I'm conflicted. - Update Page 5 - I've got a dog!

[skuttle]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Only you can decide if its the right time to get another dog. No one can tell you how to or not to grieve. Everyone is different.

My mom and I had to decide to put down my childhood dog in 2002 when he was 13 years old. It was very hard, but much harder for my mom since she still lived with him. I hadn't lived at home for 6 years so I had more distance and it was a littler easier for me. She has never gotten another dog and I'm not sure she ever will.

In the spring, we had to make the really hard decision of finding a new home for our 7 year old Corgi, Milo. Milo had gotten grumpier and grumpier over the past few months and it got to the point where we had to keep him in his room whenever DS was awake. At times, DS would move too fast for Milo and it would scare him and he'd start growling and snapping. It took me longer than it should have to realize that the situation was not a good one for us or Milo. Milo was great with me, but cranky towards DH and DS. After one evening when DH startled him and he bit DH, I realized we had to find him a new home w/o any children. It wasn't fair to Milo to keep him in his room so often. He was fine outside with DS, but not inside.

The day we brought him to the Corgi rescue, I told DH I never wanted another dog because I was afraid the same thing would happen again. However, like you, the house was so empty and all I could think about was Milo, wondering if we did the right thing. The next day, we ended up getting the two in my signature.

I still cry for my Milo, but the new pups have helped a lot.

 

[tomthebarncat]

I would like to offer my condolences on the loss of your beloved pet! I went thru this 2 years ago, and I still cry every day, I miss Spike so much. I waited one week to get another dog, Spike was a rescue from Spain, he hit the lotto when I adopted him. I knew that he would want another stray to have a loving home, just as he did. I got Cody Bear from the same rescue group and he was just what I needed. When I see him he fills my heart with love and that is what I really needed to get thru the pain of losing Spike. I had a dream not too long ago: I was chasing Spike in the park and he kept running, and running,finally he disappeared from my sight, at that point I turned around and there was Cody Bear patiently waiting for me. I am convinced that Spike was telling me that it was OK to let another dog into my life and my heart. You are not disrespecting Griffins memory or replacing him, you are simply providing a loving home for another homeless pup! Spikes advice to Cody Bear was to enjoy every minute! he did!! I did not mean to hijack your thread, just sharing how I managed to survive what was the saddest day of my life!!
Take care,

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I would get him...he isn't going to replace Griffin, but he needs someone and he may help you heal.

 

[N&B'smom]

Oh he is beautiful, you should snatch him up!!! He won't replace your Griffin but he'll be a wonderful, much needed diversion that just so happens to be full of love!!

Let us know what you decide!!

(I wish our PetSmart had dogs, they only have cats!)

 

[Disney Doll]

Please pay close attention to the bolded part below:

THE LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF AN EXTREMELY DISTINGUISHED DOG

by Eugene O'Neill

I, SILVERDENE EMBLEM O'NEILL (familiarly known to my family, friends, and acquaintances as Blemie), because the burden of my years and infirmities is heavy upon me, and I realize the end of my life is near, do hereby bury my last will and testament in the mind of my Master. He will not know it is there until after I am dead. Then, remembering me in his loneliness, he will suddenly know of this testament, and I ask him then to inscribe it as a memorial to me.

I have little in the way of material things to leave. Dogs are wiser than men. They do not set great store upon things. They do not waste their days hoarding property. They do not ruin their sleep worrying about how to keep the objects they have, and to obtain the objects they have not. There is nothing of value I have to bequeath except my love and my faith. These I leave to all those who have loved me, to my Master and Mistress, who I know will mourn me most, to Freeman who has been so good to me, to Cyn and Roy and Willie and Naomi and -- But if I should list all those who have loved me, it would force my Master to write a book. Perhaps it is vain of me to boast when I am so near death, which returns all beasts and vanities to dust, but I have always been an extremely lovable dog.

I ask my Master and Mistress to remember me always, but not to grieve for me too long. In my life I have tried to be a comfort to them in time of sorrow, and a reason for added joy in their happiness. It is painful for me to think that even in death I should cause them pain. Let them remember that while no dog has ever had a happier life (and this I owe to their love and care for me), now that I have grown blind and deaf and lame, and even my sense of smell fails me so that a rabbit could be right under my nose and I might not know, my pride has sunk to a sick, bewildered humiliation. I feel life is taunting me with having over-lingered my welcome. It is time I said good-bye, before I become too sick a burden on myself and on those who love me. It will be sorrow to leave them, but not a sorrow to die. Dogs do not fear death as men do. We accept it as part of life, not as something alien and terrible which destroys life. What may come after death, who knows? I would like to believe with those my fellow Dalmatians who are devote Mohammedans, that there is a Paradise where one is always young and full-bladdered; where all the day one dillies and dallies with an amorous multitude of houris [lovely nymphs], beautifully spotted; where jack rabbits that run fast but not too fast (like the houris) are as the sands of the desert; where each blissful hour is mealtime; where in long evenings there are a million fireplaces with logs forever burning, and one curls oneself up and blinks into the flames and nods and dreams, remembering the old brave days on earth, and the love of one's Master and Mistress.

