I'm bothered that he's not affected.

[Lorix2]

First off, my problem is nothing compared to the following,

My son came home today with a notice telling parents that a 6 y/o old girl attending his school died at her home last night due to head injury...that's all I know.

I read the letter and the tears just flowed, it's wrong for a child to have to leave this earth, I cannot imagine the pain her parents are feeling right now.

When I talked to my son about it...he wasn't really affected, but I guess I don't know how he should react to this being he's never known anyone who has passed on, although he did know who she was.

I asked him if he knew she had passed (wasnt' sure if the school had told students yet or if it was up to us) and his reply was "ya, I know". It just didn't sit well with me.....am I expecting too much emotion from a 9 y/o boy?

Please pray for Sydney's parents and family as they prepare for her funeral, god bless you baby.

 

[Aurora63]

Most kids really don't understand it fully...they might know what it means, but the permanent aspect hasn't completely taken root. Especially when it is someone they don't know. I wouldn't feel too bad about his reaction.

 

[JoyG]

Oh that is so sad!

I'd be crying too. I've been teaching 11 years and I've never had a student die. If I did, I'd be devastated. This year I had a former student get hit by a car outside the building and even though she was alright, I could barely get home before I broke down.

I don't think you should worry too much about your son. Children are naturally detatched from things that don't affect them personally. I wouldn't focus too much on it with him.

I will be praying for that student's family.

 

[nuttylawprofessor]

Don't be concrened about your DS. He just hasn't gotten to the point of really understanding death. When I was about his age, a girl in my Girl Scout troop committed suicide. It didn't really phase me. My parents were worried that I would be devastated. Then they were worried that I wasn't devastated. My reaction at 9 was very different from the reaction I would have as a teen or adult.

 

[Rachie0507]

First off, for all those involved. What a sad situation.

I wouldn't be too worried. Your son probably doesn't know how to react to this situation. I'd be aware, though, in case he starts to have questions or concerns in a few days. I would guess that my DD would block out information like that. When I was 9, a friends 7 yo brother died. I remember feeling a little sad and thinking it was really strange, but not being upset. Good luck in dealing with this difficult news.

 

[hlbtimes2]

I agree with the others, I wouldnt be to worried about it. If it was a close friend or a family member and he had no emotion I would feel differently. I remember a class mate getting killed in a boating accident when I was in early jr. high. I knew who he was, but wasnt a friend, so I wasnt to terribly upset by the whole thing.

 

[Becky2005]

I'm so sorry to hear this.

I agree with the others, that I would not be concerned. This sounds like a typical reaction of a 9 year old unless they were super close friends.

Unfortunately, we not only had a couple children throughout the years die that went to our elementary school, one died while IN school.

Neither of my kids said much at the time. My DD is older and has mentioned it occasionally now since she has to go to the school nurse for something. She's not so keen on trusting school nurses & brought up the girl when I asked why.

However, on the other children, my children didn't know them so they didn't react in the same way we would.

 

[mandy200587]

I can understand how he can not be affected. The further along something like this happens the harder it hits home. I can feel your pain though. We lost a fellow classmate our graduating year over Labor Day Break. The day back to school was not the best.

 

[CEDmom]

People deal with grief differently. Think about this from a child's point of view - kids aren't supposed to die. I bet he just can't grasp it yet. I have to be honest with you, while I'm sad whenever I here about a child dying I honestly don't think I have ever cried unless it was someone I actually knew. My heart goes out to this girls family, I can't imagine enduring the loss of a child.

 

[Sandy V.]

I'm very sorry.

Please don't worry about your son; he seems to be reacting normally. The previous posters are right. It is hard for a child to fully grasp someone else's death. My dad died in a car accident when I was 9. Of course, I was immediately sad, but then, 4 days later at the funeral, I was running around and playing with my cousins. I'm no psychiatrist, but to me, playing was the ONE normal thing I could do doing that terrible time, if only for a short while.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

How sad for your community. I would agree with the other's, in that I would not worry about your son. Since you mentioned he has not experienced the death of a family member yet, he just does not understand.

When my youngest DS was 4, my brother died unexpectedly. The family all gathered at my dad's house, so many of the cousins were there. The kids were all outside running around. When DS would come in the house for something, he would look at the first person he saw, and inform them in a solemn tone that "Jimmy died". Then he would bound out the door to catch up with his cousins.

