completely content with 5 at 36 years old. My last one, I developed pre-eclampsia towards the end and had to deliver almost 4 weeks early. That was scary and would never want to put myself or the baby in a position like that again. dd3 is perfect and was 8lbs 1oz at birth with fully developed lungs.

Dh mom had him at 40 years old. He always hated the fact that his parents were old. Both his mom and dad died this past spring at almost 80 and 86. Dh just turned 39.

I'm pretty sure that your dh would prefer that his parents decided to have him at the ago of 40, despite his hating having older parents, as opposed to not having him at 40, and he wouldn't be on this earth, married to you with with is own 5 children.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

I personally wouldn't want a child at that age because I'd be in my 60's by the time they were done high school.

 

[Dancemom03]

I just can't imagine having a grown child and starting over and that's basically what I would be doing as my oldest will be nearly 20 by then.

If you look at raising a child as a chore instead of a privilege, then I guess that would be very scary. I view children as a blessing at any age - mine or theirs. As you can see by my signature, I had DD9 when her brother was 23 and her sister almost 12. I was turning 43. Each time the sibling before was in middle school when the baby was born. I can honestly say it has benefitted all my kids, instead of depriving them somehow. DD9 is an active, involved, intelligent, and very creative child who, according to her teachers, has the advantage of an accelerated vocabulary and wealth of experiences to draw from well above that of her peers. They have credited our maturity, and her siblings' ages, for exposing her to new learning experiences every day since birth without even realizing it.

I may not cherish the idea of sleeping on the ground as opposed to a club level room anymore but I do it without complaint and end up enjoying it - possibly even more so than I did with her older brother b/c I am now old enough to appreciate just how blessed - and brief - these opportunities can be. I play kickball when asked, serve as team mom for lacrosse, class mom for school, and grandmom for DS32's kids. I am more financially secure than I was in my twenties & thirties. I'm old enough to know what my priorities are and make less pressured decisions. Oddly enough, several of the parents we went thru DS32's scout troop with 25+ years ago also have younger children in DD's elementary school. DD20 also has several friends in college whose parents have had new babies. Very rarely I am called grandmom instead of mom, and each time it's happened, it's been from folks my age - usually older who remember that my son has kids and assume DD9 is DGD8 - not from the parents of my kids' peers. Even so, that's hardly a problem to fret over.

I'll admit that a few days DD9 makes me feel tired & old beyond my years. Most days though I feel like she keeps me young. One thing's certain - every day she leaves me happily counting my blessings.

 

[Crazy4Disney72]

It's definitely a very individual decision, but for me, based on my personal family experiences, no, I wouldn't set out to have a baby at 44. I'm 37 and had my tubes tied after 3 kids at 34, so it's not a decision I will be having to make!

My DH's mom was 42 when he was born, which was really considered old back then (he's 43 now). All his life people thought his parents were his grandparents and it was embarrassing to him. Not that there are any guarantees no matter how old one's parents are, but if you are an older parent it stands to reason that you are more likely to not live long enough to see your grandchildren grow up. Our kids lost their beloved Pop Pop when they were 7, 10, and 14. DH's mom had a major stroke 4 years ago and while she is still technically alive, they basically lost their grandmother then, at least the grandmother who actually recognized them, could interact with them, and had any real quality of life.

My mom had my little sister when she was 46. She was married to a man 17 years younger (not my dad, obviously). When they got married, he said he didn't care about not having children, but of course that was when he was in his mid-20s. A few years went by, all his friends were having kids, he decided he wanted one, so they had my little sister. When my sister was 5, he left my mom, leaving her in her 50's as a single mom to a young child. Now she's 60, little sis is 14 and my mom will be the first person to tell you there's a reason a woman is more fertile at a younger age, it's very hard to mentally deal with a teenager at this age, especially as a single mother. I can't imagine....I will be 46 when my youngest graduates high school, I can't imagine starting over at that age.

 

[Tasha+Scott]

If you look at raising a child as a chore instead of a privilege, then I guess that would be very scary. I view children as a blessing at any age - mine or theirs. As you can see by my signature, I had DD9 when her brother was 23 and her sister almost 12. I was turning 43. Each time the sibling before was in middle school when the baby was born. I can honestly say it has benefitted all my kids, instead of depriving them somehow. DD9 is an active, involved, intelligent, and very creative child who, according to her teachers, has the advantage of an accelerated vocabulary and wealth of experiences to draw from well above that of her peers. They have credited our maturity, and her siblings' ages, for exposing her to new learning experiences every day since birth without even realizing it.

I may not cherish the idea of sleeping on the ground as opposed to a club level room anymore but I do it without complaint and end up enjoying it - possibly even more so than I did with her older brother b/c I am now old enough to appreciate just how blessed - and brief - these opportunities can be. I play kickball when asked, serve as team mom for lacrosse, class mom for school, and grandmom for DS32's kids. Oddly enough, several of the parents we went thru DS32's scout troop with 25+ years ago also have younger children in DD's elementary school. DD20 also has several friends in college who's parents just had new babies. Very rarely I am called grandmom instead of mom, and each time it's happened, it's been from folks my age - usually older who remember that my son has kids and assume DD9 is DGD8 - not from the parents of my kids' peers. Even so, that's hardly a problem to fret over.

I'll admit that a few days DD9 makes me feel tired & old beyond my years. Most days though I feel like she keeps me young. One thing's certain - every day she leaves me happily counting my blessings.