I am afraid this is too much for even such a dog as I am to expect. But peace, at least, is certain. Peace and long rest for weary old heart and head and limbs, and eternal sleep in the earth I have loved so well. Perhaps, after all, this is best.

One last request I earnestly make. I have heard my Mistress say, "When Blemie dies we must never have another dog. I love him so much I could never love another one." Now I would ask her, for love of me, to have another. It would be a poor tribute to my memory never to have a dog again. What I would like to feel is that, having once had me in the family, now she cannot live without a dog! I have never had a narrow jealous spirit. I have always held that most dogs are good (and one cat, the black one I have permitted to share the living room rug during the evenings, whose affection I have tolerated in a kindly spirit, and in rare sentimental moods, even reciprocated a trifle). Some dogs, of course, are better than others. Dalmatians, naturally, as everyone knows, are best. So I suggest a Dalmatian as my successor. He can hardly be as well bred or as well mannered or as distinguished and handsome as I was in my prime. My Master and Mistress must not ask the impossible. But he will do his best, I am sure, and even his inevitable defects will help by comparison to keep my memory green. To him I bequeath my collar and leash and my overcoat and raincoat, made to order in 1929 at Hermes in Paris. He can never wear them with the distinction I did, walking around the Place Vendome, or later along Park Avenue, all eyes fixed on me in admiration; but again I am sure he will do his utmost not to appear a mere gauche provincial dog. Here on the ranch, he may prove himself quite worthy of comparison, in some respects. He will, I presume, come closer to jack rabbits than I have been able to in recent years.
And for all his faults, I hereby wish him the happiness I know will be his in my old home.One last word of farewell, Dear Master and Mistress. Whenever you visit my grave, say to yourselves with regret but also with happiness in your hearts at the remembrance of my long happy life with you: "Here lies one who loved us and whom we loved". No matter how deep my sleep I shall hear you, and not all the power of death can keep my spirit from wagging a grateful tail.

Now, I am not suggesting you get a Dalmation (appraently a favorite breed of dog for Mr. O'Neill) but look to his thought of anew dog being a tribute to a previous dog. Bandit sure looks like he could use a kind, loving doggie mom.

 

[sunnyday123]

"It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them. And every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough, all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are."

Author Unknown

Sorry for your loss.....Lauri

So true....It's been 1 year today that I lost my lab. It still breaks my heart and no dog that I will ever have will replace her. She was my first baby and best friend, and stood by me when most of my friends left because I was newly single.

That being said, I have the most adorable Newfie puppy sleeping in my kitchen. She'll never replace my lab, but there's a new place in my heart for her. If you wait till you're ready, you'll never be ready. There's always sadness and you'll always miss Griffin, but you have to take comfort in knowing you did the best for him.

This new dog looks like he needs you as much as you need him. It does help to take your mind off it when they are running around your living room with you shoes in their mouth. It's nice to smile again.

 

[Serena]

Disney Doll, you're post made me both laugh and cry. Thank you for it.

 

[Lanshark]

When our beloved golden Max started getting up there in age we adopted a golden puppy, Jake. Max and Jake were best of friends for a couple of years before we had to make the horrible decision to put Max to sleep. The thing that got all of us through was coming home to Jake. He is not Max. In my eyes there will never be another creature like Max but he was a huge comfort. Jake is now 8 and we love him dearly. He didn't replace Max in our hearts but but I guess our hearts were big enough for 2 goldens.

I obviously say, "Go for it"

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I think it is perfectly normal. Everyone grieves differently and some folks replace pets right away. It isn't disrespectful to your pet that passed.

Our cat Grumpy died in February (gosh--I'm horrible, I do not remember, it may have been March--gah!)

We thought he had a recurrence of an issue that would be fixed with a simple feeding tube. We were not prepared for a diagnosis of kidney failure. He at least got to pass at the vet with IV and meds, poor kitty. We had no idea.

The vet had 2 cats in house up for adoption that had been there for months. So less than 24 hours after our kitty of 13 years passed, we got not one, but TWO cats! One I swear is practically Grumpy's "cozy" and "loving" demeanor. (Grumpy was named for his quite uncheerful disposition when we first got him--and we only got him b/c we adopted his sister and he was at risk of going to the pound b/c NOONE wanted the poor thing. Within a week, you would never know how much attitude he started out with.)

