Invited to Family Destination Wedding, to go or not to go?

[North of Mouse]

And I disagree with PP.

I also have great relationships with my siblings, but would have *no* qualms saying I could not/would not go to Mexico for their wedding when it could be held right where the family (them included) lived.

They could go to Mexico on their honeymoon if that's where they wanted to be.

Most destination weddings show *me ism* if they can't understand that everyone will just go where they decide they want to be married no matter the cost/reasons. My siblings are not selfish and would understand our feelings.

 

[sam_gordon]

And I disagree with PP.

I also have great relationships with my siblings, but would have *no* qualms saying I could not/would not go to Mexico for their wedding when it could be held right where the family (them included) lived.

They could go to Mexico on their honeymoon if that's where they wanted to be.

Most destination weddings show *me ism* if they can't understand that everyone will just go where they decide they want to be married no matter the cost/reasons. My siblings are not selfish and would understand our feelings.

And we don't know how the OP's brother will react when told they won't be attending. Saying "we're giving you time to get the money together" I don't have a problem with. Yes, the probably expect the OP to attend, and will be disappointed if the OP can't. That doesn't mean they're going to hold a grudge.

The biggest thing Disney Doll said is that it depends on the OP's relationship with the brother (which I think I said early on) on how important it would be for her to make the wedding. Disney Doll said for HER, she'd make the wedding. That's based on Disney Doll's relationship with her sibling. She's not saying the OP has to go.

 

[Nancyg56]

And I disagree with PP.

I also have great relationships with my siblings, but would have *no* qualms saying I could not/would not go to Mexico for their wedding when it could be held right where the family (them included) lived.

They could go to Mexico on their honeymoon if that's where they wanted to be.

Most destination weddings show *me ism* if they can't understand that everyone will just go where they decide they want to be married no matter the cost/reasons. My siblings are not selfish and would understand our feelings.

I don't think it is a selfish decision to plan a destination wedding. I do think that it is selfish if the couple is angry if some people, including their family members, determine that they cannot attend. I am not saying the OP's family is angry, I have no idea. I can say that when my family was young I could never have justified the amount of money it would cost us to go out of the country for a wedding. I moved Heaven and Earth to attend my family's special events and my heart would have been broken if I had to decline my brothers wedding but I would never have spent that kind of money. Not when my kids were young, I simply did not have it.

 

[palmtreegirl]

I wouldn't be going. We wouldn't be willing to take our one and only vacation in years somewhere we didn't want to go just to attend a wedding. Especially when it would be such a great expense. I think your family should understand that when they pick a destination wedding some people may choose not to attend.

I think you and your DH should talk and do what what you think is best for your family. I wouldn't even update this thread because what other people think simply doesn't matter.

 

[eliza61]

I would go to the wedding, not bring the rest of my family, and find another relative to share a room with.

Did not read all the replies but this is what I would do. I couldn't miss my brothers wedding.

 

[SaraJayne]

And I disagree with PP.

I also have great relationships with my siblings, but would have *no* qualms saying I could not/would not go to Mexico for their wedding when it could be held right where the family (them included) lived.

They could go to Mexico on their honeymoon if that's where they wanted to be.

Most destination weddings show *me ism* if they can't understand that everyone will just go where they decide they want to be married no matter the cost/reasons. My siblings are not selfish and would understand our feelings.

The bride and groom get to make the decision on where their wedding is held. Period. Input from the family on where the wedding "should be" is unnecessary, as well as inappropriate.

They also need to realize not everyone will be able to attend.

Nothing "selfish" about it.

 

[JessB320]

Yup I agree with PP, take it as it comes. Ou way to see of he's "the one" is to get to know him more and more. Trust your gut and see what happens

 

[sam_gordon]

Yup I agree with PP, take it as it comes. Ou way to see of he's "the one" is to get to know him more and more. Trust your gut and see what happens

Huh? I think this isn't the thread you think you're posting on.

