If you think your teen is mean to a friend?

[Tiggeroo]

What would you do if you think your teen is being mean to a friend. I have twin sons who are 17yo. Great kids. But they have alot of friends, and a fairly large regular pack that they spend most of their time with. I have seen this pack squeeze out a boy or two in the past. It is always for a reason, but it seems so cruel to me. There is one boy who is getting this treatment now. He is a nice boy but really needy. I had some problems with him when my boys started hanging out with him because he was always here. That up the butt kind of here. I talked about it with my boys and they told me I was crazy, they really like him. Well, fast forward one year and they don't like it anymore. He tries to monopolize too much of their time and doesn't usually want to hang in the large group they all hang in. Also, my sons do sports and so they also like to do some things with their team mates. He seems to resent their time spent there. So he's getting the cold shoulder. I raised a dd and her gf's didn't seem as mean as these boys are. They will sneak around to avoid someone they don't want to be with. They use cell phones to help them with this. And there are times I feel caught in the middle. I"ve encouraged them to just be honest with the boy. Even if it upsets him it's better then this behavior. I know he's annoying but he has alot of great qualities too. I'd rather them set limits then blow him off. But they claim it doesn't work when they try it.
To make it worst, I'm friends with his mom and his family goes to church with us. I keep thinking his mom will ask me what's up.

 

[Kallison]

I don't let my kids treat other kids that way, but my kids are younger. I don't know what my policy will be when they are older teens. Oldest DS is 14 -- he had a friend that he said was annoying in elementary school. He is very quiet, this boy is one of his best friends now and helps to pull him into more stuff that he normally wouldn't do. So if I had let him blow him off, he would have been missing a great relationship. This is happening to my middle DS now 12. For some reason the neighborhood boys aren't calling him this summer. One Mom got mad at me several years ago for something truly petty and started giving me the cold shoulder and one of the other neighbors has jumped on the bandwagon. I can't believe women who I thought were my good friends would treat my son this way. They will come over to swim and play when he invites them but they never reciprocate. It is very hurtful to him, but he is expanding his circle of friends. I guess it is one of those life lessons. I can remember dropping and going back to friends in high school. I would try to have the boy included occasionally, maybe he will grow out of whatever is annoying them.

 

[Tiggeroo]

I know why they are doing iit. But it still bothers me. At their age I can't really dictate their behavior. But I won't lie for them or cover for them. They also konw how I feel. I've made it clear. When the other boys in the group are at my house and I see them pulling this nonsense I tell them what I think too. I'm trying to get them to find a middle ground between hanging with him all the time and being mean and ditching him. The problem is he doesn't seem to take hints, or little clues too well. They all go to the same youth group so I imagine that might bring some problems too. Does anybody have boys who are cliquey? I always thought that was just a girl thing.