Rocket is the cool cat--the other cat is Mahayla--that when I dug out her paper work recently, we realized we had been calling her the wrong name. Oh well--Mahayla is much better than Mahaney anyway.

For us it was a good decision. Grumpy is buried in our yard and is still a beloved family member even though more kitties came into the picture.

 

[Sandy321]

wow - I like dizneyboyz post - he's not a replacement, he's a successor!

You have such a big heart!! I like what your dd said - just keep in mind because Bandit is a rescue pet - know where he came from - there's a big difference in ages- - and needs! I often forget how much work those new pups need!!

Thanks for sharing Griffin, what a Handsome boy!

 

[Buckalew11]

Peg, this is the way I look at it.

Bandit needs you and You need Bandit.

Stupid thing to do today (going to Petsmart)? Or fate to bring you together?

Life is short. I say love every dog you can while you can.

If you think you are ready for the commitment of another dog, do it! Bandit is absolutely beautiful.

I am very sorry about your loss of Griffen. I know the heartache of losing a pet very well. I had Bucky for about 17 years. It took me about a year I think to be ready and Nicky came to me as a giveaway---a 3 year old furbaby they no longer wanted. No one will ever take the place of Buckydog--ever. But Nicky is precious and different and loving. She fills a great need in life and I tell her most everyday that she is a gift from God and I believe He shows His love for us when we are given sweet pets to love.

My vote is "do it". There is a reason you met Bandit at Petsmart.

Let me share this. My DH had a black lab for years. He was a duck hunter and the dog was a hunting dog. They were best, best buddies. Hank would fetch or move right or left through just hand signals. He was trained extremely well--great dog, great pet.

He got cancer and eventually died. My DH was heartbroken. It was a few years beofre he could even think about another dog. In fact, he wasn't even searching and was running one day way up in the mountains and he saw these yellow labs. It was a momma and daddy. He talked to the people and when the pups were born we decided to buy one. We brought him home (Doc) and sent his AKC paperwork off. When we got everything back and all was said and done, we looked on that paperwork and found out that our HANK was the great grandfather of our new dog, Doc!!!! We never suspected a thing--I guess because we were going from having a black one to a yellow one. It never entered our minds!
I think that mtn. run and finding those dogs was fate. I think we were supposed to have one of those pups! It really helped DH over the funny feeling/guilt of trying to love another dog. It IS a funny feeling, mind you. When I got Nicky, I felt like I was *cheating* on Bucky! It was pretty bad for the first week and eventually got better. Now, deep in my heart, I know Bucky would want me to love another dog and give a dog who needed a home a good one.

Hugs to you, Peg. I hope you find peace with your decision whether you get one now or later.

 

[JessicaR]

Life is short. I say love every dog you can while you can.

What a great sentiment. I like it very much.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

Disney Doll, your post made me cry. I still miss the Chocolate Lab that I had when I was growing up. I had her from the time I was 11 and my parents had her until I was 24. She all of a sudden had kidney problems one day and my dad took her to one vet and then to another vet who was a specialist. Neither one could do anything for her, but he couldn't bring himself to have her put to sleep (partly because he thought I might never forgive him if he did - I would have understood even if it was hard - and partly because he loved her so much himself.) She died in his arms and he had to take care of everything by himself because my mom was out of town on a vacation. He didn't even tell her until she came home and she took me to lunch and told me. I can still remember it like it was yesterday. I've just gotten to the point where I can really love another dog and I can't help loving my roommate's dogs, especially Hurley (the one in my avatar) and it actually helps to think that that's what she would have wanted. I know it's probably stupid to still be grieving for a dog after eight years, but she was a very special dog and she saw me through those very difficult teenage years.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

It's bittersweet, but I always get another dog asap after losing one. I love having a dog and do not like being without one.

I name my dogs in such a way, though, that they all connect to one another. Each new dog has the last dog's name as their middle name and a word that means "friend" at the end.

I always "tease" my last female dog (who's gone) saying out loud "What in the world made you lead me to this one?" as my current dog has been such a challenge in comparison to her (eta but I love her to pieces and she's very special in her own way). I think things happen for a reason.

I hope it works out. I'd be first in line tomorrow morning if I were you.