I don't recall ever saying I view my kids as more of a chore than a blessing. I think you made a pretty big leap there. Of course I cherish my kids and consider them a blessing. Both of mine were planned and wanted very badly so obviously I don't find it to be a huge chore having them or they wouldn't be here. They are loved beyond words but I'm not sure how that even has to do with the fact that I don't want to be having kids again in my 40s anyway?? I also never said I found having kids in my 40s to be scary. I just simply don't want to do it.

I'm glad it worked for you but I cherish the 2 I have and seriously can't imagine suddenly having the desire to start over in my 40s, sorry if that offends you. I'm hoping by late 40s to 50s to be holding my grandchildren not having more kids of my own. I'm glad it has worked out so well for you but that is not something I personally want to pursue. I don't feel my kids will think they are missing out on something if I DON'T choose to keep having kids 15 years from now either. Like I said, I personally have no problem with what other people choose but that's not for me. It certainly doesn't mean that I find my kids to be a "chore" or that I don't acknowledge them as blessings. Gimme a break. To each, his own.

 

[PrincessParty]

I am 41 and I could not see me having a baby now, but let me tell you my Mom was 43 when she had me. She turns 85 next week and I wouldn't trade it for the world!!!!!! Good luck in your decision.

 

[VillageMama]

I'm pretty sure that your dh would prefer that his parents decided to have him at the age of 40, despite his hating having older parents, as opposed to not having him at 40, and he wouldn't be on this earth, married to you with his own 5 children.

A-MEN!

We need to stop and think about what we're saying when we bemoan having older parents or being older and having a new baby. Consider the alternative.

I don't understand the angst about "People thought my parents were my grandparents"... "My mom didn't want to sleep on the ground"... "I only had my parents in my life until I was 40.".

Are those things unfortunate? Sure. But the alternative is that you were never born. Is that better?? I sure don't think so.

 

[mefordis]

I don't think 44 is too old. My mother was 17 when she had my brother and 41 when she had my youngest sister, with 5 kids in between. So she was on the young end and on the older end. Everything turned out fine.

If you don't mind my asking, is she still living? I had my youngest at 40 and I worry about being around for her for a long time during her adult years.

 

[minkydog]

I had children #2 & #3 when I was 38 & 40. I don't think having one at 44 would have made all that much difference. My MIL had all three of her kids after age 38, the last one when she was about 43. She is 89 now.

While it is considered to be "elderly" in childbearing years and there are more associated complications for older mothers, I think you have to know what you are willing to accept: The chance that you will develop pre-eclampsia or gestational diabetes? Higher risk of miscarriage? High blood pressure? Premature delivery? How do you feel about the possibility of a child with disabilities?

The fact is, you might have some complications but it's not a foregone conclusion. My last child has a rare chromosome abnormality not associated with maternal age. In fact, of all families I know who had a child with chromosome disorders I was, by far, the oldest mother at 40. All the rest had their disabled children in their 20s and 30s. In my case, we were willing to take whatever God gave us. We have never regretted Christian's birth, even though our lives changed dramatically and we do sacrifice things by having him part of our family.

In the end, you are the only ones who know what you can and cant do. At age 44, assuming that you are a healthy woman, you stand to live another 44 years. I wouldn't base whether I had another child strictly on how old I was.

 

[Bluestars]

If you don't mind my asking, is she still living? I had my youngest at 40 and I worry about being around for her for a long time during her adult years.

I don't mind you asking at all. Yes, she is now 65 and runs her own business. She loved having kids, but she also got her Master's Degree and started her own company. She goes 100 mph and is in great health. Her mother lived to be in her 90s and it seems like she might be on her way to doing the same thing.

 

[diz8297]

I'm 42 and would love to have a 3rd but DH is not onboard. Ah well. And I have a 10 year old and 14 year old. For the record, my Dad was 39 and Mom was 35 when I was born. Dad died when I was 29. But he was a heavy smoker and died of emphysema. If a child can be cared for, will be loved, and is wanted, then I say God bless.

 

[mefordis]

I don't mind you asking at all. Yes, she is now 65 and runs her own business. She loved having kids, but she also got her Master's Degree and started her own company. She goes 100 mph and is in great health. Her mother lived to be in her 90s and it seems like she might be on her way to doing the same thing.

I'm so happy to hear that!

 

[Bluestars]

I'm so happy to hear that!

See, there are times when things work out fine. My mother loves being a mother and loved having children in the house over the years. Loving and being loved is really all that a person can ask for.

Isn't 40 the new 30 anyway?

 

[webprinter]

I say, if you don't care about the risks, go for it. You are only as old as you feel. I was pregnant when I was 41 but had a miscarriage. I decided after that to give up as my other kids were significantly older.

 

[englishteacha]

My mom was 38 when I was born, my dad 52. I'm the youngest of 8 kids and there is a HUGE age gap between me and my next youngest sibling (almost 17 years). My mom had been a grandma for 4 years when I was born. (I was definitely not planned) It was tough sometimes because my parents were kind of "old fashioned" compared to my friends' parents, and were certainly much older than all my friends' parents.

My parents raised me well and loved me more than anything. My dad died at age 79 (cancer) and I wish I had him for longer. I was only 27. My older brothers and sisters had so much more time with him than I did.

 

[TaraLee4]

well, my mother is 41, her boyfriend of 7 years is 33 and they're having a baby that's due in the summer.


BTW...i'm 23....