 

[jgh]

Honestly, I probably wouldn't go to the wedding. I think that, like other people have said, when you decide on a destination wedding (especially one that's out of the country!) you're kind of guaranteeing a bunch of people won't come.

My fiance and I want to be able to spend our wedding with ALL of our family and friends, so we're having it at a church that's convenient for everyone to attend. We decided to overlook a Disney wedding for this reason, and instead we will be going to Disney and on a Disney Cruise after our wedding.

I think that if you have to get onto a public forum and ask opinions of people you probably don't want to go, and that's ok. I would just go to Disney. If you're really super super close to your brother, then maybe I would choose the wedding over the vacation, but you can always see pictures.

 

[aprilgail2]

Why do so many people think a second wedding is less important than a first wedding? It's still a special day, a new start, and a happy occasion for the new family.

It is a happy occasion, new start etc but -been there and done that-its a second marriage -all i would be thinking of is how much money this is costing and omg where in the world will the third wedding be?? They both had their "special day" the first time they got married and i think it is very selfish to expect people to fly someplace and spend thousands of dollars so you can have yet another special day.

 

[sam_gordon]

After almost a hundred posts, no one has asked the key question...

"Is it going to be a cash or open bar?"

 

[TheSchragFamily]

If your brother is so concerned that people will not come to his wedding, he should have it somewhere more convenient and affordable. I wouldn't give up my vacation to go to a destination wedding in a place I had no desire to visit. An invitation is just that...an invitation. It's not a court summons!

 

[wvjules]

No way no how would I miss my brother's wedding. I would either go by myself, make a family vacation out of it, or save, save, save so I could attend.

And wow at the second marriage haters on this thread.

 

[Disney Doll]

And we don't know how the OP's brother will react when told they won't be attending. Saying "we're giving you time to get the money together" I don't have a problem with. Yes, the probably expect the OP to attend, and will be disappointed if the OP can't. That doesn't mean they're going to hold a grudge.

The biggest thing Disney Doll said is that it depends on the OP's relationship with the brother (which I think I said early on) on how important it would be for her to make the wedding. Disney Doll said for HER, she'd make the wedding. That's based on Disney Doll's relationship with her sibling. She's not saying the OP has to go.

Nope, I'm not saying that at all.
I was just giving my opinion on how it might be manageable if the OP had the type of relationship where she really felt compelled to be there.

 

[ZachnElli]

After almost a hundred posts, no one has asked the key question...

"Is it going to be a cash or open bar?"

it's an all inclusive, so technically the guests are paying for their own drinks! How's that for a wrinkle in that debate! Lol!

I'm the OP'r, my relationship with my brother is complicated. I would not say we are close. He is the one in the family we walk on egg shells around and yes we discuss this amongst ourselves that we do. My parents even call to warn me if they get to a family event before I do and he's in a bad mood. My oldest 2 kids have openly told me, they do not like their uncle. Only one PP picked up that I have an ill child that I don't feel comfortable taking to another country, it is a lifelong illness, it will not be going away. I might feel she's in a better place in a year, but I can't predict that. I quit my job to stay home and take of my DD, I even pulled her out of school and am home schooling her this year. I have not disclosed her medical issues on the Dis, so you snoops dont have to waste your time, lol. My DH is also an anxious flyer and that has gotten much worse this year, to the point of having a plane let him off after pulling away from the gate. He saw someone about it and it's probably the stress of our DD's illness and the death of his dad this year making it worse.
I have decided that I will try to attend with my youngest son, he has formed a bond with his soon to be aunt, the only aunt he knows and will probably ever know. I can only say I will try. I thought I would go back to work and was even contacted by my boss before the holidays to have me come back part time, but a coworker contacted me last week and they are eliminating my whole (former) department.
My DH talked to my dad yesterday, he was working on ancestry.com yesterday and called to ask questions about my great grandfather and my parents didn't even know about the wedding plans yet. Who knows what my brother is thinking!

 

[kirstenb1]

it's an all inclusive, so technically the guests are paying for their own drinks! How's that for a wrinkle in that debate! Lol!

