I think the end of the world is near...

[OceanAnnie]

 

[poohandwendy]

Fine. Notice I didn't comment on the legality of spanking and also notice the emphasis on the words JUST MY OPINION. If you decide it is best for your children then that is your right. I simply think it is a bad idea and explained my position. I am also the parent of a typical child and an autistic child and hitting is a TERRIBLE way to discipline a child who can't understand why they are being hit. Good for you if you genuinely believe you never hit your child in anger, but I doubt most people can honestly say that. I know I have felt like thumping my kids, and that is the main reason I have an iron-clad "no hitting of any kind" rule in my home. That goes for the parents as well as the kids. Again, JUST MY OPINION!!!!

No need to shout, I was agreeing that it was your opinion.

Fwiw, my children are far beyond the spanking ages, they are now 13, 17 and 20. I don't genuinely 'believe' I didn't spank in anger, I know I didn't. I specifically chose not to spank in anger. It wasn't the only method I used, it depended on the circumstances.

As others have mentioned, it is not for everyone. And I agree that some people are taking it too far and do spank for the wrong reasons. I also believe some people use ALL methods of discipline incorrectly.

 

[poohandwendy]

We don't spank, we beat. Beat them with belts and flyswatters. Also a baseball bat once. We try to do it so marks aren't visible, but dang if we don't get carried away (heat of the moment, you know how you just get mad) and we have to call them in sick to the school when the marks show.

We have to. They don't understand anything else. When they were little, we could lock them in closets to teach them a lesson, but once they can break the doors that starts getting EXPENSIVE!

One said it was "abuse" once and threatened to call the cops, but we told him that he'd get the beating of his life! Then we choked him until he was unconscious, just to drive the point home.

We tried taking food away, but they kept getting sick. Beating is better.

Beans, youare such a troublemaker!

 

[Lanshark]

We don't spank, we beat. Beat them with belts and flyswatters. Also a baseball bat once. We try to do it so marks aren't visible, but dang if we don't get carried away (heat of the moment, you know how you just get mad) and we have to call them in sick to the school when the marks show.

We have to. They don't understand anything else. When they were little, we could lock them in closets to teach them a lesson, but once they can break the doors that starts getting EXPENSIVE!

One said it was "abuse" once and threatened to call the cops, but we told him that he'd get the beating of his life! Then we choked him until he was unconscious, just to drive the point home.

We tried taking food away, but they kept getting sick. Beating is better.

I believe this can all be traced back to the fact that you weren't breastfed as a baby. Now I'll send you a , offer you some and hope you see the error of you wicked ways. If you don't see the error of your ways I'm am sure some pompous gluteus maximus will set you straight.

 

[Cool-Beans]

Beans, youare such a troublemaker!

Well, they just won't stop whining - it gets on your nerves! "We're huuuuungry! Why can't we eat today? Our friends get to eat EVERY day!"

"It's cooooold! Why can't we have a blanket? Our friends have heat AND blankets!"

Got to shut them brats up someways.

 

[JennyMominRI]

Got to shut them brats up someways.

I hear that 3 or 4 glasses of Merlot will do the trick

 

[C.Ann]

I hear that 3 or 4 glasses of Merlot will do the trick

---------------------------------

I believe that's standard procedure for teething.. By the time they're old enough to talk (and whine) you have to pull out the big guns - maybe a few Lortabs to mellow them out..

 

[JennyMominRI]

---------------------------------

I believe that's standard procedure for teething.. By the time they're old enough to talk (and whine) you have to pull out the big guns - maybe a few Lortabs to mellow them out..

NO,I meant for me..

 

[CobraBubbles]

Spanking? We'll just give all the kids Ritalin.

 

[Cool-Beans]

I believe this can all be traced back to the fact that you weren't breastfed as a baby. Now I'll send you a , offer you some and hope you see the error of you wicked ways. If you don't see the error of your ways I'm am sure some pompous gluteus maximus will set you straight.

Don't need no hugs, I didn't KILL them! The moms that kill the kids get sympathy, not me. I get social workers at the house talking about anger management. I tell them "Take the brats! Let someone else deal with them incorrigible hellions!" but they don't. They KNOW they can't handle them as well as me, especially after Johnny threw the lamp at one of them. Took off running so fast I couldn't catch him. When I got back, the social worker was gone.

Jenny, drinks are good, but watch out. I offered the social worker some Jack, and off she went about how we shouldn't be drunk all the time. Yap, yap, yap. Didn't even say, "Thank you," or nothing.

Just how I'm supposed to put up with those kids without a couple stiff belts I'm sure I don't know.

 

[C.Ann]

NO,I meant for me..

-------------------------

Oh well in that case - cheers!

 

[Cantw8]

Well, they just won't stop whining - it gets on your nerves! "We're huuuuungry! Why can't we eat today? Our friends get to eat EVERY day!"

"It's cooooold! Why can't we have a blanket? Our friends have heat AND blankets!"

Got to shut them brats up someways.

You're just cranky cause your Pee Wee is broke

 

[PrincessTiff]

I agree Freckles!!

Canidce, the reason why many young people turn to gangs or violence is often related to authoritarian parenting (not authoritative, there is a difference). Authoritarians will spank witout explaing to the child what they did wrong and never getting the child's input on anything. Authoritative parents (like mine) punish without spanking. The links you are making are ridiculous. If a spank would have stopped a child joining a gang, then why did my cousin (who was brought up in christian school and spanked) always get in trouble with drugs and was busted (thankfully) at a gang initiation.