 

[Disney Doll]

Disney Doll, your post made me cry. I still miss the Chocolate Lab that I had when I was growing up. I had her from the time I was 11 and my parents had her until I was 24. She all of a sudden had kidney problems one day and my dad took her to one vet and then to another vet who was a specialist. Neither one could do anything for her, but he couldn't bring himself to have her put to sleep (partly because he thought I might never forgive him if he did - I would have understood even if it was hard - and partly because he loved her so much himself.) She died in his arms and he had to take care of everything by himself because my mom was out of town on a vacation. He didn't even tell her until she came home and she took me to lunch and told me. I can still remember it like it was yesterday. I've just gotten to the point where I can really love another dog and I can't help loving my roommate's dogs, especially Hurley (the one in my avatar) and it actually helps to think that that's what she would have wanted. I know it's probably stupid to still be grieving for a dog after eight years, but she was a very special dog and she saw me through those very difficult teenage years.

I still grieve Ted and it's almost 2 years. And I think I always will.

Right now, we are having some life issues (elderly parents, crazy work schedules) which would make it unfair to bring a dog into, but someday I can see myself having a doggie again. I am quite sure that Ted will send me the dog I am supposed to have when I am supposed to have it.

 

[2MuchOhana]

Love has no bounds or limits; it's infinite! The more you give love the more love you receive in return! I do not believe it disrespectful to Griffin to want to give your love to a new dog! In fact, I know he would want you to be happy! It would probably please him very much to know you can open your heart to save and love another dog! I agree wth other posts that you and Bandit need each other! It's never too soon to give love away to another!

 

[Buckalew11]

What a great sentiment. I like it very much.

Very often I hear people say, "Someday I'll get another dog." Or, "In a few years, I'll get another dog." And that is fine...sometimes it takes that love to grieve and be ready for the commitment. BUT...

it is not a spouse that you are mourning. It is a pet. There are no "rules" to wait a year or whatever. Get one today, tomorrow, or in a year. There are no rules, you know? You don't replace people and you don't replace pets.

You just give your love to someone else and they return the love. None of us know how long we have here. If one is ready to love a pet, by all means get a new one and love it! There are a lot of pets to love...but dogs---geez, dogs are such faithful friends, so loyal and devoted most all of the time. All my life I've had a dog. After my dad lost his last dog before his own passing, he said, "no more". If it had not been for the cancer that took him, I doubt he'd have made it on that one. As much pain as the loss of a dog (or any beloeved pet) causes, imho, it can't outweigh the joy of loving a pet. The joy loving a pet brings makes up for the pain of their loss.

 

[Buckalew11]

I still grieve Ted and it's almost 2 years. And I think I always will.

Right now, we are having some life issues (elderly parents, crazy work schedules) which would make it unfair to bring a dog into, but someday I can see myself having a doggie again. I am quite sure that Ted will send me the dog I am supposed to have when I am supposed to have it.

I remember your heartache when you lost Teddy. And believe me, I think you are right. I think Bucky had a hand in picking Nicky for me. They are not the same breed exactly, but close. One was more white, this one is black with a little white chin. BUT Bucky had a bad underbite and a snaggle tooth on one side. Nicky has the same type bite with the snaggle tooth too. On the phone the lady giving her away said, "YOu may not want her. She is black and people want white. Plus she has a bad bite and snaggle tooth." I heard that and said, "I'll take her!" We met up, I saw her, fell in love and brought her home.

I hope when the time is right, Teddy will help the Good Lord above pick out the right dog for you, DD. I know you were a great mom and family for Ted.

 

[Disney Doll]

I remember your heartache when you lost Teddy. And believe me, I think you are right. I think Bucky had a hand in picking Nicky for me. They are not the same breed exactly, but close. One was more white, this one is black with a little white chin. BUT Bucky had a bad underbite and a snaggle tooth on one side. Nicky has the same type bite with the snaggle tooth too. On the phone the lady giving her away said, "YOu may not want her. She is black and people want white. Plus she has a bad bite and snaggle tooth." I heard that and said, "I'll take her!" We met up, I saw her, fell in love and brought her home.

I hope when the time is right, Teddy will help the Good Lord above pick out the right dog for you, DD. I know you were a great mom and family for Ted.

Well, thanks...God knows we loved that dog! And miss him like heck even 2 years later....

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I still grieve Ted and it's almost 2 years. And I think I always will.

Right now, we are having some life issues (elderly parents, crazy work schedules) which would make it unfair to bring a dog into, but someday I can see myself having a doggie again. I am quite sure that Ted will send me the dog I am supposed to have when I am supposed to have it.

I think he will. I called my mom to tell her about your post and I cried all over again. When I said I knew it was silly, she said my dad (who is not exactly an emotional person) still cries about her from time to time and I know he wouldn't talk about her until I started talking to him about my roommate's dogs and he started telling me that something one of the dogs did reminded him of something she used to do. I think that quote about every dog taking part of your heart is definitely right.