I'm the OP'r, my relationship with my brother is complicated. I would not say we are close. He is the one in the family we walk on egg shells around and yes we discuss this amongst ourselves that we do. My parents even call to warn me if they get to a family event before I do and he's in a bad mood. My oldest 2 kids have openly told me, they do not like their uncle. Only one PP picked up that I have an ill child that I don't feel comfortable taking to another country, it is a lifelong illness, it will not be going away. I might feel she's in a better place in a year, but I can't predict that. I quit my job to stay home and take of my DD, I even pulled her out of school and am home schooling her this year. I have not disclosed her medical issues on the Dis, so you snoops dont have to waste your time, lol. My DH is also an anxious flyer and that has gotten much worse this year, to the point of having a plane let him off after pulling away from the gate. He saw someone about it and it's probably the stress of our DD's illness and the death of his dad this year making it worse.
I have decided that I will try to attend with my youngest son, he has formed a bond with his soon to be aunt, the only aunt he knows and will probably ever know. I can only say I will try. I thought I would go back to work and was even contacted by my boss before the holidays to have me come back part time, but a coworker contacted me last week and they are eliminating my whole (former) department.
My DH talked to my dad yesterday, he was working on ancestry.com yesterday and called to ask questions about my great grandfather and my parents didn't even know about the wedding plans yet. Who knows what my brother is thinking!

OP, I like that you have a sense of humor in all this!!! Sounds like you've got your head screwed on right, so just go with your gut instinct!!

 

[Disney Doll]

That could be a good compromise. I'd probably wait out making any kind of attendance announcement until you see what happens when the dust settles.

There's the hoopla about his children maybe not being able to go which may change the wedding location.
He hasn't told your parents yet.
Sounds like this destination wedding isn't written in stone jus yet.

Sit tight for a bit and see what happens & then if you decide to go & take DS, you can make your plans and save the necessary funds accordingly.

Based on the additional information you have provided regarding your relationship with your DB, I would also evaluate whether or not you are going to "keep peace" & not create a bad mood or because you truly want to attend this family event. But you do mention that your DS loves his aunt-to-be so that plays into it.

 

[Minnesota!]

I would go to the wedding, not bring the rest of my family, and find another relative to share a room with.

This is exactly what I would do - and AM doing in April. Instead of paying for DH and my kids to fly somewhere we have no desire to "vacation", I am going solo, and rooming with a relative.

Saves money, but also doesn't cause any hurt feelings with relatives...

 

[mfd25wife]

I would go to my brother's wedding whether it's the second one or first. His wording over the money is probably just poor wording. If someone in my family was inviting me to a wedding in Mexico or any other country, I would want plenty of time to plan and get money together. The passports take some time and this way, no one has to put a rush on them, making them even more expensive.

With all the posts about the terrible illnesses everyone seems to get at WDW based on DIS, it doesn't sound much more dangerous health wise than WDW. It seems every week someone is reporting they got the flu, norovirus, food poisoning, etc. The first time I went to the Riviera Maya, we got off the plane in Cancun and everyone working at the airport were wearing masks. It's kind of odd to see, but I figure I can pick up the same crazy germs on the carts at Walmart, Target, or WDW.

You may enjoy Mexico more than you think. When I went on a girls' trip the first time, I thought 4 days would be plenty and I'd get bored. I was wrong. I would go an enjoy the beach, the ruins, etc.

 

[luvmy3]

No way no how would I miss my brother's wedding. I would either go by myself, make a family vacation out of it, or save, save, save so I could attend.

And wow at the second marriage haters on this thread.

I'm not a second marriage hater, but the fact that it is a second marriage would come in to play when considering attending a destination wedding that will cost me $1000 of dollars and take the place of a planned family vacation. If I had seen my brother profess his undying love the first time around to a different woman, I'm not seeing how watching him do the same thing with someone else is a must attend event. Something local, sure, but asking me and my family to travel out of the country for it, no.