Epilepsy is very different from autism, so not responding to that ---
But, we have friends with two boys with fairly severe autism, and with much patience, love, soft voices, and consistent persistence, they have grown up well behaved - now in their late teens/early 20's. She is a SAHM and so full of love for those children, but has always been firm with helping and working with them to control their flares, and things that set them off. Yes, lots of work, but, oh so rewarding for them and the 'children'.