I was very upset by this

[Lorix2]

My DD had her friend over yesterday. THey wanted to hang out in my DD's new room upstairs and dance to Grease. I looked out at my DS6 on my deck who was looking up and pointing. I walked out and what I saw was that my DD's friend had climbed out her window and onto my porch roof and dancing around on it. It's not flat either, it's a pitched roof.

We haven't moved up to the new addition yet and this is one thing I feared by my son, so I chose for his room to be on the other side of the porch.

#1 I'm upset because if she had fallen she could have been badly hurt.....#2 climbing back in she was scuffing the new siding and had all the pebble like material on her shoes from the roofing shingles on her shoes which mean't they got all over my new hardwood floors and #3 my son thought it was really funny which bothered me even more.

I told her how dissappointed I was with her and why. She was here all day and never apologized for her little stunt. My DD said she asked if she'd get in trouble and my DD told her yes, but she did it anyway. I told my DD I was upset that she didn't tell her "NO!"

I don't know if I can trust this girl again. My DD doesn't think it was a big deal

She told my DD "now your mother hates me". I never said that nor do I feel that way.

Would you bring it up again next time she comes over or let it be?

thanks.

 

[Dan Murphy]

How old are they?

I would probably not bring it up again, if it is clear to both how you felt about the incident. Kids are kids, they do things at times without thinking the consequences (I suppose we still do at times also) but if they are old enough, know they did wrong, learn from their mistakes and don't repeat, called 'growing up'. They'll be fine, just good nobody got hurt, the ultimate way to grow up.

 

[DoeWDW]

I've encountered this with some of my kids' friends. My kids are not angels by any means but at least I know what types of things they are likely to do. When new kids start coming around, I ask that they play in the family room or another area of the house where I'll be hanging around or popping in & out so I can see what type of behaviors are going on. I've also taken kids to the movies or the mall, with the understanding that I'd hang out with them, so I could get to know them and their personalities / behaviors better.

I would try some of these ideas if your DD's friend wants to come over again. Supervision is a wonderful thing!

 

[Lorix2]

Dan, they are 12. I know it was a just a spontaneous thing....I'm not going to bring it up to her, she could tell I wasn't pleased.

DoeWDW - I do know this girl pretty well, that's why I am so shocked. I like to "hang out" with them/around them too to get a sense of their behavior.

 

[SpecialEd]

The only thing I would do is let her know you do not "Hate" her. Sounds like she is feeling guilty but doesn't know how to apologize or express it.

I would tell her with a hug that you don't hate her and just don't ever do that again. Not because of your house but because if she fell and was hurt it would be terrible to you.

Then drop it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would have a talk with your dd and tell her she needs to be very firm with saying 'no' to friends who go against what she knows is not allowed in her home.

Important point to drive home, imho. Their will be other things to deal with at your home and elsewhere. This is a good example how to learn to set boundaries with friends for your dd.

 

[Lorix2]

excellent advise everyone and I think I shall follow it all.

thank you friends

 

[Lorix2]

excellent advise everyone and I think I shall follow it all.

thank you friends

 

[4greatboys]

I dont think I would bring that up again, maybe just a friendly reminder that 'everyone" needs to behave.

 

[disykat]

I would have a consequence. She knew it was wrong, did it anyway, and didn't apologize. Your DD didn't stop her or report her. Having no consequence probably means it's okay to do again in your 6 year olds opinion - and maybe even in your daughters.

I don't think the consequence needs to be particulary harsh, but it needs to be there. Maybe this friend can't come over for x amount of time. Maybe your daughter can't have friends in her new room for a while. Maybe her move there needs to be postphoned.

I see this as a big red flag for this girl. If she deliberately flaunts your authority, she needs to have an eye kept on her. I'd go for fair but firm, but definately don't ignore it.

 

[Kallison]

I would probably jokingly say "stay off the roof" next time she is over. She could have broken her neck.

When we first went house hunting 20 years ago we looked at a house that had a flat roof and a huge tree outside the boys bedrooms. When we went downstairs all the big teen boys (three of them) were there -- I said - so how many times have you guys snuck in and out on that roof. They looked at each other and started choking on their sodas, their faces got bright red. Their parents were like "oh really...." We didn't buy it.