Kids have a whole life of grief ahead of them, I would not be concerned.

 

[Anna114]

I had the same thing happen to me just last week with my son. I think kids are kind of disconnected from these kinds of things, many don't understand the finality of death and most assuredly the horror for it to be a child. It just doesn't seem fair.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

oh that poor family, i too would be more affected as an adult more so than a child. This happened to DH when he was in school. THe girl that was his dance partner in gym class died the next day, and he said he wasn't as affected as people wanted him to be. It's just a kid thing i guess.

 

[Robinrs]

So sad for that family...

My son had a child die in his kindergarten class. The teacher was inconsolable. When he got home he wrote a poem for the child's parents. We had it printed up and presented it to the family at a memorial service.

By the time he was 9 my son had lost 5 family members. Loss and being a survivor has become something he's learned to live with.

Thank God your child doesn't understand. Children should be children as long as they can.

 

[lfeikert]

Unfortunately, I've had first hand experience with this as a teacher. Two years ago, we lost a student on Thanksgiving Day. His classroom teacher and I (I was his reading intervention teacher), were beside ourselves and were so worried about how the kids would react on our first day back to school. Surprisingly, they took it very well and talked about it very matter of factly. They would say things like "XXXXX won't be in reading group today because he died you know." The first few weeks were like that. Then the reality set in that he was never coming back. That's when we began to see the grief. Then the comments were more like "I really wish XXXXX could be in our reading group again. He was really funny." If your DS didn't really know this student personally, then I think his reaction is totally natural. Be aware though that he might start to ask questions or worry about it a little further down the road. Like if he had daily contact with her or always saw her at a certain time and begins to realize that he won't see her anymore.

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

This is nothing compared to what has happened in your town, but I just went through something that is still bothering me, with my eight year old step-daughter, just yesterday morning.

I was taking her to school, and there was a HUGE dead doe on the side of the road. I made a comment out loud without even thinking first, and her response was, "Awesome!"

My first thought was that surely she didn't understand - it could have had babies - it could have seriously wounded the person that hit it - I was saying anything to try to gain some empathy from her.

She kept saying "So... I think it's awesome." and it about made me sick. I asked her if she'd have the same response had it been a dog and she said yes, because she's a tomboy and giggled.

It bothered me so much, that I spoke to my husband about it last night and he's going to talk to her.

I know she's only eight and they don't process things like we do, but still. I can't get it out of my mind.

 

[Cinderella2004]

I think, as many others have posted, that at that age they just don't quite fully understand. Especially if your son didn't have a personal relationship with poor Sydney.

My DD is 8. My horse recently passed away, I had her for 25 years. As sad as I was, I was so upset about telling her. Her response? Oh. Ok. I know she was really old Mommy, she's in a better place. The end. She hasn't talked about it since, although she did call my sister with a big "guess what, Auntie?" Shadow died.

I think kids don't have the ability to put themselves into another persons/families place. I think that has something to do with it as well.

Good luck and lots of prayers for Sydneys family.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I'm going to echo the other poster's sentiments, here. My dd is very sensitive and emotional as compared to other kids her age. Even so, she wasn't upset when at age 8 she learned of the death of the father of a girl that babysat for her, someone she'd met and talked to a few times. When I first told her, she said something like "how sad", and asked how he died, then said something like "poor babysitters_name", but then seemed unphased. Every once in a while, she'll mention how sad it was when he died, but still, she's sad for about a split second, then switches back to whatever she's doing.

My heart goes out to Sydney's family. What a tragedy to lose a child.

 

[KristiKelly]

I think it's completely normal.

In Nov. a little girl in DD7's class (1st grade) mother died. DD never mentioned it the whole way home from school. I found a note in her backpack telling us. I mentioned it to DD and she said, "Oh, I know." with no emotion.

The older sister is the same age as DS9 in 4th grade, she found the mother . I mentioned it to DS and he said, "yeah, I heard something about it." Again - nothing.

Last month, when my Grandfather died, they both cried. They both asked questioned and walked over and looked and him in the casket. As sad as I was about losing my Grandfather, I was relieved to know that they had a heart.

My Grandfather always, always, always had cough drops in his pocket.
DS gave my dad a cough drop to put in my Grandfather's suit pocket at the visitation. I thought that was really sweet.

I think until it is someone or something (like a pet) that really effects their lives on a daily basis, at this age, they won't get too upset.