I'm not being sarcastic here but do you have a major in psychology? I haven't heard the term Authoritarian family since the last Psyc. course I took.

 

[Alyssa88]

-------------------------------------------------------------

Good to know that everyone in my family - extended and otherwise - as well as everyone I knew during my childhood (not to mention my own children) - are ALL "weak, dumb, and unkind" - by your logic..

I never said that, the quote doesn't even say that! I also have friends who hav been spanked and I dont in any way consider them dumb, weak, or unkind. My own mother had worst than spankings, and she turned out great IMO. I just think there is a better way.

I said that I could raise my children that way without spanking. Just because I believe I can raise a child to be smart, strong, and kind doesn't mean someone else can't or ever has. You have to realize that.

If you continue to read, you will notice that I do say the results to different paths of parenting aren't the same, but from the developmental reserch I am involved in I have found that it is better to raise a child without spanking.

Princess Tiff- yes I am. But I am not just taking what I hear from class and applyng it to this. I am involved in hands on research that specifically deal with a childs intellectual, moral, and emotional development. Plus my experience with my own family. It is just what I found, of course in each group you will have outiers.

 

[mamaprincess]

 

[firemanslady09]

Alyssa88 it is great that you are taking your class experience to heart and time spent with family. But until you are 100% responsible for a child 24/7 I dont believe you can say with 100% certainty what you will do. I am not saying you will spank, Im just saying that lots of people say Oh I will never do that when I am a parent. And you know what, we all end up doing something we said we would never do.

 

[Planogirl]

Alyssa88 it is great that you are taking your class experience to heart and time spent with family. But until you are 100% responsible for a child 24/7 I dont believe you can say with 100% certainty what you will do. I am not saying you will spank, Im just saying that lots of people say Oh I will never do that when I am a parent. And you know what, we all end up doing something we said we would never do.

I agree wholeheartedly. Plus every child is different and your experience with one child won't necessarily be indicative of the proper way to handle every child.

My son has never been spanked but then he isn't the type that needs it. Another child might. I see nothing wrong with spanking at the proper time.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I'm not being sarcastic here but do you have a major in psychology? I haven't heard the term Authoritarian family since the last Psyc. course I took.

FWIW, I have a psychology degree and I never use that word as much as the other poster.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Alyssa88 it is great that you are taking your class experience to heart and time spent with family. But until you are 100% responsible for a child 24/7 I dont believe you can say with 100% certainty what you will do. I am not saying you will spank, Im just saying that lots of people say Oh I will never do that when I am a parent. And you know what, we all end up doing something we said we would never do.

I did my best parenting before I had children too! Even taught parenting classes! I have eaten so much crow since that time, though...

I have to say, though, that until someone is going thru it, they will never believe that their "knowledge" isn't top notch. They see it as "objective" and that their training will be the difference. It is just the way life, and higher education work. Many of the absolute worst kids I've ever met in my life were the kids of people in the field, psychologist, social worders, etc. Their parents attempted to raise them on theories, rather than common sense, and looking to see what has worked best in the past.

 

[U2_rocks!]

You know, before I had kids and when DS was a baby I loved the theories on alternative discipline - no spanking, logical consequences etc. It all made loads of sense. DS as a toddler responded pretty well.

Then I had my first DD when DS was 18 months, followed 18 months later by my second DD. By the time DS was 3 I had a newborn and a toddler to deal with. DH worked a lot, I was often the only one home with all 3. DS was great at 2, but more difficult at 3 and 4. The DDs were fairly easy as kids go (well, the youngest could be a challaenge at times!). But I found that it was very difficult to implement this alternative parenting with 3 little ones! None of the books tell you how to juggle 3 little kids while doing this! And I also discovered that for reasoning, logical consequences etc. to work well enough, you needed to be proactive; meaning, you had to prepare your child for situations, lots and lots of teaching was involved (which is a good thing, don't get me wrong!), and when they chose to behave badly, sometimes the consequence that had the best teaching value was time consuming or difficult to implement while toting along 2 younger kids! I found that sometimes I had to resort to reactive parenting i.e. punishment after the fact that wasn't particularly related to the "crime" in question. Sometimes I couldn't even think of a suitable punishment that would mean anything to a small child other than a swift spank.

So yes, I have resorted to spanking on occasion. I still use logical consequences and reasoning whenever I can. My aim with discipline is mainly to TEACH my kids better courses of action for next time. I focus a lot on what is the right thing to do vs what is the wrong thing. But there have been times when my instinct has been to just make a very clear point that what was done was very, very wrong and will NEVER be tolerated. I save the spanks for really, really naughty things that they KNOW are wrong - maybe things that we've dealt with in other ways before that clearly hadn't worked, or outright defiance that is threatening to undermine my authority as a parent. My kids are free to question things, discuss things, negotiate (politely) for change etc. But they are not allowed to rudely defy my directives. And there are times when, for their safety, they will be expected to obey me immediately and without question. They know my "urgent, obey NOW" voice and face.

Spanking doesn't have any value for teaching the right thing to do. It's really only a reaction to the wrong thing. It also loses its effect if used too often or for trivial things. That's why it's not a primary tool that I use. However, I have fallen back on it from time to time, and for that reason I could never denounce it. I'm not sure if I did wrong by my kids the times I used it, but I am the first to admit that I am not and never will be a perfect parent. I am just doing the best I can, like most of us.